Sam smirked. "Hannah, this is my friend Pax. We served in the Special Forces together. Pax this is my counselor Hannah." He chuckled internally at the starstruck look on Pax's face.

Pax released Sam's hand, stood and put his hand out. "Nice to meet you Hannah."

"Nice to met you too, Pax." She shook his hand and felt an instant spark. Whoa. She hadn't felt something like that since her husband. That thought sent a shot through her heart and she dropped his hand. Two years was a long time to the rest of the world, but to her it still felt like yesterday.

He frowned when he saw sadness fill her eyes. Pax looked back at Sam who shrugged. When he returned his gaze to her he could see she'd pushed whatever it was away and had switched to professional mode. When their eyes met again, he felt his heart leap.

"So is Pax your first or last name?" Hannah couldn't pull her eyes from his. It'd been so long. She'd just started dating again, but had really only gone on one disastrous date. It was hard to let go of the five years of memories with Liam and to think about making new ones with someone else.

"Part of my last actually. My name is Keith Paxman. My call sign is Pax." He smiled. When she returned it, he saw she had a beautiful smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"We couldn't figure out what to use so we started off using his last name, then shortened it. It was kind of lame on our part, but it stuck." Sam shrugged.

"I like it." Hannah smiled and looked away shyly. Oh god, what was she doing? Flirting? Why not, her inner voice asked. Liam would want you to move on and be happy. She looked back at him, fighting to keep the fear from her eyes. She moved past him to stand near Sam. "How're you feeling?" She smiled at him.

"Warm." Sam said simply.

"I was glad to hear that you were ok." Hannah nodded. "Greg called." She explained. She could see that both men were feeling uncomfortable. She turned to Pax. "You know, I could really use some coffee, would you mind?" She raised a brow at him.

Pax gave Sam a questioning look. When Sam gave a slight nod, he turned to Hannah and smiled. "How do you like it?"

"Cream, three sugars." She put a hand on his arm. "Thanks." She said meaningfully. He nodded, then turned and left. She watched him go and raised a brow at his tush in those military dress pants. Ooh Lordy! She thought. No. You're here to help Sam, not oogle his hot friend, she reminded herself as she sat in the chair next to Sam's bed.

Sam couldn't help but chuckle as she sat in the chair looking flushed. Yeah, Pax had that effect on women. He hadn't changed a bit, he thought with a smile.

##### waiting room #####

With a smile, Pax left the room and headed to the waiting room. He knew she'd asked for coffee to give them some time alone and he was glad. Sam could clearly use any help he could get. When he arrived at the waiting room, he saw that it had cleared out considerably. Beast and Greg were deep in conversation while Wordy and Dolittle were sitting side by side, both lost in thought. He sat down next to Wordy and smiled when Wordy looked at him.

"How's he doing?" Wordy asked with concern as he sat up straighter in his chair. He could see out of the corner of his eye that Dolittle had come out of his thoughts, leaned forward and was looking at Pax, interested in the answer.

"He's, umm-" Pax looked at Dolittle.

"Honest opinion." Dolittle nodded. He didn't want Sam's team to be out of the loop or not know the full story. In 24 hours, they'd be leaving Sam in their care, it had to be with complete trust.

"He's, not good." Pax shook his head. "I've only seen him like this once.."

"When Matt died." Wordy offered. When Pax nodded, Wordy blew out a breath. And, he thought grimly, he's having flashbacks with and without Matt.

"So Greg said this started after a call where Sam used his

military background, right?" Dolittle raised his brows at Wordy. He picked up his chair and moved it so he was facing both of them.

"Right. He told the subject about when Matt died." Wordy nodded.

"Did you guys know about it before that?" Pax asked.

"Yes. We were a little surprised that Sam decided to share that with the subject." Wordy saw the knowing look in Pax's eyes and continued, "it's still hard for him to talk about Matt, but the first rule in negotiating is never lie to the subject. He could relate to the subject's military experience and used his own to try to help the man."

Dolittle saw the sadness in Wordy's eyes and put a hand on Wordy's shoulder. "It must've been tough when you had to elim the target, I mean subject."

"It's never easy to take a life, even when you know that taking that life will save others. The subject had Spike with a gun to his head and then pointed the gun at Sam. Ed didn't have a choice." Wordy took a breath and sighed it out. "Sam took it really hard. He wanted to quit the SRU, but we were able to talk him out of it. We went to The Goose, our local watering hole, after but I could tell he was distracted. I didn't realize it then, but he had a flashback." He looked at Dolittle, anger in his tone. "He kept it from us. He should've told one of us, we could've tried to help sooner."

"I know." Pax nodded. "Sam was probably just trying to keep anyone from worrying. It's his modus operandi." He gave a small chuckle thinking about all the times Sam didn't tell them about an injury or problem and used that as an excuse, it frustrated them all to no end. "But he means well." He added.

"Yeah. That hasn't changed." Wordy chuckled. He launched into a story about Sam being covered in princess fairy dust and accidentally inhaling it. He never told them when he started having breathing problems and was chasing the subject down the block. They didn't know until he collapsed after apprehending and securing the subject. "He was ok, but he was coughing fairy dust for a week."

Both Pax and Dolittle were laughing hard when Pax caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned and saw Hannah standing outside Sam's room and looking upset. He looked at Dolittle and Wordy then stood. As he hurried out of the room, he knew they were right behind him. "Hannah. What's wrong?"

***** Sam's room 15 minutes earlier *****

"So tell me what happened today." Hannah cleared her throat and smiled at Sam, trying to put thoughts of the gorgeous man she just flirted with out of her mind.

Sam could see that Pax had flustered her and he gave her a sec to get a hold of herself. "I thought you said the Boss told you?" He smiled back.

"I'd like to hear it from you." She reached in her purse and pulled out a small notebook and pen.

He sighed. "I was just lying here when three men came into the room. I recognized them as my Special Forces buddies and I think I went into a flashback." Sam frowned. He picked up the bed controls and moved the top so that he was more upright.

"Why do you think it was a flashback?"

"Everything got really confusing. I was kidding around with Beast, trying to keep him from pummeling me, but Pax was there. He was supposed to be in the hospital at that time." Sam frowned and cocked his head. "It didn't make sense for him to be in the room. The more I thought about it, the more it confused me and I panicked." He blew out a breath.

"So you ran." It was a statement rather than a question.

"Yeah, which is weird for me."

"Why's that?"

"Because when I'm faced with fight or flight, I always chose fight." His eyes were dark and serious.

"Why do you think you choose flight this time?" She held his intense gaze and wondered how he made such a 180 flip in his primitive response.

Sam lifted his shoulders and looked away. "I don't know." This is so crazy, he thought as he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "What's wrong with me?" He turned pleading eyes to her.

"Well, you've had a lot happen in a short time and you're having a hard time processing it all. That doesn't make you crazy, Sam," she tipped her head down slightly and gave him a small smile, "it makes you human."

He considered that for a moment. "The Godwin." Sam nodded.

"Yes. Let's go back to that day. Walk me through it."

"Well, after workout we were-"

"No, before that. Start at the very beginning." She interrupted.

"Ok." He drew the word out, a little annoyed.

She quirked her mouth. "Humor me."

"It's all boring though." When her steady gaze didn't waver, he shrugged. "It was a normal morning. I got up at 4, showered and ran to the barn."

"How did you sleep?"

"Good." He nodded.

"No nightmares?" She tipped her head to the side. She could see that he had a mask up, but his eyes were telling her something else.

Sam controlled his face so that she wouldn't see his surprise, but he couldn't help staring at her.

"I really want to help you Sam, but I need you to be honest." Hannah leaned forward and narrowed her eyes.

He looked away and worked his jaw. Could he tell her? If she thought he was too screwed up she would tell the Sarge and then what would he have left? He looked up suddenly. What does he have now? The Sarge won't let him back on the team right now, not after everything that's happened. He shook his head, raised his eyebrows and looked up. Help me Matt, he thought. He looked back at Hannah who was waiting patiently. "How did you know?" He eyed her.

"How long have they been going on?" She frowned.

"A couple days before the Godwin." Sam looked down at his hands.

"Can you describe one for me?" She could see the turmoil crossing his face and it tugged at her heart strings. It was obvious he'd been through a lot.

"It's classified." He hoped that would stop her.

"Everything you say here is safe Sam. I'm obligated not to discuss anything I've heard here." She tipped her head down. "Is it Matt?"

He bit his lip to keep the tears at bay. "Every year at this time, but I can always see it clearly. We did our usual goodbye before he left. I looked him in the eye. He had his normal, everything-is-going-to-be-fine look." His lip trembled without his permission.

#####

"Just another day at the beach." Matt smiled as they prepared to part per usual. He looked up and enjoyed the sun on his face.

"Of course." Sam shrugged and gave Matt a lopsided smile. "Be careful brother." He put his fist out.

"You two wanna kiss goodbye already?" Craze laughed, took a bite of his jerky and put it back in one of the pockets on his vest.

Beast laughed as he stopped next to Craze, lifted his arm a few inches and put his arm on Craze's head. He crossed one foot over the other and grinned widely at the two men. "Seriously."

Craze pushed Beast's arm off his head and punched the big man in the chest with force. "We need to roll." He looked back at Shadow and Remnant with a meaningful look. He understood their ritual. He'd never seen two men so close. It was understood in their job that they may not come back, but they never ever said goodbye. They refused to say it outright, but just in case..

"See you later." Matt fist bumped Sam, smiled and followed the rest of the unit.

"Later brother." Sam watched the unit leave then started to jog to the west towards his position. The sand made it hard to run, but he'd been doing it for years so it didn't bother him too much. He picked up the pace and reached his hide sooner than expected. He climbed down to the small indent in the rock face of the dune and settled in. He pulled out his rifle and set it up. He laid on his stomach and put his eye to the sight. He switched on his comm. "Shadow in position."

"You made excellent time." Craze chuckled. Damn that kid could run fast, he thought as they continued their stealth approach of the small settlement.

"Maybe we should change his call sign to Speedy Gonzalez." Remnant laughed softly.

"Um, no." Shadow smiled and moved the rifle to scout ahead of them. "Hold. Bringing the rain in five." He heard crackling in his ear and hit his comms unit. "Craze you copy?"

"Copy." Craze acknowledged. He muted his comms and waited while the others did the same. He'd gotten it fine. Sending you in in five. When the others muted he looked at each of them. "Remnant, Tolie, go to the East, get in position. Beast you and Dolittle head west, I'll hold here. You know the mission, stay safe."

Shadow moved the rifle again searching for the targets. He switched channels. "Shadow to Light. You out there?"

"Light to Shadow, we read you. We're tracking several targets in the settlement."

"Copy." Shadow moved to the coordinates they supplied, sighted the target and fired. With the guidance of the base, he hit five more targets. The last was on the outskirts, but he knew the unit was waiting for his word to move in. He smiled confidently and flicked the channel. What he heard next sent chills up his spine. Tolie was screaming. Blood curdling, heart breaking, soul shattering screaming. "Craze?" Sam picked up and stowed his rifle in record time as he sprinted at break neck speed for the village.

"East of the village." Craze growled as they sped towards Tolie.

Shadow stopped in his tracks when he saw the sight before him. "No." It was barely a whisper, but it was heard by the rest of the unit gathered around the familiar body. He walked forward, not knowing he was doing it, and fell to his knees. He put a hand to his chest, trying to keep his heart from falling out of the hole he was sure was there. It didn't work and his heart fell from his chest, shattering into a million pieces on the sand. He leaned down, took the limp hand in his and put it to his face. The sound that escaped his lips was described by the rest of the unit as guttural, animalistic and heart-breaking. "Maaaaaaaaaaatttttttttt!"

#####

Hannah covered her ears until his yell stopped. She looked to the door, expecting to see Sam's unit or team but none appeared. She looked at the nurses at the station and realized she couldn't hear them. The room was soundproof. She looked back at her patient. He had his knees bent, his arms around his knees, his head buried and was sobbing uncontrollably. She stood and ran from the room.