Chapter 29
Neal sat behind the wheel, in front of White Plains District High, waiting for Liam to return with the book he'd forgotten in his locker. He could see the senior football team off in the distance, practicing some set play as the sun shone brightly on this late May afternoon. He thought briefly of his youth and how he'd always wanted to play sports while he was growing up in St. Louis, Missouri. Of course, fate had intervened and taken him down a much different path, one with disreputable pool halls, two bit hustlers and petty crime. He shook off the nostalgia - there was no point in having regrets. To their credit, he and Sara had succeeded in giving their children all the opportunities he hadn't had in his troubled youth.
His mind wandered to Hope and her amazing talent as an artist and he felt his throat tighten as he wondered what the future held for her. Would she ever pick up a paint brush again? As he'd done so many times, he recalled that fateful night in late March when they'd taught that art class together, the gleam in her bright blue eyes, the excitement as she shared her love of painting with those young kids. It felt like years ago…
He felt his heart skip a beat and he was tempted to grab for the flask in his jacket pocket to take a steadying drink but he somehow managed to refrain. He'd had just enough of the age old whiskey to steady his nerves but not so much that he didn't feel in control behind the wheel. And besides, Liam would be back any second. He needed to pace himself if he was going to drive safely and he reminded himself to be patient: when he got to the hospital, he would indulge in a nice big gulp of the amber liquid before they went in to meet with the doctors.
He checked the time and glanced over towards the front door of the school. What was taking Liam so long?
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'Honey, calm down' Sara said from her desk at Sterling Bosch. 'Start at the beginning.'
Liam took a calming breath on the other end of the line and he glanced anxiously up the hallway, nervous his dad might come looking for him.
'Dad is here to pick me up but when I got in the car… well, I could smell booze on him.'
Sara let out a long sigh; she'd been afraid that, at some point, Neal might start drinking during the day and now, her worst fears were coming true.
'Are you sure?' she asked, hoping desperately that Liam was wrong in his assessment of the situation.
'Mooom!' he whined. 'I don't know what to do. I made up some lame excuse about forgetting my math book but… Mom, should I get in the car with him?'
Sara thought of all those lectures she and Neal had given their kids about drinking and driving and their admonitions to never get in a car with someone who'd been drinking. It was hypocritical not to hold themselves up to the same standard they'd worked so hard to instill in their kids.
'Mom, I don't want to hurt Dad's feelings…' Liam's broken voice said at the other end. 'He doesn't look drunk but… he's been drinking, that's for sure.'
Sara stood and began pacing; she couldn't put Liam in a potentially dangerous situation - or Neal for that matter. But she knew Neal would be devastated if he was accused of doing something that could conceivably harm his kids - he was an amazing dad who'd always put his children's wellbeing ahead of his own. She reminded herself that her husband wasn't his usual, clear thinking self these days; if he couldn't see the potential danger in what he was doing, it was her job to call him on it.
'Honey, you did the right thing calling me' she said, trying to reassure her son. 'Your dad hasn't … well, he hasn't been himself lately but he would never knowingly do anything to hurt you, you know that, right?'
'I know Mom, that's why I don't want to… I just don't know what to do.'
It would be unfair to ask her son to confront his dad about drinking and driving; after all, Neal was his authority figure and she had to thread lightly to preserve the fragile balance between father and son.
'Look, I'll call Daddy right now and talk to him. And I'm calling a cab so you two can make it to the hospital before 4:00. Honey, don't get in the car with him and… if you can help it, don't let him drive off on his own.'
Liam hung up the phone and made his way slowly down the hall, towards the school exit while Sara stared down at her phone, hoping for inspiration on how to confront her husband without destroying him.
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Neal glanced nervously at his watch. It was a good 30 minute drive to the Bronx from White Plains - and that was at the best of times. He hoped traffic wouldn't be too bad; he didn't want to be late for their appointment with Dr. White. He'd already let his daughter down once today and he didn't relish the thought of doing it again.
His phone rang and he reached into his pocket, his hand grazing the flask which was fast becoming his best friend. Sara's name appeared on the display; she probably didn't trust him to remember about the appointment - and he couldn't blame her after his major screwup the previous day.
'Hey Repo! What's up?' he said, trying to keep things light. '… and before you say anything, I didn't forget about the appointment. I'm at the school, picking up Liam.'
'I know' Sara said, her voice serious. 'I just talked to him.'
Neal frowned; what was Liam doing chatting with his mom over the phone when he was supposed to be rushing in to get a book from his locker.
'Honey, he called me to… well, he's worried about you' she began, unsure how to come clean as to the real reason for her call.
'What are you talking about?' Neal asked, completely in the dark.
'Neal, he says you've been drinking and he didn't know if he should get in the car with you.'
'What?' Neal shouted; surely he wasn't getting this right.
'Have you… been drinking?' she asked sombrely.
Neal struggled with his answer; it was a straight question that couldn't easily be deflected and he was tempted to lie outright - something he'd never done to Sara before booze came into his life.
'Sara, I'm fine' he attempted although he knew damn well that would not be enough of an answer for the stubborn insurance investigator.
'Neal, I mean it. This is much too serious a situation for one of your off the cuff responses. Have you been drinking today?' she repeated.
Neal shook his head in disbelief; his judgment was being called into question and the uncertainty in his wife's voice conjured up a bunch of different emotions including embarrassment, shame, humiliation and, frankly, anger at her lack of confidence in his ability to make wise, thoughtful decisions.
'Sara!' he said, his voice angry. 'Do you really think I would do anything that would put our son's life in danger?'
Her answer, when she managed to speak, came as a total shock to him.
'To tell you the truth, Neal. I feel like I don't know you at all these days' she stated, her voice sad and broken.
Silence followed as Neal digested what his wife had just said; he supposed, somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, that he deserved her lack of faith in him. He hadn't done much since the accident to prove he was trustworthy and able to think clearly. Despite that realization, his ego and his pride got in the way and he answered curtly.
'Well, thank you for that' he stated sarcastically, anger seeping into his voice.
She chose to ignore the curt response. She had to get herself and the two of them to Bronx Lebanon in the next hour and she set aside her discomfort at having had to confront him and instead, she focussed on the task ahead.
'I've called a cab for you and Liam. Neal… please. This is hard on him, too. Just… take the cab and I'll see you at the hospital' she stated, leaving no room for discussion.
Neal disconnected the call and glanced up, seeing Liam off in the distance, making his way towards the car, his head hung low as he walked. He grabbed for the flask in his pocket and took a long, steadying gulp.
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Sara stared out the window of the cab she was riding in as it left the streets of Manhattan; she'd cut things a little too close and she'd called ahead to let the hospital know they were running a little late. She couldn't believe this latest twist; what was Neal playing at, taking chances with drinking and driving. He'd always been so adamant about the kids not getting in a car with anyone who'd been drinking - how could he possibly put Liam in such a conflictive situation?
She felt anger building inside her as she thought of her husband's lack of demonstrated common sense now that alcohol had begun to shroud his judgment. She wanted him back, she needed him back. There was so much to see to with Hope in hospital, the gallery, the school, her job, the upcoming trial against her assailant, Caitlin and Liam. She felt as though he'd checked out and left her to deal with everything on her own. How had things deteriorated so quickly? Just a few weeks ago, he was strong, dependable Neal and he could be counted on to support her through all the hardships they were facing - together. Now, he was a shadow of his former self, letting alcohol dictate his behavior as he stumbled through life, unable to take responsibility for himself let alone those around him.
Sara's mind returned to Hope; she needed to remain their focus. There was some talk of moving her to another part of the hospital in order to concentrate on rehabilitation. Did that mean she had progressed as much as she was going to? The thought of her never communicating with them again was horrendous and she felt her heart tightening at the thought.
Damn you, Neal!
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Father and son sat side by side in uncomfortable silence, in the back seat of a cab headed for the Bronx. Neal had enough sense not to chastise his son for having called his mom; knowing how sensitive Liam was, he could well imagine that the young man had thought long and hard before raising the issue that was fast becoming the elephant in the room. And besides, Liam had been acting responsibly even when his dad was losing sight of the right thing to do. Most of all, Neal was embarrassed and humiliated to be in such a position; he'd worked hard his whole life to gain his children's respect and he worried that he had thrown it all away for a cheap bottle of scotch.
His eyes came up to meet Liam's who was staring straight ahead. 'I'm sorry, buddy. I'm sorry I put you in a situation where you felt you didn't have a choice but to call Mom.'
Liam looked at his dad, obviously feeling uncomfortable about the circumstance they found themselves in. He loved his dad and he had nothing but the utmost respect for everything he'd accomplished in his life; the last thing he wanted was to hurt his feelings or make him feel anything less than the wonderful father he'd always been.
'I'm the one who's sorry Dad. I should have talked to you about it… I just didn't know how to… bring it up without upsetting you and… well, you and Mom are always on our case about not getting in the car with someone who's been drinking.'
Neal let out a stifled laugh at the irony of the situation. 'Well, you were listening, I'll give you that!' he said as he jostled his son.
Liam let out a small laugh as the awkwardness between the two of them began to fade.
'Liam, I'm not drunk' Neal stated, something he felt important to clarify. 'And I would never drive if I was drunk. Most importantly, I would never put you or your sister or your mom in any situation where you could be hurt.'
Liam nodded as he listened. He'd seen his dad on a few nights over the past month, properly sloshed, and he knew that this was a bigger problem than what had just transpired.
'But I am struggling and… I promise I'll try harder to keep… to keep it together for you… and for Hope' Neal said, his voice fading as he became emotional.
'I love you Dad' Liam blurted out.
'I love you too, son' Neal echoed as he brought his arm around Liam.
TBC
