Dr. Saiko was left, alone, facing the paired heavy large-calibres once not thought to be possibly mounted one of the most powerful units in the whole world, and in Red Alert 3 in general. Imperial Army rescuing him now is a joke, now that most of them had retreated, or rather 'tactically regrouped', so hastily that most of them were clad only in their ceremonial underpants. The Soviet Apocalypse Tank stops, tank commander inspecting the odd Japanese kid in front of him. "Shoot to kill."
The tank gunner, grinning with a certain gleam in the eye, had then aimed his dual cannons against the poor lad, but couldn't quite connect because the doctor is squarely in the middle of the twin Drakons and is too low to target. The Drakons couldn't depress sufficiently; how depressing. Dr. Saiko couldn't think clearly at this point either; he was already suffocating and the Apocalypse Tank's Tesla engines still spew out too much emissions despite its main selling point being "able to reduce your carbon footprint by 85%", apparently because the emissions are so noxious. And the word "noxious" means "spewing nitrogen oxides", so the Soviets were able to get away with their stupid carbon emission reduction because their engines spew nitrous oxides instead of carbon oxides, and lots of it. Yet despite all the nitrous, the tanks are still really pathetically slow, ain't it? The world just isn't fair, nor is it getting any healthier.
The cannons remained incapable of depressing towards Dr. Saiko. Sweat began to drip from the doctor, which to him is weird because he could quite clearly remember despite the suffocating atmosphere that he degenerated his sweat glands for his thesis experiment. Anyway, the tank driver then decided that the giant Tesla engine had other better uses than lug around those powerful 125mm cannons and 16 layers of armor around, and decided to drive over that squishy Japanese boy in front of him. From rest, he guns his engine. The big thing rumbles forward, quadruple treads inching closer towards Dr. Saiko. The driver then changes to second gear. Then to third gear. Then to fourth gear. Then to fifth, then the sixth, then the seventh, then the eighth gear. All the while the tank was maintaining good acceleration. The tank now hits ninth gear, closing the distance between its murderous Grinder treads and the poor Japanese boy by about a meter. The Apocalypse tank's laboriously-made transmission, 16 speeds forward and 11 speeds reverse, is as epic as the rest of the tank, and is made specifically because the tank is too heavy for the everyday civilian 5 speed gearbox. This new gearbox now allows the tank to accelerate from nought to sixty in the same time it takes for a Soviet Engineer to destroy the Apocalypse with his pistol, as well as reduces emissions by a whopping 9.6%, with Soviet sales pitches commonly dropping the decimal point "to save on ink...and demonstrate the commitment to the environment of the Soviet Union".
Dr. Saiko has been pinned straight in the middle of the path of the killer Grinder Treads for about ten minutes now, thinking This is fun! The slow asphyxiation has taken its toll on him, or perhaps it must have been his teenage hormones. The point is that he is stuck in his current position, for quite some time, through no fault of him at all; nosiree. Meanwhile the Apocalypse Tank is high up in the air, spinning around. What?
Because it has been very painful to delay the story further, for an excruciating 500 words or so, allow me to just state what has just happened to Dr. Saiko for the past ten minutes in a more professional manner to make things clear. He ran straight into the path of a drugged Yuriko, and just their luck that an Apocalypse Tank plowed through the rubble of the bunker in their general direction, stopping a few meters away from the teenagers. The tank gunner tried to shoot the Japanese couple, but the targets are too close and too low for the Drakon cannons to target with both barrels, so instead the tank driver decides to run over them in a very slow, tiring drive forward. And in the nick of time, Yuriko uses her psionic powers to prevent them from being run over by hundreds of tons of steel, and all the while Dr. Saiko is there in his awkward position, all ten minutes of the ordeal. And he looks tripped-up and happy. And they both seem tripped-up-happy in an impolite, unprofessional manner, except Yuriko has an excuse: she has just been injected with a very powerful antidepressant by Dr. Saiko, and is now having the time of her life. She is experiencing a cacaphony of positive emotions, and sensations, so...yeah, teenage puppy love in a time of war and drugs.
Now for the distraction, in the form of more Apocalypse Tanks rumbling in, firing shells in their general direction. Dr. Saiko then swings Yuriko around, holding and hugging her tightly, less due to romance as is actually for hiding behind her as the Soviets continued their attacks. Yuriko then began psionically juggling the tanks happily, while Dr. Saiko shudders in fear behind her for what may happen to the world when he dies now, here in barbaric lands.
"I think I must have lost my man-card."
Dr. Saiko straightens up his dignity.
"As I was saying, I think I must have lost my manning card for the laboratory psymeter."
With a final psionic push Yuriko does away with the enemy tanks, then hurriedly rushes away from the base, with Dr. Saiko in tow. She profusely thanks the doctor for whatever she was injected with, and that she was so happy, and that she could just not stop talking about life in the military as a weapon, of her life as the only teenager in the army and as a very emotionally altered being at that with all her bad mood and vengeful personality and all, and of her personal taste in uniform fashion, and of her two pet dogs at home, and of how the bunker was oh-so-fugly, and of how she was so happy to be with him; to the point that the doctor has begun wondering if it really was a good idea to use such a massive dose of anti-depressant on Yuriko now that she has become so much more lively than is recommended. And the doctor did really, really think...
"But wait, did she just mention how she was so happy to be with him? It must have been stress, or maybe not."
He blushed a bit. She was doing so too, and he knows it based on clinical observation.
As the sun rose, the two had gotten away far enough from the battle to enjoy the sunrise. Together. It was teenage bliss for the two that morning, and all that had happened the previous night they have decided to dispose of as just an awkward introduction. Really, things do happen when two hormonal teens are stuck together in an army group of adults, because it was just that kind of morning, the same morning when classes resumed in Philosophy of War 12 under Turiano Carpio.
