To everyone who's been asking for longer chapters: I really can't make it happen unless I just update twice a week instead of daily. Sorry!
Anyway, here's this!
Bella:
I didn't like Edward being gone.
It was the first time I was really alone in what seemed like so long, and the feeling was more unsettling than I remembered. In my human life, I had liked being alone. I liked holing myself up in my room or finding empty tables in the school library where nobody could find me– if anybody were looking for me.
Now, though, being alone was making me anxious. It was a toned down version of the anxiety I felt the first day when most of the family went to school and I was alone with Carlisle and Esme. I had been assuming that I was just awkward being alone with them in the house. I'd thought that if they left too, I would relax and not worry. I wouldn't have guessed that this would be my reaction.
This sucked. Being a vampire didn't make any sense. I couldn't make my thoughts and my emotions click together. Maybe my brain and my body were just entirely disconnected from each other and would never sync up again. I could wake up every morning and ask Jasper how I was feeling, I guess.
Except that I didn't wake up in the morning, anymore.
I was being stupid. I just needed to work at it. What was my body telling me?
I miss Edward, I thought. Why did I miss Edward?
Because I was a danger to myself and society? That was pretty much how the family treated me. But Edward had left me here alone. He trusted me, and that made me feel warm inside.
Okay, new question, why did that make me feel warm?
After all this time of being treated like an irrational child who couldn't look after myself, someone was finally respecting me as a grown individual. That had to be it. I had been so independent in my human life, being looked after so much was going against all my instincts.
See, that wasn't so hard. Everything made sense.
Everything except for that song. There was something about it. It was familiar, almost, though I was sure I'd never heard it before. In fact, I was nearly certain he'd written it as we sat there. Either that or Edward played every song like it was pouring out of his soul almost faster than his fingers could keep up. I wanted to hear my song again.
My song? I realize what I'd thought. How is it my song?
It wasn't my song, obviously. It was Edward's. I hadn't helped write it and he certainly wasn't giving it to me.
This was all too confusing, and being alone was only making it worse. I just wished Edward would come back.
Edward:
I ended up in my meadow, lying in the grass and the wildflowers. I thought being away from Bella would clear my head, but it was doing exactly the opposite. I should have known leaving a newborn alone would just make me worried. My head kept running through all the possibilities of what could go wrong, and I was anxious to get back. I fought those thoughts back. She was level-headed and reasonable. She could manage a few minutes without supervision.
But I still wanted to go back.
What was wrong with me?! I felt like I was the newborn. Everything was up and down and I couldn't get a hold over myself.
If I could just read her mind… I thought, but that probably wouldn't help me either. It wasn't the silence of her mind that was under my skin, it was the way she smiled and laughed and bit her lip.
I had to get back. I would work through this stuff later. Right now, Bella was at home alone, and it was irresponsible of me to leave her there.
I got up and it felt like a magnet was pulling me back home.
When I approached the house, I heard the sound of someone lazily pressing random keys on my piano. I opened the front door, and Bella was sitting still on my bench. She turned around to see me, and the smile that broke out on her face warmed my very core.
"You're back!" she cheered.
I grinned at her. I walked towards her, intending to embrace her. She saw my advance and moved over on the piano bench like she expected me to sit with her.
"Edward, can you play that song again?" she asked. "It felt so quiet while you were gone. I couldn't stand it."
I stopped in my tracks. She wasn't excited to see me at all, she just missed the sound of my music. Why did I care?
I sighed, and took my place next to her on the piano bench. I played the song again, and when it was over, I played Esme's song. I didn't want to stop, so I played Clair de Lune, Pachelbel's Canon, and a few other songs. Some I had written, some were classics. I looked over at Bella, who was enthralled, and played her song once more.
Her song? Is that what it was? It didn't feel like it was mine, and it wasn't until she was by my side that I was able to play it the first time.
When her song ended, I stopped. In the silence, Bella rested her head on my shoulder. I relished at the contact.
"It's so peaceful," she commented. Her voice was a quiet, content purr, and I wanted to play the song again and again if it meant Bella would stay like this forever.
She took a deep breath, and let out a relaxed sigh. "Everything has been so crazy," she said. "All this time, I don't know how I would have dealt with any of it without you. You make everything so easy." Her words thrilled me. "And calm. You calm the storm, Edward. Thank you."
She turned into me and hugged me. I returned the embrace and pulled her close. My nose was in her hair, she smelled like heaven. Her arms around me were the only things holding together my sanity.
"Thank you thank you thank you," she chanted. "You're the most wonderful person, and the most wonderful friend." She pulled away and smiled at me, then darted off to find her book.
The realization hit me with all the subtlety of a cartoon anvil being dropped on my head. I didn't want to be Bella's friend. I loved her.
Happy Valentine's Day! I could not have planned a better chapter update for today if I had been trying (and I wasn't trying! Don't you love coincidences?) So now Edward gets it, FINALLY. Let's see how Bella reacts to that ;)
Also, I don't know about any of you, but I'm super psyched for the 50 Shades movie today! I'm sure this isn't news to anyone, but 50 was originally a Twilight fic called Master of the Universe!
