Chapter 29: Meeting Christina (Christian's POV)

"Fuck!" I yelled at no one in particular as I threw Taylor's phone back at him. He was sitting across from me on my plane. We had been in the air for a couple of hours. "How the hell didn't you know? Look at her! She looks just like..." I couldn't finish my sentence.

"Just like you, sir. Yes, I see that. But this photo is more recent. The one I saw of her a year ago didn't look as much... She was still bald, sir. Big brown eyes. It was hard to see any resemblance then. The one I saw six months ago... she was wearing a hat. I still didn't see it. I didn't know she had your hair color."

"You should have told me, Taylor," I said. "You knew she'd told me she was pregnant. I didn't believe her. Then, you knew she gave birth six months later, and you didn't inform me."

"It wasn't an immediate security risk, sir," Taylor insisted.

"HOW THE HELL WAS IT NOT A SECURITY RISK?!" I screamed. Then, through my teeth, I spat out, "I have a daughter that I knew nothing about. Leila could have sold the story, for fuck's sake. And this baby... my child... could have been in danger, and I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW SHE EXISTED!"

Taylor sighed. "Yes, sir. I fucked up. I should have forced you to listen to me when I tried to tell you."

"How long have you known that Leila was sick?" I asked him accusingly.

Taylor answered, "Since shortly after the baby was born. Leila had a double mastectomy. That's when we learned about her cancer. I had a guy tailing her when she went in for her treatments. Bruce. He's the one who sent this updated photo when I asked for it last night. He reports to me about her every six months. He's assigned to numbers 11 through 15. You have two other details assigned to the other ten. They all report to me every six months on each woman."

I sure as hell didn't want to ask the next question, but I had to know. "How many of them have children?"

"A few, sir." He stopped and considered the question for a moment. "Four, not counting Ms. Williams. None of them coincide with the time they were with you. You could not be the father to any of their children."

"You're sure?" I asked.

"Absolutely certain. Cassandra Adams is married now and has a three year old child. It's been six years since you were with her. Amy Wren gave birth five years ago. You were with her seven years ago. Elle Grathberg and Cherry Rhodes both gave birth less than a year ago. It has been more than three that you were with either of them."

"Well, thank fuck for that. But if you know all these details off the top of your head, why the hell didn't you know that I had a child out there?" I accused him again.

Taylor breathed out an exasperated sigh. He was obviously getting tired of my questioning. Well too fucking bad. He should have told me. Finally, Taylor answered me calmly, "I suspected she was yours, sir. Call it a gut instinct. When Dr. Danforth told you the ultrasound was fake, I, like you, at first assumed that she wasn't really pregnant. When it turned out she was, I assumed she'd lied about it being yours. At that point, I tried to tell you about it, but your exact words were, 'If my life is not in danger, I don't want to fucking know about it.' I didn't have any proof, and there was still every possibility that she had been seeing someone else. But I doubted she had. I did try repeatedly to tell you, but you were adamant about not wanting to hear about her."

I remembered all the times he had tried to bring up her name, and I knew he was right. But fuck, if I had known! A kid. Shit!

I decided to stop blaming Taylor somewhere over the Atlantic, and the rest of the plane ride was quiet. Leo had been able to make the flight in spite of our early departure, and I let him have the bedroom. At least someone could get some sleep. I knew he'd need it to be ready to talk to Mia.

But Mia and Leo were the least of my concerns at the moment. I had a child, and Ana had been the one to tell me. My beautiful, amazing Ana... how was she ever going to accept this? She didn't want to be a parent any more than I did, at least not right now, and there was no reason why she would need to. I was going to lose her. I knew it, in my gut. Why would she stay with me now? Every time that thought entered my mind, I almost had a panic attack. What would I do if she left me? How would I possibly survive? I needed her like I needed the air I breathed. I couldn't even fucking sleep without her.

I had never felt so afraid to enter my own home, not knowing what to expect, when I arrived home early Sunday morning. Due to our early departure and to the time change, it was so early that Ana was still sleeping, and I was happy to find her curled up in my bed, hugging my pillow. Without wasting any time, I stripped and crawled into the bed with her, snuggling close to her, breathing in her apple vanilla scent, and hoping beyond hope that she would still be there when I opened my eyes again.

A few hours later, I got my wish when I opened my eyes to see bright blue eyes staring back at me. I wasn't sure what I expected to see there, but more than anything, I saw worry.

She was the first to speak, after she put her laptop and phone on the bedside table. She must have been working in bed. "Be honest, Christian. Until you got home this morning, when was the last time you slept?"

"You know I don't sleep well without you," I responded. I glanced at the clock next to the bed and was shocked to see that it was almost noon. "Damn, is that the correct time?"

"It is," she replied. "How do you feel? Well rested?"

Was she really asking me how I felt? I wanted to make a smart ass remark about her not being fucking Flynn, but more than anything, I just wanted to feel her in my arms. "Come here, baby," I said.

She responded by stripping off her clothes and straddling me in the bed. "Have I told you today that I love you?" she asked.

"Not today. But even if you had, I never get tired of hearing it." I palmed her breasts, squeezed them, and then pinched her nipples.

"I love you, Christian Grey," she said, and then she kissed me tenderly. I returned the kiss, pouring everything I felt for her into it.

We made sweet vanilla love, and then we showered together. I knew that Ana was trying to reassure me that she was here, and that everything was going to be OK, but I wasn't sure I believed her. I was so worried about what was to come. We both avoided mentioning Leila or the baby, but I knew one of us had to bring it up eventually.

After our shower, as we got dressed, Ana said, "I wish you'd stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like you're scared shitless that I'm going to disappear any minute," she answered.

Again, I wanted to make a joke, but I couldn't. "Are you?" I asked her.

"Absolutely not," she answered without a moment's hesitation. "I am here, Christian. You have to kick me out yourself to get rid of me."

"Well that's never going to happen," I told her.

"Well then stop worrying," she replied.

"How can you say that?" I asked her. "Ana... I remember clearly you telling me that you didn't want to have kids. And apparently, I have this kid I didn't know about."

"We will figure it out," she promised me. "I'm here, Christian. I'm not going anywhere. I'll help you figure it out. I WANT to help you figure it out."

"How, Ana?" I asked her, sounding as hopeless as I felt. "I can't be a fucking father. I mean, look at me. Fifty shades of fucked up. How is this kid ever going to not turn out even more fucked up than I am?"

She just looked at me for a moment before she answered. "I don't believe that, Christian. You are an amazing man. A brilliant CEO. An attentive boyfriend slash Dom. And you're going to be a wonderful father. I know you will. And besides, you're not going to be alone. As long as you'll have me, I'll be there with you. I have no idea what kind of mother I'll be, and I'm making a lot of assumptions, seeing as how we've only been together a week. But if you want me here, then we'll figure it out together. Between the two of us, this child will never want for anything."

I couldn't help but feel shocked by what I was hearing. "Ana, are you real?" I asked her in awe. "Aren't you even a little angry at me? How can you be so accepting?"

"Angry at you, no, Christian, I'm not. I believed you when you told me you'd never fucked without a condom until we did. How were you to know that Leila poked holes in them? And I'm sure you believed she was on the pill. I know how much of a shock this is to you, so no, I can't be angry with you about it. I wanted to be angry with Leila and even at the baby, but I couldn't do that either. Christina is an innocent and precious little girl, and I already feel something for her, probably because she looks so much like you. And Leila really screwed up when she intentionally got pregnant. There's no doubt that she was trying to entrap you. But when I saw how sick and desperate she was... I couldn't be angry with her. She believes that she is being punished."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Leila believes that her cancer is punishment for betraying you. She's still beating herself up for the Elena thing too. She thinks she deserves cancer because of what she did to you."

"That's ridiculous!" I said. Nobody deserves cancer, no matter what they've done.

"She's suffered a lot, Christian, and I believe it has affected her mentally. She believes that you'll be more likely to take care of Christina if you see how well she has accepted her punishment."

"What!?"

"And Christian..." Ana continued, "Leila thinks you will find another family to love Christina. She doesn't believe you want her. She doesn't understand that you didn't know about her. In her mind, she gave you the ultrasound, and even if you didn't believe her at the time, you're Christian Grey. You can find out anything you want to."

"Fuck!" I exclaimed. "Taylor tried to tell me... Ana, there's no way in hell I'm going to let someone else raise... Wait. Is that what you think I should do? We both know what a fucked up father I'm going to be. Should I get someone else to..."

Ana stopped me with a hand over my mouth. "Don't you even dare finish that sentence," she said. "I told you I'm here for the long haul, right? But if you reject that little girl, I'm going to have a hard time following through with that promise."

I kissed her hand before I replied, "I hadn't even considered it until you mentioned it. She's mine. I know that even without a paternity test. There's no way I can give her to someone else. I just don't know... if I'd had the usual nine months to prepare for it, maybe I could... Ana, how the hell do I do this?

"Step by step. The first step right now is to go get some breakfast. Or lunch, for some of us."

Over breakfast, Ana filled me in on all that she had arranged for Leila, from nannies to nurses to baby-proofing her penthouse. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but all the details she had handled shocked the hell out of me.

"Not that I'm complaining, but why did you do all that?" I asked her.

She hesitated before she answered. "When I saw the baby, I knew she was yours. My gut already told me that Leila was telling me the truth, but the baby confirmed it all. She is mini-you. And I love you, Christian, so there's a part of me that already loves her, because she is a part of you. And Christian, I'm glad you didn't see where they were living. You would have shit yourself. There's no way in hell I was going to allow your child to spend another night there."

"Was she in danger?" I had to ask.

"Damn straight she was in danger," Ana answered angrily, but I knew she wasn't angry with me. "The apartment building didn't have any working locks, and it was infested with cockroaches and mice. Leila's sister was stoned out of her mind, and Leila left Christina with her when she came to meet me. Even when she's there, Leila is not able to watch Christina properly because she's so sick. So, basically, Christina was living in squalor, often unsupervised. I know I'm being blunt, but these are the hard cold facts. I couldn't let her stay there."

I'm sure my face had gone pale. "Why would Leila have allowed their living situation to have gotten so bad?"

Ana looked at me incredulously. "Christian, she's dying. By all accounts, she should already be dead. And she hasn't been able to work for two years. She has lived off all the gifts you gave her when she was your sub. She sold her car and jewelry you gave her, and when that was gone, she sold her clothes. She's been doing the best she can. And I have no doubt that she loves her baby. In fact, I'm sure Christina is the only reason she's still alive. I think that once she knows Christina is safe and cared for, Leila won't be with us much longer."

"Holy fuck, I wish I'd known," I muttered.

"Leila said she's been trying to contact you for two years, never with any success. That's why she found me. One of the first things I noticed about her was the desperation in her eyes."

"I always kept her away. But I had no idea about the baby. If I'd known..." I would have been angry as hell, but I would have manned up.

"I know, Christian. I assured Leila that you don't know about Christina. She didn't know you were told the ultrasound was a fake. She thought you simply didn't want to have anything to do with your daughter."

"So I guess that explains why she thinks I would give my child to someone else to raise."

"Yes," Ana confirmed. "She thinks you knew about her and didn't want her. Of course she thinks you want to give her up. So, are you sure you want to keep her?"

"Of course," I answered. "Besides... even if I wasn't sure, you seem pretty sure."

"Yes, I am," Ana agreed. "I'm not sure how it happened. I was already thinking about motherhood even before this happened, but I thought it was a long time in the future. I just realized, after the past few days with you... I want that, with you. I wouldn't have chosen to do it so quickly though. We really need more time, just the two of us. But there's no doubt in my mind that we can make it work."

On that note, Gail entered through the door to Ana's penthouse. "Mr. Grey, welcome home!" she called out.

"Thank you, Gail," I answered.

"I see you've had lunch. Can I get you anything else, sir?" she asked.

"I'm fine, thanks," I answered.

Ana asked, "How are things over at my place? Is everyone settled?"

"Yes, and Leila has just had lunch. I took some of my chicken soup over. The nurse said it's the most she's seen her eat."

"Leila is in Ana's penthouse?" I asked. "Right now?"

Ana answered, "Yes, they both are. I told you, remember, that they'd be here when you got home. You just got home sooner than I expected. But while you were sleeping this morning, I had Sawyer and Prescott move them in."

I realized that the time had come to meet my daughter, and to confront her mother, and once again, I had to push back the panic attack I felt. "Are they awake?" I asked Gail.

"Ms. Williams is awake," Gail answered. "I just left her in Ana's living room with her nurse. The baby just went down for a nap a few minutes ago."

I looked at Ana and said, "I think it's time that I have a conversation with Leila."

Ana reminded me, "Yes, seeing as how she's been trying to have a conversation with you for two years now."

"I realize that," I told her. I held my hand out for her to take. "Will you come with me?"

"Of course I will," Ana answered, putting her hand in mine. "And Christian... remember, she's sick. She will look... different than you remember her. And she's very frail, so... just be gentle with her, OK?"

If it were possible, I fell deeper in love with Ana in that moment. There she was being protective of my former sub, who had just turned our world upside down.

I took Ana's hand, and we went together into her penthouse. As we approached the living room, I heard two women talking. I recognized Leila's voice immediately. They must have heard our footsteps because they grew quiet as we approached.

When I saw her, I wouldn't have recognized her if I hadn't known who she was already. Ana had told me that she was bald, and she had warned me that her appearance was changed, but I still has not prepared. She had lost weight. A fucking lot of weight. Even the color of her skin was different, much more pale than before.

When she saw me, her eyes widened, and then she immediately looked away, grabbed a scarf from the sofa, and wrapped it around her head. She didn't speak.

"I'm sorry, Leila," Ana said kindly. "I should have given you some warning that we were coming over."

"It's OK." Leila answered quietly. She still didn't look at me or acknowledge me.

I sat down on the sofa next to her, glanced at Ana to make sure she was OK, and then spoke as gently as I could, "Look at me, Leila."

She looked in my direction, but she still could not look in my eyes. And still she didn't speak. She was trembling a little.

"Leila, I'm not angry with you," I told her. "You can relax. We need to talk."

Ana spoke to the nurse. "Monica, would you mind giving us a few minutes? Feel free to go to the media room and watch TV for a while. I'll call you if we need you, or when we're finished."

"Sure, no problem," Nurse Monica replied and left the room.

Leila still did not speak, and she was still trembling. Ana came and took Nurse Monica's place on the sofa, on the other side of Leila. Ana picked up Leila's hand, rubbed it, and held it in hers. "Don't be afraid, Leila. Christian isn't angry. He is ready to talk with you. Would you like me to stay, or would it be better for me to go...?"

Neither Leila or I let Ana finish her question. "Stay," we both said at the same time.

I watched as Leila squeezed Ana's hand, and blinked a few times, obviously trying hard not to cry. Shit! I'd never been able to deal with the waterworks. But Ana said I had to be gentle. How the fuck was I going to do this?

"I'm sorry, Sir," Leila said softly.

"Leila, let's clear a few things up before we start talking, OK?" I said. "First of all, you never need to refer to me as Sir again. Call me Christian."

She looked me in the eye for the first time, and I saw the shock in hers. "You want me to call you Christian, Sir?" she asked incredulously.

I smiled as kindly as I could. "Yes, and I don't want you to call me Sir. I'm not your Dom, Leila. You don't need to submit to me ever again. We're equals."

Now she looked confused. "Why are you being so nice, Sir? This is not at all how I expected this conversation to go."

I laughed sardonically. "I'm sure it's not, considering the past. But let's start over, if that's OK."

"Of course, Sir," Leila replied. "Whatever you..."

"No, Leila, that won't do," I interrupted. "I've wronged you. I should have known about the baby. I didn't. If I had known about her, and if I'd known about your illness, you would have never gotten to the place you are now. I am sorry. Can you forgive me?"

Leila stared at me in shock, her mouth hanging open. Finally, she spoke. "I'm sorry, Sir, I must be dreaming. This can't be really happening. I thought you just... Did you really just...?"

"Apologize and ask for your forgiveness?" I asked. "Yes, I did."

Now she couldn't control the tears, and Ana handed her a box of tissues. Finally, Leila was able to speak, through her tears. "I can't believe you're asking me to forgive you. After all I did. Sir, I betrayed you. Have you forgotten? I videoed us, and sold the video to that evil woman. And besides that, I knew you didn't want children. I knew it. But I was so convinced that you would change your mind..."

"Leila," I interrupted her. "What's done is done. We both behaved badly. So how about this. I will forgive you if you will forgive me."

"Really, Sir?" she asked incredulously.

"Really, and stop calling me fucking Sir."

"Yes, Si... OK," she corrected herself quickly.

"OK, so can we start from the beginning? When you came to me that day after I'd ended our contract and showed me the ultrasound, I told you that I would take responsibility if the child was mine. But when I checked with the doctor, he assured me that the ultrasound that I showed you was not even yours. It was another patient's. He claimed that you were his patient and that you were not pregnant."

"He lied to you," Leila whispered, clearly shocked.

"Yes, I realize that now," I agreed. "Any idea why he would do that?"

Leila considered my question for a moment. "Shit!" she cried out finally. "It was her. The evil bitch! I remember now seeing her talking to Dr. Danforth on one occasion when I'd gone for an appointment with him. I remember being surprised to see her there, but she pretended she didn't know me. They knew each other. But I never told her I was pregnant."

"But I did," I admitted. "I thought she was my friend. You are the one I have to thank for revealing the truth about her. But not until I had already let the cat out of the bag about the ultrasound."

"But I still don't understand," Leila said. "You followed up with me, surely. Didn't anyone tell you that I had given birth?"

"Taylor tried to," I admitted. "I didn't want to hear anything about you. It's my fault for not allowing him to tell me."

"So you didn't know I was sick either?" Leila asked.

"No, Leila. I didn't know anything about you until yesterday when Ana told me. I told Taylor not to tell me anything unless it was a direct security threat to my life."

"Wow," Leila breathed, and then she said in barely more than a whisper. "You must have really hated me."

"I didn't hate you. I don't hate you. Don't take it personally, Leila. I was a selfish fucked-up son of a bitch. It's why I asked for your forgiveness from the start."

Leila was quiet for a moment. "I hope you mean that, for Christina's sake," she finally said.

"Leila, even if I did hate you, which I don't, I would never take it out on our child," I told her.

She looked at me in shock again. "You just called her 'our child,'" she said.

"Well, she is our child, isn't she?" I asked rhetorically. "I've seen her picture. Taylor showed me on the flight home last night. She looks like me."

"Yes, Sir... I mean, yes. She's yours. I totally understand if you want to have a paternity test before... before you do whatever you plan to do."

I replied, "Leila, first of all, if I have a paternity test, it will be because my lawyers insist on it, not because I doubt she's mine. And second of all, what I plan to do is be a father to my child."

Once again, I'd managed to shock her. "You want to... you want to raise her yourself?" she asked incredulously. "But... I didn't think you wanted... Are you serious?"

"I'm very serious," I answered. "Ana told me what you were thinking, that you wanted me to find a family for her. I realize that you thought I knew about her and didn't want her. The truth is that I didn't know about her and I do want her. You are correct, I didn't want to be a father. But now that I am, there's no way in fucking hell I'm letting anyone else raise my child."

Leila still looked shellshocked. "Well... OK, then. I just need to make sure... I need to know that she's OK. That she will be OK. That you will be OK with her."

"You need to know that she will be loved?" Ana jumped in.

"Yes, and wanted. I don't want her to grow up thinking that she was a mistake. A horrible mistake that her dead mother made."

"Leila, you have my word," Ana promised. "As long as Christian and I are together, I will care for Christina as if she were my own child."

"And Ana and I will be together for as long as she will have me. Either way, Christina will never be treated like a mistake. I promise you that, as her father."

Leila turned towards Ana and said, "It's not enough for me. Thank you, Ana, for promising to care for her 'as if she were your own,'" she moved her fingers like quotation marks as she spoke. "It means the world to me. But I want something more from you. I know I have no right to ask you, but your kindness over the past two days has given me courage."

Ana swallowed, as if she knew what Leila was about to ask, and I had a pretty good idea myself. "Go ahead and ask me, Leila," Ana said. She was blinking her eyes as if she were trying hard not to cry.

"I want you to adopt her," Leila said. "I don't want you to love her as if she were your own. I want you to love her because she is your own. I know it won't be the same as the children you will hopefully give birth to in the future, but I hope that you..."

"Stop, Leila. I will do it," Ana said. Now they both had tears streaming down their faces, and I'll be damned if I didn't have to blink back a few myself.

"You will?" Leila asked hopefully.

"Yes," Ana said. "And Leila... you need to understand, adoption is something I feel strongly about. If I adopt Christina, I will love her as much as I will love any child I give birth to."

"That is exactly what I hope for," Leila said.

"Well, it's settled then," I said. "I will talk to Dad about it. I'm sure he knows a good adoption attorney that he can put us in touch with. And another thing... I want to change her last name to Grey, and I want to get my name added to her birth certificate."

"Steele-Grey," Ana corrected.

"What?" I asked, because I truly didn't understand her.

"Christina's last name should be changed to Steele-Grey. Hyphenated," Ana explained. "I'm sure the adoption attorney can help us with that."

"Ana, why the fuck would I want to hyphenate my child's name? She's a Grey."

"Our child, Christian," Ana corrected. "When I adopt her, as Leila requested, she will be OURS. So she should have both of our names."

"But I'm the father," I reminded her.

"Yes, and we live in the twenty-first century," Ana reminded me.

"Yes, and children in our culture still take their father's names, even in the twenty-first century," I insisted.

"Christian," Ana started to say more, but after glancing at Leila, she changed her mind. "We can continue this conversation another time. I think Leila is getting tired."

Leila agreed, "To be honest, this conversation has taken a lot out of me. I think I need to go lie down."

"I'll go help you, and I'll make sure Monica knows where you are." Ana turned to me and said, "Christian, if you're thirsty, you can help yourself to whatever is in the fridge in the kitchen, or there's some white wine chilling in cooler under the wet bar over there," she pointed to the corner of the room. "I will be back shortly."

A few minutes later, I had poured a glass of wine for each of us when Ana returned with what I can only describe as a bundle of bright copper curls. When she put her down, the baby started toddling towards me, no doubt trying to get to the glasses of wine on the table in front of me. I picked the glasses up and stood up quickly, apparently frightening her, because she burst out crying.

"It's OK," Ana calmed her as she picked her up. "Don't cry, sweetheart. You're OK." She patted her on the back as she continued to soothe her.

I quickly put the glasses on the wet bar out of the baby's reach. Then I walked back over to Ana. "You must be Christina," I said to the baby, as I patted her back, like Ana had been doing. I looked in Ana's eyes and tried to swallow back all the fear I was feeling. "I am happy to meet you," I told the baby. "I'm your daddy."

Ana had already gotten her to stop crying, but then I was shocked when the baby not only laughed at me, but she reached her arms towards me. I glanced at Ana again, feeling panicked. Could I hold this baby? Would it hurt? But she was my child, my own flesh and blood, and I had just promised to be a father to her.

"Come here, precious girl," I told her. "It's time for your daddy to hold you."