A/N: Happy Random Tuesday! Here's a touch of angst mixed with some fluff before the action gets to have a bit of a hiccup...
CHAPTER 28-Nightmare of an Anniversary
Riley woke out of a dead sleep. Lying in the dark, she tried to figure out what had woken her. She heard a low noise. She got up and crept to her door, cracked it open and listened. The noise came again. She crept down the hall and waited outside Zach's room. He'd eaten quite a few cookies and she was certain he'd be sick. But when the noise happened again, it came from Quatre's room.
She slipped down the hall and knocked lightly on the door, knowing that jarring him awake would result in a gun in her face. She was certain all the pilots slept with at least one gun under their pillows. There was no answer, so she opened the door a crack and peered in.
Quatre was tossing on the bed, his face twisted in agony.
"No, stop," he muttered. Suddenly he sat up. "FATHER!" He stared unseeing into the darkness, breathing heavily before dropping his head into his hands.
"Quatre?" Riley said quietly, not wanting to alarm him.
He looked up at her sharply and his shoulders slumped. He hadn't meant for her to hear. She slipped into the room and sat next to him on the bed, putting her arm around his shoulders.
"Nightmare?"
He nodded. "I don't get them as often anymore, but…" He trailed off.
"But they still suck," she finished for him. "You're preaching to the choir."
He wrapped his arms around her and buried his head into her shoulder. They stayed that way for a while as he fought to bring his breathing under control. She understood that he just needed someone there, like she had.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked after he'd calmed down a bit.
"It's the anniversary."
She didn't press him for any other details. He'd told her about it her first night in that apartment and that was explanation enough. She tightened her hug a little. "I'm sorry," she whispered. He tightened his grip on her.
"What did I say about sleeping with my sister, Winner?"
Duo's voice brought Riley out of sleep. She was curled up on her side on top of Quatre's bed, her back to Quatre. His arm was around her waist and her hand was on top of his, as if holding him there. Duo was leaning in the doorway, a dark look on his face. Behind him was a woman with short dark hair that Riley had never seen before. Riley assumed this was Hilde.
"In case you didn't notice, I was sleeping with him, Duo," she grumbled at him. Quatre released his hold on her and sat up, putting a hand to his forehead, a headache already in progress. Two hours was definitely not enough sleep.
She sat up and rubbed her arms. She was cold and the only reason she'd been able to fall asleep was Quatre's warmth.
Duo rolled his eyes. "If you say so." He kept the dark expression as he said it, though.
"Get over it," Riley said as she got up and pushed past him to go to her room.
Letting her go, he scowled at Quatre. "What's the deal?"
"Nightmares. She heard me."
Duo's expression changed as realization dawned on him. "Shit, I completely forgot, man. I should've warned her."
"Well, it's done now. Morning, Hilde." He hadn't looked up through the entire exchange, pressing his hand harder against the pain in his head.
She smirked at him. "Morning, Quatre. I'll say this; it's never dull around you guys."
"We'll come back later, when she isn't so pissed at me," Duo said.
On the way back to their apartment, Duo said, "That couldn't have gone better if I'd planned it."
Hilde broke out laughing. "You weren't kidding. Those two have it bad."
"Yeah, and they're the only two that don't see it. I 'helped' Riley make cookies yesterday and made sure that Quatre saw me dump flour down her back. I'm sure he would've said something if she hadn't thrown a handful of the stuff in my face. Then, Zach told me that Quatre cleaned up the mess for her while she was changing."
"You know, if they find out you're trying to get them together, they'll probably kill you. And between the two of them, I'm sure they could manage it."
"Hey, if my sister has to end up with someone, I'd rather it was someone I knew I could trust."
"Your biggest problem is that he's such a gentleman that he won't make a move on her because she's your sister."
"If I thought he only liked her because she was my sister, I'd have a problem with it. But I think she's been on his mind since before we brought her here the first time." He chuckled. "I caught her staring at him that morning we went to the pool, too. They're both in denial."
"She's probably not going to let herself get involved because she isn't sure what's going to happen once this whole thing is over. She may get sent home without a choice and getting attached to you guys won't make that easy on any of you."
"That, and her rule about not dating people she works with. Getting her to change it won't be easy, but I'm sure an opportunity will present itself eventually." He'd chosen to ignore the comment about Riley going back. He didn't want to think about that until he had to.
"Yeah, but can you wait that long?"
"I waited eight years for you, didn't I?" He pulled her in and kissed her. "And it was worth it!"
Two hours later, Duo showed back up at Quatre's, Hilde in tow. Riley was still a little steamed at him. Zach had caught her bad vibe as soon as he ventured out of his room and had escaped across the hall.
"Aw come on, Sis, don't stay mad at me."
Riley was giving him the cold shoulder and it didn't look like things were going to warm up any time soon if the chilly look she gave him was any indication.
"You know, Duo, I think you went too far this time," Hilde said shaking her head as she leaned against the wall with her arms crossed. "Jumping to conclusions like that is going to get you in trouble every time."
"I never said they did anything."
"You didn't have to. It was the way you said it."
"I have a right to be concerned about my sister."
"She's an adult Duo. She can do what she wants."
Duo was flabbergasted. "There's no way for me to win this argument is there? I'm wrong no matter what, aren't I?"
"It's a miracle. He can be taught!" Riley said.
"Wait a minute, you were giving me the cold shoulder just so you could hear me admit that I was wrong no matter what?"
"As I said, you can be taught." Riley shrugged as Hilde burst out laughing. Riley moved into the kitchen and started pulling things out of the cupboards.
Quatre was lying on the couch with a cold cloth over his eyes, still waiting for the aspirin to kick in. "Duo, I keep telling you that the sooner you quit trying to beat them, the better off you'll be."
"Wow, that one's already housebroken," Hilde said, snickering.
"I blame his sisters," Duo said, grinning.
Quatre groaned and got up. "I've got too bad of a headache to handle both of you right now." He went into his room and shut the door.
"Really, Duo, you know this isn't a good day for him, the least you could do is leave him alone for a while," Riley chided, still pulling things out of the cupboards.
"You ruin all my fun."
"Apparently someone has to."
"Wow," Hilde said. "Do you two fight to make up for lost time or just because you really can't stand each other?"
"Lost time," they said in unison. Looking at each other in surprise, they burst out laughing.
"That's really creepy."
"Actually, it's kind of fun," Duo said.
"So what are you making, Riley?" Hilde asked, changing the subject.
"Lasagna."
Duo perked up. "Really?"
"You asked me to, remember? And it makes enough to feed everyone, so I thought it would be good for tonight."
"Need help?" Hilde asked.
"Sure."
Hilde and Riley chatted as they cooked, and Duo flipped through channels on the television. He listened to their conversation more than he paid attention to the television. Their conversation seemed innocent, but he knew that if they thought he wasn't listening they'd let something slip that he could use later.
Quatre came out of his room a few hours later, still looking beat. He went into the kitchen for a glass of water and took a couple more aspirin. But instead of retreating to his room, he joined Duo on the couch and watched him flip through the channels.
Normally, he would have gotten annoyed and grabbed the remote, but he was lost in thought, so he didn't care what Duo did. Duo noticed, but decided not to bother his friend, especially since Riley had been right that Quatre was having a bad day. It happened every year and the pilots always made sure that at least one of them checked on him throughout the day. He was so far down in the dumps the first couple of years that they'd done it out of concern. Anymore it had just become an excuse to get together.
Duo wondered if maybe they should have been more concerned the last few years than they had been. Quatre was clearly having a worse time of it this year than Duo had thought he'd had in the previous years. Maybe he was just noticing it more this year. He decided to keep a closer eye on Quatre in the coming years. It was possible that the guilt was still eating at him and it had managed to wear him down to the point of desperation again.
"How long does it take to make that stuff anyway?" Duo asked, tired of flipping through channels.
"Well, when you make the noodles from scratch, it takes longer."
"That's not the answer I was looking for."
"You know, if you're bored you could always go hang out with the guys in Rashid's apartment. Zach said something about video games this morning."
Duo brightened. "Really? Do you mind Hilde?"
"Go ahead, Duo. It isn't like we don't know you're trying to spy on our conversation anyway."
"I'm insulted. Maybe I was truly interested in what you had to say."
"If that was true, you wouldn't have bothered to turn on the T.V."
"Okay, you got me. You coming, Quat?" he asked, standing up and stretching.
"No. I don't think my head can handle the boys right now."
"Right, well, see ya in a while, then."
Quatre turned the television off as soon as Duo was gone and the apartment was mostly quiet, except for the soft murmur of Hilde and Riley talking as they prepared food.
Once they finished the noodles, putting the lasagna in pans went quickly. Since it was too early to cook them, they stuck the pans in the fridge. There wasn't enough room for all of them, but half of them would go to Rashid's for the Maganacs anyway. Cleanup was quick because Riley was in the habit of cleaning as she went. A glance over at Quatre lying on the couch told her his headache hadn't gone anywhere.
"Quatre, do you want me to call Sally?"
"No. It'll go away eventually."
"You pilots are all the same," Hilde said. Looking at Riley she asked, "Got any peppermint extract?"
"Um, I think so." Riley searched through the cupboards and found a small bottle, which she handed over to Hilde.
Hilde took the small bottle over to Quatre. "Sit up." He did so and she stood behind him, rubbing a little of the peppermint into his temples.
After a couple of minutes, Hilde asked, "Is that better?"
"Much. I'll have to remember that for next time."
"I'm going to take a couple of these over to Rashid. Be back in a minute." Riley left carrying two of the pans.
"Hilde," Quatre started slowly, "can I ask you a question?"
She shrugged and leaned on the back of the couch. "Sure."
"What's eating Duo?"
"Honestly, Quatre, I think he just doesn't know how to handle having a sister. He wants to protect her, but since she can obviously handle herself, he's having a hard time figuring out just what the boundaries are."
"That doesn't explain why he keeps jumping down my throat. He flips between being mad and not almost every time he sees me. It's hard to follow and I don't see any reason for it."
"Well, I'll talk to him about it, but I really think he's just stressed about Riley. He's completely clueless about how to handle having a sister. I'm sure if he wasn't so damned proud he'd have come to you for advice."
Quatre nodded thoughtfully. "That may be part of it, but I can't help but think there's more to it."
"If I can get him to tell me, I'll let you know, okay?"
"Thanks, Hilde."
Riley came back, followed by Rashid. He had come to get the other two pans of lasagna. Feeding the 40 soldiers took a lot of food, but Riley enjoyed cooking. It was something she wouldn't admit to because she figured they'd expect her to cook all the time, but once in a while, it was fun. Rashid eyed Quatre who gave him a barely perceptible shake of his head. Satisfied that nothing was wrong, Rashid took the pans of pasta and left without a word.
"Am I really coming off that bad today?" Quatre muttered to himself. While Rashid usually worried about him, Duo had just gone over to Rashid's, so there shouldn't have been reason to check up on him so soon. Annoyed, Quatre stood up. "I'll be back in a while."
Leaving the apartment, he decided to go for a walk. He wandered almost aimlessly through the building, lost in his thoughts. What was different about this year that had everyone scrutinizing his actions this morning? He knew that the lack of sleep gave him a headache, but a headache was no big deal. It could happen any day. But because it happened today, everyone was freaked.
His feet had brought him to a small apartment on the top floor. He opened it and sat at the baby grand piano housed there. He needed some time alone to think and this little sanctuary was the best place for it. He let his mind wander as his hands created music to soothe his soul.
"My mother used to sing that song." Quatre looked up. He'd just finished playing an older piece that wasn't well known off of L4. He had no idea how long he'd been playing, but he hadn't heard Riley come into the room.
"I didn't realize it had words. Do you remember them?"
She nodded. He played the song again, looking at her expectantly. She sang the song a little reluctantly; she wasn't used to singing in front of anyone.
"I've seen a lot of things that caused a lot of pain
And it always made me wonder what violence had to gain
There's fear and uncertainty when innocents get caught
And it seems the faith to live again is the only thing we've got
A leap of faith is learning how to cry
It's learning to say goodbye.
Simple things though they may be
Faith is part of you and me
'Cause all of life is a leap of faith
When the sky grows darker and threatens you with rain
You tighten up your jacket but the gesture is in vain
The sky falls without mercy, it don't discriminate
Rich or poor, you don't get a choice, you cannot argue fate.
A leap of faith is wipin' 'way a tear
It's facing down a fear.
Simple things though they may be
Faith is part of you and me
'Cause all of life is a leap of faith.
You gotta walk before you run
And talk before you sing
Gotta stand up and be counted
Gotta shout 'Let freedom ring!'
A leap of faith is a brand new morning
It's a new life forming
Simple things though they may be
Faith is part of you and me
'Cause all of life is a leap of faith.
Yes all of life is a leap of faith."
The minor chord the song ended with died away before Riley said, "I always used to think my mom only sang it when she was really sad, but I think I understand now."
Quatre looked at her. "What does it mean to you?"
"That it's okay to let go of the past and move on. You still remember those who are gone, but moving on in an uncertain world just means you have to have faith. You can't know everything that's going to happen, but…that's okay."
Quatre didn't say anything, just thought about her words. The music for the song had always seemed melancholy, which was probably why it spoke to him so often. The words seemed somewhat out of place, but it had been written about seventy years ago during a musical period that was defined by contradictory pairings between melody and words.
"There you guys are," Zach said from the doorway. "Riley, the lasagna's done and if you don't hurry, I think Duo's going to eat it all."
"Come down when you want, I'll make sure to save you some," Riley said, before following Zach out the door.
Quatre came down a few minutes later, walking in to see Duo pouting at the kitchen table while everyone else was crowded around the coffee table looking at something.
Seeing Quatre, Duo walked over to him. "Seriously, Quatre, how do you put up with all your sisters?"
Hearing Hilde remark "Awww how cute!" he realized that Riley was getting her revenge by showing the others their childhood pictures. He shook his head. "Personally, Duo, I avoid them as much as I can."
Duo groaned as laughter broke from the group. "Next time I do something stupid, stop me!"
"I'm not sure that's possible, but I'll try."
A/N: I do own the song in this chapter. It's called 'Leap of Faith' and I initially wrote it after the 9/11 attacks. Maybe someday I'll get a chance to record it...
