Posting both to wish people a Merry Christmas and to show I still want to continue this fic just it'll be slower than it was before. I hope folks have happy holidays – or just days if they don't celebrate xmas or celebrate a different holiday. I wish you well regardless of your holiday(or not) celebrations XD. Anyway, on to the chapter!
The Art of War
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Feel
"And I'd give up forever to touch you, 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't want to go home right now."
-Goo Goo Dolls, 'Iris Lyrics'
Loki decided it was much less fun being slapped by Jane Foster now that her strength had increased with her transformation into a full Asgardian. The gesture had knocked his head cleanly to the side and he had been surprised enough by the motion that he'd been forced to take a step so he wasn't knocked off his feet. He glanced back to Jane, unsure if her sudden outburst was a different vibe than he'd been getting when she'd held him. What was it about women that made no sense whatsoever?
"That's for lying to me." Jane stated, feeling that Loki had earned the strike. "You lie to me again and I'll do worse."
She wasn't sure what worse would be, but she felt as if she had to threaten him after how much she'd been crying lately. Loki rubbed his jaw in the meanwhile, replying to her rage fit with only; "Duly noted."
Jane sipped her drink afterward, waving her hand slightly. Despite her outburst she was smiling again; it was faint and she was still nervous but the fact that she could at all was impressive. She walked off to lean on the side of her balcony. Watch the sky, the snow as it drifted slowly downward. It wasn't too often she stopped to appreciate it but this seemed the time of year – and the pale spinning flakes were thick, coming down in lazy waves of no particular pattern. Already starting to coat the ground in a pale shimmer of silvery-white – it reminded her a little of the garden Loki had taken her to.
Now that she was thinking more on the positive front of Loki she realized there were a lot of minor ways he'd showed compassion for her; even occasionally for others. It was difficult to forgive him, but the alternative of not giving him another chance just hadn't been an option for her. Regardless of the things he'd done wrong he truly seemed to care, and that was difficult to pass up. Of course, she could think the same about Thor but it wasn't quite as easy. Even if it wasn't his intent he had been sleeping with another woman for weeks. Then there was the fact that as much as she had resisted admitting it she really liked Loki, even the dark aspects...
You didn't fix people, if you wanted someone to change then how much could you care about them for who they were? Sure Jane would like it if Loki felt a little more guilt or kindness but then he might lose other aspects of himself that she did enjoy. His clever wit was often a result of his dispassion, and even that she knew was partly false. His mannerisms are what had drawn her in...and he hadn't once actually asked her to alter who she was.
If anything he'd encouraged her often with his compliments seemingly thrown just to surprise her, they seemed nothing to him but maybe that wasn't the case. Jane had to admit that she enjoyed the way he seemed to have put her above everything. The way he'd fought for her...certainly offering him another chance he'd earned as much as she wanted to give it...
She blinked as a coat was set over her shoulders, the scent of Loki all too keen after their absence from one another. A side-long glance at her benefactor found the god of mischief leaning on the edge of her balcony, looking over the glittering street below. "You're people appear to take quite a lot of effort into this time."
"It's a big deal, well, mostly to Christian's but I think a lot of non-religious people celebrate as well." Jane answered. "It's a nice ideal, coming together and being a family, trading gifts and just being close. Then much like Asgard, there's drinking."
"It is an admirable custom, if a little too sentimental." Loki answered, the sort of thing she would expect from him. Jane smiled some, it wasn't as though he was wrong. People sometimes did more horrible things during this time of year as well.
His breath was misting slightly in front of him, the chill outside was bad enough that Jane probably shouldn't linger much longer. She just wanted to have a moment to stare at the sky, she felt like it helped clear her head. Despite knowing she should be nervous she felt comfortable when Loki put his arms around her. His hands much cooler than her own.
"You're cold, we should go in." Jane said, but he held her a bit tighter.
"This is nothing, the cold doesn't mean much to me." Loki's answer was languid. She could feel his nose close to her hair. Just the sort of lazy assured attitude that defined the god. Jane glanced back up toward the sky. A bit sad at how cloudy it was but that was still all right. It was nice just to have the time to consider and Loki left her to her thoughts, just holding her.
The silent support was the sort of small thing that she had trouble spotting before now. She couldn't know if this was a mistake but she felt happier being drawn into his arms.
Loki was just content at the moment that she seemed to be more or less past the incident. Now he would need to be more weary than before...if his half-wit brother could figure out Loki's feelings then the general masses must have seen it as well. Which made Jane a way that others could try and get to him. With that known he had to try and convince her to remain on Asgard. He couldn't reasonably allow her to keep returning to Midgard.
He was certainly more concerned with her than the snow. For as much as it appeared to fascinate Jane he had little love for such wintery aspects – they were too stark a reminder of the unfortunate circumstances of his own birth.
"You will need to remain on Asgard soon. With...how I feel about you fairly public, I cannot trust others not to attempt to harm you to get to me. As you've already seen." Loki stated, he knew she'd hate the topic. Could tell from the way her relaxed stance tensed just from the change of subject. Yet it didn't make his words less reasonable.
"I...know..." Jane stated after a long several seconds of quiet. In truth she'd already known she couldn't just stay on earth – she wanted to finish what she'd started and say goodbye to her friends. Perhaps she could work out a trip once or twice a year. This constant jumping between worlds was going to draw the attention of SHIELD, if it hadn't already. She'd rather not be totted off to some lab and dissected now that her genetic make up was no longer the same.
"But..." Loki goaded, he was curious as to her reasons for hesitation. He knew she didn't have too much here on Midgard – certainly her living conditions weren't it.
"I'm not exactly sure how to explain it to my friends. The rest doesn't bother me too much but it's still frightening, starting a life on another world." Jane remarked. "I don't have any place of my own in Asgard. I wouldn't even know where to start. It's a pretty far cry from taking care of myself."
"You're still quite young for an Asgardian, you will learn a trade of your own in time." Loki replied, "Until you find a place of your own then it is the duty of the crown to take care of you."
Jane nodded slightly, she wondered how long that would last if either of them decided this relationship wasn't going to work out. Still, in the end she couldn't just stay here on earth permanently. She'd chosen a new life – to be a new species – she knew there would be sacrifices that came with it. "Can I still come visit Darcy and Erik sometimes?"
"It would depend on what could be arranged and secure." Loki replied, he already knew outright telling her no didn't go over well so he hoped that he could be vague enough to get away with it. She didn't seem to be paying it much mind, instead nodding quietly. It was clear she was bothered by the future absence of these humans of hers. Loki didn't rub his temples, tempted as he was, how she could have such attachments to them was a bother. Yet, they should be shortly lived enough he could suffer them until they died of their own mortal faults. There was no further evidence they could gather against him here on earth.
"Right, well, we're having lunch tomorrow, I'll have to tell them then. Since Erik's here I'd sorta rather you waited in the bedroom if you don't mind?" Jane asked, turning around to look at Loki instead of the sky for the first time. Immediately aware of how her new position made it seem as if he were pinning her to the railing.
"I'm not going to harm them." Loki replied, not moving despite the sudden blush on Jane's cheeks. He knew it had nothing to do with the chill weather. "It isn't as if I'm still a secret."
"I don't think it would be a good idea." Jane replied, shaking her head. She could just imagine his intent of not hurting anyone going away if the wrong things were said. As it was Erik had been acting even odder than usual every time she saw him since he'd discovered Loki was still alive. Of course, Loki didn't seem to care too much given his slight shrug, he instead leaned in to give her a feather-soft peck on the lips.
"I imagine I can be convinced." He remarked lightly, smirking at the blush he inspired. It was rather adorable the manner in which she acted so chaste when he'd learned just how much she could be anything but.
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"How could you help him when you know he's likely behind your father's death?" Sif protested, she was glad that Thor had finally forgiven her but news that he'd talked Loki out of just ruining his place as ruler bothered the warrior woman.
"You don't know that Sif, I agree my brother is in need of help but he's been doing a good job. A better job than I could do. It's driving me mad - all the inane requirements of being leader, I'm not that sort of person. I'm a warrior, I always have been, the sort of duties required for government Loki has always excelled at. Even you have to admit until his problem with Jane he'd been running it all smoothly." Thor replied, annoyed at her implication that Thor should just throw his brother under the bus. "I know you have no love for him but he is my brother. I have to try and help him if I can. With mother and father gone he's all the family I have left."
Sif took a deep breath, she didn't want to push Thor further away. Yet, she didn't, she couldn't agree with what he was saying. Thor was the rightful king, the born ruler of Asgard – Loki was just the adopted child, someone that Odin mistakenly pitied and took in. Yet Loki had bit again and again the very people that would call him family – talked about how much he hated them. He'd been jealous of Thor since all of them were children and Sif had always seen it.
"Surely you must realize that he is not innocent in..." Sif finally started more reasonably but she was interrupted by Thor.
"Yes, I know he is hardly a kind person Sif. I will never forget the horrible things he's done but he'd been a fair ruler so far. Some of the council complain but it is because he will not give into their every demand. He's made several decisions that are for the good of the people, for Asgard." Thor replied. "I've spent more than enough time asking about him and I think that while he has no compassion in his personal life he knows what it takes to justly rule a country – perhaps it wasn't always that way but he's been doing fine now."
"And if he suddenly returns to being the tyrant he was when he attempted to kill you with the destroyer!" Sif retorted. She was frustrated. How could Thor always forgive Loki when the villain never even asked and yet she had to beg him...
"Then I will stop him!" Thor snapped back, why did Sif insist on so pushing his buttons? Was it not enough that he'd forgiven her for her trespasses? "Do you think that I even if I hate the idea of the crown I would allow Loki to retain it if he began to abuse his power?"
"No..." Sif sighed. Even she could recognize that her actions and thoughts were envious. Since when had she started to grow jealous of the god of mischief? Yet he had Thor's love when it was never deserved and Sif...Sif had to make such a mistake to even convince Thor to look at her again. Even now she doubted Thor had fully forgiven her – or even if he ever could. How was it Loki could have this happiness, have someone to care about, when she and Thor were left in this mess? She didn't know if their weeks on Yodunheim would ever be worth what was happening to them now.
She picked up her mug, then eyed it and set it back down. She couldn't even drink, at least not right now...she'd been having issues lately with nausea...and her monthly visitor was a week overdue. How did she mention to Thor that she might be pregnant as well? Certainly he'd just think it was some other plan on her part...a pity she couldn't drown her sorrows the same way he was as he sat next to her.
End Chapter
