I felt like hell. No scratch that. I felt like hell reincarnated and then sent back to hell again! No one, not even my worst enemy, should feel as crappy as I felt right now!
I made it to the bathroom in time, and trust me – it was a close thing – and was ingloriously chundering into the lavatory when Christian followed me. I wish I'd had the time to close, and lock, the door on the way in. But since I hadn't, I was subjected to his loving inquiries and solicitous offers of help. Sending him on his way with the request for a cup of tea, I dry heaved a few more times before finally righting myself, leaning bleary-eyed over the counter to sluice my mouth with water.
I hadn't felt this ill since Kate and José had convinced me to try sushi at a new, trendy and suspiciously inexpensive restaurant at college. It had turned out to be more tragic than trendy. For the next two days, the three of us had been as sick as dogs. Even now, Kate joked about it as the most effective diet she'd ever been on!
I'd managed to pull myself up and was perched on the side of the bed when Gail came in carrying a tray.
"Mr. Grey said you're feeling unwell. Here some tea and some dried toast. Eat and drink slowly – it should help."
"Please don't let him come in here," I moaned. "I don't want him to see me like this."
"I suggested Mr. Grey go for a run," she said conspiratorially, going to the tallboy and pulling out Christian's running gear. "Why don't you have your tea and toast then have a lie-down?"
"Can you tell Christian I'm going to try and nap? If I feel up to it, I'll go to work when I wake up."
It was almost midday by the time I woke, and I wasn't feeling too bad. I sat up and saw a gorgeous bunch of flowers on the tallboy. They hadn't been there when I'd fallen asleep, so I knew they must be from Christian. I stood, walking to see the card nestled in amongst the blooms when the smell overcame me. It was roses but on steroids!
The scent alone sent me hurtling to the bathroom, hanging my head over the toilet and dry retching. I was still there, wishing to die when I heard a knock at the bedroom door. Incapable of much more than a groan, I indicated for the person to enter.
"Not feeling better?" Gail asked, coming into the bedroom and then standing in the doorway to the bathroom.
"The smell of the roses…" I groaned, pointing vaguely in the direction of the vase in the bedroom. "It's too much!"
"Let me take them away," Gail said, grabbing the blooms and removing them from the room. I'd made it back to the edge of the bed when Gail came back into the room, handing me the card from the bouquet.
'Baby – I hope you're feeling better. I love you, Christian'
I smiled. Even when I was at my worst, heaving over a toilet bowl, Christian loved me!
"Ana? How are you feeling now?" Gail asked cautiously, sitting beside me on the bed.
"Better now the flowers are gone!"
"So, you've got an upset tummy, headache and are sensitive to smells?" she checked. "Anything else?"
"No?"
"Are your breasts tender?" she asked, giving me an embarrassed shrug.
I thought about it. Christian loved playing with my breasts, and they did seem a little more sensitive, but I failed to see what that had to do with my vomiting.
No.
No.
Oh hell no.
Gail saw the change in my demeanor instantly.
"Would you like to get a test?"
"No! This can't be happening. I'm on the pill!" I wailed, my eyes wide in horror.
"Ana. No contraceptive is one-hundred percent…" she said taking my hand and squeezing it. "Do you want to call Mr. Grey?"
"No!" I squeaked. The last thing I wanted to do was to alarm Christian before I knew if there was any need for alarm. "I need to go get a test," I said, standing up and walking to the closet to find something comfy to wear.
"Would you like me to come with you?" Gail asked softly. "If you're with me, security will keep their distance."
"Would you?" I asked, filled with relief. The last thing I needed was one of the security team letting Christian know I was loitering in the pregnancy test section!
"Of course. I need a thing or two at Target, anyway," Gail assured me.
Twenty minutes later, Ryan was driving us to the shops. Gail kept up a steady stream of light chatter, only requiring the occasional monosyllabic response from me. I was honestly so petrified, I was almost shaking in the back seat.
"Miss Steele and I will be fine in the store," Gail said with authority once we'd arrived and parked. "Please follow at a distance." When it came to the security staff, Gail had a lot more authority than I did. But then, she was in a relationship with their boss!
We slowly headed into the correct section, Gail picking up a new hand towel on the way. The pregnancy tests were right beside the lubricants, condoms, and hand washes. Mrs. Jones stocked up on hand wash, while I grabbed half a dozen pregnancy tests and shoved them in the cart, burying them under the towel so they wouldn't be seen. We wandered for another ten minutes, Gail picking up another thing or two before we exited the store. True to instructions, Ryan was close enough to secure the area, but not close enough to witness what was purchased.
Back in the car, Ryan drove us back to Escala. Gail took the packages upstairs, dismissing Ryan and then heading through to the bedroom I shared with Christian. She laid the tests on the bathroom counter.
"Stay with me?" I asked faintly.
"Are you sure?"
"I don't want to be alone."
Gail sat on the side of the bed as I closed the bathroom door, opening two of the half dozen packs. It was simple enough; pee and wait. I followed the instructions, then brought the capped tests out to the bedroom placing them face down on Christian's bedside table.
I didn't think I'd be doing this for years. And I'd always imagined doing it with a hopeful husband beside me, not my very new boyfriend's housekeeper. But for all that, I appreciated Gail's presence. Because as scary as it was, it would be scarier doing this alone. I kept a close eye on the clock on Christian's bedside, my eyes running across the book, a watch, two pairs of cufflinks and a glass of water also situated there.
Gail was right. Christian did need a watch and cufflink tray to dump his cufflinks and watch so Gail could return them to the dedicated pull-out drawer in our closet.
Three minutes eventually ticking over, I turned over the first test, staring at the Perspex panel. There was no misunderstanding the pink plus sign directly beside the control line. Unable to draw breath, I turned over the second test, hoping against hope for a different result. Another brand, this one showed two strong blue lines in the display panel. And suddenly again I wanted to throw up.
As unfathomable as it seemed, I was twenty-two, had known Christian for less than two months, and now I was pregnant with him.
"How are you feeling?" Christian asked. I would have laughed, but none of this situation was funny. I'd spent the afternoon in our bedroom sobbing, after begging Gail to tell Christian I was sleeping if he rang.
"Much better," I lied, ashamed of myself for not admitting the truth, yet urgently needing the reassuring comfort of his touch. I climbed onto Christian's lap, letting the warm strength of his arms comfort me.
Pregnant.
I wasn't ready for this, and despite being years older than me, I doubted Christian was, either. We hadn't even discussed children. It wouldn't surprise me if he never wanted them. And while I knew I did, I wanted a career, travel and time with my partner first.
"Did you stay home all day? I was going to come home for lunch, but Mrs. Jones said you were sleeping?"
What could I say? I wasn't ready to share the truth, yet; although I knew I needed to.
"I slept for a while, but then I wanted some fresh air, so Mrs. Jones and I went to the market in the afternoon."
He'd objected, as I knew he would, so I assured him I'd needed things as well.
After cuddling a little longer, we'd moved out to the kitchen counter, sitting close beside one another as Gail served us mac and cheese. After the bombshell that I was expecting, she'd asked if there was anything I wanted, and I'd immediately piped up mac and cheese. My mother used to make it when I was sick when I was little, but I hadn't had it in years. Not since husband number three. Maybe it was nostalgia, or perhaps it was an early craving, but I wanted the comfort of nursery food.
"Mr. Grey. Miss Steele. Please let me know if there's anything else you'd like."
Gail didn't suggest wine, and I was appreciative. I knew next to nothing about growing a baby, but I knew alcohol was out. I'd make a call first thing Monday morning to Dr. Greene's rooms, but in the meantime, I'd asked Gail to pre-prepare healthy, balanced meals, my uncertain stomach the perfect pretext for nor drinking.
"Will you be alright to go to my parents' tomorrow night?" Christian asked, his fingers rubbing light circles on my arm as I greedily spooned mouthfuls of mac and cheese into my mouth. "We can spend the night at home if you're not feeling up to it."
"I should be fine," I replied optimistically. I was feeling good, now. Hungry. Ravenous, actually. Gail shot me an approving glance as I shoveled down the pasta, topping up my glass with water. Knowing Christian had never marked his birthday, I was determined to celebrate with his family tomorrow. Although Kate was going to be there, and it would be a hard thing to explain not drinking in front of her. I might feign a visit to the doctor tomorrow morning, then claim I was on meds so couldn't drink. That should reassure Christian all was on the up and up, and divert Kate as well. It wasn't that I wouldn't tell them – I didn't really have a choice; eventually, I knew I would show. I just needed to wrap my head around everything first!
"You're tired," Christian observed as my head dropped against his shoulder.
"I'm sorry," I sighed, struggling to keep my eyes open. "I just can't seem to stay awake!"
"Let's go to bed," he suggested, picking me up and carrying me to our bedroom. Once inside, I noticed Gail had put one of the bunches of blooms on our tallboy – this one scentless wildflowers.
"Thank you for the flowers," I said, smiling at Christian. "They're all beautiful!"
"Not as beautiful as you," he said, waiting as I stripped off, watching as I donned one of his TShirts before climbing into bed. "I love you, Miss Steele," he said, his voice soft but raspy. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
I smiled sadly at him. I wondered whether Christian would feel the same way if he knew our child was nestled deep in my womb.
"I'm always going to love you, Anastasia," he crooned, climbing into bed and rolling close against me. "You're everything to me. My girlfriend. My love. My more."
"Promise to always love me?" I asked, my voice nervous but also faint as I was almost asleep.
"Always, Anastasia," Christian promised, burying his face in my hair before kissing me tenderly. "I told you; you're it for me. You're always going to be my girl!"
