Hope you're still out there! Thank you to those who leave a review - so appreciated, and look, I'm not taking forever to update. Haha! I've got a couple more chapters before this one is done, bittersweet. We'll give it a little break and then head to the third installment of Linseride drama, ups and downs, and love, of course. Love writing the pair… thank you to all who enjoy reading their story. :)
Slamming that balled up note against the wall, Kelly was mentally slamming Ritchie's face against the sheet rock. If he ever saw that guy again, he knew it wouldn't be pretty and a halligan would probably be involved. Pushing thoughts of Erin's dad to the darkest regions of his brain, where Vince Keeler resided, would have to do for now. Everything he had, needed to be offered up to the broken woman before him, his woman.
"Erin... Erin," he whispered, showering her head with kisses as he wrapped both arms around her. Pulling up, he drew her on the bed where she rocked over on her side in the fetal position.
Kelly lay on his side, faces almost touching, stroking the back of her hair.
"Erin, look at me," he begged, wanting to say that the scumbag was not worth one damn tear, not one damn thought, but he didn't. He kept those words locked up, her heart wouldn't be open to logic right now. She fell for long lost father's reformation… fell off that cliff of hope, now stuck in a quicksand of disappointment unable to move.
"I am so stupid, so stupid," Erin stuttered out, inhaling short bursts. Not able to catch her breath, not able to stop the crying… not able to do anything but lay there feeling so lost. So betrayed.
"No, don't. Don't go there. You're the smartest woman I know," Kelly implored trying to find the words but knowing there were none. He wanted to get up for a cool washcloth to stroke her forehead with, but he couldn't let himself leave her side. Felt like he was the only thing holdin' her together, he suspected she might break into a million little pieces if he let go.
"How, Kelly?" Erin's voice broke, Kelly's heart with it. Every conversation with her dad flipped through her mind, recalling all the words. How he wanted to "be there" for her and "make up for lost time." Every damn cliche. They were just words. Empty words. And she fell straight off the deep end for them. All those childhood regrets, not having a doting dad, never able to be a daddy's little girl, all of it letting her drop that guard and let him all the way in.
"I don't know, babe. I don't know." He brought her head to his, willing her to stop sobbing. She wasn't only the smartest woman he knew, she was the strongest...to see her like this. It wasn't right. He cradled her head into his chest, stroking her hair, wet now with the sweat of someone losing it. Her face flushed red, nose runny, and eyes half their normal size, swollen with salty tears.
"Why, Kelly?" she asked.
There was no how or why. He's an asshole, Kelly thought, but knew that would fall tragically short as an explanation.
"You knew. You knew." Erin trailed off, succumbing to exhaustion. Kelly warned her, don't trust Ritchie. But something in her had to believe, needed the proud papa, needed to be told she wasn't a mistake. Now, the only thing left, a balled up note on the floor.
"Sssshhhh, ssshhh," he whispered, feeling her rhythmic breathing, thankful the sobs were gone.
He wished he was wrong...wished Ritchie stuck by his refusal to take any money, wished the older man would have stayed to walk Erin down the aisle. Now, Erin's wishes were wiped clean, all those hesitant, newly built hopes dashed away with a note and a disappearing act.
Kelly watched Erin squirm in a fitful sleep. He stayed as still as possible, any movement might wake her. Anytime she stirred, he gently stroked her cheek. He knew it wasn't enough, not nearly enough. It was all he had.
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"No way. You ain't goin' anywhere," Kelly insisted when Erin shuffled around the apartment, going through the motions of getting ready for work.
She swore off the concern, saying she was good, all good.
"That's my line. And you are not all good."
"Kelly, I can't just sit here all day and, and... Think about my dad leaving. Again." Tears instantly appeared, threatening to spill over, but kept at bay for the moment.
"I'm off and we're not just sittin' here. We're gettin' married day after tomorrow. We've got stuff to take care of," Kelly replied trying to look excited about flowers, and photographers, and a damn monkey suit.
"Shit," Erin's choice word to describe their nuptials not sitting well with her fireman. "Sorry. I didn't mean that the way it came out," she tried to explain.
"We are not lettin' Ritchie ruin our day," Kelly started, stopping Erin in her tracks, holding her hands in his.
"You're right. I can't go in today. We need to cancel everything. I can't do this. Not now." She pulled her hands from his. "I need to call Voight."
"Done. He said take as much time as you need," Kelly mumbled in an automatic response, still thinking about what she said, canceling the whole thing.
"You told him? Great, now I can have every damn one of 'em feeling sorry for me. That wasn't for you to tell, Kelly."
"We are not fightin' because Ritchie left. Not happenin.' Voight cares about you, so does your whole team. And about cancelin' everything, I say we go through with it."
"You were never on board with pushing the wedding up at warp speed, so let's have the long engagement..." Erin's voice faded out, thinking about how she couldn't face the big day, half of it planned out with the help of her father.
"Whatever you want, Erin," Kelly had the sinking feeling that his girl was thinking never would be a good date to set. "Let me call Shay to let everyone know, cancel it all."
"I'll help," Erin offered, brusquely wiping the tears falling from her eyes, getting more pissed that they could still come. Didn't the human body ever run out of them?
"Why don't you go put on some sweats, I'll make you some tea, and we'll watch movies, or somethin."
"I don't know why every time something bad happens you wanna make me tea. You do know I don't even like tea? I like coffee. Got it?"
"I'll make coffee then. You're not doin' this Erin. We're not fighting over this. You got it?" Kelly grabbed Erin roughly not letting go when she tried to pull away. Holding her in a sort of vice hug, he needed her to know he was never leavin', ever.
"I'm sorry. I'm lashing out. And you're the lucky one who's here."
"Not goin' anywhere. I make a good punchin' bag, so lash away." Kelly let a small smile form across his lips. One little smile, c'mon, Erin, he thought.
She grinned, sighing deeply, reaching for the hands she'd thrown down. "You're too good for me. You are." She watched as Kelly nodded no and started to speak. Erin placed a finger on his lips. "Don't read anything into all this. I want to get married, so don't have any doubt about that. I just don't want to have this wedding...it has Ritchie's prints all over it."
"Whatever you want. Now, next week, next year. I'm game." Kelly couldn't help but let a little worry rear its head. His track record didn't instill confidence.
"I'm gonna slip into those sweats. You call Shay." Erin started for the stairs. "Oh, and make the tea. I like that you make it for me."
Kelly laughed thinking he picked the one woman with more issues than himself. "You're killin' me, Erin," he called up after her, met with a grunt from the detective.
"Just make it. Please," she yelled back down.
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"No! That piece of shit! People like that should never have kids. Never. I mean I'm glad he had a kid cause if not there'd be no Erin, but you know what I mean. What a scumbag, doucheball, a-hole."
Kelly chuckled at his best friend's choice of words. "She's broken, Shay. More broken than I've ever seen her."
"I know what will cheer her up. A wedding! Your wedding!"
Kelly had to break the news, fearing he'd have two broken women on his hands. The disappointment in Shay's voice palpable. She was puttin' on a brave face.
"I'll cancel it all. You focus on her. Today's been as slow as my sex life," Shay snorted, thankful for the lack of calls.
"Speaking of sex life, you better give Erin the Sever-Ride of her life tonight, if ya know what I mean. She's gonna say 'no, no, I'm not in the mood,' but let me tell you, Kel. There's nothin' like the big O to get a girl back on track."
"I'll see what I can do," he said dubiously, not believing that Erin would be in the mood for any kind of ride tonight. "Thanks for doin' all this Shay. Don't know what I'd do..."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm awesome and all that. Love you."
"Love you too."
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"Okay, the wedding's off. Erin's dad walked out. Kelly will not wanna talk about it when he gets back, so icksnay on the eddingway, got it?" Shay looked around the common room ready to field questions. She was met with a sea of raised eyebrows, a couple of coughs, but that was it.
"As you were," she said waving her hands around to dismiss the group. Everyone stayed put, not really having gotten up in the first place.
"Yessss," Mouch commented looking at Hermann. "I am so glad I didn't give you one penny. Not one damn penny. I am not one to say I told you so, but..."
Christopher wiped his brow... "This, this here don't mean nothin'."
"Hey," Casey reprimanded. "Kelly and Erin need our support right now. I know that we're all gonna be there for them and we're all pulling for them. Betting against 'em wouldn't be family." Matt looked from Hermann to Mouch, then back again. He had the disappointed dad look on his face that did cut to the core of the two older men who loved him like a son.
"Were bein' assholes, lieutenant. We're done." Hermann glanced at Mouch who still had the dismayed look of someone who just lost a wad.
"Although I would like to get your feel on the definition of squelching, lieutenant," started Mouch, watching as Casey headed back to his quarters, pulling out his phone.
Shay told us. Need anything? He texted Kelly thinking about how torn up Erin must be. Glad she had him. They were a pair, he thought still a little amazed that Kelly'd found someone to spend the rest of his life with. Someone he wanted to spend that life with that also wanted to be in it for the long haul.
How damn hard it was to find that one person. He'd found it twice. Hallie, now Gabby. Maybe. He thought about how contentious it'd been with his girl lately. More than lately. Months really. Just last night another fight.
"I think you'd be happy if I was barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, cooking for you, for you and our ten kids!" yelled Gabby throwing down a dish towel.
"Now, I can't ask you about a timetable for kids? Just wanted to get a feel for what you were thinkin' Gabby." Casey wondered what else was off the table.
Work, definitely out. Every time he mentioned the job, her job, it was like World War Fire breaking out. Anything he said taken as an indictment of her wanting to be a firefighter.
The wedding was also off limits. When Kelly and Erin pushed up their date, Matt tried to get one to pencil in from his girl. She said she wanted to get through her candidate status then they could talk date.
"Can we not get married first? Then we'll talk about kids," Gabby said trying to soften her tone.
"I wish we could get married first, but you won't even set a date. Six months from now, a year from now, hell three years from now. It's just a date Gab." Matt tried, hoping to get her to open up.
"You do not understand the pressure I'm under. And when I don't have the support from home I need, it's too much!" She stomped off to the bathroom mumbling something about a shower.
"Yes, because I've never been a candidate," commented Casey to the slamming of the door.
Matt felt like the next announcement would be a broken engagement, his broken engagement.
Erin's a mess. Don't know what to do. Kelly's text said it all...concern and how could he fix it. How far we've gotten away from that simple plan, thought Matt.
Need anything? Casey offered again.
Contract out on Ritchie Lindsay.
Anything else?
No. Call you later.
She'll be ok. You'll make sure. Matt tried to reassure, but also believing the words he texted.
Trying.
That's all any of them could do. Try.
Gabby came by to help Shay inventory the ambo even though it was her day off and she didn't even work at 51 anymore… it was a case of desperately needing to see her best friend. At her new house, the rare thing that 51 had been was magnified. It was a family. The same couldn't be said for her new firehouse. It was just a place to do her candidacy with no one interested in bonding or fun after shift or even saying hello.
Shay was filling Gabby in on the left out details of the big Ritchie escape with the loot.
"What a son of a bitch," gasped Dawson shaking her head, both girls in the back of the ambo. "Is she wrecked?"
"Yes. Kelly said he's never seen her like this. He's got a short memory, every time he's got a hangnail or paper cut and how she fusses over him," Shay remembered her face when he was really hurt. How Erin looked like she hurt and it had done a ton to win the blonde one over.
"It's cute, but I'm pretty sure she'd throat punch me for using that word to describe her. She loves him, for sure. They'll be okay," assured Gabby thinking about her own relationship.
"Yeah, they'll be alright. But what about you? You've got that dark look, girl." Shay knew she wasn't looking at Alice in Wonderland and things had gone from bad to worse in the past couple of days. Dawson barely giving her guy a head nod when she'd entered 51, not lost on Shay.
"I don't know."
"What don't you know?" Shay prodded.
"I don't know if we're gonna be okay," Gabby's eyes filled instantly with Shay bringing her in tightly.
"It's okay," she reassured.
A knock on the ambo door startled them, Dawson pulling away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"I heard the Top Chef was gracing us with her presence," teased Peter Mills opening the door, wide smile in its usual place. "I'm sorry, wanted to see how it was going," he back stepped out of the ambo seeing he was obviously interrupting something.
"Peter Mills, get back in here," called Gabby, willing herself to match that Mills grin.
"I want you to come out here because I think I've created something, a masterpiece that will finally make these losers forget that you even know how to wield a spatula."
"Oh, you did not!" Gabby dropped out of the ambo and past Pete, bee-lining it to the kitchen and that aroma of garlic and... what was that emanating from a pot on the stove?
"Fennel?" she asked throwing off the lid, grabbing a spoon, and scooping out some of the red mixture.
"Oh, you're gooood," responded Mills, hands on his hips waiting for the verdict.
"Oh my God! This is heaven. What the hell is it?" Gabby went in for a bigger bite.
"It's my take on Pasta Arrabiata... added a little fennel, some pork..."
"Pork? Hmmm, interesting. I like that it's still angry, you kept the spice. God, this is good," she said reaching for a bowl. "And what are you going to call this one?" she asked referring to their custom of naming their best dishes.
Pete's smile grew bigger... "This shit's so good we've forgotten all of Dawson's crap dishes."
"That's what you're goin' with? Really?" she asked swatting him on the arm with her still full spoon.
The guys filed in figuring if sauce was being slung, they better get some while the gettin' was good. They liked having Dawson back, more than one fireman thought loading up his plate. One guy was missing. Casey stood back watching the fun in the kitchen, his girl with a beaming smile he hadn't seen in weeks.
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Kelly ended up making four cups of tea, an omelet, that was untouched, a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup that Erin eventually ate after she laughed at the meal Kelly called "a miracle cure for life" quoting his mom.
"Good to see you smile, babe."
"Feels good," admitted Erin. "I know I just need to get over it. I needed this day though. Thanks, hero," she kissed him on the forehead.
"Glad to spend it with you." Kelly kissed her full on the mouth.
"I'm gonna get a shower in now. Do you mind?"
"Go for it," he said noticing the balled up note still on the floor where he'd thrown it. Need to get that thing out of here.
Once the shower was going he eyeballed the crumpled paper not wanting to touch it, realizing how ridiculous that was. Kelly finally grabbed it spreading it open. He'd read it once, really a quick scan. Now, taking in each word, he could feel his face get hot, his hands wanting to hit something.
Dear Erin,
This is all on me and has nothing to do with you.
Kelly read those first lines again and again... couldn't believe those words. No shit. Nothing to do with you, what an asshole. It had everything to do with her.
I love you and always have. Something's wrong with me and I can't figure out how to show you how much I love you.
Not leaving would be a good start, thought Kelly bitterly.
I've gotten myself in a bit of trouble. That money is saving my life, baby girl.
Kelly thought he was gonna throw up. Right there, lose it. He wanted to smash the baby girl out of Ritchie.
I have to take care of a few things, but I'll be back. I'm sorry I'm missing your big day. I wanted to walk you down the aisle more than anything else in this world.
Except for leaving with Erin's ten grand, Kelly said aloud, balling his fists up.
I'm so proud of you.
Dad
That last part, the proud of you, that was what Kelly thought could lead him to violence. If that piece 'o shit ever shows his sorry face, he thought, stopping himself short of slamming his fist into the wall. He made a date with the bag, as soon as Erin took off to work tomorrow, yeah, he was gonna beat that bag like it was Ritchie's face.
He folded the note and slipped it into his underwear drawer. Something made him hang onto it.
Kelly heard the shower turn off cursing at his missed opportunity to scrub that back and everything else. He rushed to the bathroom taking the towel out of Erin's hand.
"Let me do that for you," he said, half grin on his face, admiring the shape of his girl.
"Not too much trouble?" asked Erin, smiling at the lieutenant, those blue eyes she would never tire of. She felt so lucky at that moment. Deadbeat dad, mom probably dead, but this man in front of her somehow made everything okay.
Kelly massaged the length of her hair with the towel, sliding it softly down her back. He knelt down running the towel along her smooth legs, turning her around to get the front. He worked up, slowly, teasing now. Throwing the towel in a heap by the tub, he kissed her stomach and trailed his lips upward, so agonizingly slow… the light drag of them causing a moan to escape her lips.
Erin could take no more, the standing in place like a life-sized doll...Kelly's lips all over her now. She slipped her hand in his leading him to the bed, pushing him down hard. She jumped on top, smiling... "And why do you still have your clothes on?"
"Uh, stupid," he said tugging at his t-shirt, needing help. Erin yanked it off roughly.
"And those?" she questioned looking at his jeans with disdain.
"Can you help me with those too?" Kelly had the mischievous grin of a four year old who was asking grandma for a cookie at ten a.m. And he was gettin' it.
Erin slid off of her fireman, slowly sliding those pants off as she slunk to the floor. She plopped back on him, elbows propping her head up. "Thanks for today. I needed..."
Kelly grabbed the back of her head, pulling her mouth into his so hard, almost too hard. Enough talking for one day.
Severide had the fleeting thought that he'd have to thank his best friend tomorrow. When Shay was right, she was damn right.
Okay, friends, hope the Ritchie reveal was satisfying (although I know so sad for Erin). Couldn't give her a happy ending with daddy dearest. :) But with her fireman… who knows? What did you think?
