Blind Faith
Chapter 29
Jasper
I stared at myself in the mirror. Scraggly blonde locks too long for what an attorney should be wearing but I'd be damned if I was cutting it any time soon. Lately I was wearing it back in a ponytail tied back with a leather band to cover the huge fucking lump on the back of my head and the stitches.
I thought of braiding it but that was just too much work. My appearance had degraded, scrawny and washed out. I guess I could blame the attack, but fuck it a lot had to do with the aftereffects. If it weren't for Edward…could he be any more perfect and caring?
How many ways did he have to show his love as I dithered around holding him at a distance afraid to commit like the coward I was. The guilt I felt at how I treated this loving man threatened to overwhelm me. At the same time he was my refuge, my safety, my strength. Only he knew me. How could I give back to him what he deserved? When will he seek me out for comfort?
After the attack he was completely there for me. I trusted that he would be the one, the only one crazy enough to defy logic and discover where I was. I owed him my life. Despite all he had done I was somehow beginning to resent his attentiveness.
How screwed up is that?
It made me feel weak. I think he intuitively sensed that. He pulled back from his nursemaid tendencies of late.
Regardless, that man, my Sethie is also a sexual animal. He is innocence and raw passion wrapped up in a perfect package and he's mine. Everything about him screams to me at the most basic level. This morning was so insane! I had him any way I wanted he was so giving. He gave over power in our relationship to me and I took command. I love Edward very much. I just need to get my head together.
Who the fuck was I anymore? I need to sort myself out. For some reason, I don't want to burden Edward with my shit. If he knew what I was keeping from him he would freak, I know him. I'm just so sick of depending on Edward and lately, I feel like if he moves out of my sight I can't function. Even I know that's an unhealthy state of affairs.
My physical bruises were starting to fade for that I was grateful. I would tell Edward tonight that I would be seeking counseling. That would make him happy.
I met my image in the mirror and buttoned my grey vest and put on the matching jacket over a charcoal black shirt. I went with the bolo tie which was a must today as well as my new black boots. I smiled at how happy Edward was when I bought them. Like I said, no one knows me like Edward. I decided to forego the cowboy hat because after all I was originally from New York by way of Texas. Enough affectation for now!
"Jas, we've gotta go." There he was, my guardian angel. I smiled at myself and for the first time understood why he was so good for me. My cheeks pinked and I finally looked healthy.
Edward walked into my bedroom dressed to kill. If I didn't know we had less than fifteen minutes to haul ass I would have stripped him bare and had my way with him.
He was unassailable in a black pinstriped suit, the pinstripes narrow and barely discernible. His shirt, stark white clung to his lean body. A blood red tie offset the otherwise somber colors. Edward stood next to me and fussed with his tie. I turned to him and our eyes met. He smiled as I straightened his tie. I leaned in and kissed his sweet face.
"Did you take your meds, Jas?" Edward murmured while stroking a loose piece of hair behind my ear.
"Yeah, I did. I have the bottle in my bag." He worried endlessly about me. I hoped and prayed I would make it through the hearing without losing my nuts.
"Good." Reassured he kissed the tip of my nose.
"Ready, baby?" I asked.
"Yeah, let's go kick some ass." We entwined our hands releasing only when Edward locked the front door and set the alarm. Taking my hand once again he guided us to his victory car, an Aston Martin Vanquish. Like I said, my man has style.
Edward was a man possessed. He was in his take no prisoner's mode. I found that incredibly sexy. He was powerful determined and focused. His eyes reminded me of a hawk that has spied its prey. That is why he never loses. '.
I hazarded a glance over to his steely countenance. When he felt the heat of my stare his features softened and he looked at me adoringly.
"I won't let you down Jasper." He hummed in that way he speaks.
We stopped for coffee at the cafe in the lobby of the building. Who was there but none other than sweet Bella. We both snuck up on her and she started when we both leaned in on either side of her. She nearly dropped her latte.
"Ugh, you scared me!" She blushed a thousand shades of red still crushing on Edward who gave her a tight one-armed embrace. I wondered whether she would ever get over him…
"Hey girl, I've missed ya!" I said into her ear.
"Oh, Jasper, I'm so happy to see you!" Bella said enthusiastically. Forgetting herself she gave me a big hug, which made me wince a bit. She noticed and a look of horror crossed her face.
"Stop it, B. Swan!" I gave her a little frown. "I'm fine." Truth was, this was the best I'd felt outside of Edward's place since the attack. I guess the meds finally kicked in.
I chatted with Bella while Edward ordered our coffees. The three of us headed back up to the office together.
It seemed like an eternity since I had been in the office. It was a strange feeling to be back.
I felt full of nervous energy slightly unfocused given everything that happened. I approached my office as I had on my first day, strange and unusual territory. Bella pushed me through the door and got me settled in.
I walked around my office closing the door behind me. It was so disorienting to be back here even though less than a week had passed. It seemed like ages and I no longer felt connected to the place. Was this the result of the attack? I shook off the feeling and sat at my desk sipping my coffee.
I checked my Outlook and saw we had a team meeting scheduled in an hour. Until then, I fiddled my fingers and thought my future. Is this what I truly wanted, working at the Cullen firm? Back in Texas before I came out I had similar thoughts but was convinced I had to make my mark. My time with Peter was devastating. Peter pushed and pushed me to be the biggest, the best and I complied.
My fear increased as I wound myself up anticipating what was to come. Would I be okay at the hearing or would I be overtaken by another panic attack. I needed Edward.
This had to stop, this clinging to him like a scared baby. My hands shook as I resisted the impulse to run to Edward for comfort. I gripped the sides of my chair to try and control the tremors. I had to be able to keep my shit together to make it through the hearing. My credible testimony was critical to ensuring that the assholes were locked up.
I am a successful attorney for God's sake. I've been in tough courtroom situations and I know how even with slam-dunk case the tables can be turned against you by able counsel with one slip up. Fuck! I can feel the sweat dripping down my back.
The phone rang startling me. I snatched it up with a shaky hand.
"Whitlock here" I said. No one spoke. The phone's dial tone sounded. On any other day I wouldn't have given a hang-up call another though but now, I wondered if it was those goons trying to get to me.
My rational side clearly wasn't getting through the paranoia I was slowly giving into. It was as if I was outside of my body watching myself disintegrate.
The medication, when had I last taken it? I grabbed my bag and dug through for the pills. I'll take two. I swallowed them and took a gulp of coffee. I was tapping my foot furiously trying to contain my anxiety.
Should I go find Edward? Why hasn't he checked on me? I felt foolish. It can't have been more than fifteen minutes since we parted.
The phone rang again. I ignored the ringing or tried to. It soon stopped.
With great effort I tried to quiet my mind. My rational side had to take control back from my more primitive survival instincts. My extreme reactions were out of all proportion to reality.
I gripped the sides of the chair and stilled my movements. I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing emptying my mind of the racing thoughts as best I could.
What am I afraid of?
What am I afraid of?
What am I afraid of?
It struck me like a bolt of lightning. I had lost control the night of the attack. My sense of security and independence had been ripped to shreds. I needed to regain that feeling of control at least for a few hours today.
Slowly, slowly I regained a sense of calm. My muscles relaxed as the meds kicked in loosening my grip on the chair. I leaned back breathing easier just as the phone rang again. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the incessant noise.
There was a knock at my door.
"Come in." I knew it was Edward.
"Baby why aren't you answering your phone?" Edward was eyeing me carefully as if I were a skittish fawn ready to leap at a moments notice. He stalked over and kneeled in front of me taking both of my hands.
"I was getting heavy breathers and hang up calls. I figured it was the assholes trying to get to me so I stopped answering. Sorry if I scared you." I leaned forward in my chair and kissed his sweet mouth. He pulled me close until my face was buried in his neck.
"Edward, I'm going to be okay. Have faith in me, please?" I whispered against his warm skin. God, how I loved him!
"I do, believe me I do." He held my face in his hands as we stared deeply into each other's eyes.
"Let's get to the meeting so we can prep." Edward stood and gently pulled me to my feet. We linked hands and separated only as we reached the conference room.
Ed Senior and Clete were huddled with Carlisle deep in conversation at one end of the conference room formerly our war room although technically it still was. The place looked like it had been bombed. The walls were still covered with time lines and taped up newspaper articles. The large table that dominated the room was littered with cups half-full of days old coffee and fast food wrappings. Someone needed to tidy up…
Edward bristled upon spying Carlisle. Things were still unsettled between them and Esme as well. Edward would be the consummate professional of that I was certain but he really didn't want to engage Carlisle if he could avoid it.
Riley was bent over his laptop muttering something to Bella as she looked over his shoulder. How cozy. Hmm, I wonder about those two…
Edward took command. My hero, sigh…
I sat at the table as he stalked towards Ed Senior, Clete and Carlisle. Ed Senior wrapped his arm tightly around Edward who nodded politely at Carlisle. He turned towards the room urging the men to sit.
"Please everyone take your seats, I'll be brief as we need to head to court in just a few moments." Edward braced his hands on the back of the chair he stood behind and surveyed the room. In addition to the senior partners, Bella and Riley, Maria and Felix had joined them along with Jacob. Caius the assistant DA entered the conference room carrying an overstuffed folder. He would be leading the charge today ably backed by Edward seconded to the DA's office by the firm. It was an unusual arrangement but no one knew more about the case and the resulting attack on me than Edward. Caius joined Edward at the head of the table. Caius cleared his throat and began speaking to the assembled team:
"As tempting as it is to try the Jason Electronics case what we are seeking today is to have the perpetrators of the assault on Jasper Whitlock", he nodded towards me "bound over for trial for felony assault and intimidation. To that end, we will present our evidence in the following manner:
Edward Cullen will lead Jasper through the facts of the assault as he recalls them. Now we know that Jasper was unable to identify his attackers but we will leave that to testimony by Felix the Cullen Firm's investigator and Riley Biers IT technical manager who discovered the identity of one of the attackers, Michael Newton. From Mr. Newton's own statements after he was taken into custody we link back to the other attackers and ultimately to the Volturi Firm and Jason Electronics.
We will be asking the court to bind over the defendants for trial and requesting that we also be permitted to criminally prosecute both the Volturi Firm and Jason Electronics."
Caius Volturi was a brave, brave man to go up against the family business. He was a slight thin man balding prematurely for someone in his mid-thirties. He was quite the contrast with Felix but they suited each other perfectly. Caius continued laying out his game plan.
"The line up for testimony is as follows:
Jasper Whitlock
Felix" His eyes flicked over to his partner.
"Riley Biers. With that we should have more than enough to convince the judge that there is sufficient evidence to bind them over for trial."
"Everybody ready to go?" Edward called out and received nods and call outs in return as everyone rose arranging their papers.
I saw Edward swivel around looking for me just as I reached his side. His mouth twitched but otherwise he was all business. Why was his aggressive confidence such a turn on? We walked down to the garage together and climbed back into his car. We were silent for a moment as the car purred to life. Edward's hand reached out and took mine. He stared straight ahead, completely focused.
"It'll all be okay baby, these fuckers are going down." He spoke softly squeezing my hand tightly then pulled away and engaged the clutch. We were headed for the courthouse a scant three minutes away. I took a deep breath but was feeling calmer. Edward's confidence was rubbing off on me.
Following instructions I trooped in behind lead counsel and sat just behind the DA's table. Edward sat next to Caius pulling files out of his heavy leather satchel. He turned to me leaned forward and whispered, "You are first up but then you need to leave. You can't stay for the other witnesses' testimony. Felix will take you to a separate room down the hall. Wait for me there please."
I shrugged and nodded in agreement pretending that being separated from Edward was just fine and dandy. I didn't want him worrying about my mental state.
Counsel for the defendants entered the courtroom and occupied the table to our right. Mike Newton sneered at me. His parents just behind him glared death stares in our direction. You would think we were the perpetrators by the look on their faces.
The bailiff called to court to order as the judge entered the chamber.
I kept myself in check by staring at Edward's back. He was just in front of me.
"The court calls Japer Whitlock to the stand." The bailiff called out. I stood and approached the witness stand just as Esme and Carlisle entered the courtroom. They took my seat and the one just next to it. Somehow that irritated me.
I was sworn in and repeated the well-known facts implicating Newton and the others. I was thankful there was no prosecution cross-examination in a preliminary hearing but just as I left the stand defense counsel approached the bench.
I was close enough to hear counsel for the defense utter their ludicrous argument: "If you please, your honor, this is a simple case of gay bashing by Mr. Newton. Jason Electronics and Mr. Matthews would have nothing to do with that. We request they be severed from this case." Shocked and uncertain whether the court would buy this argument I left and let Felix lead me out to our waiting room.
I missed the fireworks. Edward filled me in later when he came to gather me from the waiting room.
"Those fuckers wanted to make your beating look like, as they put it, a "simple" gay bashing. I'm certain you heard that. The judge didn't buy it and after they kept arguing held counsel in contempt! The best part is he bound them all over for trial!"
Oh, yay.
"Does that mean I have to testify again?" I asked quietly, quivering in my seat.
"You know the answer as well as I do Jasper, of course." Edward enveloped me in his arms as I began to lose it. I had been so strong today but the thought of those freaks getting to attack me again was just too much.
"Shh baby, let's get the hell outa here." Edward nuzzled my neck leaving soft kisses in his wake.
"The guys are getting together at Kelly's to celebrate. Are you up for that?"
"Sure as long as you're near!" I smiled at his surprised face but then remembered that I wanted to ask him about his mother.
"Are you sure Jazz?" Edward pulled me close pressing against my hip suggestively.
"Edward, stop." I said pushing lightly against his chest. "Your mother and Carlisle took my seat when I left. Did you talk to them?" He bristled clearly not wanting to discuss them but I pushed. He sighed loudly letting me out of his embrace taking a seat on the small couch. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder as I sat next to him offering what comfort I could. He grasped my other hand in his two gathering his thoughts.
"She looked so forlorn, Jasper. I wished she hadn't come though, it reminded me of her rejection, the fact she took Tanya's side over mine. I couldn't hide the bitterness and then when she tried to hug me… I turned my back on her and left without a word. I couldn't let her touch me right then."
"Oh Edward." He was holding so much emotion in check. "Esme probably should have thought it through better; to just show up like that, I agree wasn't helpful."
"I know I was wrong in hurting her in such a manner but I'm not quite ready to forgive and forget."
"Maybe in a few weeks we can invite your parents over for dinner and hash it all out. You love your mom and I think it would be best to get this mess behind us. You both are suffering something awful."
I stroked through Edward's soft hair, cut short for the trial. It made him look so young and vulnerable right at this moment. Just a short hour ago he was a fierce warrior but right now Edward just wanted his mother whether he could admit it to himself was another thing.
He leaned into me and turned his face to mine, searching for healing. We kissed softly at first, over and over until I felt the heat between us build as our mouths hungrily sought each other, tongues twisting together as we gave into our lust. Edward growled and pulled me tight against his chest moving his hips until I felt his hardness thrusting against me. His ardor was evident and I was going to give him what he so desperately needed.
Ever cautious I reached out and locked the door to the small room and flicked off the light. I was fairly sure we'd been forgotten as the court emptied out but I didn't want us to be caught out and embarrassed.
"Mmm, Jasper, we're in the dark together." Edward murmured as he kissed and sucked lightly on my neck his long fingers deftly working on my belt tugging it open occasionally rubbing my hard cock through my pants. Every inch of my body wanted his touch as I ached to feel his warm silky skin against mine.
"My dirty Sethie." I chuckled softly as Edward worked the buttons of my shirt open. We moved against each other while I worked his pants off and pulled his tie loose. I wanted to rip his shirt open to get to him but just pushed it up over his head trapping his arms behind him in the expensive linen.
"I want to touch you." Edward whined struggling against his shirt. He sucked at my hard nipples nipping them until I nearly came.
"Take your pants off Jazz, I want to suck your big dick." Ooh baby, no problemo. I was bare from the waist down in no time at all. Edward buried his face in my crotch nuzzling around my balls as I held onto his naked shoulders to keep him from falling over; his arms were still tangled in his shirt. He licked up my cock finally taking me into his warm wet mouth.
"Fuck, that feels so good, Sethie." I tried to keep from thrusting to deep into his throat but the feeling of his warm wet tongue swirling around my head was overwhelming. Edward stopped and leaned back slightly on the couch spreading his thighs open. I palmed his crotch as he eyed my hard twitching cock glistening with his saliva. His dick was peeking out over the edge of his black briefs straining against the fabric.
"Please Jazz, my pants…off…" He groaned urgently nearly incoherent tossing and writhing against the cushions. I yanked them off folding them neatly then returned to the awesome sight of my baby laid bare and open before me, bound and vulnerable. I kissed his naked shoulder trailing my hands up his strong thighs.
"Baby straddle me. I want your body." I sat down over his waiting frame and we both gasped and moaned with the skin to skin contact of our hard cocks. We rubbed against each other enjoying the soft rutting as we kissed and sucked and grew increasingly aroused. I pulled Edward up and finally worked to free his hands from the shirt placing it with his slacks. Freed from his bindings Edward became ever more aggressive until I had to remind him not to squeeze me too tightly as my healing bruises were still tender.
"Jasper, I need to fuck you." Edward moaned. "I hope you have something with you because I don't."
"Oh, I do. Hold on to that thought." I grabbed my pants and extracted the condom and packet of lube from my wallet handing them to Edward.
"Up" he commanded pulling my body to his kissing me deeply. He stroked down my back squeezing my ass.
"Turn and put your hands on the back of the couch." I did as he asked. Edward pushed down on my back so I bent over more while he caressed my ass and tugged on my balls sending me into a frenzy of lust. He crouched behind me and took my balls into his mouth sucking on each then trailed his tongue up to my entrance swirling against the sensitive skin.
"Uh, fuck me Sethie, I need you inside me." I could barely hold back but I didn't want to come until he fucked me. He spread my ass and slowly circled with one finger before pushing in and stretching me readying me for his big hard cock. He tore the packet of lube open and I felt cool fingers pushing into me as I pushed back against his hand urging him, pleading with him to get on with it. He thrust his slick fingers in curling his fingers and hitting my prostate. I saw stars. My legs gave out and Edward wrapped one strong arm around my waist holding me in place keeping me from collapsing.
Edward slid the condom on and I heard the moist sounds of lube as he coated himself. He pulled on my hips as his breathing grew harsher.
"Baby, you look so good like this." Edward groaned and placed his lean body against mine teasing my entrance with his cock. Finally I felt the burn as he breached my entrance both of us moaned at the intense feeling, the intimacy of such close contact. Edward slowly pushed in until his hips met my ass panting his desire, warms breaths against my back. With one hand he began slowly stroking my hard cock still deep inside me filling every inch of me.
Edward slowly pulled out then thrust back in with more force beginning to move his hips in a circular motion then thrusting harder and harder moaning incoherently. I felt a sharp sting. Wow that was amazing. Edward slapped my ass again thrusting deeply leaning his body back angling to hit my prostate over and over and over until I was crying out with the intensity of pleasure building in my belly seeking release. He slapped me hard and I exploded all over the couch. Edward grew impossibly bigger pushing and thrusting until he came with a cry.
We collapsed in a heap both of us quivering and sated from our fucking. God we need that. Edward kissed up my neck holding me close. He sucked on my ear lobe. His hot breath caressed me as he whispered in my ear.
"I love you so fucking much." He squeezed me tightly. I gasped a bit and Edward pulled back remembering my tender side. We lay quietly on the couch our legs entangled stroking each other whispering endearments while we came down from our high.
After a bit we cleaned up as best we could and redressed. With one last look around the little room we departed and headed out to Kelly's.
I hope you all will forgive the long wait, this was a particularly hard chapter to write.
