Happy New Year everyone! I hope all of you had a wonderful New Years Eve and got to spend Christmas with your family!
Patsy: Richard Webber is stubborn and residents don't have too much power. It'll be a while until something changes on the Chief front. You'll see about Mt. Sinai in this chapter.
Kiley: Thanks for the review, I hope you keep enjoying the story!
Melanie: It'll be a while until Meredith realizes who Maggie is (and she's not going to figure it out herself). Glad you still enjoy the story.
Susan: I hope you enjoy reading!
Shelley: Thanks! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas holiday!
Sara: New York is certainly going to be exciting for MerDer and Derek is going to be someone who confronts Richard again, but he won't be the only one.
Cheryl: It'll be a while until Derek meets Meredith again, but they'll be back together eventually.
Anita: Derek's NY plans are going to conflict with Meredith's. He won't be there, but … ah.. just read the chapter ;) hope you are still enjoying this story.
Carla: Meredith will see some Shepherds in the hospital
Darlene: Thank you for the review! I don't know why it doesn't show uo, but I hope you enjoyed your skiing trip!
Chapter 29
"There's nothing else we can do for you." These are the last words a surgeon wants to tell a patient. Giving up doesn't come easy to us, so we do everything in our power not to. For surgeons, a lost cause just means – try a little harder.
While Meredith's plane touched down in New York, Cristina was dealing with the injuries that a man in his 40s had suffered in an accident. He had nice black hair and was more trained than the average male. Hands are busy in the OR most of the time, but sometimes all anybody hears is the sound of a monitor that indicates that something is wrong. They had been in surgery for eight hours when they noticed that his pupils were dialated and didn't react to light. Cristina looked at Teddy in shock. Their surgery had been flawless, but the pupils were still dialated. „You have to let him go, he won't wake up" Teddy said after the neuro fellow had left the OR.
„Stop! Cristina!" Teddy insisted and put her hands on the resident's.
„But…" Cristina begann to utter while looking at the opened skull.
„No, there's no point. There's too much hemorage" Teddy said. „He's too far gone." What a waste of a night Cristina thought to herself.
The night had been horrible for Meredith. Whoever said that children were cute certainly wouldn't agree that they were after the night she had just spend with a crying son. It was 7.30 am now and Christopher had fallen asleep about twenty minutes ago. Meredith got into a taxi that would take her from a hotel near JFK to Manhattan where she'd pay someone a visit.
The taxi stopped at Hudson Heights and Meredith told the driver to wait for her. A woman in her sixties opened the door. „Meredith?" Carolyn Shepherd asked in surprise. Her daughter-in-law had never visited her before nor had her son mentioned any plans to do so.
"I'm sorry to wake you up at this time of the night, but he asked for his dad all night. How do you explain to a one year old that his dad is on the other side of the country? He asked where his daddy was and he wouldn't sleep. I have a job interview in 2 hours and I didn't know what to do because I can't take him there. It's only going to be for a few hours." Meredith begged her.
„Come in, I can take him." Carolyn smiled and opened the door for them. „But tell me what you are doing here? What happened? Last time Derek and I talked you were going to adopt an African child."
"Zola, yeah. But no, I can't tell you." Meredith sighed and put the diaper bag onto the stool in the hallway „Please just take him and call Derek if you want to, I'm sure he's going to be delighted to hear from you. Here's his diaper bag. Everything important is in there. I really have to get going if I don't want to be late." Meredith ran out the door and jumped back into her taxi. Her interview was in 25 minutes and she hoped that she would be on time.
Addison and Mark were standing in their kitchen. Derek had been drinking until the sun rose and was sleeping in the guest room. Mark, Maria and Addison were preparing for another day at the hospital. Addison was looking at the sea of beer cans, bottles and whiskey bottles in front of her. A hangover wouldn't be the only thing her exhusband would be sorry for in a few hours.
„Get him out of my house" Addison said and looked at the pile of garbage that presented itself to her „You can't raise a child in this mess"
„He's having a hard time" Mark smiled apologetic.
„Let him have a hard time somewhere else, he has been like that for too long" Addison said. „Carolyn called, she's concerned about him"
„I'm trying Addison, I even had an intern call every top 50 hospital in the country asking whether they had a resident transfer or openings, but so far I wasn't lucky." Mark sighed „– and Meredith's little friends don't want to tell me what's going on."
„Get him out until the end of the week, this isn't healthy." Addison said „Drinking scotch from 10 am to 6 am isn't. Drinking two bottles a day isn't either." She paused and looked at him „He never felt like this for me. She's gone and it feels like his whole world fell apart."
„He doesn't have a clue where she is." Mark said. „I felt like this when you said yes, your wedding day was the worst day of my life. I always felt about you this way."
„Mark, please. Don't. Find out where she is" Addison said. „I have to go – and you have surgery in thirty minutes"
„I'm trying" Mark said and picked up his daughter.
„Trying is all that you do Mark, you try too hard." Addison nodded. While he was everything he ever promised her to be, she just wasn't sure if she was happy.
„What is that supposed to mean?" Mark wondered. He was unaware of her feelings.
„I think you know it, we both know it." She said. „If you think about the first person you want to talk to – it's not me"
March 1980
„Did you spend the night here? I thought you were off at 5pm" Richard wondered when she walked into the on-call room and saw Ellis.
„I got pulled into an emergency surgery before I got to leave. The patient had to be monitored afterwards, so I was stuck here all night." Ellis smiled. They both knew that she loved to be at the hospital. „What about you? I thought you were going to meet Adele for dinner last night."
„My surgery went late, so I was late and then I stayed because I knew she'd be mad if I showed up 90 minutes late." Richard laughed.
„They don't get it." Ellis said while she lay down on the bed next to Richard's. „– neither do Smith and Hunter. Surgery is a male country club affair for them."
„How's your patient?" Richard wondered.
„He's fine. He let me take the lead. He was busy telling the anesthesiologist about his last round of gold and how his wife is wasting all his money." Ellis said and rolled her eyes.
„Last time I was in the OR with him he told me that his black housekeeper was lazy." Richard sighed and wondered „How's Thatcher?"
„Fine, he's doing what he calls research at the university." Ellis laughed.
„He's lucky to have found somebody like you. You look beautiful even though you haven't slept all night." Richard complimented her. Ellis looked at him and turned the key around to lock the door.
„What are you doing Ellis?" Richard asked with a hint of surprise.
„I'm going to help you to relax." She smiled and sat down on his lap „You had a rough night as well." She slowly unbuttoned the shirt that Richard was wearing.
„Ellis, we're married. We can't do this!" Richard said and looked at her. He froze while he watched her.
„Thatcher and Adele won't find out." Ellis whispered into his ear. „Everything we do can stay inside these walls. They don't need to know."
„Ellis,…" Richard tried to insist.
„Come on" she said and took his hand and positioned them on her breasts „I know we both want it."
„Hey" George greeted Cristina and Alex when he walked into the scrub room.
„George? What are you doing here?" Cristina asked him in surprise.
„Lexie said you'd be here. I just wanted to tell you that my mom threatened to kill me if I leave the country" George smiled and rolled with his eyes. „I'll stick around a little while longer"
„You are not going to join the army? Alex wondered.
„No. My mom…" George paused „I can't leave her"
„What about April?" Cristina wondered
„I don't know." George admitted and looked at Jackson „Why are you looking like this?"
„She left" Jackson said and looked down.
Cristina's phone went off and she looked at the display. „Hang on a sec, I have to get this" She walked out of the room.
„Shepherd? You are alive." She asked.
„She isn't talking to me, well actually I wasn't talking to her, but I don't even know where she is right now and I don't know where my son is. Has she talked to you?" the person on the other line asked.
„Yes" Cristina nodded.
„Come on, you have to tell me." Derek begged „Nobody is talking to me. I called Meredith, Lexie, Thatcher, everyone I know who might know where she is."
„She needs time. She has applied to a few hospitals on the East Coast and I really think she is going to move. Thanks to you and Dr. Webber! She's in New York for her interview today." Cristina said „She is a surgeon, Shepherd, don't take that away from her and insist on her staying in Seattle. She screwed up one time, don't make her pay for it for the rest of her life. She needs to be in the OR. So wherever you are right now you better get your ass back here and let her figure out the rest for herself."
„I don't want to take that away from her, but I don't want her to take my son away from me either." Derek admitted „I'm not Thatcher and she's not Ellis. I want to be a part of my kids' life and I want us to stay here."
„Live in the house in the middle of the woods, have more bubbly children." Cristina said and rolled her eyes.
„Yeah" Derek mumbled.
„Have you considered apologizing? " Cristina wondered.
„I have nothing to apologize for. She's the one who…" Derek said, but Cristina interrupted him. „Oh you do. You refused to talk to her for days, you blamed her for Zola being taken away. You shut her out completely and you didn't have her back when she needed you…shall I go on?"
„It was her fault. She ran away before I knew how I felt." Derek told Cristina.
„Don't you think she feels guilty about that without you blaming her for it?" Cristina asked him. „You made it harder on her. When she never gave you crap about spending every waking minute at the hospital before…."
„I spend every minute there for her." Derek defended his decision to start another trial „I was setting up everything for a new project. So she is in New York right now?"
Rush hour traffic in New York was something Meredith didn't want to get used to. She had been thirty minutes late when she arrived at Mt. Sinai and the residency coordinator was in surgery by the time she arrived. The secretary looked at her while she waited on a chair for her interviewer to arrive„Dr. Grey, please follow me. Somebody will see you soon" the black haired slightly obese asian lady led her into an office.
So this was the hospital Derek worked at, Meredith thought to herself. Manhattan was certainly something to get used to, but Mt. Sinai was one of the oldest and largest teaching hospitals in the United States. She looked around the room and looked at the picture frame on one of the shelves. Those kids seemed familiar she thought to herself. Where had she seen them before? Suddenly it hit her, those were Liz Shepherd's kids. There was Serena, Kyle, Nathan, Jennifer and Rebeca. Christ, Meredith rolled her eyes, she hadn't planned on making her job interview a family reunion even though she wasn't sure whether Liz's husband would even recognize her. The door knot turned, she looked at the door and looked at the man that came in: Dr. Dugard, the coordinator of the residency programme at Mt. Sinai.
„Meredith, what a surprise! So we finally get to meet." He said and extended his hand to her. „Carolyn never mentioned that you two thought about relocating."
„We didn't. It's me – and Christopher." Meredith admitted „Just me and him."
„Your surgical record looks impressive, Meredith, you published and your name is well established in the medical field, but as far as I see it, there's a chance that you won't finish your residency here and we are looking for reliability in a candidate."
„If this is about my private…"
„Meredith, this is about your private life, this is about Derek. If you are running from him, I have reason to believe that you are not going to be able to work with him"
„Derek is in Seattle."
„He called this morning and asked whether there was a chance to get his old job back."
After looking at the chart of one of his patients Alex walked throught the surgical unit to find Dr. Webber. „ , have you seen the chief?" he asked his former mentor when he saw her.
„No." Bailey replied.
„There's something wrong with his emergency chole patient." Lexie ran to Bailey.
„Ugh, he looks nasty, what happened to him?" Alex said in shock. The patient in front of them had turned yellow.
„We'll have to find out." Bailey said. „Come on, call one of your interns! Let them do the tests"
„He's yellow" Lexie said and the intern next to her starred at the man „This is the yellowest man that I have ever seen."
„Right? He's, like, lemon yellow. Like mustard yellow." Another intern nodded.
„Hey, hey, we get it. He's yellow. I'm trying to find out why." Bailey sat and grabbed the portable ultrasound. Alex, Lexie and the two interns looked at the monitor „Ultrasound shows dilated ducts." Lexie said.
„Which means obstructive jaundice, but the chief only took out the gallbladder." Alex said „And we never saw any signs of liver disease or cancers, but could that mean that the chief accidentally clipped the common bile duct? Oh, my God."
Lexie realized something as she looked at his chart. „He did… and kicked me out of surgery."
„Okay, okay, stop Right now, both of you. Now did you actually see the chief clip the common bile duct?" Bailey wondered
„No, of course not." Alex rolled his eyes.
„But" Lexie tried to speak up, but Dr. Bailey interrupted her „But nothing. That's one of the most serious mistakes a general surgeon can make, so let's not make this accusation lightly."
„It wasn't an accusation" Alex stated. He and Lexie both knew that he had done it.
„Uh, stop talking. Just get an ERP to find the exact cause of this man's discoloration. And, doctors, if I find out that either of you has said a word about this to anyone, I will make sure that you are the ones who require emergency surgery."
June 1980
Thatcher walked up to OR where Ellis was supposed to get out of surgery. Ellis was still wearing a scrub cap and surgical gloves and now tried to scrub out of surgery in the scrub room and she was smiling at the person who exited the room. „Ellis, I was looking …" Thatcher said when the door opened, he was able to hear her laugh, which was something he hadn't heard in months, and watched the way his wife was looking at his coworker from across the room. Ellis was still unaware that her husband paid a visit. „Hello, you must be Richard, Elis told me a lot about you. Nice to finally meet you."
„Daddy, can we see mommy now?" the young girl on his arm looked up at him.
„You have a kid? Ellis never mentioned she had a kid." The young black resident said and got down on his knees to be face to face with her „What's your name young lady?"
„Medeth" the young girl replied.
„She's 2" Thatcher said.
„Richard, I was looking for you , I thought we wanted to…" she said when she walked out of the door. She paused and looked at her husband in shock. She had almost given away that Richard and her had arranged to meet in the hallway after surgery „Thatcher, what are you doing here?"
„Mommy, I wanted to see you. Daddy went to…" Meredith said.
„Hello sweetie." Ellis smiled at her daughter. Her face turned angrier when she looked at her husband „Didn't I tell you that a hospital isn't the right place for her?"
„She wanted to see you, she just wanted to see you."
Derek was sitting on his bed in the guest room when Addison came to check on him. Mark was at work and she felt uncomfortable sitting in the living room alone while her ex husband hadn't left his bed. Maria was playing with a unicorn toy Amelia had given to her when she had visited Mark and her a few weeks ago. „You have a nice house here. I could move in, couldn't I?" Derek joked when she walked into the room with Maria.
„Derek, you can't avoid dealing with the Meredith thing forever." Addison said „and the drinking – it's not going to solve anything. Derek, I've known you for a while and you've never been like this."
„Don't mention her name!" He told her.
„What am I suppsed to say? My ex husband is drinking scotch until 6.00 am on my deck and you haven't shaved and … it's scary. You can't let a woman drag you down like that." Addison said „What would our Manhattan friends think if they saw you like this?"
„Manhattan, yeah, that was a lifetime ago. I called the hospital this morning and asked them if I can get my job back because I don't even know where she is – and every time I look at Christopher I see her." Derek looked into Addison's eyes. „I see her in him all the time."
Addison nodded „You never felt that way for me, that's why I know she's worth fighting for."
„She's the one… she…" Derek tried to put his feelings into words. He loved her even though he hated her.
„I know Derek." Addison nodded.
„But I can't." Derek said. He couldn't fly to whereever she was.
„Derek…"
After the interview Meredith went back to Carolyn's house. She rang the door bell and when Carolyn let her in she walked into the living room where Christopher was playing and sat down „What's the matter, Meredith? You show up at my house, you look like you haven't slept in weeks and you are applying for a job in New York. Derek didn't mention a word about moving back to New York. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have my grandchild closer to me, but something is very odd here."
Meredith looked at the room she was sitting in. There were countless picture frames including one of their wedding pictures and one that had been taken at the hospital during Christopher's birthday party. She bit her lips and started to talk. „I was fired, we lost Zola because of it, Derek and I had a fight because of it. He hasn't talked to me since and he's not in Seattle, I don't know where he is, I'm very sorry for showing up here uninvited."
„Meredith, you are always welcome to stay here." Carolyn said „You are my grandchild's mother. There's always an open door for you. So why do you look so tired?"
Surprised by the friendly words she heard from her mother in law, she replied „I look tired because the past two weeks I was staying at a friend's apartment and I took care of his daughter, well his ex wife's daughter whom he gave his sperm to produce, but anyway. She was a preemie and she was delivered after her mom was assaulted and brought to the hospital. The child was discharged and she's still in the hospital because she had brain surgery and is still in recovery." Meredith noticed that she was starting to talk way too fast „She needed help and as I was fired I helped out with Sofia."
„So you'd have the perfect excuse to avoid my son." Carolyn smiled and poured her a mug of cocoa. „No judgment, Meredith. He's a runner. But you seem to be a runner too. Or why did you pick residency programs at the other side of the country?"
„Honestly. I don't even know. I hate Boston and I don't really know New York or Baltimore. But most of the best rated hospitals with open spots are on the East Coast and at the moment I really have to get away for Seattle and I have to get back into the OR if I don't want to fall behind too far." Meredith smiled.
„Do you want to have a piece of chocolate cake?" Carolyn wondered.
„I guess." Meredith nodded and Carolyn sat down next to her after she went to the kitchen to get two plates and two pieces of homemade chocolate cake.
„Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have my son back here with us, but you have to talk to him." Carolyn said when they had finished their piece of cake.
„Have you talked to Derek?" Meredith wondered. It would have been the obvious thing to do.
„Yes. He called, but I haven't told him that you or Christopher are here." Carolyn explained „It's something the two of you need to discuss. I don't want to get in the middle of that. All I know is that he loves you and his son and that you seem to love them too. Can I take you to the airport? I saw your plane tickets for tomorrow night. You don't have to take a taxi."
„Thank you, Ms Shepherd. I'd really appreciate it." Meredith smiled.
„Now I'm offended, I told you to call me Carolyn so many times before." Carolyn hugged Meredith. „Everything is going to be fine child."
August 1980
Ellis and Thatcher were kissing heavily in one of the supply closets. „Ellis, you have a child, we can't continue doing this. I'm not a home wrecker." Richard whispered.
„I love you, Richard. Forget Meredith, forget Adele and Thatcher. We can be happy together." Ellis replied and continued to kiss him while untieing his scrub pants.
„You have a daughter and we had some pretty close calls." Richard tried to get outof her hold „Smith almost caught us the other day. We can't risk this."
„Don't you like it? The thrill, the rush of adrenaline?" Ellis kissed his neck. „You get me to places my husband doesn't even dream of."
„Your daughter needs you, Ellis. I couldn't live with myself if we keep doing this."
Alex, George, Lexie and Jackson stood in front of the Chief's office. They had waited for him about thirty minutes by the time he showed up and let them in. Lexie looked at Alex and he nodded.
„Dr. Webber. Meredith wasn't alone. We did it. O'Malley, Avery, Kepner, Little Grey and I helped her." Alex said when the Chief had finally sat down in his chair. All other residents except April stood behind him. „She told us to let her take the fall."
„It's a little too late for confessions now." Richard said and closed a file that was laying on his table „I urge you to keep quiet because all of you would be fired for this and we can't afford to lose any more residents after Grey. I'm contacting Adamson and Percy right now to see if they are willing to work here again."
„It's not too late to tell the board about your surgery." Alex smiled. The others knew about the botched surgery as well. „You clipped off the common bile duct."
„Don't you dare to threaten me, Dr. Karev. I was a doctor before you ran around in diapers." Richard yelled.
„I will if you don't give Meredith her job back." Alex said. „Seriously? She didn't endanger Torres or the baby. We didn't endanger them. She wanted to help Callie because Callie needed to see Sofia."
„And look how Dr. Torres is doing now!" Richard yelled „Emotionally, she is refusing to have a look at hospital has standards and I was too lax on enforcing them before, but I'm not willing to continue making the wrong decisions for this hospital."
„In that case you should stop being in the OR. You could have killed that patient!" Lexie blurred out and all their heads turned and looked at her.
„It wasn't my decision, it was the board's decision." Richard said „Dr. Grey acted against Dr. Bailey's strict orders."
„Don't tell me that they don't act on your recommendation. You screwed up her life before. Don't do it this time." Alex said. Jackson and George looked surprised after he had blurred out this accusation.
„You know the story?" Richard wondered.
„Enough. We talk. I saved her life and she sort of gets me. I know the story." Alex said. Meredith had told him about the affair after he had saved her from the water „You promised Ellis you'd leave your wife for her and you didn't after she left Thatcher. Meredith moved to the other side of the country and never saw her dad again for 25 years. End of story."
„Has she told you that Ellis had a child?" Richard wondered „And every time I look into her eyes, I see all this opportunity, I see the life Ellis and I could have had."
„You are a coward. Just like Thatcher, both of you were weak." Alex said and continued to make his point. „And you clipped off the common bile duct, want to talk about that? Want to talk about how that happened? Or do you want me to talk to the board?"
„They won't believe you." Richard said and left his office.
Meredith was sitting in Derek's childhood home talking to his sister when her phone rang „Derek? Why are you calling?" she wondered when she answered the call.
„Let me talk to Christopher." He insisted. He felt too insecure to talk to her.
„Sure." Meredith nodded and went into Derek's old bedroom where Carolyn had put the pram and the playpen. „Your daddy wants to talk to you" she whispered and Christopher looked up.
„Christopher. I missed you buddy. Daddy missed you." Derek said and Meredith's eyes filled with tears.
„Derek, they offered me the job and I'm going to take it because I don't have a choice. If I want to continue my residency, I have to take this job." Meredith said. She knew he'd hear her because the phone was on speaker.
Derek seemed to ignore what he had just heard and continued to talk to his son. „Daddy missed you and he'll take you out for a ferryboat ride when he's back from L.A and you are back in his arms. When you are back from New York and he won't ever let you go again."
„Derek, I won't come back." Meredith said and crushed his hopes „I'm going to stay here and we are going to move into a nice two bedroom."
„You can't do this!" Derek insisted.
„Why? Because you are in Seattle? Or because you care about me?" Meredith wondered „You clearly didn't seem to care about me since I was fired. You haven't talked to me! You blamed me that Zola was taken away from us and you haven't let me forget that for one second. Cristina is going to come over and pack a few boxes and send them over…"
„What about Christopher?" Derek asked cautiously.
„Christopher is going to come with me. You can visit him anytime you want." Meredith said.
„Wow, you are just like your mother." Derek said bitterly.
„This isn't fair Derek. It's not like I have a choice, I need a job, I need this opportunity" Meredith tried to explain.
„It's kidnapping and you are doing to me what your mom did to Thatcher. You could have interviewed at UCLA." He said. Yes, UCLA would have been a wonderful hospital, but she had felt it was too close to Addison and Mark and the life she had once had.
„Don't you say I'm like my mother. You don't even know her. You haven't met her, you haven't talked to her and right now you are saying I'm a cold hearted bitch, but I'm not." Meredith yelled, she felt an impulse to hang up.
„You act like you are. Meredith, I need him…" Derek said.
„Derek, I'm not my mother and I can prove it to you. I'll leave Christopher with you for the first few weeks. We'll figure this out once I come to pick up the rest of my things." Meredith suggested. „Don't you say I'm just like my mother, I'm nothing like her."
„Well she took you to Boston without your father's consent, didn't she? That's kidnapping." Derek bit his lip.
Meredith said down on his bed and looked at the ceiling „Derek, I really want this to work. I love you"
„Well I don't know if I can…" Derek swallowed.
„I don't want to run away, but right now I have to make sure to I look after myself and my career and that I do what's in Christopher's best interest. Cristina was right, I am a surgeon and I have to make sure that I can complete my residency. I love you Derek..." Meredith explained, but Derek interrupted her. „I can't love a person like you, Meredith. Your behaviour ruined everything we had." He knew he was lieing to himself. He hated himself for feeling love in spite of everything that had happened.
„Cristina will pick up my stuff at the house, she has a spare key, I'll leave Christopher with your sister. Her husband said I'm not the right candidate for Mt. Sinai"
„You are in New York?" Derek wondered.
„She adores him." Meredith smiled „You can pick him up there, I'm sure your family will love to see you. My lawyer is going to get in touch with you."
„What's up Shep?" Mark asked when he handed a beer can over to Derek.
„I never told Meredith this, but Richard never got over Ellis, the nursing home sent a log to Meredith where they recorded all of Ellis' visitors. He visited her twice every day for four month before she died." Derek looked at Mark.
„Does Meredith know how he feels about her mother?" Mark wondered.
„She, I guess she does, but I don't know if he still feels about her that way." Derek opened his can and took a mouthful. „Meredith found out she has a half sister. Ellis and Richard had an affair."
„Good for him, I never pegged him to be such a casanova." Mark laughed. He was the one with affairs and hot steamy on call room sex, not Richard Webber.
„So this is personal?" Mark wondered.
„When it comes to Meredith everything is personal for Richard…" Derek sighed.
„He's feeling guilty because he knocked her up and she flet the scene. I get the impulse." Mark smirked.
„He isn't feeling guilty he blames her because she waited more than five minutes to tell him." Derek corrected him.
„What about you?" Mark wondered „You are mad at her because she waited more than five minutes to tell you." Mark was right. God, when had his best friend become so wise, he wondered to himself.
„Well, maybe she should work on her communication skills." He laughed.
„And maybe you should stop being mad at her, what happened is said and done, but I can recommend make up sex, that's definitely worth it. Addison and I had lots of…" Mark teased him as he knew how uncomfortable Derek got whenever they talked about Addison.
„Mark, I'm serious…" Derek interrupted him.
„So am I, Derek, it looks like good old Richard never get over Ellis, those Grey women are very hard to forget" Mark said and paused. He took a mouthful of his beer and looked at the sunset „and I don't think you can do it. The way you talked about her, the way you look at her. You and Meredith… you know what I'm saying… she's the one…"
„I know she's the one, or I know she was the one. I'm just not sure whether she's still that person." The person he thought she was wouldn't have left his son with him without a fight.
August 1982
Thatcher walked into the hospital. „What are you doing here, Thatcher?" Ellis asked.
„Ellis, I came her to tell you that I'm going to leave you and that I'm going to take Meredith with me if you keep working crazy hours. You have a daughter" Thatcher said. It sounded like a rhyme he had learnt off by heart.
„Leave Thatcher, Leave. I dare you!" Ellis moved closer to his ear and whispered „But you won't do it anyway because you are weak and you are not able to stand up for yourself because of just how pathetic you are"
„Ellis, Meredith…" He stuttered.
„Is going to be fine, she's a child" Ellis interrupted him. „She doesn't care if her mother is home on her birthday. She won't remember it anyway"
„And it won't be long until she doesn't remember you." Thatcher said and walked away. „I wouldn't have ever thought that you would become this kind of person. What happened to you?"
Derek sat down next to Richard „She's going to leave me and go to whereever it is she's going, at least that's what my sister said and it's your fault. She's going to take our son with her eventually. I don't think she can live without him… because I can't" he admitted. Maybe Richard would let him go.
„It's what she knows how to do, Derek. It was the boards' decision. I can't overrule them." Richard hid behind a decision he had persuaded them to make.
„You messed up her life before – in the worst way possible." Derek accused Richard and added „I can't lose him."
„I lost any chance to meet her because of her." Richard said looking at the club soda in front of him „I… my whole life would have been different."
„Whatever happened between you and Ellis is on you Richard. Not on Meredith." Derek insisted.
„This has nothing to do with Ellis." Richard vetoed.
„I beg to differ. Are you sure you can't give her her old job back? You could do it for me" Derek insisted. „She wasn't the only one who brought Torres to the NICU, but she was the only one that was punished for it. I can't lose her, Richard. Tell me what to do!"
„You could move with her. You have family on the East Coast." Richard suggested „I heard you asked Mt. Sinai to hire you back."
Derek paused. Nothing Richard said made sense „Last time I heard you wouldn't allow me to terminate my contract prematurely."
„We'd have to find a replacement that is on the same level as you are." Webber nodded.
„I'm the best neurosurgeon in the country." Derek stated.
„Well, persuade the second best to come." Webber suggested.
„That's not my job." Derek looked at Richard in shock.
„It isn't mine either, I have a head of neurosurgery." Dr. Webber smiled
„We just built a house here. Six weeks ago I thought I knew how our live would look like ten years from now. Right now, I just can't tell. It just feels like she's too far gone and there's no getting her back. Wouldn't you do everything to go back in time and make Ellis stay? Because that was on you. You told her to go." Derek spat out.
„What do you know about it?" Richard coughed and ordered another drink.
Derek looked at the bar tender and the club soda that Dr. Webber had ordered certainly wasn't virgin. „Enough, and I know a lot about how hard it is to leave your wife even though you are in a miserable marriage." Derek sighed.
Dr. Webber nodded „Derek I'll see what I can do. I'll talk to the board, but I'm not too optimistic."
„I lost my daughter, my wife and my son are going to be living on the other side of the country." Derek said „Don't see what you can do, do it."
„What if she doesn't want to stay?" Richard wondered.
„I'll find out if you got her her job back. Tell the board that they'll have to find a new neurosurgeon if she doesn't get her job back. I can't live hundreds of miles apart from my family. I'll hand in my letter of resignation until 4 tomorrow if she doesn't get her job back." Derek threatened.
„Don't make any rushed emotional decisions. The board doesn't…" Derek yelled, but Derek interrupted him.
„I called two board members to make sure…" Derek screamed at Richard „and they were sorry, but they said the board would allow 't you think I'm stupid."
„Not if I rule against them." Richard said. „Don't let emotions in the way."
„You are letting them. When it comes to Meredith Grey you make all kinds of emotional decisions." Derek said „You can't look at her, I get that, she reminds you of Ellis and you see all the things you missed out on, but I am looking at my infant son and feel that way and it's not fair to him or her or me. She made a mistake, but so have you and so have I, and we haven't been fired for might be too late for you, but it's not too late for me."
Cristina peeked through the window. She had never lost a patient like this before. The patient's wife was sitting at his bed side. He was hooked onto several machines and tubes were all over his body while she looked like she had been in a business meeting when they had called her „I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. You just have to let him go." Cristina said when she looked at them. Yesterday they had been fine.
„But he could wake up." The blonde wife told her. She was tiny, but she didn't look fragile, a little bit like a corporate version of Meredith.
„No, look at the EEG monitor, you can see a flat line. This line indicates that there's no brain activity. We did everything we could, but despite our best efforts…" Cristina began to explain for the fourth time, and this time the patient's wife interrupted her. „He's not going to wake up. He'll stay like this. If we keep him on the ventilator, he'll not get better – he won't wake up. The last time my husband kissed me is always going to be last night before he went to work."
Cristina nodded. „Yes, his vitals will get worse and first his blood sugar is going to rise which increases his insulin requirements, his urine output will decrease and then, he'll develop a mild liver dysfunction and possible other hematologic abnomalities. It's very hard to reverse once this process starts and once he enters stage three there will be significant coagulation abnormalities which means his blood will turn from a liquid to a gel. In stage 4…"
„He'll be dead." The wife said „I don't need you to tell me all those fancy medical words. He's going to die. Say it."
„He's going to die." Cristina nodded „You can decide if it's going to be a painful process or if he'll just go in peace."
„There's got to be something you can do…" the wife started again. Bargaining, Cristina thought to herself.
„I'm very sorry madam, there's nothing we can do. We did everything we could. I'll leave you with him until you have decided what to do." She said and left the room.
When do you throw in the towel? Admit that a lost cause is something just that? There comes a point where it all becomes too much. When we get too tired to fight anymore. So we give up. That's when the real work begins. To find hope where there seems to be absolutely none at all.
Meredith and Carolyn were standing at JFK airport. Meredith looked at Christopher and the certainty that their ways would part temporarily „Goodbye little guy, your dad is going to pick you up soon. Remember to be a good boy. I love you. I'll always love you." She told him and handed him over to his grandmother.
„Meredith, you can always stay here." She said.
„No I can't. Mt. Sinai turned me down. I'll see what Hopkins says, they haven't called me yet." Meredith said even though she would accept 's offer. She knew Boston and sometimes it wasn't bad to go back to the places you knew.
Carolyn nodded and tried to conceal her disappointment „I'm sorry, but honey, Derek might take a while, but he always comes around. He'll be there once he's readdy. Goodbye Meredith and honey, you can call me any time you want."
„Thanks" Meredith said and walked away. She walked away from the life she had thought she never wanted. She was on her own now and it was what she knew how to do best, she thought to herself. She would be Dr. Burns now.
