N/A: Hi! Remember me? I hope so! :) I know it's been a while since my last update to this fic. Reasons for this are the common ones. Now the new chapter is here. It has a lot of stuff happening in it. Big stuff. I hope you're going to enjoy it. Reviews are welcomed!
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Chapter 29 – Emotional
After their short walk through the park and their short moment of tenderness, Mark drove Meredith back to his apartment.
"So what's your plan?" Meredith asked him as they walked inside.
Mark chuckled as he closed the door. "Take a look around you."
Meredith did as Mark told her to do and looked around. Nothing out of ordinary caught her attention; Alicia's clothes all over the place, Mark's work papers, rest food, everything was part of their living room picture. She looked at Mark, clueless, and shrugged.
Mark chuckled again and walked in the middle of the room. "Pay attention," he smirked.
Meredith narrowed her eyes as she looked suspiciously at him. "To this room?"
"To this room and to every other room," Mark smiled.
Meredith looked around her again. She really couldn't understand what he was saying.
"Clean up the house, Grey!" Mark shouted. He took off his jacket, throwing it on the couch and then started picking up his daughter's things.
Meredith looked, surprised as that wasn't what Mark had hinted about earlier in the park. "So you brought me here to clean up your apartment?" she frowned.
"No. Actually I brought you here for a belly dance," he laughed. "You can do Alicia's bedroom, the bathroom and the kitchen and I'll do my room and the living room."
Meredith shrugged, wondering why she had believed they were there for something more romantic when she knew Mark so well. She started gathering Alicia's things too, while Mark took care of his.
Meredith had put all Alicia's things in order in her bedroom and she was now ready to vacuum the carpet. Before she turned it on, Meredith considered it would be safer if she checked under the bed first. It proved she was right about that. Along with pencils, papers and shoes, Meredith also found Kitty, the stuffed kitten that Mark had given her to make her forget about the real kitten. Meredith smiled, shaking her head. Alicia was not easy to fool. Luckily, the bed had high legs, so she could crawl under it to get to the toy. Then she noticed for the first time an object that looked like a suitcase. Meredith looked at it for a moment, wondering what was doing in there and if she should take it out and check if it still had some of Alicia's things from New York. Something told her not to. She got out of the bed, shook the dust off her clothes and started the vacuum cleaner. Once she cleaned the carpet, the room looked neat and clean again. Meredith smiled, proud of the results and turned to walk outside the bedroom. Her feet automatically froze in the doorway. That suitcase kept making her ask what it contained. She peaked outside on the hall and heard Mark throwing something into his room. Meredith walked back inside Alicia's room and closed the door.
She pulled the suitcase outside and sat down on the floor as she opened it. She found it full of papers and folders- probably Mark's, she thought. Something else caught her attention as she dug in through those papers. At the bottom of the suitcase, Meredith found a small, rectangular, pink box. She took it out and stared at her, wondering if she should peak inside or just put it back. There was something about that box; it was probably its pink color and its pink ribbon, which made Meredith think there were some of Alicia's things. Meredith hesitated at first, but then she decided that it was no rudeness if she wanted to see Alicia's things. The curiosity won and Meredith took out the lid. She smiled as she saw the baby photos inside.
She picked up the first one and had no doubt that Alicia was the baby from those pictures. The first one she took was a foreground of Alicia sleeping, with her fists curled under chin. The next picture of Alicia, another foreground, but this one was brighter and Meredith thought it had been taken somewhere outside, showed Alicia like she had around 6 or 7 month old and the camera had caught her laughing at it. Meredith looked through the rest of the photos, all of them with Alicia only, sleeping, eating from her bottle, crying or laughing. The more she looked at those photos, the more she noticed how less Alicia looked like her father. There was no one else in those photos; not a single picture of Alicia's mother, but Meredith was sure Alicia was the spitting image of her mother- fair skin, delicate features, blue eyes and the golden hair.
"Nosy as ever," Mark's voice made her start. She jumped on her feet, letting the photos fell back into the box.
"I uh… found this," she stammered, ashamed of being caught.
Mark rolled his eyes as he made his way to the place where she was and crouched down, gathering the box. "Obviously you found them," he grumbled.
Meredith bit her lip, guilty and ready to take any insult from him. This time she wouldn't protest because she deserved it. Instead of yelling at her, Mark picked up the box as he stood up and turned to walk out the room. Meredith stayed where she was, without knowing what she should do.
She trailed out of the bedroom, ready to apologize for her indiscretion, although she didn't believe it was such a big thing. Those were just photos to her and she had seen some of Alicia's photos before. As she walked into the living room, she found Mark on the couch, looking through those photos.
"I am sorry," Meredith mumbled as she walked behind the couch.
"This was taken the day she was born," Mark said, ignoring or not hearing her apologies. "She was only four hour old in this one," he added holding up to her a photo.
Meredith took it and walked around the couch, coming to sit beside him. "Some of them look…"
"Cropped," Mark answered for her, without tearing his eyes from those photos. "They are cropped."
Meredith glanced at him, wondering.
Mark chuckled and made himself comfortable on the couch, propping his legs on the coffee table in front of him. He put the box on his stomach and took out another photo. "I remember this one," he said, handing Meredith a photo of Alicia- one of her pouting faces. "She was 48 hours old and she was having her first colic," Mark explained, chuckling quietly to himself as he found funny all those memories.
Meredith couldn't help but smile at his chuckle. It wasn't much of what he said about Alicia, but it was the fact that Mark was sharing something to her; part of his past and his daughter's.
"I cut the pictures because most of them had HER," his voice turned bitter as he mentioned HER. He looked at Meredith and smiled weakly, holding up his arm for her to snuggle beside him. Meredith smiled as she stared suspiciously at his request; something huge was happening to him today. Mark rolled his eyes and let his arm drop to his side, unwilling to beg her.
Meredith bit her lip as she lie down beside him and put her head down on his shoulder. His arm wounded around her waist soon. "You said she was a good mother," Meredith muttered, slowly trying to get more information about Natasha.
"She wasn't," Mark muttered back. "She left after just one year, so what she had done before didn't count. The appearances are always false. Some people really deserve an Oscar," he grumbled bitterly, his fingers already crumpling the photo he was holding.
Meredith stayed quiet. She didn't know exactly what his words had meant, but she remembered his attitude toward her the first time they met. She didn't know if she should take his words as insult or he was just spitting out his bitterness toward Alicia's former mother.
"Do you want to know how I met her?" His question was surely unexpected. Meredith looked up at him to meet his gaze and as she stared into his eyes for a few second, she shrugged.
"I met her at the hospital I worked at in New York," Mark said. "She came to me for a breast implants."
A silent pause followed Mark's words. Meredith was in a complete daze, as she couldn't explain the reason for Mark's sudden change; he seemed to… to trust her and maybe more. Mark, on the other hand, was lost in his thoughts. He didn't pay any attention to the fact that he was revealing details from his past to someone else than his mother and his best friend.
"Of course I did an amazing job," Mark continued, looking absentminded while his voice was sounding flat. "I asked her out on a date when she returned for her first control and she accepted. We dated for nearly two months and the…"
"Spare me of unnecessary details," Meredith cut in, suddenly feeling sick of hearing about Mark's relationship with that woman.
Either Mark ignored her or he did not hear her. "Two months later we were in my apartment when she gave me the news. She just blurted it out. I was so scared and panicked, but she looked so… happy. I think I understand now why she was so happy. I think I understand everything now," at this point, Meredith was sure Mark was saying loud what he was thinking. That wasn't a confession. "She wanted me for my money. What I don't understand is, when did I stop giving her money?" he wondered, being well known the royal treatment he had given her during her pregnancy and the following year.
"Will you ever trust in a woman again?" she asked him.
Mark looked at her and then his eyes fell over the photo his was holding. "I don't know… I hope so."
Meredith bit her lip, willing to ask him the next question. "Do you trust me?"
At her question, Mark didn't tear his eyes from the photo and Meredith anxiously waited for his answer. His silence wasn't an encouraging answer. "I don't know," he finally muttered.
Meredith couldn't help but feel disappointed to hear his answer, though she knew she shouldn't have hoped for more. A change was visible in Mark's attitude and that was encouraging enough for her. He would figure out in time his feelings for her.
As he glanced at her, Mark saw the disappointment written in her eyes as she looked down to a photo. "I don't despise all the women," he said and looked at her, meeting her curios eyes. "I don't despise my mom," he added, but there was more meaning behind his first statement and Meredith didn't notice that.
They both fell into an uncomfortable silence as they looked back at the photos they were holding. The silence was broken when they heard Meredith's phone ringing. Meredith patted her pockets and took out her mobile phone. As she looked at the display screen, Meredith saw Cristina's name flashing on it. She flipped it open and answered. "Hey,"
"Hi. I have some time free before I go in the OR, can you come over now for the check you asked me to help you with?" Cristina asked.
Meredith sighed, a little disappointed, as she didn't feel like interrupting her day with Mark, but she still didn't feel very well and she knew it would be better for her to have a medical control. "I will be there in a few minutes," she announced.
"Page me when you're here," Cristina said and hung up.
"I thought you had the day off," Mark wasn't very thrilled either as he heard about Meredith's possible departure, but he managed to hide his disappointment behind his cold look.
"I do, I just need to stop by the hospital… for something I have to do," she trailed off and jumped on her feet. As she did that, Meredith fell back on the couch, feeling her head spinning.
"Hey," Mark caught her before she could hit the couch and held an arm around her waist as if for support, though she was sitting now. "What was that?"
Meredith took a deep breath and slowly she started feeling her head clear again. "I think I stood up too fast," she smiled weakly. "I should go now," she said and stood up again, slower now. "Do you want me to take Alicia from the kindergarten?" she asked him.
Mark thought about it for a second and then answered with a nod. "I could need some sleep."
"Ok," Meredith agreed. She looked for her jacket and put it on while Mark walked her to the door.
--
Meredith stayed in the chair, staring at the photo scans in her hands. There wasn't something obvious on those films, but there would be in a few weeks. It would be if she would keep the pregnancy.
"What do you want to do now?" Cristina asked her again, now sitting in a chair beside her. "I am going to help you," she reassured her friend.
Meredith felt her eyes welling as she looked at her. "I don't know," she whispered, feeling too overwhelmed to think or speak.
"If I am right, you are already 6 weeks pregnant. You need to think about it and make a decision soon," she pointed out and her voice softened as she spoke again. "I will be there for you."
"I need to think," Meredith muttered, staring back at the scans.
Cristina sat back in her chair, watching Meredith and letting her mourn and think over the news she just found out.
"What should I do?" Meredith asked suddenly, looking at Cristina.
Her friend gave her a real answer. "You wouldn't agree with I think you should do now."
Meredith frowned and nervously chewing her lip. "Why do you think I should do your way?"
"It's not my way," Cristina cleared out. "You have two possibilities: abortion or having the baby. You asked me for my opinion and my opinion is that you should do the abort."
"Why?" Meredith insisted on finding the reasons for that decision. There was obvious which Meredith's thought about the pregnancy was.
Cristina smiled knowingly as her presumption proved to be true. "What's between you and Mark Sloan?"
Lately, Meredith asked herself the same thing. "Nothing," she muttered.
"Is there any chance to be something in the near future?" Cristina asked then.
Meredith asked herself that as well. "I don't know."
"Ok then," Cristina said and stood up, coming to sit on the desk in front of Meredith. "Mark Sloan hates women. Through a strange, unknown circumstances he likes his daughter."
"He loves his daughter," Meredith contradicted her.
"And you love him," Cristina concluded.
Meredith looked at her as if Cristina's conclusion was a shocking fact. "I am not."
"Yet," Cristina didn't let it go. "You put up with his crap constantly and you keep spending more and more time with him," she pointed out the obvious. "Now you found out that you're carrying his baby and have serious thoughts about keeping it."
"The baby has nothing to do with Mark," Meredith snapped. "Alicia is a wonderful girl."
Cristina couldn't help but roll her eyes. "You've become maternal because of this girl?"
"And Mark is not that bad once you get to know him," Meredith added in whisper, confirming - though it was no longer necessary – that she was carrying some certain feelings for Mark.
"The girl is his daughter. He has her custody and he raises her. What do you think he would say about your baby?" her friend insisted on changing Meredith's point of view.
"I don't know and I don't care," Meredith retorted firmly. "I won't need his help and I will definitely not abandon my baby."
--
As she walked inside the classroom, Meredith looked around trying to spot Alicia and Mrs. Kendrick. Mrs. Kendrick was talking to some parents; she smiled and waved at Meredith as she noticed her arrival. Meredith waved back and then her eyes trailed again over the class.
"Ally! Ally!" A petite blonde girl had Meredith's attention when she called Alicia's name. Meredith watched her running towards Alicia and pointed to her. "You're mommy is here," she announced.
Meredith heard the word mommy and felt overwhelmed, until then not realizing how usual and comfortable their secret had become. They were still playing mommy and daughter in front of her teachers and friends, but this time it felt different. Soon, her own baby would call her 'mommy' too; she would be mommy for real.
Alicia smiled shyly at Meredith before she ran to her, squealing, "Mommy!"
Meredith knelt and opened her arms, waiting for her. Alicia stopped and threw her arms around Meredith's neck. She dropped a kiss on her cheek and took a step back to smile at her. As she did that, Alicia's smile faded instantly, noticing Meredith's tears. "You're sad," she said with sadness.
"I am not sad," Meredith smiled reassuringly, wiping her eyes. "I am just … emotional."
Alicia's eyes grew in horror as she gasped. "You're sick? You should see Daddy."
Meredith giggled and leaned forward, kissing her on the forehead. "Emotional is not a disease. It means that … I am …happy and little sad too."
"Why are you sad?" Alicia pouted.
Meredith brushed the hair out her face and caressed her cheek. "You are too little to understand."
"I am not little! I am not little!" Alicia protested. "Look how big I am now!" she said, standing up on her tiptoes and showing higher over her head.
Meredith giggled and pulled her into her arms. "You are a sweetheart."
Alicia hung on her neck, hugging her tightly. "You are lovely," she complimented her back.
"Hello, Meredith," Mrs. Kendrick ended their moment of tenderness.
"Mrs. Kendrick," Meredith smiled as she stood up.
"We need to talk," the teacher smiled, but her smile was just politely this time. Meredith understood from the tone of her voice, that Alicia might have done something naughty. "Why don't you go gather your things, Ally," Mrs. Kendrick smiled, urging Alicia to let her talk to Meredith alone.
Alicia nodded and ran to her closet.
"What happened?" Meredith asked, already frowning like a mother who was about to find out about another mischief of her child.
Mrs. Kendrick chuckled, shaking her head reassuringly. "It's nothing serious. I just think you should talk to Ally. She keeps bragging to her friends about the princess dress she will wear for our Halloween party and how her Daddy promised her real diamonds. I think it's great that she is his princess, but… you should spoil her less. This is an expensive kindergarten indeed, but there are many parents who make great financial efforts to have their children here. Not all of them afford to wear diamonds for their Halloween party."
"He won't buy her diamonds for real," Meredith smiled, though she was sure that Mark had been serious when he promised princess dresses and diamonds to his daughter.
"Maybe," Mrs. Kendrick smiled. "It's not just about that. She needs to learn that bragging is not a nice thing and Ally… she tends to do it quite often. Today in particular," she explained.
Meredith felt somehow uncomfortable to be there listening to someone's complaints about a little girl who wasn't her daughter. That moment made her feel for real like a Mommy. Meredith had to agree with Mrs. Kendrick; Alicia was a little too spoiled, but as she never had to deal with any of her tantrums, Meredith never so it as a problem. Contrariwise, she found it very charming.
"On the other hand," the teacher continued. "She's a very nice girl. She's politely and always helpful, that's why I believe you should take care of this before it becomes a habit. She's an only child, isn't she?" she asked.
Meredith flushed of embarrassment as her thought ran to her pregnancy. "Uh… yes,"
"Oh," Mrs. Kendrick nodded knowingly. "She must be Daddy's little girl then."
"Definitely," Meredith giggled.
Their conversation ended when Alicia showed up with her backpack on a shoulder and her jacket on the other one.
"Aren't you going to get dressed first?" Meredith asked her.
"Do I have to?" Alicia asked innocently.
"It's cold outside, so yes… you have to," Meredith smiled.
"But we are going with the car," Ally replied.
"Ally, put the jacket on," Meredith said firmly, taking the backpack off her shoulder. Alicia let out a sigh before she complied and put the jacket on. "Thank you for letting me know about that," Meredith smiled at Mrs. Kendrick when both were ready to leave.
"I am glad I could talk to you," Mrs. Kendrick smiled. "I will see you tomorrow, Ally."
Alicia answered with a charming smile and waved as she said goodbye to her friends.
--
Just a dim light illuminated the bed in Alicia's bedroom. She let out a sigh while Meredith put aside on the nightstand her storybook.
"Why isn't my Daddy home yet?" Alicia asked quietly, watching at Meredith with disappointment in her eyes.
"I told you already; many people got suddenly sick and your Daddy had to go and help them at the hospital," Meredith explained. She got out of the bed and tucked the blanket around Ally. "Mrs. Kendrick told me something about you and that didn't make me very happy," she said, trying to get her mind off Mark's absence and make her sleep.
Alicia gasped as her eyes grew in horror and worry.
"She told me that you have been bragging to your friends with your Halloween costume,"
"Bragging?" Alicia asked, confused.
"You are very proud of your dress and diamonds and because of this you talk too much about this to your friends."
Alicia stared at her, completely puzzled.
"It's not a nice thing to brag," Meredith explained.
"Why?"
Meredith couldn't help but smile as she waited for that question. "Al," she said softly, sitting on the bed beside her. "You know your Daddy wasn't talking about real diamonds when he promised you that."
"Yes, he was," Alicia contradicted her firmly. She knew her Daddy very well.
"No, he wasn't," Meredith shook her head, though she knew it was a lie, but later when she would have the chance, she would talk to Mark about what Mrs. Kendrick told her. "He doesn't have so much money."
"Yes, he has," Alicia frowned. "He always has money to buy cookies for me," she pointed out knowingly.
"Cookies are cheaper than the diamonds," Meredith replied. "Listen to me," she tried to explain better. "Not all the girls from your kindergarten can afford to wear expensive costumes for the Halloween party."
"Yes, they can," she contradicted her again. "My Daddy says it's an expensive kindergarten."
Meredith was surprised to hear her explanation. "Aren't you too little to think about money?"
Alicia smiled mischievously and shook her head. Meredith giggled and leaned down, kissing her on the forehead. "You're Daddy's girl."
"And Meri's girl," Alicia giggled, wrapping her arms around Meredith's neck.
Meredith felt her eyes welling at Alicia's compliment and Alicia noticed that immediately. "You're sad again."
"I told you I am not sad," Meredith smiled reassuringly, wiping her eyes. "I am just emotional." Suddenly she felt the urge of sharing her secret with someone else besides Cristina and there was no other person than Alicia who she would want to know. Meredith bit her lip, wondering if she should share it with someone else. If Alicia would know, the abortion would be out of discussion… or at least, harder to consider it.
"Can you keep a secret?" Meredith couldn't help it.
"Yes!" Alicia squealed as she stood up. "I can keep a secret. My Daddy and I have a secret and I am not telling you about it."
Meredith was surprised to hear that. "Is it about me?"
Alicia smiled and innocently nodded her head. "I like secrets. Tell me yours."
Meredith giggled and nodded. "It's a very important secret and you can't tell anyone about. Are we clear?"
Alicia drew the imaginary zipper over her lips and nodded in agreement.
"No one has to know that we have a secret," Meredith warned her.
Alicia smiled and nodded again.
"Ok," she giggled. She took a deep breath and put her hand on her stomach. "Do you know what I have in here?" she asked.
"Food," Alicia answered quickly.
"True," Meredith laughed. "But I have something else too."
"Butterflies?" Alicia asked.
"No, I don't have butterflies," Meredith laughed. "I have … a tiny baby."
Alicia stared at her in awe. "A baby?"
"Yes. A baby. And later, when it comes out, it will be your little brother or sister," she explained.
Alicia had her mouth opened as she listened to Meredith. "Why do you have it in your tummy?" she asked.
Meredith closed her eyes, blaming herself for not thinking about this before. Of course she was going to ask her about babies, where do they come from and how do they come out.
"Meri," Alicia called for her attention, patting her face.
"We… we'll talk about this some other time, ok?" Meredith hoped for an affirmative answer.
"Why?"
"Because … because now it's too late and your Daddy might be home any second now and he could hear about our secret. We don't want him to know about it yet."
Alicia sighed and lay back in bed. "Ok," she smiled. "Stay with me until Daddy comes, ok?"
"Only until your Daddy comes?" Meredith asked curiously.
Alicia nodded. "You have to sleep with him when he comes."
"Do I?" Meredith narrowed her eyes suspiciously. That morning she had complained about the fact that she woke up alone.
"Yes," Alicia nodded.
"Why?"
"Because you have to," Alicia shrugged.
"Ok," Meredith laughed, pleasantly surprised to see Alicia's sudden compliance toward that subject.
Alicia held out the blanket, inviting her beside her. "Only until my Daddy comes," she reassured her.
"Ok," Meredith laughed and lay down next to her.
Alicia snuggled in Meredith's arms and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you so much, Meri," she confessed. Then she put her hand on Meredith's tummy and whispered, "and the baby."
Meredith smiled, this time convinced that had made the right decision- because the decision had been made when she told Alicia about the baby… or maybe before.
"I am so emotional," Alicia muttered with a sigh.
Meredith smiled and kissed the top of her head, gently rubbing her back until Ally drifted to sleep.
