Sometimes it´s hard to describe my feelings for him.

I was there before the bus came. The reason that I don´t usually take the late bus is that then I´ll have to hurry in the other end. Though today I had to find a movie and couldn´t do it any other way. The universe is with me as the bus comes early instead of late for once.

My heart instantly starts beating faster every time I simply think of him. Sometimes I think I´m gonna get a heart attack from his cuteness. Other times I feel like I´m gonna melt from his hotness. Maybe I´m cheesier than pizza. I hope Sirius likes cheese because otherwise it´s not really gonna work that well.

Angeline is already in the waiting room when I arrived. I walked a little bit faster when I saw her. "You aren´t late, don´t worry. Did you find a good film?" she looked as great as always. I probably would have been interested if I wasn´t into guys only.

"Yeah. Three actually. Uhm… are you single by the way?" I suddenly remembered what Peter asked me last week.

She frowned. "Why are you asking?"

"My friend Peter-"

"Wormtail? The little chubby guy?" she didn´t look too excited. "Isn´t he kind of a player?"

I don´t know if he had kind of a reputation or if Sirius had told her about him. Peter probably hopes that it´s the first one.

"Yeah… he just wants to try a lot before he finds the one and only, I guess… Can we go meet Sirius now?"

His whole room smelled like popcorn. That´s the first thing I notice. Sirius is sitting cross-legged on the bed, his tongue is sticking out and he is doing something on the computer in front of him. When Sirius saw me his face lit up. My brain literally stopped working. I didn´t even realize I had said hi when Angeline closed the door and snapped me out of it.

"Did you bring a film?"

"I brought three" I walked closer towards the bed, placed my bag next to it and picked up the three movies. "How do you like Singin In The Rain?"

Sirius´ nose wrinkled and he shook his head. Oh, dear God that is the cutest thing I have ever seen him do. I should have brought more films he wouldn´t like just so I could see that over and over again. Somebody should make a film only starring only Sirius and him doing normal everyday things that I find tremendously cute.

"What about a scary movie then?" the idea of Sirius seeking comfort with me suddenly popped into my head again.

"No no no" he shook his head once again, though his nose didn´t wrinkle. "I´m no good with scary movies."

"Grease?" I asked and tried not to sound nervous. What if he didn´t like any of the movies I had brought?

Though he smiled. "I love Grease! It´s my favourite one" I smiled as well when he reached for the film to put it on. Sirius still sat cross-legged when I sat down next to him and I swear his leg was touching mine. He makes it so hard for me to concentrate on the movie that started playing. He placed the bowl with popcorn between us.

I actually did try to focus on the movie. For a few minutes at least. It´s just that I have seen in other movies how people take popcorn at the same time and accidentally bump hands. I wanna do that. I stared at his hands so I could take mine up at the same time -while trying not to make it weird- and we touched. It felt so amazing and right. He quickly withdrew his hand and I don´t know if it´s good or bad.

No matter what I couldn´t do it again. I had my hand behind him to steady myself. Sirius is so close and he smells so good. I imagined us as the lead characters, that we would get together in the end and snog a lot…

Sirius seemed very concentrated on the movie. Without making it too obvious I moved slightly closer to him, he didn´t flinch away and my heart might have skipped a beat. Or two. I could have been dead but no one knows.

My hand crept closer to his arse, though I managed to stop it just in time. Sirius was so close now and I couldn´t work correctly. He was just so close. If I leaned just a little more towards him, we would be touching. I could hear him breathe.

Sandy and Danny were singing their last song together. You are the one that I want. Maybe Sirius would finally be with me if I sang that song to him, the only problem is that I can´t sing. The film ended and the credits began.

I turned my head and so did Sirius. If he hadn´t moved a little away we would be touching right now. Sirius wasn´t looking into my eyes, he was looking at my lips.

I leaned the little bit closer we needed, and it was so much better than all the other times combined. My hands were suddenly on his hips and I have no idea how they ended up there. When we broke apart his hands flew up to mine and he tried to pull them away.

If I´m not mistaken his eyes were red with tears. "Let go of me" Sirius pleaded and tried to move my hands again.

"No" I stated and remembered the last time that happened. A tear fell down his cheek and he hiccupped. "Sirius this is what we both want. It´s okay! I won't hurt you" I stroked his hip with my thumb.

"How do you know that?!" he cried out loud and hiccupped again. "How do you know it won't just end like last time?"

"You can´t base your whole future on one bad experience-"

"But that´s what he said!" Sirius´ whole body was shaking and I was afraid he might run away again. I can´t have him run away when he is upset. "He promised he would stay with me forever, he promised he would love me. But he didn´t!" Sirius hiccupped again. I wanted to wrap my arms around him but he probably didn´t want that at the moment. "Why should you be any different?"

I don´t think I was supposed to answer him. He was still trying to get away.

"Because I´m not him. I´m not anything like him, I´m not ashamed" I wanted to add that I wouldn´t hurt him, but I don´t wanna be like Dennis. "You got to give me a chance."

To my big surprise, Sirius leaned against me. His head was on my shoulder and his whole left side was touching my whole right side. Sirius´ hands didn´t hold mine any longer and I used mine to hold around him. He didn´t flinch, he didn´t ask me to stop. Sirius calmed down and my t-shirt might have gotten a little wet, yet I couldn´t care less.

We sat like that for what felt like a very long time.

It took some before he started talking again, but when he did it was only a whisper. His voice was raspy. If I hadn´t seen him cry I would be able to guess it.

"I´m scared."

"You don´t have to" I whispered back.

"But I am" he cried again and snuggled closer towards me. "What if it will end just like last time? What if you are just liked him?"

"I´m not though, am I?" I rested my head on his head.

"I can´t lose you" he whispered. "If I had just hadn´t convinced him to get together, I wouldn´t have gotten hurt. I would still be his friend. I wouldn´t have lost him-"

I moved slightly away and cupped his face with my hand just like he had done with me when I was upset. Though unlike his small hands on my face, I had big hands on his head and was able to hold more.

"You won't lose me" I promised and knew that was a thing I would keep forever. "What do you say we do it this way; we try it. Even though I´m crazy about you it might not work out. If it doesn´t I´ll still be here as your friend."

"Really?" his eyes were hopeful. "You´ll stay with me?"

"Always" I smiled, and he did as well. "Not even ten wild horses would be able to keep me away" I joked, and Sirius laughed shortly.

My heart was beating like crazy as I just stared into Sirius´ eyes.

"So… you´re crazy about me?" Sirius teased and smirked. I blushed and let go of him only to take his hands instead. They were so small and perfect in mine. Just like I imagined them. "I think it´s cute" he admitted and blushed as well.

I wanted to touch every inch of him, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to cuddle and spend the whole night together. But time ran out. Angeline came. She had given us an extra half hour, so I had to leave now.

I didn´t want to kiss him in front of Angeline so I just settled with smiling and promising I would be back tomorrow.

Finally.

YAY

I was finally able to make this chapter God I have been waiting forever.

I hope you enjoyed and want to tell me your thoughts!