A/N: Oh boy. This chapter was really difficult for me in both writing and editing. I hope you guys like it! As always, many many thanks to my followers, those who have favorited, and those of you who have left such encouraging reviews :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or anything related. That all goes to the BBC.
Rose just stared at the space the Doctor disappeared from. She wasn't that surprised, honestly, she just wished she knew what had happened to her. While in her mind he had whispered, "What have you done?" But, that's just it... what did she do? He had been so sweet and loving to the babies, but maybe now... Maybe now he wished they didn't exist. Having children is the ultimate domestic. Her mind and body felt drained as she finally slumped back into bed.
"Rose, you alright?" Jack was pretty worried. She looked pale and clammy and whatever had just happened while the Doctor was in her mind, clearly had affected her.
"I'm so tired, Jack."
"I know, sweetheart. I'm here now, though, so why don't you try to get some sleep. Give the Doctor a chance to be alone for a bit," he tried reasoning with her while already preparing to go and have his own little talk with the Time Lord coward.
"I can't sleep right now. I need to find the Doctor."
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea."
"I need to find him and we need to talk. He has got to learn to open up to me. I am the mother of his children and I deserve to know what happened when I died. He can't always run away," Rose snapped.
He crossed his arms and looked at her evenly. "Yeah, but, listen to your own words, Rose. You're a mother. You need to take care of yourself so you can be there for your kids."
She sighed. "I promise you, Jack, after I talk to the Doctor, I will get some sleep." She shifted so she was sitting on the edge of her bed. "They've both been fed and changed so they should be fine for the next little bit. But, don't worry, if they need anything I'll be back right away."
"How will you know?" Jack questioned.
"My link with them is pretty powerful now that they've been born." She gave a small smile.
Rose stood and slowly made her way to the door. She stopped when she made it and turned around. "Does your offer still stand, Jack?"
"What offer, sweetheart?"
"For me and the babies to stay and live with you in here in Cardiff?"
The look on her face broke his heart. His poor Rose. "Of course! But really, Rose, I don't think-"
She cut him off, "I know, Jack. I know. Still... it's best I keep my options open. And right now that seems like it might be the best."
Jack just nodded and then watched her disappear into the hall. He looked to Annie who was still sleeping soundly in her cot and then looked down to the little boy in his arms. "I'll tell ya one thing, JT, you have two of the most confusing, stubborn, and beautiful parents."
Rose began her dissent further and further into the TARDIS. It was odd being back in these halls and corridors, but, at the same time, it was like she had never left. Rose paused when she noticed a door to her right. Odd. She could tell by the symbol on the door that it was the Doctor's bedroom, but, he had never kept his room there. It had always been directly across from her's. She knocked slightly but then went ahead and entered when she didn't hear a reply. She doubted the Doctor was there. It was never where he usually went to brood, but still, might as well check. "Doctor," she called out.
Nothing. He was nowhere to be seen. Rose looked around the room and took in how un-lived in it looked. Not that he was ever one to spend very much time there, but still, it's where he would get ready for their days and of course, he used it when sleep was necessary. Rose shivered. His room had always seem so warm and inviting to her, now it made her sad. What had happened to him after she left? And how long has it really been for him? She quickly exited the room and once again began her search.
She considered all the places the Doctor might be hiding out. The control room was the most obvious place, but, Rose knew that he only hid there if he didn't mind being found right away. The next place to consider was the library, however, that had become sort of a safe haven for them and she doubted that's where he would be. There were other places of course, such as the gardens and the conservatory, but, in the end she found him in the place she thought least likely... her bedroom. He was sitting on the edge of her bed, his back to her, staring at her picture board. It was filled of snapshots of her family and friends, but mostly it was pictures of the two of them. Including some of him before he changed.
"That was one of the things I missed most in my bedroom in the other universe," Rose said quietly before padding her way into the room. She sat next to him on the bed, however, she kept far enough away so they weren't touching.
"I've found myself in here an awful lot since I lost you. Just staring at this board," the Doctor finally acknowledged after minutes of silence. "Hope you don't mind."
"Your TARDIS," she said with a shrug.
"Your room," he countered.
"Yeah, but, I didn't live here anymore."
"The TARDIS will always be your home, Rose."
Rose stayed silent for a few minutes before finally speaking up again, "I came back using a device we called a Dimension Manipulator. I was in the Torchwood archives with Jake, seeing if we could find anything that might help me cross, when I found an old and broken Vortex Manipulator. Recognized it right away," she said with a grin. "When I explained to Jake what it was for, he immediately took it to the team and got them working on making compatible with the hoppers they used before, cause those stopped working as soon as the Void had closed." She continued, ignoring the Doctor's obvious shiver at her words, "The team figured if they combined the equipment we might have something. And they did. Got it done a lot quicker than I expected them too. I suspect mum and dad were paying them quite a bit. I'm sure they were working way more than anyone else at Torchwood."
"Do you still have it?" the Doctor asked before clarifying, "The Dimension Manipulator, I mean."
"No. I had to send it back to the other universe so they would know that I made it safely. I kept some schematics for it though if you would like to take a look sometime."
"Yeah, yeah, sounds nice," he agreed as he ran his hand through his hair.
Rose took a deep breath. Time to get everything out in the open. "So, here's what's going to happen next, Doctor," he looked up in surprise, "You're going to explain to me what happened when I died and what is wrong or not wrong with me. And you are going to tell me everything. I mean it, Doctor. When you're done, it's going to be my turn to speak again and you are going to sit there quietly like a nice little Time Lord and listen. Understood?"
The Doctor gaped at her for a moment before finally nodding his head. Rose continued to eye him until he started to speak, "What do you remember about being Bad Wolf, Rose?"
Rose thought for a moment. "It's strange... I-I remember it happening. I remember standing before the Daleks and then the Emperor made me angry... and then...and then they all disappeared with a wave of my hand. And you, Doctor," she turned her head to see him properly, "you were standing there before me, looking so terrified. Like... Like I scared you."
"Oh, Rose," he whispered. "You didn't scare me. I was scared of what was happening to you. You were going to die."
"I remember that too. The fire. Like I was burning from the inside out."
"When you were the Bad Wolf you had the entire Vortex running through you." He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I mean, imagine that! You had the power to see anything and everything all in one single moment. And that's exactly what you did." He opened his eyes to look at her sadly.
Rose shook her head. "What does that mean?"
"You looked at our timelines, every single one that could possible involve us. Any regular person usually has hundreds, maybe thousands of possibilities, but time travelers? Especially Time Lords? Well, there are millions, if not billions, of possibilities!" He looked at her with wide eyes. "Apparently you didn't like the ones that didn't have you in them, so you changed your course. You tied your timeline with mine while the Bad Wolf altered your DNA."
Rose looked shocked, but, wasn't terribly so. Somewhere in the back of her mind everything he was saying made sense. She couldn't remember all those apparent timelines he was talking about, but, there must be some residual awareness left in her. "So... am I still human? And if I am, am I like Jack?" she asked hesitantly, knowing how the Time Lord felt about the immortal man.
"You are not like Jack!" he denied vehemently. "You're still human, but you also still have some Bad Wolf left in you."
"Can I ever die though?"
"Not until I do."
"What!?" Rose shouted out.
"Like I said, you tied our timelines. As long as I'm alive, no matter what regeneration, you will be too. But once I die for good, then that's it. You will too," the Doctor told her rather harshly.
"And that makes you angry?" she questioned quietly.
The Doctor jumped off the bed and began pacing the room. "Of course it makes me angry, Rose! It was a stupid and foolish thing to do! I could possibly be alive for thousands of more years. Is that what you really want?" He continued to speak though, not giving her a chance to answer, "But, at the same time, I've burned through regenerations faster than any Time Lord should. They're not unlimited, Rose."
"So let me get this straight." Rose eyed him carefully. "On one hand, you're mad because I could live for thousands of years, but on the other hand, you're angry because I might not live for thousands of years." She shook her head."You make absolutely no sense."
He stopped pacing. "It's not..."
"Not what, Doctor? It was my decision apparently, so why are you so mad about it?" Rose shot back at him.
"That's just it, Rose, you weren't even in your right mind, so why would you do that!? Why would you make such a monumental, life altering choice like that!?" he yelled at her.
Rose looked down, refusing to make eye contact. "You know why," she whispered.
"Hello?"
"Martha Jones! How's normal life treating you?" Jack said into his mobile.
"It's only been a couple hours, Jack!" Martha laughed into her phone. "Miss me already?"
"Of course, I do."
"How's everything over there? How's your team?"
"Everything's fine with them. I'm in the TARDIS though at the moment, keeping an eye on the little ones while Rose is off tearing into the Doctor."
"They're fighting? What on Earth for?"
"I don't know if they're fighting exactly... The Doctor figured out what happened to Rose, but, instead of telling us, he took off running. Rose was pretty upset."
"I can imagine. Stupid alien." She sighed as she heard a knock on her door. "Listen, Jack, my sister just got here and we're going to go get some drinks but I'll have my mobile on me so call and let me know if anything happens, alright?"
"Will do. Tell your sister I said hello."
"Jack, you've never met my sister... wait... have you? Jack Harkness! Did you go out with my sister?!"
Jack just chuckled as he hung up his phone and continued to wait for Rose to come back.
"Rose..."
"Stop." She held up her hand. "It's my turn to talk." She finally made eye contact. "And you need to sit down. I don't like this having to look up at you while you're whirling around my room. Sit down! I'm far too exhausted to stand for that long."
He sat next to her looking concerned. "Rose, why don't you get some sleep. We can discuss whatever you want to later."
"No, Doctor. It's not gonna be like that! Not this time."
"Be like what, Rose?" he asked, exasperated.
"You're not going to avoid a tough conversation, by distracting me with any of your babble or by sending me to bed cause the 'silly ape needs some sleep.' That's not how this is going to work between us. Not anymore." She looked at him fiercely. "Now, it's my turn to talk and you're just gonna sit these and listen. Alright?"
The Doctor nodded in agreement. "Alright, Rose."
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "Do you know how horrible it was being separated from you? It hurt and I don't just mean emotionally, I mean it physically hurt." She opened her eyes to see a startled expression on his face. She could tell he wanted to ask what she meant by that, but, he kept to his word and stayed silent as she continued, "I refused to leave that awful room in the parallel Torchwood. I was convinced you would come get me and that's where you would go. I stayed there for five and a half hours. Mickey waited with me. He remembered and understood. As soon as those five and a half hours passed though, he picked me up and carried me to the car. I tried to fight him, but, I didn't have the energy. By the next day Pete had set up mine and mum's identities. Mum, of course, got to stay the same. Jackie Tyler back from the dead!"
She gave a short laugh. "And I was a daughter from a previous relationship, however, they didn't want me growing up in the spot light... blah blah blah. I was so angry. I yelled at Pete for hours because of it. Told him how I wouldn't need an identity cause you were going to come back for me." A tear slipped down her cheek. "He took it like a saint though. Just sat there and let me scream at him before finally pulling me in for a hug. He told me that he had no doubt in his mind that you were working on a way to come get me, but, until then I would need to have an identity. Just to be a the safe side."
Rose let a few more tears fall before finally wiping her cheeks. "A few days after that him and mum got 'remarried.' Everyone carried on with their lives and I... I kept waiting for you. Pete offered me a job with Torchwood but I wouldn't except anything full time. Just went in a few times when him or Mickey thought I might be able to identify something. But then... then came that day in Norway. The worst day of my life. The day I figured out that you weren't going to come and rescue me."
The Doctor finally interrupted, "I did try, Rose! I really did but-"
Rose shook her head. "Still my turn, Doctor," she reminded him. He immediately shut his mouth and let her continue, "So I thought that was it. Oh, I would never stop trying to find a way back, but, if you couldn't figure it out then how could I? Do you know what I was most scared of when we finally figured out how to get the Dimension Manipulator working?" He shook his head. "It wasn't exactly easy for us to figure out, but it wasn't that difficult either. And you, my Doctor, are the most brilliant person in the world! So if the Torchwood team could figure it out and you couldn't, well maybe that meant that you wouldn't, not that you couldn't."
She began to rub her temples. "On top of all of that I was impossibly pregnant and I knew nothing about what to expect or what was normal. I was constantly afraid that I was going to hurt them somehow. I knew you might not want them, but, I still needed you. I at least needed your knowledge for caring for them."
The Doctor gulped. "You thought I wouldn't want them?"
"Doctor, I had no idea what to think! There were times I thought you might be excited, I mean they have two hearts, they're clearly like you! That means you're not the last Time Lord anymore. But, I also now how you hate domestics and you won't let yourself love anyone because you're terrified of losing them. I figured you might end up running away from me and oh look at that you did!" She rolled her eyes sarcastically.
"I wasn't running away from them, Rose. I was just... it was what I saw in your mind. I was frightened and I needed time to think."
"And so that makes it okay?! God, Doctor. You can be such a bloody arse sometimes. I literally just gave birth, then I died, then I came back to life, and you...you seemed so loving and attentive and I thought maybe, just maybe, we could make this weird little family of our's work." She turned to give him a cold stare. "Maybe you would finally admit how you feel about me. It's not fair, Doctor. You know how I feel, how I've always felt. I know nothing about how you feel."
She turned to stare at her picture board and fixed her gaze on a picture of them at the Olympics. "You know, I thought maybe that night... maybe that meant you did ... I just don't know anymore. I understood though, that next morning. I figured out that it had been a one time deal. Never to be spoken of again." She sighed in defeat. "I'm so tired, Doctor, so I'm going to give you two options. And remember, there's no wrong answer. Option one: The babies and I will stay on the TARDIS and you and I will just be friends. And that'll be fine, Doctor. Really truly, I'll understand. I can be your just your friend, your companion. I did it for a little over two years and I can do it again. And then there's option two: The babies and I stay here in Cardiff with Jack. Although, I will insist that you at least come by as often as possible to visit with the children. But still... I understand that it is probably the best option for you."
She stood up as he stared at her, gob smacked. "I don't want you to answer me now. Take the rest of the night to really think about your answer and then let me know in the morning. Remember, I won't be upset either way. Choose what is best for you, Doctor."
Coming Soon: The Doctor makes some important decisions.
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