a/n: gah i'm the worst at updating lately

but at least this chapter is a decent size! also, lots of ven, what an attention whore

enjoy!

a-far-off-memory


Chapter XXIX

Ven walked toward the fountain court with his hood up, head ducked and shoulders hunched. All those who walked by him gave him a wide berth—he must've looked like some kind of delinquent or something. No matter, it just meant that he wouldn't have to deal with anyone.

The closer he got, the more his nerves grew. He couldn't calm himself—he wouldn't be able to take any more hurt, and he was terrified that all Terra would do was hurt him even more. He felt like he was going to be sick.

When he finally reached Radiant Garden, he steeled himself to enter the fountain court. Surprisingly, there weren't too many people out—but he supposed it wasn't all that surprising, since a glance up at the clouds revealed an angry grey sky. It was probably going to start raining any second.

Swallowing hard as his feet met the stone and crystal of the fountain court, he allowed his eyes to scan the area for Terra. He wasn't all that hard to spot—he was standing in front of the largest fountain, hands buried in his pockets. His back was to Ven, and the muscles looked tense.

Ven really wanted to puke.

He stopped a few feet away, clearing his throat expectantly. Terra whirled, and Ven was glad for the shadow of his hood covering his face, because he was sure he looked as if he were about to cry. Because seeing him again completely reopened the wounds in his heart, and the pain was almost crippling. "I'm here, so say what you're going to say so that I can be on my way," he croaked out, gnawing on the inside of his lip as he cursed his voice for sounding so broken. He felt a single drop of rain hit his nose.

"Ven, I..." Terra swallowed visibly. "I'm so sorry."

The blond barked out a harsh laugh. "For what, Terra? For fucking me and making it seem like you wanted to? For giving me hope that maybe, just maybe, you liked me the way I liked you? Or for walking out and telling me you couldn't stand to look at me anymore? Because you did all of that, Terra..." Don't cry, he told himself sternly. You be strong.

Terra's mouth hung open at that, and the sudden anguish in his eyes almost made Ven step back. "Ven, you don't understand—"

"I understand perfectly," Ven cut in sharply, his voice wobbling slightly. The rain began to come faster. "You don't like guys. I figured as much. You were drunk, I was drunk. It was all one big fucking mistake. I really should've known it was too good to be true, but there's nothing I can do about it now. You don't have to feel bad, I'm...I'm happy now," he forced out, though the words sounded slightly hollow even to his own ears. He was happy with Vanitas, but...

But he missed his friends. He missed his family. He missed Axel, Kairi, Sora, Riku, Aerith, Zack...his happiness was shallow, incomplete. But it was going to have to be enough.

He turned to leave, shoulders shaking, when a warm hand caught him by the arm. "Don't go," the brunet whispered, tightening his grip slightly. "I don't want you to leave, Ven."

Wrenching his arm free, Ven whirled to face him again. His hood fell down in the process, revealing the tears that were slowly making their descent down his cheeks, free to mingle with the rain. "You left first, Terra. I didn't want you to go...but you did, so you have no right to say that to me. Tell the others I'm sorry, but...everyone's better off without me, anyway."

He'd made it a few feet before Terra began to shout. "Do you honestly think that, Ventus?! Do you honestly think that your baby sister is better off now that someone else has left her? Do you think Zexion is better off without his best friend? Do you think that Roxas is better off? Because let me tell you, he's not. He fucking quit school, and he looks sick according to Zexion. Wake the fuck up, Ventus! I came here to try and make things right, but you've deluded yourself so much and you're running away from your problems! You wanna punch me? Fine! You wanna never see me again? That's fine too! But don't make others suffer for my mistake! Everyone misses you, goddammit!" Lower, in a choked voice, he added, "I miss you. I was stupid and afraid, but I'm not anymore. Ven, I—"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" Ven screamed, clutching at his head. "You aren't allowed to finish that fucking sentence, Terra! Just...fuck you! Stop lying to me about everyone else! Just...just don't try and contact me again!"

He took off running then, and Terra didn't follow. His breath came in sobs as he ran, warm tears mixing with cold rain. He only had to dodge a few people on his way back, and no one even spared him a glance. Something he was grateful for, since he must've looked like a complete mess.

Terra had no right to try and guilt him into coming back. Especially with what was probably lies...

They don't fucking need me, he reminded himself, wiping his nose on his sleeve. Fuck what Terra said.

He couldn't wait until Vanitas got home from work.


Roxas wouldn't even try to deny the fact that he was anxious. He, along with Axel, Demyx, Zexion, Sora and Riku sat in the living room of his house, waiting for Terra to come back...hopefully, along with Ventus.

Axel's hand have his thigh a gentle, reassuring squeeze, while the other moved to take one of his own and force his fingers to smooth out. There were deep grooves in his palm from his fingernails, and he let out a shaky breath when the redhead pressed gentle kisses to them. He hadn't even realized he'd been clenching his fist so hard.

"Breathe, Rox," he whispered softly, pulling the blond to his chest and kissing his temple.

Roxas immediately curled into his boyfriend, taking a shaky breath. "I'm just...I'm scared," he replied, exhaling slowly. "Because if Terra can't bring him back, then I don't really think that anyone can."

"Rox, even if that's true...he'll come back eventually. He's not going to stay away forever," Sora murmured softly. "It may take a little time, but he'll come around."

"Sora's right," Riku cut in, offering a smile. "Eventually he'll get it through that thick skull of his that he's not a burden on anyone, and then he'll be back before you know it."

Sighing, Roxas curled into Axel even more. "I hope you're all right." He needed Ven to come back. The worry he felt for him was all consuming—even though he knew he was at least alive since he'd answered Terra's texts, that didn't necessarily mean that he was okay...

Outside, rain began to fall. The anxiety in the room continued to grow as the minutes passed, until they finally heard a car outside. Zexion offered to get up and get the door, opening it just in time for Terra to stomp in...alone.

Roxas felt such crushing despair in that moment. Burying his face in Axel's neck to hide the tears that were filling his eyes, he forced himself to keep his breathing even.

"He didn't come...?" Zexion questioned as he pulled Terra into the room.

"He—" Terra stopped, inhaling sharply, and Roxas looked over to find him clutching his hair. "He wanted nothing to do with me. I tried to tell him that I was sorry and that everyone needed him to come back, but he insisted that I was lying to him. Not only that, but...he stank of weed..." The brunet slumped. "I...I really fucked up. I'm so sorry."

Calmly, Roxas stood. "Excuse me for a moment," he whispered, walking out of the room. He chewed on his lip, swallowing the lump in his throat as he made his way to the kitchen, where he slid down the cupboards to sit on the floor, drawing his knees up to his chest and allowing himself to break down.

It wasn't long before warm arms surrounded him. Axel's familiar scent filled his nostrils, and that only made the tears come faster. "I just want my brother back," he sobbed, entire body shaking. "Why won't he come back...?" "

"Shh, Roxy, shh...he just needs a little more time, okay? Give him just a little more time to sort himself out..."

"He smelled like weed, Axel! Wherever he is...it's not anywhere good..."

An overwhelming urge to puke filled Roxas then, and he hastily pushed Axel away and scrambled over to the sink just in time to empty the contents of his stomach. He felt Axel's hands rub his back soothingly as he gagged and heaved until there was nothing left. The redhead then pulled him close, reaching over to rinse out the sink while continuing to rub his back gently.

"You're alright, Roxy, shh...I'm here, it's okay." He pulled back slightly, and Roxas found concerned green eyes staring into his own. "Roxas...how about you go lay down, try and take a nap?"

Roxas shook his head. "I don't want to..."

A warm thumb traced the dark circles under his eyes. "Love, you look like death, and you're probably getting sick. Take some NyQuil and rest," he pleaded softly. "Let me take care of you."

Sighing, the blond allowed himself to be led out of the kitchen. Axel turned his gaze toward the living room and called, "Hey, Sor? Mind coming here for a minute?"

The brunet appeared immediately, worried blue eyes taking over Roxas. "What is it?"

"Roxy's not feeling the best...can you help him up to his room while I get him some medicine?"

Sora's hands then replaced the redhead's, and Roxas leaned his head on his best friend's shoulder and took a shaky breath. The brunet helped him up the stairs, which he was thankful for since his knees wouldn't stop shaking. They stopped at the bathroom first so that Roxas could brush his teeth, since his mouth tasted like barf.

Once they reached his room, Sora helped him climb under the covers. "I'm sorry that everything is so crazy for you right now, Rox...you don't deserve this," he said softly.

"I'm just glad I have all of you, and Axel...if he wasn't here, I don't know what I'd do. I feel bad though, he shouldn't have to do so much..."

"He loves you," Sora told him with a small smile. "He'd do anything to make you okay, Roxas. Not that you should take advantage of that or anything, but...he's happy to help you."

"I don't know how I ever hated him," he whispered, sighing. "I can't imagine ever loving someone as much as I love him. I never thought I'd find someone to love so much, but I did and I'm so grateful..."

Said redhead appeared then with a cup of water and some NyQuil. "Thanks for helping him up here, Sor. Riku's out in the car already, I asked everyone to leave. Will your parents be okay with keeping Nami and Kai all night?"

The brunet nodded. "I'll call and let them know, don't worry." Soft blue eyes fell on Roxas again. "Feel better soon, buddy. Try not to worry too much, okay?"

"I make no promises," the blond replied weakly.

With a sigh, Sora left. Seconds later, they heard the front door close, and then Axel was holding out the water and pills. "You'll sleep good after you take these, love."

Roxas took the pills, popping them in his mouth and swallowing a mouthful of water. He drank a little more before setting the glass on the nightstand, laying back against the pillow and loosing a long sigh.

"Want me to lay down with you?" Axel asked softly.

Slowly, Roxas nodded. It was pathetic, but...he didn't want to be alone. Because he was always alone in the nightmares that kept him up at night. Being alone was rapidly becoming his worst fear. Axel slipped under the covers, wrapping Roxas in his warmth as he pulled him against his chest.

Roxas felt incredibly calm as he felt the redhead's chest expand and deflate against his back, and he settled into a more comfortable, relaxed position. "What would I ever do without you to take care of me?" he questioned, turning his head so that he could meet his boyfriend's eyes.

Axel cracked a smile as he brushed stray hairs from Roxas' face. "Starve and run yourself ragged, probably." He grew pensive then, his other hand sliding along the blond's stomach. "You're losing weight, Roxy. I...I noticed you haven't really been eating a lot."

Roxas looked down. "When I eat too much...I just end up feeling sick. I can't eat half as much as I could before all of this happened..."

Axel sighed. "And I thought you didn't eat enough then. Rox, maybe you should see someone you can talk to...who can help you deal with this."

He shook his head. "I'll be okay, Ax. You're all I need. I'm sure my appetite will come back soon..."

Warm lips pressed against his temple. "I worry about you, Roxas. All you Strifes are damn stubborn."

At that, Roxas actually felt himself smile. "It runs in the family."

Axel's breath caught in his throat. "I...I missed that smile, Roxas. I missed it a lot. Haven't seen it in a while..." he said quietly, biting his lip. He looked so damn sad...

Roxas turned in his arms, reaching up to cup his face and connect their lips in a soft, languid kiss. The redhead responded immediately, rubbing his back and playing with his hair as their mouths moved slowly together.

"I'm sorry I'm worrying you so much, Ax. I just...it's hard, not knowing where Ven is. Not knowing where mom is. I'm just having a hard time sorting everything out in my head..." A ferocious yawn escaped him then, and he blinked tiredly.

"You're worth worrying about," Axel murmured, kissing the tip of his nose. "I love you, Roxas Strife, no matter what. We can handle whatever life throws at us, as long as we have each other. Get that memorized."

A soft snort escaped the blond, and he pressed one more kiss on his boyfriend's lips before rolling back over, pressing his back against Axel's chest. "Got it. I'm tired, Ax."

He felt a kiss on the top of his head. "Close your eyes, love. I'll be right here with you, I'm not going anywhere."

Roxas let those words soothe him as he allowed his eyes to fall shut, the NyQuil sweeping him into a black, dreamless sleep.


The second Vanitas got home later that night, Ven was in his arms, face pressed to his chest as he nuzzled it, inhaling his spicy scent.

"Not that I mind, but any reason for you tackling me like this?" the black haired man questioned, eyebrow raised and a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"I missed you," the blond murmured in reply. "Had a bad day," he tacked on, almost inaudibly.

Vanitas' brow furrowed. "Bad how?"

Ven sighed. "Just...people trying to get me to go home. But I don't want to go home, I'm happy here..."

Arms wrapped tight around him, almost possessively. "You don't have to go anywhere. I rather like having you all to myself, and I don't want to give that up." Ven lifted his head to meet golden eyes, and Vanitas tilted his head down to connect their lips. Like earlier that day, the kiss was almost...gentle.

"Now..." Vanitas grinned. "How about we relax and watch that movie?"

They ended up smoking another joint each. Vanitas went to pop popcorn while Ven went to the movie shelf to look for something suitable. Eyes lighting up when he spotted "Sinister", he grabbed it and put it in the DVD player. In the kitchen, he heard the microwave beep, and Vanitas came in just in time for the movie menu to pop up.

He smirked. "'Sinister,' eh? You have good taste, babe," he drawled as he placed the bowl of popcorn and their drinks on the coffee table before sitting down. Opening his arms, he beckoned Ven over, who jumped into his arms after flicking the lights off.

Curled together, they munched on the popcorn as the movie progressed, getting scarier as if went. It was one of Ven's favorite movies because it was so scary—it was one of the few horror movies that could always make him jump.

"Jesus fuck," he muttered when the demon's face moved on the computer screen, shuddering and burying his face in Vanitas' neck. The older male just laughed and hugged him closer, stuffing his mouth full of popcorn.

Ven didn't know what possessed him to do it, but Vanitas' neck was just so damn smooth and irresistible. Within moments, he began placing kisses up and down the pale skin, nipping lightly here and there to scatter temporary marks.

But he wanted to leave more than just a temporary mark.

Feeling bold, he latched on to a spot at the base of the black haired man's neck, suckling and nipping at the skin. Vanitas was lost in it for a moment before he suddenly went rigid, pushing Ven away roughly and reaching up to lay a hand over the spot. The blond gulped at the fury in his eyes, biting his lip and shrinking down.

"What the hell, Ventus?!"

Ven swallowed hard. "Sorry, I...I got carried away..."

"You better hope that this is hidden by my work shirt," he growled, stalking out of the room to the bathroom.

Ven sank back against the couch cushions, cursing himself. I always manage to fuck everything up, he thought miserably as tears sprang to his eyes. Why can't I ever do anything right?

A moment later, he heard a sigh, looking up in time to be pulled into a warm embrace. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to push you so hard, or to yell...don't cry, Ven, I'm so sorry..."

Ven's fingers knotted in his shirt. "No, I'm sorry...I shouldn't have done that...I'm sorry I'm a fuck up..."

Soft fingers tilted his chin up, and he found himself looking into warm green eyes. "Look at us, we're both fucked up. So it's okay, because we're fucked up together. So don't cry, okay? I overreacted. I just...don't like getting hickeys. They look much nicer on you anyway." His voice dropped low as he said that, eyes sparking.

Ven sniffled, blinking rapidly as his tears were wiped away by the older male. He'd never seen or heard Vanitas be so...tender. It made his heart ache in the best way.

"Thanks," he whispered, cracking a watery smile.

Vanitas grinned, though there was a soft edge to it. "Come on, let's just go to bed. It's late anyway."

Nodding, Ven allowed himself to be pulled off to the bedroom after they shut everything off. The two shed their shirts and pants, climbing under the covers in just their boxers and curling together. The blond felt as a kiss was pressed to the crown of his head, and a content sigh left him as he kissed Vanitas' chest in response.

Needless to say, he slept well that night.


a/n: ven and vanitas are awfully chummy lately

poor roxy, he has so much stress that it's making him sick :( again, it's still going to get much worse before it can get better, because i'm clearly a terrible person

i'll try to get the next chapter out asap, depending on if my head decides to cooperate or not (damn writer's block is so tricky)

thanks for all the lovely reviews! they make my day c:

afom out~