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I'm on a roll at the moment, hope you're enjoying the quick updates.
. . .
Harry and Draco sat huddled together at over dinner, they both clutched a leaf each and the newest Slytherin had his book open on the correct page so he could read the process one more time. They hadn't approached Hermione yet, which was mainly Draco's doing and the brunette suspected it was because Draco wanted this to just be between the two of them. He couldn't say that he blamed his friend because he didn't know the Ravenclaw like he did.
"So… we just put it in our mouth and then try not to swallow it for thirty one days and nights." Draco bit his lip as he spied the leaves on Harry's plate.
"How hard could it be?"
"Not like we could swallow it in our sleep. Does it cover that in the book?" The blonde remarked sarcastically.
"It didn't, but I think I read somewhere else that you just have to start the process again." Harry recalled, his back turned to the head table.
"Another reason why not many people master it." This time Draco picked his leaf up and quickly glanced around the room to make sure no one was watching too closely.
Harry saw this and glanced over his shoulder towards the staff, he didn't want to be busted and their actions weren't exactly subtle. He was so screwed for his meeting with Professor Snape tomorrow, especially if the hallucinations began right away. Taking his own leaf, he nodded to Draco and tucked it to the side of his cheek, wincing at the taste of bitterness, his face distorted to further prove he had eaten better things in his life.
"Just do it." Harry growled, his body shuddering at the taste.
Draco went through the same myriad of reactions before they both sat facing their empty plates, wishing there was a less invasive way to this transformation. Closing the book and placing it between them, Harry took in a deep breath and ran his tongue over the distasteful leaf in his mouth. All they had to do now was get through the unexplored effects of this exercise, meditate and then hopefully transform.
Unfortunately, they weren't aware of the curious sets of eyes watching their odd actions at dinner. One looking on with curiosity and the other knowing that nothing positive could ever come from plotting. However, the two teens were not approached on this evening and instead were left to wonder what would happen.
. . .
Harry wandered towards the edge of the forest that next morning, he was earlier than he should have been because he wanted to use that time to think things through and evaluate the situation before he let the man take him too far. He was worried that people could see him and didn't want to take the attention of others, not when it was a highly personal and delicate matter he was tending to.
Thankfully he was alone when he arrived at a large flat rock that he'd been to before and he took a seat, flopping backwards onto his back so he was only able to see the tips of the trees. The forest was a place he had never really found solace and he started thinking back to his second year with Ron and meeting Aragog, then there was almost losing Sirius to the Dementors in his third year. He laughed when he remembered Hagrid taking him to see the dragons in his fourth year, the bloody Hungarian Horntail had almost singed his eyebrows off that night. He briefly wondered what happened to Hagrid's brother after the war and if he was happily frolicking somewhere other than these haunted woods.
Then… there was the main reason why he was here. Voldemort. Death. Like he had thought prior, nothing ever good happened in this forest so why should it change? Professor Snape didn't have to do this with him, he wouldn't go into forests when he was gone from Hogwarts so why bother dealing with it all now? Taking a deep breath and sighing rather loudly, he turned his head sideways so he could look up towards the castle and noticed a black form walking towards him.
"I was not expecting to see you so promptly, Potter. You had given me the impression that this was something you would rather not do." Severus came and stood next to the rock his student was splayed out upon and raised an eyebrow.
"I guess you could say I am committed to getting better, sir." Harry replied, hoisting himself into a sitting position and crossing his legs at the ankles, body propped up by his arms.
"Which is pleasing to hear. Tell us, where we should begin."
"Huh?" Harry frowned and let his tongue run over the leaf that was tucked on the side of his cheek.
"This is for you, so tell me what you wish to do." Severus tilted his head, then looked off into the distance, his gaze going into the forest.
Harry thought for a moment, he too, looking into the forest but was distracted for a moment when he heard laughter coming down the hill and some younger students goofing about by the bridge. Not wanting to cause a scene in front of anyone, Harry stood suddenly, balling his fists and taking a determined breath.
"Right, let's get it over with then." He announced, jumping off the rock and walking straight towards the trees.
Severus watched with widened eyes as his student stormed forward and disappeared into the trees, his view partially covered by some shrubs he had walked behind. Realising what was happening he too walked forward and when he entered the trees his Slytherin was standing stock still, staring ahead. Wincing, Severus went and stood in front of him, he was pale and physically shaken by the presence of the woodland which both amused and worried the Slytherin Head of House. Stubborn Gryffindor bravery.
"Whilst I commend you on the foolhardy actions, perhaps this was not the best approach." The older Wizard offered but his student shook his head, it seemed as though he looked to be having breathing issues.
"Harry, please, one step at a time."
"No! I'm here now, let's go." Blinking Severus was pulled forward when the teen gripped his forearm and they trudged ahead.
If someone had been looking down on this situation, or observing from afar, they would have seen a confident young man walking through the forest. However, Severus knew better and he knew Harry would have checked out of the situation much like he had done so at Malfoy manor. This was going to get them nowhere but trouble so he pulled his arm back and stopped his student from progressing any further. He was aware that he could no longer see the rock the teen had been laying upon when he arrived, therefore not able to see their entry point.
"Stop, Harry. Look how far you've come." Severus motioned to the entry and it seemed realisation dawned at that moment, whatever mood he had been in was snapped away and he was left with reality.
"I-I – "
"Deep breaths. Tell me what you are feeling." Severus put a hand on his shoulder but did not get to see his green eyes tearing up as his Slytherin glanced away.
The voices in Harry's head, the ones he'd heard so often and caused him pain were returning. His mother mainly, she always told him how brave he had been, how strong he was – but she was gone and there was nothing he could do to bring her back. Voldemort's blood curdling venom always came after that, as if he were whispering into his ear, letting his sick fantasies known. A violent shudder went through his body at the vision of himself being tied up, levitated into the air by the filthy black ropes transfigured out of the Dark Lords robes. It made him want to vomit, put on display like he was, for all the Death Eaters around to see.
Severus was too late to catch his Slytherin as he crumpled to the forest floor, his knees digging into the moist fauna. He could see the tears now; his student was in immense pain but there wasn't a lot he could do but to comfort him later when they went back to his rooms. The teen was staring straight ahead, his breathing ragged but there was no way he knew there was someone standing with him, he was so far into his own mind. Severus figured this was something he should let continue, hoping that by working things through in his mind would help afterwards.
Harry could almost feel those cold, dead hands wrapping around his throat as the deranged man threatened his being, taunting him with the imminent death he was to endure. He felt trapped, not only physically but within his own mind. All he could see were trees blurring and his vision distorting, the bushes were swaying and moving in time with the blurring of his sight. It frightened him and the pressure around his chest and neck were growing; it got to the point where he felt suffocated and subconsiously brought his hands up around his neck, clawing at it.
Severus crouched in front of him but the gaze went straight through his body. This was a different response than he would have thought, he presumed that he would be holding back a scared Harry Potter, that he would be screaming and wanting to get out. This was the opposite, he seemed to be internalising it all; all but the claw marks against the reddening neck.
"Harry?" He caught the teen's wrists and pulled them away.
"I saw them you know, standing through there." Harry pointed past them both and into the distance.
"Saw who?"
"My mother… father… Sirius and Remus. They were there."
Severus remembered this, Harry had been so confused as to why he wasn't there with them. He huffed, could he have imagined what that reunion would have been like? That bloody mutt goading him even in the afterlife, it was barbaric. Seeing Lily would have been a low blow, he hadn't seen her since they left school and knew she wouldn't have changed since then. What would he have done seeing her again, even if she were only a figment of ones imagination.
"I recall you mentioning this before. Are they the ones that speak to you?"
"Only mother… and that scummy, filthy, perverted asshole that killed me. Teasing me, mocking my abilities…" The sniff roused Severus from his anguished thoughts and decided it was time for them to go.
Pulling the teen up, he wrapped his arms around his waist and held the slim body close. He promised Harry to free his mind, well he wasn't doing the best job at it right now was he? No, they had to leave, get to a safe place and then talk about what had happened. Pulling on his student, he dropped down when he moved but Harry didn't, falling to his knees again instead.
"Snap out of it, Potter. We are done for now, let us get you back to the castle."
"Don't leave me!" Harry shouted, his voice echoing through the forest.
The force of such an outburst took Severus by surprise and he dropped the hold he had on Harry's arm. He certainly wasn't going to leave him, especially not in the middle of the damn forest.
"Bloody hell, Potter. Get your sorry behind up and moving. I will not be letting you go off alone, now come along."
It seemed to snap the teen out of whatever stupor he was in and gripping his wrist tightly he pulled them both free from the forest. Harry was shaking rather violently by this point and even the sun shining down on them was unable to get a grip on taking away the thoughts. As they approached the castle, there were a few people wandering about so he took his arm back and saw to it that his student could walk without aid, to which he seemed to be okay with.
He ushered Harry towards the couch once they made it to the dungeons, he was suspiciously quiet so started acting on some damage control. Getting the teen to sit at one end, he walked into his bedroom to get a thick blanket and managed to wrap it around his student before taking the seat next to him. If Harry didn't want to be alone, then he wouldn't let him be.
"Sir, I – "
"No talking, not yet. Let it sink in and process, then we can discuss." Severus kept his voice soft and low.
Harry nodded slowly, feeling out of character and disorientated. He leaned into the man sitting next to him, he felt that he could because he had seated himself so closely, if he hadn't wanted that closeness then they would be at opposite ends of the couch. He soon found an arm draping around him which caused him more comfort that he wanted to continue, so, feeling brave he half turned and swung his legs up so they sat across the man's lap. Resting his head against his Professor's shoulder, he immediately felt calm and closed his eyes as he took in the familiar scent and presence.
Severus sat still for the most part, then adjusted the blanket to cover his student better. He knew he should have said something about this, made a move to correct their position but once he knew the teen was comfortable, he thought it would be futile to move. The body laying across him relaxed, muscles softening and enjoying the position they were in. This was a bizarre situation he was finding himself in, Harry was growing incredibly close, quite possibly closer than they should be getting. Through this process, Severus was thinking about his own emotions to it all and realised he wasn't so averse to what was occurring… whatever it was that happened to be occurring.
"I want them to stop talking to me." Harry had his head half buried against Severus's shoulder.
"Do they get worse at a particular point?" Severus asked, not at all surprised that the ghosts and memories haunted him.
"The forest… Sometimes when I'm alone, like when I shower. They've been okay for a little bit… But… What can I do for them to stop?"
"So, they appear when you are vulnerable. Do you think there are unresolved issues?"
"Of course, my mother is dead." Harry's voice grew a sulky tone, something that set Severus's teeth on edge, "Probably it got worse when I saw her the night he killed me."
"Just out of curiosity, what ever happened to the stone? Do you still have it in your possession?" Severus wanted to destroy it if it still did exist.
"I dropped it in the forest. I might be able to find it if I looked hard enough but – " Harry huffed darkly, " – As you can see, that will be an issue."
"I think we should find it, their presence is causing you pain. That resurrection stone should never have been created. That's what made the Deathly Hallows tale so dangerous, usually old wives tales are supposed to reflect some life lessons."
"That's why I snapped the Elder Wand." Harry tightened the blanket around his shoulders, but it was more out of comfort than to keep the chill at bay.
"We will keep that away from Albus, shall we? I do not think he will be overly impressed by that news." Severus's lips curled into somewhat of a smile and it was at that moment Harry decided to lift his head and saw it.
"Call it karma, then." Harry smiled back in response before repositioning his head to where it had been.
Severus knew there should be a reprimand in there somewhere for the comment about the late Headmaster but he couldn't bring himself to say it when he knew it was the truth.
They went silent for a little while after this, Harry swallowing the gathered saliva in his mouth and wincing at the awful taste of the leaf now tucked under his tongue. He was now fully aware that he had to be conscious of swallowing the damn thing. It was temporary reprieve from his emotions that had him sitting across his Professor like a little child. He didn't ever want to move from this position, he felt so safe here, he didn't need to worry about the dead trying to speak with him or memories cropping up. He felt neutral in the arms of his Professor, but that wasn't normal was it?
"If I may ask, Harry. You mentioned something back in the forest about the Dark Lord, I would like clarification, if you are able."
"I can't remember." Harry replied sheepishly and Severus took a moment, breathing deeply in preparation.
"I believe you called him a filthy, perverted asshole."
Harry couldn't help it, a small bubble of laughter caught in his throat at his Professor using some form of profanity.
"I amuse you?"
"Sorry, sir. I'm not used to you using such… language." Sitting up a little better, they were now able to look each other in the eye as Harry thought about how to answer.
"You-Know-Who was a great punisher, a true sadist… I witnessed many meetings that would attest to that idea." Continuing, the brunette looked hesitantly at his Professor, wondering if he should broach the subject of meeting attendance but continued without it for now.
"I'm not sure what you've heard from Professor Dumbledore but he seemed to enjoy restraining me at any possible moment, it was like he was afraid I would actually manage to attack him."
"He restrained you?"
"I see the Headmaster was null on that then. In my fourth year, when Professor Moody wasn't really Moody and I was port-keyed to that graveyard, it was the first time… He uh, he tied me to his father's grave stone. Then went parading about as if he finally caught his prize; it was rather disgusting. He kept repeating, I have finally got you – you cannot escape me now." Harry shuddered, "Then he touched me."
Severus felt the shudder and then his blood went cold, it wasn't something he thought he'd ever have to hear from any student but to hear it from Harry, seemed worse.
"He touched you?"
"Oh, no – no , no, no! Not like that. On my scar." Clarifying what he'd said, then another snort of laughter erupted from Harry, "That psychopath didn't even have a nose, I doubt he had a Jimmy."
Whatever possessed Harry to say what he had, he did not regret it because in the next breath he was experiencing a Severus Snape laugh. It was a deep chuckle, a pull at his lips and a shine to his onyx eyes. This was a true treat, he had never seen the man in such a light before and he knew that if he could do anything, anything at all, it would be to get the man to laugh. It suited him so well and took away all the bitterness he glorified when outside his private room.
"Any thought of the Dark Lord makes ones mood sour, however the mention of whether or not he had genitals is not something one should ever bare witness to."
"Sorry, sir." Harry scrunched up his nose, still smiling, "I didn't think before I spoke."
"Let us carry on then, it is good for you to speak about these. Did Dr. Fletcher ever get this deep into what happened?"
"No, it never seemed right. I mean, it's not something I would talk about in everyday conversation… Well, we sort of are, aren't we? But it's different with you. He always took the wrong idea anyway. I would say something but out of a situation he would pick one thing he thought important that wasn't really that special or an issue. You, on the other hand – and please don't kick me out for saying this – but you knew the Dark Lord and Professor Dumbledore, so you understand the balance on that tight rope and knew the mechanics of the war. I said to him one day that when I looked in the reflection, I was reminded of the green flash before I died; he then kept badgering on about how I would experience post traumatic episodes whenever I saw the colour green. It stuck in my mind for a good while and when I came back to school I started to believe that I truly was afraid of it."
"Hearing you say otherwise makes me question his qualifications." Severus sniffed, pulling a pained expression before placing his hand on Harry's knee, mostly out of comfort in the position he was sitting in.
"The day I attacked him, the first time before coming back to school, was an accident. He kept pushing and pushing me towards trying to believe something that wasn't true; said that he wanted to know what had gotten so under my skin that I continued to block out."
"May I ask what that was?" The older Wizard was curious, neither Fletcher or Harry had ever mentioned what it was but it seemed important.
"… After the war, I blocked everything out. I refused to read the papers or listen to the radio; the Burrow was good for that and allowed me to hide away in my bedroom. I didn't know what was happening or what had happened; I even made the Weasely family, plus Hermione, promise that they wouldn't mention anything about what was going on to me. I guess I wasn't ready to deal with it… Then Hermione took me to see Dr. Fletcher and he began telling me some things."
Harry paused and swallowed another sickly round of Mandrake leaf, watching his Professor observing him closely.
"But as the months went on, everything was just repeating. I heard Hogwarts was back up and running, which was fine and I heard Professor McGonagall was appointed Headmistress..."
"Who did you really want to hear about?" Severus gave his student a knowing look and received a tight smile back.
"I think that obvious, sir." Harry replied, looking down, "Of course, he overheard me talking to Hermione in the reception area one day about you and questioned me about it in the next session but that wasn't something I wanted to approach yet. I didn't know if you were alive or in a coma, you could have been left paralysed for all I knew and unable to speak. I felt like we had so much more to say and do… I was scared."
"I am right here, you know this."
"And I am so grateful. Who knows what kind of ditch I would be in now if it weren't for you. Even now, I feel so much better even though an hour ago I was a mess – ugh, my trousers must be so dirty." He went to move the blanket only to find his Professor's hand on his knee, so he stopped his movements.
He then sat up a little more, both hands were in his lap as he continued to lay across his Head of House. Not sure when the man's hand had appeared there, he had a sudden desire to reach out and touch it, so he did. He pulled it towards him and looked at it as if Professor Snape's hand was the most interesting body part he'd encountered. It didn't register that he shouldn't be doing it, or that it was inappropriate, just that he wanted to run his fingers along his knuckles, mapping it out. There was a thick vein and connected past his middle finger, it was raised and for some strange reason, he found it intriguing.
"Anyway… what were we talking about?" Harry didn't know how they managed to get on such a tangent but he'd forgotten how they'd gotten there.
"We were discussing about going upstairs to get some lunch."
"We were not." Harry frowned but smiled at the man's blatant attempt to change the subject.
"Do not fool yourself with the illusion that we are finished, oh no, we are far from done on these topics, Harry."
"I didn't think we were… but could we save it for another day now?"
"Yes, I think we could do that. We will stick with a midweek catch up and if required, I can make myself available in the weekends."
"Does that mean I can't come back here after lunch?"
"Indeed it does." Severus didn't particularly want to let him go but he knew it was the correct thing.
"Oh… Okay."
"I am sure there is homework for you to complete."
"There's always homework." The teen groaned, lifting his legs and swinging them back to the floor, "But that doesn't mean it has to be done in the common room or library. I think you'll find I can be very quiet when I need to be."
"Your attempts of staying in my presence are futile." Severus stood, a small smile on his lips as he attempted to get the teen out of his room.
"What if I need help with Defence?"
"You had the highest score for examations in my class, you should be teaching it instead." Severus dead panned him and pointed to the door.
"Potions then?" Harry refused to let the blanket go from around his body.
"Last I checked, Professor Slughorn took that particular class."
"Futile, huh?" Harry muttered, finally let the blanket go and folding it up.
There was a lightness in the air that Harry was enjoying. He had just experienced a rather exhausting exercise but now he didn't feel so bad about it. It was a shame he had to leave, he could have done with a nap on the mans couch for the afternoon but as he was ushered towards the door he realised that it was going to be the night that would cause him the most trouble. His hesitance was noted by his Head of House and the man stopped him before they left the room.
"I do not open my door to just anyone, Harry. You have had a tough morning and I expect that to be mirrored in your sleep this evening. I would like to hope that you use discretion and your common sense before running to seek me out this evening if that is what you so require."
Harry nodded, then looked at the door they were standing in front of. He didn't want to leave, it was a safe bubble within these walls and could happily stay there for the remainder of the evening. Alas, he knew he had to leave. Draco was probably wondering where he was and he needed to check the teen was okay, Merlin forbid he had started having hallucinations already. The taste of this Mandrake leaf was truly disgusting, but the only person he could talk to about it was probably sitting upstairs.
"Till next time then." Harry offered and his Professor nodded, going their separate ways.
. . .
Do you feel like there's too many tender moments between Harry and Severus?
