Hello everyone. First of all I just want to thank everyone for continuing to come back each and every chapter, it means so much to me! Secondly I want to thank all my reviewers, you have been very kind and very supportive and I appreciate you all taking time to write a review, it is very encouraging to see feedback. This chapter is short but if I wrote it correctly it will still be pretty powerful. I have been looking forward to this part of the story for a long time so I am very excited to see it coming together. I have to give credit to the fantastic song called Alone by Heart as part of the inspiration for this chapter. If you have never heard the song, I highly recommend checking it out. As always please let me know what you think and I will see you next chapter. Take care!
Disclaimer: Square Enix owns all things Final Fantasy.
Tifa was sitting on the floor of the suite, her legs drawn up to her chin, her faced buried in between her legs. Tifa lifted her head as tears continued to form in her glistening ruby eyes and roll down her cheeks until they dropped off her chin. Tifa had not cried this hard for this length of time in years. She had felt shame before, numerous times actually; but never like this. Tifa forcefully buried her head between her legs again. She could feel the cramping and queasiness in her stomach and allowed herself to be completely swallowed by her shame.
So weak. So pathetic.
So Tifa Lockhart let's look at all the names you and others have called you over the years.
Daughter, friend, fighter, terrorist, liar, hero...quitter.
Yeah Tifa, congratulations, you can now add one of the words you loathe the most. You always hated everyone leaving you, never understood why you always ended up alone. And honestly most of the times you were left weren't your fault. But today, you have no one to blame but yourself. You quit, you let him leave, you assumed.
Idiot.
Tifa jolted up and started to pace, the anger and disappointment in herself swelling up more and more as she continued to argue and scold herself.
Barret was the perfect out, the perfect excuse. If by some crazy way you had told Reno how you felt and he actually returned the feelings than yes at some point the issues between Barret and Reno would have to be addressed along with a slew of other issues like his obvious fear of commitment, your problems with communication etc. But that's what relationships are about. You share good times and problems, you learn about each other and you see if being together is the right thing...that is the whole point. But instead you just allowed the obstacles to consume you, that way you would never have to have that conversation with Reno....you know the one where you actually come clean and tell him how you feel.
With one swift punch she shattered the glass of the mirror in the bathroom as she screamed out loud in a rage, trying to find a place to release all the confused emotions inside her. She stared a moment at the broken mirror, seeing her face contorted by the jagged pieces that were still in the mirror. It was fitting, since she was broken too. She then looked down at her fist, there was blood on it yet she felt no physical pain. Tifa turned on the sink and let the blood wash off her and and disappear down the drain. If only she could be so lucky to be able to disappear. Feeling no strength in her legs after her outburst, she allowed herself to fall onto the cold floor of the bathroom, sobbing once more.
Yes Tifa you alone are to blame, choosing the option of silence. That way you would never have to deal with even the possibility of being rejected again. And deep down that is what scares you most. Reno knows you, it could be argued better than you know yourself in some areas. And if you told him and he didn't feel the same, than the only person who had ever really seen all sides of you would confirm what you had always been afraid of...
That you were meant to live your life alone.
So yes, silence is the only option, that way you can have the delusion that there is probably someone still out there somewhere for you.
But really Tifa, can you live with the regret? Are you willing to loose a confidant, friend, and the possibility of a lover because you couldn't be honest with him or yourself? Because you can't let go of the fear of rejection and truly always being alone?
You know this is different that anything else you have ever felt before.
So it comes down to one question.
Are you really a fighter or a quitter?
As Tifa Lockhart pondered the answer to that question she laughed bitterly at the irony as she looked at herself in the broken shards of glass on the floor. Everything was quiet, and even if there were people in the other rooms or just down the street...it didn't matter.
She was alone.
