Nora figured she had about twenty minutes before Miles and the rest of the group took off for Colorado. He had been reluctant to leave when Ramsey came to let them know Foster had approved the mission. Nora had been more than reluctant to let him go. She wanted to ask him not to but knew that wasn't an option. He would have agreed in a heartbeat but the others needed him more than she did. The chance of success would be lowered drastically if he didn't go. The only thing he was going to do if he stayed in Atlanta would be sit and stare at her. It wasn't worth it to risk everything just because she wanted him to hold her. She could be a big girl for a few days and suck it up until he got back.
She stood in front of the mirror in the bedroom, frowning as she inspected her reflection. She didn't even want to look at herself between the bruises and the shame she felt. All of this was because of her. No, it's not your fault. It didn't matter how many times she or Miles repeated it, it wasn't making any impact. If she had been stronger, if she hadn't been so emotional, if she had lied, Bass wouldn't know anything about the Tower. Bass. Her eyes narrowed in anger at the mere thought of her old friend.
She tied off the end of her braid and turned to pack a bag. She wasn't staying behind. She knew she was supposed to and definitely needed to but she couldn't sit back and do nothing for three reasons. One, this was her fault and she was going to fix it. She didn't care about Rachel but they needed her to get the power back on and in the back of her head, she thought of Alex and remembered her promise to him. Two, she wanted the chance to get her vengeance on Bass. Three, she didn't want to be without Miles again.
She was almost out of the suite when she felt the dizziness overcome her. She leaned heavily on the door frame, waiting for it to pass. Come on Clayton. Get your ass in gear. You've fought in far worse conditions and made it through. You need to do this. She inhaled a deep breath, then forced herself to keep moving.
"Nora. Nora,"
She snapped back to reality as she heard Miles's voice and quickly turned to look at him. He was walking towards her slowly, a concerned frown on his face.
"Maybe you should stay here." he had enough sense to word it as a suggestion rather than an order but she wasn't following either anyway.
"I told you I'm okay."
"You've been back, at the most, what, five, six hours? I shouldn't even have you out here. You're supposed to be resting, not running on fumes."
"I rested on the ride."
"It was two hours."
"Well, whether you like it or not, I'm here." she snapped. "I think I know myself better than you do. I know I can do this."
His hands fell to his hips as he observed her. Contrary to her belief, he did know her better. He could tell she was just barely keeping it together as it was but she was also determined and stubborn enough to force herself to keep going.
"Then come with me at least."
"No, we won't cover enough ground." she looked up at him with a mixed expression of irritation and gratitude, a hard feat to pull off. He knew what it meant though. She was glad he was being overprotective but didn't want it, at least not for the moment. "I don't need you coddling me."
"And I don't need you getting into trouble out there."
"I can manage a half hour on my own. I'll meet you back here."
"You're not going to give up." it wasn't a question but an aggravated observation.
"When have I ever?"
"Babe, I don't know what you think you need to prove-"
"I need to prove that I'm not weak and I'm not going to let him control my life. I won't be locked up in some gilded cage back in Atlanta."
"You would just blow your way out if I tried that. You're not weak. And Bass isn't here. These are people who care about you. They're not going to look down on you for needing more than fifteen minutes to recover."
"I will see you back here." she rubbed her hand over his arm, then bent down to grab the gas can, and turned away from him. He watched until she disappeared behind an old Humvee, then started to follow. He kept her in his line of sight for about fifteen minutes, until he was satisfied that she would be okay.
She knew he was following her. On one hand, she was grateful and felt bad for her reaction. She shouldn't have been giving him problems after everything that had transpired over the last month. She understood his anxiety in letting her go off because she had plenty of her own. But like she said, he couldn't coddle her and she wasn't going to hide and cower away as much as she wanted to. That simply wasn't her. It was time to pick up and keep moving. There would be plenty of time to deal with the fallout from her captivity after they finished this.
At some point, she glanced back and realized she was alone. He must have decided she didn't need a second shadow and actually gone to find fuel. She was partially relieved and sad at the same time but pushed the feeling away. The others needed him more than she did, that's all she had to keep reminding herself. Plus, she was doing just fine. That was until she was kneeling down beside a helicopter, waiting as the fuel drained into the can. At first, she didn't think anything was amiss.
A pair of footsteps sounded somewhere in front of her and her head jerked up quickly, causing her to get dizzy. Her heart was pounding as she looked between the vehicles to see no one around. She shook her head, told herself to keep calm and not freak out. She knew this was going to happen. Her attention was drawn back to the helicopter and she pulled the tube from the gas tank. She started to walk towards the next airstrip when she heard the footsteps ahead again. They were too light to be Miles, or any of the other guys for that matter.
"Charlie?" she detoured off the path and wound up between two large dump trucks. "Are you over here?"
She bent down, trying to peer underneath the trucks for any sign of another person, but saw nothing. She was starting to straighten up when she saw a shadow move rapidly at her side.
"Mommy!" she dropped the gas can as she heard Alex yell. It's not real. It's not real. But it sounded real. Another shadow up ahead. Another cry. Her breathing turned shallow as her head whipped around. She was losing her control. This isn't real. What would he be doing out in the middle of an abandoned base? Be rational. Gravel crunched behind her, causing her to spin around. The footsteps were heavier this time.
"Miles?" she started to head towards the front of the trucks. When she reached the plank leaning against the side of the truck, she saw a flash of green rush by the gap between the vehicles. The color instantly called forth the image of the Militia uniforms in her head. Her hand blindly reached for the knife at her thigh.
"Mommy!" Alex's insistent calls were coming from her left and she turned again. Why are you looking? There's no one there. Still, she started to walk in that direction. She would just look around and prove to herself no one was there. "Mommy, please!"
It felt like a panic attack. Despite being out in the open air, it seemed as though everything was closing in around her. Her hearing seemed like she had been plunged into water and her vision was swimming, unable to make out anything clearly enough. It was getting harder to breathe and think. What was she doing out here to begin with? That was her last coherent thought as she stumbled forward and landed on the ground unconscious.
"Where's Nora?"
It was like being hit by a train at full speed. He had been so worried about her but decided to trust her judgment, even if his didn't agree. Then, he became distracted by the pilot's murder, the sabotage of the chopper, and now Ramsey's murder, that his mind got preoccupied. Now, he was cursing himself.
"Where the hell is Nora?" he scanned each of their faces quickly, intending to pick up some slight sign of guilt at carving out her throat. No one said a word or even hinted that they had something to do with her disappearance. "Alright, first thing's first."
They entered the nearest hangar as he mentally berated himself. This was his fault. He knew she wasn't up to this and he still let her come, still let her wander off on her own. Part of him told himself it didn't matter. Even on her best day, his wife would not willingly sit out on the sidelines. He could rant, rave, and tie her to a chair all he wanted and she would still get her own way whether it was through conning him or weaseling her way out. He couldn't stop her.
But you could follow her. Instead, you turned around and let her go. Who does that? What is wrong with you? You let her run off after the drone strike, you didn't try hard enough to find her, you were planning to up and leave her for some suicide mission after Rachel, you let her come along, and now go off by herself half dead. Keep racking up those Husband of the Year points Matheson. You're doing a fantastic job.
He told himself she had probably gotten lost or didn't realize how long it had been. Maybe she was back at the helicopter now and wondering what the hell was going on. Or she's dead. You brought this on her.
He gritted his teeth as he made his way back to the helicopter. If she wasn't there, he would retrace her footsteps and figure out where she went from there. Could she overpower Neville, who was the prime suspect in Miles's mind? Maybe on a good day. Today? Extremely doubtful. If it was Sanborn, he liked to think she could take the scientist down even on a bad day. Unless he shot her up with another one of those mixes.
After what felt like years, he spotted her between the trucks. His chest tightened in fear as he ducked under the truck bed to get to her. For a moment, he was paralyzed as he stared down at her unconscious form. The sickening image of her throat slashed filled his mind and he almost vomited right there. Was this how it was going to end? After nearly losing her to Bass, she was going to die here just hours after getting her back? It would be a cruel twist of fate for sure. One brought on by your own negligence. He shook those thoughts off and steadied himself. Standing there staring at her was not going to give him any answers. After a deep breath, he grabbed her gently by the arm and rolled her over, then nearly wept in relief as he saw her throat intact.
"Nora," he cupped her face gently, felt her pulse against the edge of his palm, and sent a silent thank you to whatever or whoever was listening. "Baby,"
She jerked awake then, startled, and stared at him with fear that quickly melted into confusion.
"Hey, it's me. Where've you been?"
"Miles? What happened?"
"You tell me." he frowned as he saw her wrist bleeding and reached into his pocket for the torn rag he had stowed earlier.
"I don't know." she shook her head slightly. "I was heading out to get fuel, then I blacked out."
She frowned as she tried to recall what she was doing. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess and she could barely make anything out. The feel of Miles's fingers smoothing over her injured wrist caught her attention.
"You're cut. How'd that happen?" he asked. She stared at her wrist, then looked at him with a bewildered gaze.
"I don't remember." she looked frightened at the idea and shook her head a little. He stared down at her in concern, then slowly sat her up.
"Alright, come on." they sat there for a moment, allowing her to regain her senses. "You think you can walk?"
"I think you like looking for excuses to carry me." she muttered. The sass made him smirk slightly. It was a sign that she wasn't seriously harmed in any way. "How long has it been?"
"I don't know. An hour, hour and a half maybe. You scared the shit out of me." he helped her stand, kept a hand around her arm as she wobbled momentarily. "You good?"
"Yeah." she gave a short nod. He lowered his hand and wrapped his fingers protectively around hers as they started to walk. "Babe, I'm sorry."
"It's fine."
"No, it's not." she was right. They both knew it but he wasn't about to berate her when he thought she was dead five minutes ago.
"Nora, forget about it. Alright? Let's just get back to the others." he glanced back at the trucks as they walked back out into the open. "What were you doing back there?"
She looked back as well, frowning as she tried to remember, then said, "I thought I heard someone. I think."
"Who?"
"I don't know. I couldn't see. I just... I remember hearing people. That was when I blacked out." she looked up at him and frowned in confusion as she saw the deep frown on his face. "Why?"
"Ramsey and the pilot are dead. Throats were cut."
"Who-who would do that?"
"That's what I'm trying to figure out. Are you sure you didn't see anyone?" his eyes flicked to her wrist. "Maybe you fought them off?"
"No. I don't know. I'd remember something like that, wouldn't I?"
He shrugged, shaking his head in uncertainty. He didn't know what the hell was going on at this point. Except he wouldn't put it past Neville to try and harm them and Sanborn definitely would never make any list of trustworthy people, even if he did spring Nora from Philly. Charlie wasn't even a concern in his mind. Jason was too stupid and too loyal to Charlie to try and mess anything up. Jim was loyal to them. It never occurred to him to suspect his wife. In fact, the first time the idea came was when Neville suggested it when they returned to the hangar.
They all watched as he sat her down and gave her a water bottle from his pack. She took a few sips before setting it on the ground next to her and wrapped her arms around her torso. They were silent as Miles explained what had happened.
"Let me get this straight. You found Mamacita with a knife, passed out with a bloody arm." Neville paced in front of her and she fought the urge to curl further in on herself.
"She cut it when she fell."
"Okay. Or one of the men she killed managed to get a slice in on the way down."
"Okay, back off, alright?" Miles moved from Nora's side, feeling his defensive urge kick in. Neville gave him a look, as if to say, really, we're all suspects but her? Try using the upstairs brain, would you?
"This is what I tried to warn you. The cocktail that she's on-"
"You mean the cocktail you gave her?" he snapped at Sanborn, hands curling into fists. He was literally seeing red right now. All his fear and frustration was going to come bursting out in the worst possible way if one of them said one more word. He had screwed up a lot the past few weeks but he'd be damned if he allowed them to drag her through a witch hunt because one of them felt the need to take advantage of her.
"It can cause paranoia, hallucinations, psychotic behavior. It is at least possible that it's her." the list of symptoms caused Nora's stomach to clench uncomfortably. She definitely had the paranoia. She was feeling it right now as she felt everyone staring at her, ready to pounce. That panic attack feeling from before was starting again. Hallucinations- her memory was still fuzzy but for some odd reason, she thought of Alex and couldn't figure out why for the life of her. She closed her eyes momentarily, had a flash of running through the trucks, hearing him crying.
"Well it's possible it's you." Miles flung a hand at him in an irritated gesture. Sanborn rolled his eyes, give me a break, as Miles turned his attention to the rest of the group. His eyes landed on Jim, looking at him for help. He was one of their oldest friends, he wasn't going to turn his back on them now. He knew exactly the type of person Nora was.
"You're not listening to any of this."
"I don't know what to think." he shook his head, shrugging slightly. His lack of confidence in her was just one more blow. Nora exhaled a shaky breath, rocking slightly. Bass isn't here. These are people who care about you. She almost let out a desperate laugh as Miles's words from earlier filtered to the front of her brain. Yes, they cared so much that they were looking at her like she had just risen from the pits of Hell. The only one who cared was Charlie, who looked ready to join Miles in bashing everyone's heads together.
It felt like they were cornered- them against everyone else. She could feel the tension in the room, felt Miles's desperation and anxiety close to exploding, his urge to protect her and kill anyone who tried to inhibit that. But more than anything, she felt her own insecurities. She was weak right now and all the evidence pointed to her. She always prided herself on being rational. How could she go against that now?
"She didn't do it!" he exclaimed in frustration.
"Miles," she was speaking before she even realized it. Her voice broke slightly as her breathing quickened. He turned to look at her and she met his eye tearfully. "I think they're right."
"Nora-"
"I strangled that guy and I don't remember doing it." she looked away, remembering the interrogator back at the cell, and the shock and surprise she felt as she realized she was kneeling over his dead body. "What if I did this too?"
"Look at me." he knelt down to her, grabbed her leg roughly. He wasn't going to let her to do this to herself. This was Nora- the girl who had sobbed over her first kill, had taken years to build up her confidence in a battle or making a bomb, and even then had to reassure herself that she was doing this for the right reasons. She hated killing. She would avoid it if possible but unfortunately it was part of the job. She accepted it as something that had to be done. It wasn't enjoyable for her. She wasn't going to just start slitting people's throats open left and right, especially people she trusted and worked with. He didn't care if she was still drugged. He refused to believe that she would turn into some mindless zombie and not give a second thought to her actions. "I know you. If there's anyone I trust, anybody, it's you."
"I broke Miles. They broke me. I told Monroe everything. How could you possibly trust me?"
He felt ridiculous that he had to say this to her. They stared at each other and he tried to force all his thoughts at her through one simple look. They were in this together. He wasn't going to turn his back on her or feed her to the dogs. She was crazy if she thought otherwise. They had been through hell together. She had always been at his side, even when Bass hadn't. Who could he trust, if he couldn't trust his wife?
"I thought I could handle this, but I was wrong." she shook her head a little. Now they had gotten to the root of the problem. She couldn't trust herself. He knew she was shouldering an enormous amount of guilt right now, despite everything he said, and he didn't know how to rid her of that. He wouldn't understand it and she wouldn't understand his insistence otherwise.
"She's right you know." Neville's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked up at Nora once more, fought to wipe the tears off her face- he knew she was completely gone when she cried in front of other people, and turned around. "She's a risk to us all."
"Shut up Tom."
"Look, everyone is thinking it. Even that sweet little niece of yours."
"And what if it was you?" he walked directly to the other man, glaring down at him. He was done playing games. Whoever had done this had no idea the fury that he would unleash on them. Betraying your friends and colleagues was enough in itself. The sight of Nora in tears, fully believing she was responsible, only added to it. He wasn't going to allow the real murderer to get away with this and let her crumble even further. She didn't need this on top of everything else and he was going to prove to her that she was still the person he knew she was.
She was worried about him. It took everything she had to keep working on the helicopter. It had been twenty minutes since Neville had returned and told them Sanborn was dead and Jason had killed Jim. She hadn't seen Miles since. Neville, Charlie, and Jason had gone to grab what they could by way of supplies and she had turned her attention to fixing the helicopter. She knew he needed some time alone before they finished the rest of the trip to the Tower. That was the only reason why she hadn't gone to try and find him. He would come back when he was ready and she also knew he wasn't going to waste any more time than necessary.
Another ten minutes and she heard him walking up behind her. She squinted up at him in the dying sunlight, scanned the bruises and dried blood he hadn't managed to clean off.
"You look terrible."
"I appreciate that."
She smiled slightly as she twisted a few wires together. There was a moment of silence between them, then she looked up again.
"Thank you for backing me up today." she said softly. He frowned as he looked down at her. Was that a serious statement? He stared for a second, trying to decide if it was or not. Her somber expression told him it was.
"Why are you thanking me?"
"You could have believed them."
"Do you honestly think I would have?"
"No."
"Then this conversation is pretty redundant. I wasn't going to let him use you as a scapegoat."
"What if it was me?"
"You could have had the knife to my throat and I still would have defended you." he flashed a quick smile at her, making her laugh softly. She replaced the wires, shut the hood, and turned to him completely. She pulled him into a hug and put her head on his shoulder. His arms came around her and held tightly.
"Still, thanks."
"That's why I'm here right? Same thing you're always telling me. Just kind of odd to see you be the one lacking faith." he muttered.
"He let them know where the camp was and where Alex was, didn't he?" she asked quietly. She felt him nod silently in response. "Are you okay?"
"I guess I had it coming, after everything I did to him." he replied after a moment. He tried to brush it off but she knew he was hurting. She was hurting too. Besides Charlie, Jim would have been the last person she would have suspected. She lifted her head at that point and met his eye. She saw him glance around, making sure there was still no one around, then backed her gently against the chopper and kissed her slowly. It was short lived as Charlie walked up behind them. She flashed an awkward grin at them as they separated. Miles cleared his throat, slightly embarrassed, and Nora blushed a little. She put a gentle hand on his chest, straightened his jacket, and gave a small smile.
"Are you really going to fly this thing?"
"Maybe. Did you actually fix it?"
"Maybe." there was a faint twinkle in her eye as the corner of her mouth lifted in a grin. It made him want to smile. Even if it was just a small flash of her usual self, it was enough to keep him going. It was also a reminder of how close he had come to losing her and a frown formed as the familiar ache of sadness settled inside of him. She realized this and put her hand softly on his cheek to comfort him. "Come on, let's see if this worked."
