The next few days were a blur. The entire manor was in a frenzy, preparing for Alice and Rosalie's joint wedding. The servants had to hang decorations, scour every surface of the public areas, and prepare various food items. Bella, along with the rest of the servants, began to wake up at six and go to sleep at one in morning. It was a grueling schedule, but the only way that things would be ready in time for the event.

With all the work that had to be done and Jessica watching everyone like a hawk, there was no real time for Bella to run off and rendezvous with Jacob.

But truth be told, she felt relieved to be so busy. It kept her mind off thoughts and memories of Edward, which had been plaguing her lately. Since he had walked in on her in the library, her thoughts of him had become much more frequent and pervasive.

Sometimes she would be engrossed in a task, focused on it, when suddenly a memory of Edward would hit her like a sack of bricks, knocking the wind from her. She would be focused on scrubbing a shirt, when she would be reminded of Edward standing in the doorway of the inn, his naked form silhouetted by candlelight under the nightshirt.

Whenever they did Bella had to fight to compose herself: the sensation felt somewhat like being punched in the gut. She was constantly fighting off the sensation that there was a bruise in her chest, located right over her heart. And the memories only made that feeling worse, taking her breath away and leaving her fighting to compose herself and refocus on the task.

Worse was the gossip from the other maids. They loved to chat about Edward and Lady Caroline, who was apparently staying in Forks in anticipation of the wedding. She had come by a few times to visit the manor, and the maids who had served her were eager to recount their stories.

All of them said she was a great beauty, with brown eyes and long brunette hair. Her features were said to be delicate and refined, testaments to her noble bloodline. And she was supposedly very graceful and charming, with a reputation for virtue among England's society set.

The most intriguing piece of evidence, which the maids loved to scrutinize, was the fact that apparently Edward and Lady and Caroline had not spend the night together. Considering the fact that Edward was usually with a different girl every night, the fact that he had stopped sleeping around and was spending so much time with her outside of the bedroom was a testament to his seriousness about her. Or so everyone said.

Bella did her best to avoid the gossip about Lady Caroline. But some perverse part of her wanted to hear all the juicy details, wanted to know every aspect of their relationship. Wanted to lap up all the details about Edward's life, no matter how much they hurt to hear.

She didn't know why it hurt so much- she knew it shouldnt. But it did, and no amount of denying that would make it any less true.

As lunchtime approached, Bella felt she might explode from the constant chatter. Currently they were discussing whether Edward and Caroline would move to London if they got married, and it was just too much.

Bella gestured to Jessica, who nodded at her. She put down the pastry dough she had been rolling out, and walked out of the kitchen.

Even though it meant skipping her meal, she needed to see Jacob immediately.

The loneliness had become overwhelming. Her own thoughts were bad enough, but to hear them compounded by the idle gossip of the maids was simply unbearable. She hoped Jacob could help her keep her mind off of him.

Bella waited for Jacob to emerge from the stables, and together they walked to their spot by the pond.

Once again, Bella found herself unable to truly relax in the spot as she had before. Ever since Jacob's fight with Edward here, it seemed to be filled with his presence.

"I can't stay long," Jacob said. "We have so much work to do, readying the wedding carriage for Alice and Rosalie. You should see it. It's carved with floral-"

"That's alright." Bella wasn't sure how to give voice to what she wanted from Jacob. "I just- I need to be close to you."

Jacob looked down curiously at Bella. "What do you mean?"

Bella paused, thinking about how to word it. "I want to try something with you."

Jacob grinned. "You mean a kiss?"

Bella nodded, tilting her head up towards him.

Jacob smiled and lowered his head down, pressing his lips to hers.

Bella waited a few seconds, and then parted her mouth. She stuck her tongue out and gently ran it over Jacob's lips, seeking entry.

Jacob froze, and then immediately pulled away, rearing his head up and away from Bella. He took several steps back into the clearing, staring at her He stared at her as if she had grown two heads.

"What was that?" Jacob asked her, sounding alarmed.

Bella blushed, instantly ashamed. "It was a kiss. I- some people kiss like that."

"Bella, it's not decent." Jacob rubbed his mouth with his hand, as if trying to wipe her off of him. "That kind of thing is meant to be between married couples."

Bella felt frustration shoot through her, along with hurt at Jacob's unenthusiastic reaction to the kiss. She knew she shouldn't say anything, but she felt angry at the contrast between Jacob's reaction to her and Edward's.

"That's not true," she said under her breath. "Some people aren't."

Jacob's eyes became instantly alert, and he stared down at Bella as if she had just revealed her cards in poker. "Like who?"

Bella realized she might have said too much. She suspected that her trip with Edward was always at the back of Jacob's mind, as if he had sensed that something had transpired between them. As if she had returned from the trip transformed, marked and forever changed by Edward.

She smiled tightly, trying to look unconcerned. "I don't know. Never mind, I don't know what came over me."

Jacob stared at Bella cautiously for a few seconds, as though deciding whether or not to pursue the line of questioning. After a few seconds, he nodded.

"Good," he said, sounding satisfied with Bella's quick surrender. "I'm glad you realize that no nice girl would kiss someone before an engagement."

Bella nodded, trying to look as calm and possible and not allow the hurt to show on her face.

"And I have to tell you, Bella," Jacob said, reaching down and cupping her cheek. "Be patient. It might happen much sooner than you think."

From the twinkle in Jacob's eyes, Bella could tell he was referring to their engagement. She did her best to smile, covering up the emptiness she felt inside.

She quickly pressed her cheek into his chest, wanting to hide her thoughts from Jacob. The thought of marrying him, or even becoming engaged to him, made Bella feel like sprinting across the Cullen property until she ran out of breath. And even then, Bella thought bitterly, Jacob could catch her: with his physical strength and height, he could easily outpace her.

Jacob took Bella's hand, and they began to walk back to the stables. He assured her that he wouldn't tell anyone about her behavior in the clearing, and he would look past her forwardness.

Bella had thanked him gratefully, feeling a bitterness rise up inside of her at the double standard Jacob seemed to have for how "women should behave" and the behavior of his mates. Not to mention the fact that he had basically rejected her kiss.

When they reached the stables, Jacob had squeezed her hand before going back inside, promising her they would meet up after the ball, which was only a couple of days away.

As Bella walked back to the manor, she found herself fighting back tears.

She wasn't sure why Jacob's hint at an upcoming proposal had made her feel worse, but it had. Somehow she felt even lonelier and sadder than before.

She felt as though she could see her whole life lined up in front of her: a lifetime of cold kisses, awkward embraces, and polite conversation. At the very thought, Bella had to fight off another urge to just take off running and keep going until she collapsed.

There was a time when Bella had been so pleased to have Jacob's attention, when she had been thrilled to think of anyone wanting to marry her. But now she felt certain that she didn't want that.

She wanted something more for her life, something she knew now that Jacob couldn't give her.

What that thing was though- Bella wasn't even certain herself.

.

.

.

The day of the wedding arrived, and Jessica came throughout to announce the assignments for each of them. Of course, the scullery maids were needed in the kitchen, as usual. About half the manservants would be serving the guests, and the other half would be taking care of the heavy lifting in the kitchen: hauling crates of wine up and down the stairs, carving the smoked pig, carrying water from the well for cooking.

All of the female maids were going to be serving, and Bella spoke to each of them, detailing which room they would be in and the specific duties expected of them there. Bella was at the end of the line, and she held her breath while Jessica approached, eager and yet apprehensive to hear where she would be at the ball and therefore how much interaction she would have with Edward.

When Jessica finally reached Bella, she gave her a satisfied smile, staring maliciously at her.

"And Bella, last but least," she said, pronouncing each word crisply. "You will be in the kitchen, helping Angela."

With that she turned and stood in front of the servants, dismissing them and reiterating that they needed to do the best works of their lives.

As the group began to disburse, Bella could feel everyone's eyes on her. She realized immediately that this would be added to the repertoire of servants gossip. Everyone would be speculating as to why on earth Bella had been relegated to the kitchen, when she was a maid. What could she have done so wrong that the Cullens wanted to keep her out of sight from their guests?

Bella tilted her chin up, heading to the counter to resume chopping some cauliflower heads.

A few of the maids cast her sympathetic glances as she walked past, but some openly snickered.

It was certainly notable that Bella had been assigned to the kitchen. As a maid, she was paid significantly more than the scullery maids, and this was because she had been trained to perform public tasks such as serving guests.

Over the past few months, it had become obvious that Bella was a maid in name only: she was only ever asked to do laundry and toil away in the kitchen, the tasks of the scullery maids. And though she had been fighting off acknowledging this fact to herself, the wedding assignments had made it all very public.

Bella would be in the only maid working in the kitchen tonight, and she felt a bitterness settle over her as she realized the cause of her predicament.

No one else realized that Bella had been assigned to this position not because of a failure in service, but because Edward apparently couldn't stand the sight of her.

And that was made the whole situation a million times worse.

Some of the maids tried to come up and make conversation with Bella, but she brushed them aside, focusing on chopping the spring vegetables she had picked that morning. She knew she should try to act as though everything was fine, but her sadness had become too much to bear.

She felt as though she barely had the strength to make it through the day. Small talk was out of the question.