==Warnings: Depictions of alcohol abuse, prescription medication abuse, marijuana use, non-consensual sex, date-rape, panic attacks, depression and thoughts of suicide. If any of these are triggers, please do not read.==
He was already gone when he woke up given the lack of warmth beside him. It wasn't like Dean to sleep in and snuggle, which was something he liked to do. One benefit of being human, finding all kinds of personal quirks that serve no purpose. He has found that these small things though make up part of his personality. Things that he found peculiar before like choice of clothing, eating habits, stress relief and such were no longer confusing now that he was human.
Stretching while getting up from the memory foam bed, he heard a few cracks and pops. When he first did that months ago, he thought he broke something. Now it was just something he did. Standing, he took stock of the small room that had become both his and Dean's. In fairness, all the personal items were all Dean's and there was nothing of his in here. Not yet at least.
Originally, it was for Dean to keep an eye on him because of his panic attacks. It was also for him to comfort Dean from his crushing depression. His presence let Dean know that he was not alone, that he still had someone in the world. Now, months later, those were secondary reasons. They slept in the same bed together now because they wanted to. Last night was just the culmination of that.
Dean had kissed him. It was more than just a show of affection, it was a milestone. A turning point, one bigger than the one from a week earlier. The kiss was Dean letting him know that he was ready to move on. As with most things in Dean's life, there was some need of approval. He believed that Sam had once again visited him in his dreams and given his blessing. It was a mystery of how Sam was able to do that, but it was possible. There was no doubt in his mind that Sam somehow found a way. It was that or some higher power allowed him to do so.
Thinking of his father still brought up bitter thoughts, but God did intervene. He himself was brought back numerous times, as were the Winchesters. Divine intervention he had found was done when it was needed, not when they wanted. In that manner, he knew his father still cared for his creations. He also understood that God wasn't around because it was time for them all to take charge of their own destinies. To learn from their own mistakes. To grow.
And grow he has in the past several years. Once he was a commander of a garrison of angels, then he was demoted, destroyed, drained, insane and now fully human. There were many lessons he had learned, some very hard and bitter, others were good. Last night was a good one. As he walked over to the showers, he knew he was carrying a large smile. There was music coming from somewhere in the bunker, Dean's classic rock he mused.
Once showered, he followed the music to its source, which was the kitchen. There was Dean finishing cooking breakfast. Sensing his entrance, Dean looked up at him, "morning Cas." He pointed a spatula at him, "want some bacon?"
He smiled back, "don't ask stupid questions." That got him a laugh and four slices of bacon.
"What's cooking?" Kevin asked coming into the kitchen next.
"Breakfast. Got a plate ready for you." Dean said as he placed Cas's plate in front of him. Grabbing their own, both Kevin and Dean sat down. Talking about what Kevin had found so far, which wasn't much, they enjoyed the breakfast. Once they were done, Kevin went back to study the tablet. He and Dean just looked at each other over the dishes.
"So…I was thinking about going out and getting a headstone finally. I've been putting off for months." Dean said as he gathered the dishes.
"Any idea what you want?"
"Marble I think, best we can find." Standing up with the dishes, "you wouldn't know how to chisel stone do you?"
He shook his head, "no. Do you want to do it yourself?"
"I have no idea how to carve. Crafts are not my best suit." Dean sighed, "I also don't want to arouse any questions. All the places want to know which cemetery they will deliver it to. There is a mason who can do it. I remember Sam pulled out the guys info when we were trying to find surviving members of the Men of Letters. I called him up earlier and set up a meeting."
"That's interesting. There had to be more members given the size of the bunker," he mused. The bunker can easily house dozens of people.
"Yeah, I know. We need to go on a grocery run." Dean said as he dropped the dishes in the sink while he got up.
"I'm ready to go if you are."
Turning around, Dean looked at him wiping his hands. "Cas, you know I'm not that great talking about…feelings. Last night…"Dean looked at the ground.
His heart sank, was Dean going to deny their…whatever it is? "You think it was a mistake?"
Dean looked up, "what? No! I just…I just don't know what we have, never done anything like this Cas. This is new to me." Walking over to him, he cupped his face, "Cas, I…you know…"
"Love me?" he supplied with hope.
Dean nodded, "yeah…stuff like that. It's hard for me to talk about. I just want to let you know that."
He smiled, "Dean, I always knew that."
Standing up straight and smiling, "uh…good. Cause I have no idea what to do here."
"You're asking like I would know? I do not." Dean huffed but he continued, "but…we'll do what we always do."
Dean arched his eye brow, "oh, and what's that Pinky?"
He assumed that was a pop reference that Dean was fond of but he went on, "make our own way."
"Sounds like us." Dean gave him his mischievous smile. "Anyway…good chat. We'll go after the dishes are done." Grabbing the dish towel, he stood by Dean as he began to wash them. Things like this happened now, they don't have to say anything to each other. They just do whatever needs to be done. Once everything was dried and put away, they told Kevin they were going out.
The ride over and in the store, there was a feeling of something new between them. It lent them both excitement and sense of giddiness. They bought unnecessary junk food with the usual stuff. They went to another store and bought some movies to watch. The mood quieted though as they drove to the stone mason. When they got there, they looked over the house and workshop that was attached to it. It was an isolated homestead, but Dean explained that he got this info from the Men of Letters file. Apparently this was a mason they had connections to.
Ringing the doorbell, an elderly man who was quite spry opened the door. Holding out his hand, "Hi! You must be Dean." Shaking the offered hand, Dean nodded and the man motioned for them to come in.
"I'm the one who called earlier, about a headstone." Dean said. "This is my partner Cas." He looked at Dean, not knowing if Dean meant partner as in business or partner as in a relationship.
"Nice to meet you Cas. Is that short for something?" the old man extended his hand to him as well.
"Castiel," he answered as he shook the man's hand.
"Angel of Thursday." The man said with a smile. Looking over, he saw Dean tense as they both thought the same thing. Was this another angel or hitman? Thankfully, the man continued, "my name is Joe, bit of a theological historian. I just read over a book on angelology."
"Oh, yes. My father was a very religious man," he lied quickly.
Joe nodded, "take a seat. Want anything to drink? Coffee, water?"
Dean held up his hand. "No, we're good. Thank you."
"Suit yourself," Joe said as he seated himself in an armchair across them. "I'm surprised I got a call for a job. I've haven't done mason work in a longtime."
"Sorry sir, we didn't know. A friend referred us to you. Said you were good." Dean lied smoothly.
"This friend of yours, does he happen to be a Man of Letters?"
He and Dean looked at each other surprised. "You know the Men of Letters?"
"More accurately knew them. My father was one before the order disbanded back in the day. We used to do the stonework for them, containers, repairs and on occasion, headstones. And we only worked for them. That's why I was surprised to hear from you. Are they back then?"
"Not really, it was just me and my brother. We're legacies because of our grandfather. Cas and I are the only ones in there now."
"In the bunker? I see. Well, I hope you two can restart it. They did a lot of good. Now, what do you need me for?"
Dean looked down, "my brother…Sam. He died and I buried him at the bunker. I wanted to get a headstone for him. I was looking for masons when I remembered there was one listed in the files. That's why I called. "
Joe nodded, "well, that was my daddy's thing. I was supposed to be initiated into it before it collapsed. I'm too old now to be much use, but I can make that headstone for you. I'll make sure he has a proper Men of Letters gravestone."
He saw there was a twinkle in Dean's eye and a visibly trying to hold back his emotions. Without thought, he took Dean's hand to offer his support and answered for him. "Thank you. Sam was looking forward to becoming a Man of Letters. He was an academic, interested in preserving the knowledge." Dean squeezed his hand in thanks and held on.
"May I ask how he passed?"
"He closed the gates of Hell. Locked all the demons across the world." Dean said with a measure of pride.
Joe looked astonished, "that's possible?"
"He slammed them down forever, but he sacrificed himself to do it."
"Golly. My sympathies son. It would be an honor then to do this."
"Sam also saved the world once before, when he trapped Lucifer in the cage. He ended the Apocalypse." He had to add that, Sam deserved to be recognized for that sacrifice as well.
"My god, what do you boys do?"
Dean huffed, "hunt things, saving people. It's the family business."
Stroking his wrinkled chin, "I think I know what to make. It'll take me a while, but I have a large unused piece of marble that would be good. What's his info?" Dean handed him the paper with Sam's information. "Simple enough. Is there anything you want on it? An epitaph or anything?"
"Just the Aquarian Star and a…cross." Sam was a man of faith he knew, though that was something he rarely shared with other hunters. Hunters have a disdain for religion in general. It was fitting that Dean request that.
"Not a problem. I think I can have this done in a couple of weeks." The grandfather clock loudly announced the hour. "Oh my, it's getting late. You boys want to stay for dinner?"
"No thank you. We should head back to the bunker." Dean said as he got up.
"Very well, I'll give you a call when it's done."
"How much do I owe you?"
Joe held up his hands, "no charge. I'm retired and I have no need for money. As I said, it'll be an honor to do this."
Dean bit his lip to contain his gratitude before he spoke. "Thank you sir."
"Not a problem son, not a problem. I'll call you." Escorting them to the door, he waved at them before closing it once they were through.
At the bottom of the steps, Dean handed him the keys. "You drive Cas. Know the way back?"
He looked over at Dean. "You sure Dean?"
The hunter nodded, "I…I just want to watch, not drive." Not pushing for more than that, they both went into the car. The roads were icy so he was extra careful and did not exceed the speed limit at all. Dean didn't mind, he just had the music up and kept his gaze on the darkening scenery. Somewhere along the line, Dean entwined his hand with his, leaving him with one hand to steer.
When they arrived back to the bunker it was well into the evening. He and Dean packed up the groceries and threw in a pizza into the oven. While it cooked, they checked on Kevin who still hadn't found anything. No news from Charlie and Garth either, so he and Dean settled into watching a movie. Dean regained some of his happiness watching the explosions rip across the screen. He didn't follow the plot, but involved fast cars which always made Dean happy.
Kevin popped in and said he was turning in for the night before the movie ended. After some commentary about the unrealistic probabilities of those stunts, Kevin left them alone. He and Dean agreed not to push the young man like they did before, so they let him decide his own schedule. As long as his mom was safe, Kevin was content to work as much as he could though. He was a very industrious person in addition to being highly intelligent.
Back in their own room for the night, he snuggled closer to Dean. "So we're getting a headstone for Sam. From a former Man of Letters no less."
Dean rubbed his eyes, "yeah, I wonder if there are any more out there."
"You think we should look for them?"
"I dunno, maybe they left for a reason. Maybe?" Dean clicked off the light.
"Do you want to restart the Men of Letters Dean? Officially, you're the only one left." He felt an arm wrap around him. He wanted to have a smoke, but since he and Dean been sleeping like this, he had used it less and less.
"Yeah…I'm the only one left. Listen Cas, can we talk about this later? Right now, I just want to rest. It's been a long day."
"Of course. Good night Dean."
He felt a small kiss on the back of his neck. "Night Cas."
