Beta-ed by Loveroffanfiction, without whom this chapter wouldn't be nearly as good.
The world shook in agonizing slowness, his head pounding as his pulse thumped in his mind. Blue eyes squinted open, a soft moan slipping past his lips as the light blinded him. A shape was in his eyesight, as dark as it was blurry, and whatever it was had a firm and bruising grasp on his shoulder as it shook him into oblivion.
"No need to worry." Someone said. The voice was strict, vaguely familiar, and held something akin to demand in tone. "It's just a simple sedative. It'll wear off in a couple hours."
Behind that voice, there was one of panic. The words were too loud to understand, so Naruto stopped paying attention and listened for the calmer, quieter voice—the one that didn't make him want to pierce his ears until they bled— and eventually, the panicked voice became nothing but silence.
Whoever held his shoulder tightened their grasp, and Naruto jerked to the side—a motion that was slower than it should have been—he pulled his arm over his eyes, hoping it would dim the horrible lights in the room. He took a deep, raspy breath. His eyelids were heavy, and his body so fatigued he wanted to collapse despite already laying on the ground. He licked his lips, mouth as dry as the dead leaves outside, and released a soft moan as he tilted his head into the hand shaking him.
Whoever it was had cold hands, and with the unpleasant heat simmering through his veins, he wanted those hands running over every inch of skin he had.
"Though I am surprised he woke up so soon. It's only been a couple minutes."
He squinted his eyes open further, a nagging voice telling him to stay awake before something happened, and a familiar face came into view. Sasuke was leaning over him, eyes wide and voice shrill as he tried to wake Naruto. Orochimaru stood behind him, face leering down at them both, that twisted smirk back on that sickening pale face.
He tried to listen, ignoring the way his pulse pounded like music blasting through the hall. Sasuke's voice eased back into its cold tone, and Orochimaru sounded satisfied.
But the words were far too muffled to understand, and all he wanted to do was sleep.
But the voice kept talking.
He pounded his head on the ground. Maybe if he hurt himself enough, the voice would go silent, and he could close his eyes without anyone screaming at him. That would certainly be nice. But as he lifted his head to bang it again, Sasuke placed his hand underneath him, keeping his head steady and in a place that wasn't nearly as hard as the floor.
Naruto frowned. That wasn't what he wanted.
Sasuke's hand couldn't silence that voice.
Only pain would.
"Possess... insane... fuck off already..."
"Sh't up" Naruto said.
Why was everyone screaming?
Don't fall asleep again.
"All you have to do is—"
"Absolutely not."
But no matter how many times the voice tried to keep him awake, Naruto couldn't keep his eyes open.
The world spun when he opened his eyes. He lifted himself up slowly, hand resting atop his head to ease the headache. What happened? All he remembered was Orochimaru's face, and then there was nothing. Did he pass out? Get in some sort of trouble? Orochimaru had been mad at him, and that could lead to a number of consequences.
There in the distance a crow squawked, and a campfire brought heat into his chilled bones. The grass was cold and wet with dew. It was early morning, but the sun had yet to fully rise. The wind blew gently over his skin, and the campfire swayed along with it.
Sasuke had his gaze at the fire, katana sheathed in his hands, knuckles white as his sharingan flared from red to black and red again. Naruto furrowed his brows. Was he angry? Sad? He had never seen Sasuke's eyes flash like that, and hadn't a clue what it meant.
"What's—"
"You were right." Sasuke said, closing his eyes as he tightened his grip on the hilt of his katana. "I shouldn't have come. Tsunade told me I wasn't ready."
Naruto blinked. That was unexpected. The last time Sasuke had admitted he was wrong was... was—
Naruto cocked his head. Had Sasuke ever admitted to being wrong before?
Not that I can remember.
But as unexpected as it was, Naruto was inclined to agree. Sasuke really shouldn't have come. It was a bad idea all around, especially since Orochimaru clearly knew what happened.
"It's not your fault." He said.
Except it was. If Sasuke hadn't come to get him, nothing would have changed in Naruto's life. He would still be at Orochimaru's, learning to stitch and draw blood, and all the servants and people there would still love him.
But now?
Now, he was in the middle of nowhere, with Sasuke, who had kissed him only the day before. He couldn't go back to Orochimaru's, and no other village except Konoha would welcome him.
He closed his eyes. Konoha was the only place he could go.
He took a deep breath, recalling the way rocks were thrown at his head and how those looks sent him into a whirlwind of fear and anger. He couldn't go back to that. Not after feeling the peace of being welcomed and greeted by people who cared and wanted him to stay.
Not when he made a home in the place of a criminal.
Not when he was finally at peace.
"Goddammit." He said.
Why did Sasuke have to come?
Why couldn't he have stayed in Konoha?
He fisted his hands in his pants, biting his lower lip until it bruised. Sasuke had done this. He'd forced Naruto into a place of homelessness or Konoha.
He'd taken Naruto's home away.
Forced him into exile.
And he could never go back so long as Orochimaru knew he lied about Sasuke.
"But it is." Sasuke said, "you were so... happy there. And I—Orochimaru made it clear he doesn't want you back. We barely managed to get away as it was. Going back would—" he shook his head, his eyes now forever black. Naruto looked down into the fire, watching as the flames danced up and down with the wind, and he listened to the small cackling as it ate away the wood.
Sasuke was right.
It was his fault.
He clenched his fists. What was he going to do about it, though? Hate him? Pretend it didn't happen? Forgive him?
No. He thought. But I can ignore him.
He laid down on the ground, the grass tickling his arms. His choices were limited, and the most sensible action was to go back to Konoha.
He closed his eyes. One thing was for sure. No matter what happened, it couldn't possibly get any worse.
"The villagers don't hate you as much." Sasuke said.
Naruto frowned. Didn't hate him? Since when? All he remembered of Konoha was hate and despair. Now that he'd traipsed with a traitor for three years, the villagers had even more reason to hate him. After all, if no one knew of the mission he were on, what would anyone believe except that Naruto himself was a traitor? He'd gone to Orochimaru willingly, and had stayed despite the horrors of that place. All reasons they had pointed at him being a traitor, and yet that wasn't true at all.
But who would believe him? He was nothing more than a kid who everyone despised.
"Care to elaborate?" He said. The campfire cackled as it burned the firewood. Sasuke made it with one of his fancy techniques. It was honestly quite impressive. If Naruto were the one spitting fire, his mouth would have lost all sensation, and been destroyed by the flames. But Sasuke managed to retain everything despite fire spitting from his throat and escaping through those lips.
"Hmm-mmm. I kept telling them to stop hating you. I explained that you were on a mission. It may have taken a while, but most of them have come around."
Naruto furrowed his brows, staring down at the fire. The flames danced in red and yellow and orange. It was similar to a sunset, except it burned brighter and wasn't nearly as beautiful. Sasuke's eyes, however, reflected the fire. With eyes as dark as those, it was easy to see each strand of fire burst in those eyes. It was a better sight than even the most gorgeous sunset, and Naruto could hardly look away.
"How did we escape?" He said. Even now, days after they'd left, Naruto still didn't know anything about how Sasuke had gotten them both out.
And Orochimaru was stronger than Sasuke, of that he was certain. So how in God's name could they have escaped without a scratch? How could Sasuke have survived?
Why didn't Orochimaru kill him?
Sasuke's eyes stayed locked on the fire. He wrapped his arms around his knees, lowering his head until his chin rested on his knees.
"I made a deal."
Alarm washed through him. A deal? Of what kind? And how trapped was Sasuke in this deal? Orochimaru couldn't have made Sasuke promise anything good. Was Sasuke going to allow a Orochimaru to possess him? But if that was the case, what was he doing here instead of there?
Shouldn't Orochimaru have already killed him?
"What—"
"I'll be going back there. Once you're safe in Konoha."
Naruto whipped his head up. What? Why would Sasuke do that? Why promise something so idiotic, so dangerous?
Why go so far for someone like him?
"You idiot."
Naruto ground his teeth together. His nails bit into his palms until blood was drawn. Sasuke was a fool. Not only had he gotten Naruto kicked out of his only home, but it was Sasuke who got to return there?
The bite of envy bubbled into his chest. Sasuke got to go back to Orochimaru's. He had the freedom to have the routine of saving people and watching them die. Of eating Isagora's cooking, and sleeping eight hours a night.
Sasuke got to have what Naruto couldn't return to.
"You fucking idiot."
But Sasuke said not a word, only frowned at Naruto with eyes seldom of any regret.
"Relax, Naruto." He said, "Orochimaru was so desperate for my body he would believe anything I told him. I have no plan of actually going back there."
Naruto narrowed his eyes. It was not reassuring to hear those words. Not like it should have been. But he had no words except for those laced in hatred, so he kept his mouth shut and closed his eyes.
He should sleep the anger off and figure everything out tomorrow.
Sasuke stood by his side, as he had in the several weeks it took to travel back to Konoha. They were only one day away now. By tomorrow afternoon, he would be back in the nightmare he was born into.
His stomach dropped. Of all the places to be...
He shook his head. Thinking about it would lead to more problems, and he'd no doubt dry heave the same way he had done when his thoughts delved deeper and deeper into what could happen when he returned.
No one knew it was a mission except the council and Sarutobi. So for all the residents in Konoha knew, Naruto had betrayed the village and left with a man who was as horrible as he was pale.
They would hate him even more.
They would hurt him even more.
His chest clenched. Why did it have to be that way? Couldn't they just accept him as he was, demon or no demon, and move on from all the hate and grief and despair?
Couldn't they forgive him for housing Kyuubi?
He sighed. He hated thinking about that. All it brought was painful memories and too many questions of 'what if.'
He glanced over to Sasuke. Naruto had been ignoring him all month, partly because there was a grudge growing in his heart over what Sasuke had caused, but also because Sasuke wanted to talk about his mistake when all Naruto wanted to do was forget and move on.
He didn't like thinking about the things he'd lost.
"It's been over a month." Sasuke said, lips a swollen blue. Naruto had watched him chip away at his bottom lip with his teeth. It was a familiar habit, one Naruto picked up on when he was a child. But while Naruto had Kyuubi to heal his injury, Sasuke did not. "You need to stop ignoring me."
No.
Sasuke had apologized once, and then proceeded to sulk until Naruto had the urge to talk. But he'd shoved that urge down. Because while Naruto did love Sasuke, he couldn't bare to talk to the man who'd sent him back on the path to hell. The anger grew inside his heart until it was a tangled wire of confusion, and Naruto didn't know how to make sense of any of it.
It was true that Naruto hadn't explained the risks, so Sasuke had no way of knowing that his actions could have such dire consequences. But Naruto didn't think he'd do something so damn stupid.
He was a trained shinobi, after all. That kind of carelessness shouldn't be allowed. And yet, even though Naruto had told him to leave, Sasuke never listened.
And why would he?
Sasuke didn't listen to anyone except himself.
"Naruto—"
"Stop it."
And as a result, Naruto had lost his only home.
And he found it hard to forgive. Not because he couldn't. Sasuke was regretful, and Naruto was killing him with this silence. But it was so much easier not to talk about it, and Naruto didn't want to think of what Sasuke had done or of how he was going back to Konoha. He had nothing to say except cruel words of hate, words that Naruto couldn't bare to say to Sasuke's face.
"I didn't—" Sasuke said.
"Stop talking about this."
Maybe when Naruto was back in hell, he could forgive Sasuke. Because then, it would all be real, and Naruto could face the fact that he was back there forever.
"Okay." Sasuke said, "if that's how you want it."
Naruto nodded. That was how he wanted it. As long as there was silence, Naruto didn't have to deal with any fight or conflict that might arise by talking.
"But I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want it to happen. Or expect it to. I thought I was strong enough. I thought I could—"
Naruto whipped his head behind him, a glint of red shading his eyes. "Why do you want to talk about this so bad, huh?"
Why can't you let it go?
He just wanted to forget any of this happened, but Sasuke kept on reminding him.
And tomorrow, he would be back in Konoha.
"I know I messed up."
"You've made that plenty clear."
Sasuke's eye twitched. "Yes. I have. Is it really that hard to forgive me? All I did was try to defend you. The sharingan just sort of activated. I didn't want that to happen."
I know.
He knew all too well after all the time they spent together.
His chest warmed up. He still remembered the way he had attempted to save Sasuke from Ino while they were henged into each other. They were only just getting to know each other after all the years of hatred, but Naruto had taken pity on Sasuke the same way Sasuke took pity on him when it came to coursework.
He gave a soft smile. Those days were so much simpler.
Those days, all Naruto had was hate.
But now, there was hate and confusion and warmth and desire and despair and everything in between.
It was far too much for him to handle alone.
"It's not your fault." Naruto said.
But he couldn't believe it, no matter how much he wanted to.
"Then why won't you talk to me."
Because it's Konoha.
"Because it is your fault."
None of this would be happening if Sasuke hadn't come.
And yet, Naruto couldn't be mad at Sasuke for trying to help.
But he sure as hell could stop talking about it.
Well, we're heading towards the end of the story now. Only about 5-6 more chapters left. I'm both excited and dreadful for that. I don't really want this to end, but I also really want to finish this story.
Well, we're heading towards the end of the story now. Only about 5-6 more chapters left. I'm both excited and dreadful for that. I don't really want this to end, but I also really want to finish this story.
Also, my lovely beta reader and good friend, Loveroffanfiction, and her co-author, BeSkydreamer, have published their very own fic called Tender Weakness. It is completely awesome, and they are both wonderful writers. So if you want, go check the story out. They are not on , though, but you can find them on AO3.
Anyhoo, let me know how this chapter was!
