A/N: Please see my note at the end.
Chapter 29
Bella could feel the budding migraine throbbing deep in the back of her skull. Her forehead was resting on the warm, sticky glass as the sun, hot and bright, beat down on her cheek through the window. Each pothole and corner sent angry twinges up through her temples, and even though her brother was speaking, she was having a hard time focusing on his words.
"…about this one?"
"Huh?"
"I said," Emmett turned in his seat to eye her, "what about this one?"
Bella, weary and discouraged, glanced passively through the windshield. She craned her neck to peer around Marcus' tall, dark head in the driver's seat and laid eyes on the concrete monstrosity on the corner of 7th and Ardmore. Though the sides were tall and made of grey brick, and there was a long, rickety fire escape screwed to the side, that was where the similarities ended. This building was too tall, she thought, and its brick too dark. The windows were laid too far back in the wall, and when she squinted her eyes through the blazing sunlight, she thought she could make out the thin, white bars of cozy, Georgian windows.
"No," she sighed, shaking her head as she rested her chin on her folded knees. "Not quite."
Emmett, sighing, waved his hand dismissively at Marcus, indicating that they should move on. This had been the way of things all morning—as soon as the sun had risen high enough to wake her, Bella had dragged herself out of bed and together, she, Emmett, and Marcus had been prowling uselessly around Koreatown looking for anything that Bella might recognize. Marcus had been kind enough to drive. Bella supposed she should be thankful that she had her brother as a companion in the back seat, but just now, all she wanted to do was quit.
The longer she looked, the more dejected she felt.
"Next block?" asked Marcus, creeping to a halt at a red light. "We've got quite a few streets left…"
"Bella?" Emmett glanced down at her. Bella shrugged.
"I guess."
"We can go home, you know…" Marcus drove on. "This was your idea, after all."
"I know," she sighed, rubbing her eyes with the butt of her hand. "I know, I just…"
Emmett watched her, silent.
"It's just…" He raised an eyebrow. "How big is this place?"
Emmett barked a laugh.
"Los Angeles?" he asked. "Huge."
"Exactly." She could not keep the grumble out of her voice. "I just figured that I'd recognize something. Anything, really…"
"When we hit the right spot, you will," assured Emmett. "But if you want to stop, just say the word."
Bella, despite the pounding headache behind her eyes, shook her head.
"Not yet."
She could not give up now, no matter how much she wanted to. No matter how badly she wanted to crawl back into her warm, cozy bed at Emmett's house, to sleep the day away under the thick, heavy blankets, she knew that it would do her no good. She was so tired, so mind-numbingly weary, that it was a wonder she had even managed to drag herself up at all. Emmett was worried about her— she could see it in his eyes whenever he thought she wasn't looking—and while the nasty, cruel voice in her head screamed at her to succumb, she knew she could not.
She recognized the feelings that had crept up on her in the week since her interview at the police station. They had been her constant companion since her father had grown ill… that hideous, clawing exhaustion that was a constant, omnipresent threat. She knew that if she let it, it would consume her. If she bowed to its pressure, gave in to the crushing, dauntless defeat, it would take, and take, and take…
"Alright then." Emmett's voice, sudden and loud, jerked her out of her reverie. When she started, his brows twitched in sympathetic worry, and Bella felt her cheeks heat up.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. Sorry." She swallowed thickly, picking her chin up from her denim-clad knees. "Just thinking."
Emmett shook his head.
"About what?"
"I don't know." Bella closed her eyes again. "Everything."
Emmett continued to watch her. Bella bit back her discomfort as he stared, the silence dragging until Marcus, his gaze glued on the rippling heat of the road, pulled to a stop at another red light.
"We're going to figure it out, you know," said Emmett softly, breaking the silence. "What we're looking for is out there somewhere… we've just gotta find it." His words rang through the car.
"Yeah, maybe." Even to her, her voice sounded hollow. "Someday."
"Soon," he promised. "I mean it, Bella. I don't care if takes a day, a month, or a year. We will find what we're looking for."
"Not soon enough," said Bella, her voice soft and dark. "I can't help but think…"
"You think too much, sometimes," he chided, cutting her off. Bella, though the words pricked her conscience, kept her mouth shut.
"You keep that up," chided Emmett softly, "and you'll drive yourself mad."
Bella, despite herself, could not keep the wry, bitter smile off of her face.
What if I already am?
"Hey."
Her eyes, which she had closed for just a few moments, snapped open at the sudden excitement in Emmett's voice. The headache had subsided only a little. She could still feel the threatening pulses in the back of her head, but when she shifted her eyes carefully through the darkened back seat, the look of curious excitement on her brother's face made Bella pause.
"What?" Her voice was cautious and quiet.
"What about these?" Oblivious, Bella blinked stupidly as Emmett gestured vaguely towards the car window. Bella turned her head.
Her mouth went dry.
"Where are we?" she demanded, sitting up straight. She all but pressed her nose to the glass as she felt a sudden surge of adrenaline that send her pulse racing. Her heart was in her stomach, and her face, which was already sweaty from the heat of the car, went suddenly pallid…
"A few miles out from Chinatown," said Marcus gently. "It's not exactly where the detectives were looking, but…"
"This is it," said Bella, breathless. The acrid, bubbling fear that had climbed its way up her spine was tempered only by the sudden and jolting sense of familiarity. She knew this neighbourhood. She knew these little whitewashed cubes, all so close together that not even the finest needle could slide between them. She recognized these yards, all squares of browning, brittle grass and overgrown, gaudy flowerboxes…
In both directions, no matter how hard Bella squinted, she could see nothing but the same… row upon row of cookie-cutter, stuccoed townhouses.
"Are you sure?" Marcus pulled the car to a gentle stop at the side of the road.
"Positive." Bella's breath caught in her throat. She glanced over at the nearest house, taking stock of the short, squat little man working in the garden. She did not recognize him, even when he turned his red, sweaty face towards the car, and at once, almost instinctively, Bella's eyes trailed towards the stone walkway that went from the white front door to the blistering sidewalk…
She could almost feel the sand under her feet, just like it had been that night she had tried to run…
"You look like you've seen a ghost," said Emmett, all smiling pretense falling from his face. "Do we have this neighbourhood written down, Marcus?"
"Sure do." Bella saw Marcus' fast fingers flying over the letters on his cell phone.
"Let's go home, then," said Emmett. "We've done enough for today. It'll be dinnertime soon, and…"
Bella shook her head.
"Yes, Bella," protested Emmett. "You've gone white as a sheet, and I know you must be hungry. You barely ate anything at all this morning."
"I'm fine," she said at once. Get a hold of yourself, Bella…
"No, you're not," sighed Emmett, though there was no hint of a fight in his voice. "Anyone with eyes can see that."
Bella let out a shaky laugh.
"I'm just surprised."
"I'm not," returned Emmett. "I knew we'd find it, if we looked long enough. Though how you walked from all the way out here to Alice's café…"
The sudden memory—the smell of a dumpster in the blazing, California heat—made her stomach roil.
"Hey, man, let's go." Emmett spoke to Marcus before unbuckled his belt and slid over to her. "You look like you're going to be sick…"
"Do I need to pull over?" asked Marcus at once, eying her with pitying suspicion from the front seat. "If you're going to…"
Bella shook her head.
"I'm fine," she insisted. "Just… shocked, that's all."
"Let's go home, Marcus," said Emmett again. "We can come back another day. Or better yet, send Jasper."
Bella shivered, though no part of her was cold.
"Right-o." Marcus put the car in gear, and Bella, jolted by his sudden speed, fell back against the headrest. Emmett did not move—he kept his hand firmly and soothingly on her bended knee, his eyes flickering seriously between the road ahead and Bella's face.
All she could smell was that dumpster, and all she could feel was the thick, bubbling anxiety creeping ever closer…
The third time his eyes shifted over to her, Bella turned away.
"I'm fine," she insisted again, though she was sure he sensed the lie. She could not look at him—not when he was staring so intently at her—and when she closed her eyes, her hands rubbing furious circles against her closed eyelids, she found herself sinking deeper back into that night so long ago… the adrenaline that had fuelled her, the fear that had motivated her, and the searing, scalding desperation that had driven her to bolt from that nondescript house into the belly of the sprawling, hostile city…
Unbidden tears came rushing to the forefront, and though she was quick to staunch them on her sleeve, she knew her brother was not fooled. She heard his sigh—the sound of defeat and resignation loud over the quiet rumbling of the car—and though she felt his hand slide down to squeeze hers, she did not look up.
"This is a good thing, Bella," he said, just loud enough for her to hear. "We've got a lead now. Once we give Jasper what we've found, he and the other officers can come and look around…"
"I know." Her cracking voice made her angry. She did not want to cry… why could she not control herself? Why now, when she had an audience, were her defenses failing? A hot, salty tear seeped into her jeans, and she rubbed it furiously with the pad of her thumb.
"You're safe, you know that, right?" Emmett spoke again—this time, a whisper in her ear.
"I know," she said again. And she did. Another drop fell.
"He can't hurt you anymore."
"I know." Another tear. And another. And another…
He sighed again, his worried face swimming behind the sea of sudden emotion. She could not look at him for long—her shame at being laid bare made her want to hide—but Emmett did not seem to notice. He did not care that she was embarrassed, or that her face was growing red and blotchy, or even that everything from the set of her spine to the white-knuckled grip her hands held on door begged to be left alone. Like he always did, even though it was not always appreciated, she felt his heavy arm sneak around her shoulders as his hardened, gentle hands urged her near.
"I'm sorry you're sad," he said gently, once he had ensconced her safely in the crook of his arm. Her head rested just above his heart, and if she stopped her blubbing long enough to listen, she could hear the slow, rhythmic thumping beneath the skin and bones of his chest.
"I'm not sad," she said, a hiccup interrupting the words. This, at least, was true—at that moment, Bella was not sad. At that moment, Bella was angry. Just then, she was frightened. Knowing that her old hell was so near, Bella was anxious, and jumpy, and completely and utterly drained…
Emmett said nothing.
"We'll go home," he repeated slowly, speaking through the fog clouding her brain. "We'll go home, and relax, and find something to eat, and…"
Bella, eyes shut tight, could not listen any further.
"I'm sorry," she said, cutting him off. "I just…"
"I know." He patted her gently on the back. "Never mind. I know."
But as the words left his lips, Bella knew them for what they were—lies. Emmett did not know. Emmett could never know just how her memories tormented her. Some part of her—some deep, desperate, and primal part of her—wished he did know, though she would never wish her memories onto anyone else, much less her own flesh and blood…
"Shit!"
And all at once, their bubble was popped.
"What the fuck, man?" Emmett cursed noisily as the pair of them were flung forward in their seats, unbuckled Emmett hurled onto his knees in the tiny space between the driver's seat and his own. Marcus, speeding down the side streets as fast as he dared, had slammed on the breaks so suddenly that Bella, with no time to react, felt the seatbelt cut into her shoulder. She grimaced when her already sore head connected with the leather headrest, her eyes flying open in that brief, terrifying moment of panic before she could really process what had happened…
"Sorry," Marcus grunted, glancing carefully into the mirrors. "You guys alright? Some kind of animal… a cat, maybe… just bolted out in front of the car."
"Shit," said Emmett, his anger fizzing almost at once. "Did you hit it?"
"Dunno," said Marcus gruffly. He unbuckled his seatbelt and opened his door. "Hang tight."
Bella, still stunned, watched with glassy eyes as Marcus stalked around the perimeter of the vehicle, scanning for signs of damage. She saw his eyes narrow near the front driver's side tire, and though he bent down to inspect it, he drew back up without even a hint of upset.
"Looks fine," he said, speaking through the window. "Though I don't know where the cat went."
"Well, if it's taken off, it's fine," said Emmett. "I didn't feel anything, and if the car's fine…"
"It is," said Marcus. He slipped back into the vehicle. "But I could have sworn…"
"It probably got spooked and took off," said Emmett reasonably. "Let's just go home, man."
"Yeah." Marcus restarted the car. "Sorry about that, Bella. You alright?"
"Yeah," she squeaked, though the raging headache that had returned with a vengeance suggested otherwise. The sudden burst of adrenaline had snapped her out of her funk—the tears had dried as quickly as they had come—but now, with her sore shoulder and renewed headache, it was all she could do to clear the cobwebs from her mind.
"Did we hurt something?" she asked softly, speaking only once Marcus had started to drive again. This time, Bella noticed, he drove much more slowly through the sprawling neighbourhood.
"Nah," Emmett buckled himself back into his seat. "Don't think so."
"It ran out in front of me, but I don't think I clipped it," said Marcus. "If I did, it took off pretty damn fast…"
Bella, sitting up straight, looked cautiously through the passenger's side window. She glanced carefully backwards, her eyes roving quickly over the black, glittering asphalt, but she saw no sign of the wayward creature.
"I hope it's okay," she lamented. Bella liked animals… she did not want the creature, even if it was nothing more than a feral cat, to be hurt.
"I'm sure it's fine," said Emmett, letting out a shaky sigh. "I think he scared us just as badly as we scared him." Only his quick laugh—thinner and reedier than usual—gave away any sign of fear.
Bella supposed it had startled all three of them.
"Let's try to get home in one piece, shall we?" Marcus glanced warily around the corner of a quiet intersection before turning. "Sorry to have scared you two…"
Out of the corner of her eye, Bella saw a small, dark blur against the white, concrete sidewalk.
"Nah, don't worry, man. It's not your fault…" Bella, curious and frowning, glanced back once more as her brother spoke. The thing that had come close enough to the car to gain her attention was distant now, but Bella watched as it disappeared behind them. As they sped towards the next stop sign, the mass grew smaller and smaller until they crept to a stop, and it was then that Bella noticed that the thing was moving.
No. The thing was bouncing.
"What the…" Curious and only a little wary, Bella turned herself completely around in her seat to stare through the back window. The creature, whatever it was, ran out into the street, darting at full speed towards the back of Emmett's car…
The glint of pink around the animal's neck made Bella gasp.
"Stop the car."
Marcus pulled carefully through the four-way stop, looking curiously in his rearview mirror as the speedy little creature lost ground.
"What's that, Bell?"
"Stop the car."
Marcus glanced back, confused.
"Bella, what's—"
"Stop the car!" She rammed her finger on the seatbelt button. She felt it come undone with a satisfying click, and though the metal latch hit her cheek on its way back up, she did not stop.
"What the hell…" Bella, ignoring her brother's confusion, jumped from the car before Marcus had a chance to come to a complete stop.
"Bella!" She heard her brother calling after her as she ran down to the intersection, her pulse pounding in her ears.
She knew that collar.
"Bella, come back!" Emmett chased after her. "Where are you going?"
She knew that dog…
"Come back!" shouted Emmett again, and though she felt his fingers scrabbling at her hand, she tugged it away impatiently.
"Trixie!"
When the little, furry head popped up on the other side of the four-way stop, Bella felt her heart in her throat.
"Trixie, no!"
The little dog, fairly bouncing with glee, darted dangerously into traffic as Bella, desperate to pull her to safety, lunged forward…
"Are you insane!?" Emmett's strong, firm grip held fast to her wrist as she leaned towards the honking cars. One of them jerked to the side just in time to avoid hitting the dog's back legs as she scampered towards them, her little tail held high in the air…
"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" Emmett sounded angry now. "You can't just run into oncoming traffic…"
Bella heard none of it as the little dog, panting and out of breath, came skittering up to her feet, her dirty, sharp little claws digging into the skin of Bella's thighs. Emmett held fast to her hand, his glittering, furious eyes glued accusingly on the ragged little dog who was licking Bella's fingers.
"Hello baby…" she cooed. At once, she felt the salty, stinging waterworks start up again…
"Whose dog is that?" asked Emmett at once, letting Bella go when she leaned down towards the animal. To his great surprise, she knelt down on the hot concrete and the dog, familiar and excited, jumped up to lick her face.
"You're not a cat, are you, puppy?" said Bella, sniffling noisily. "Oh, baby, did we almost hit you?"
The dog, wiggly and pleased, licked steadily at the salty tears on Bella's cheeks.
When Bella crossed her legs, the filthy, smelly little thing leapt right into the hollow between her legs, its little nose sniffing frantically around her neck.
"Bella, whose dog is that?" asked Emmett again, this time with an edge of pity. "How do you know its name?"
"Her name," said Bella quietly, "is Trixie. And she belongs to Laurent."
"Laurent?" The name made the dog's ears twitch. "You mean…"
"The guy who owns the house, yeah." Bella sniffled, scratching the dirty dog behind her ears. From the look of her, she must have been roaming the streets for some time. Her fur, usually brown and sleek, was dark and matted, and Bella thought she could see wiggling fleas through the mud. She was skinny—Bella could feel her ribs like rails through the skin on her chest—and though she looked happy, her little nose and tongue were bone dry.
"And how the hell did his dog get loose?" demanded Emmett, almost as if he expected Bella to answer.
"I don't know," she said, cuddling the little dog to her chest. Trixie had been her one regret when leaving that house… she did not want to leave her behind, though she had felt sure that Laurent would at least keep her fed and safe…
Apparently, she had been wrong.
"They must have thrown her out," said Bella, and a sudden surge of guilt hit her hard as the little dog licked her chin. "I thought Laurent would take care of her, but…"
Emmett sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Get back in the car, Bella."
Her eyes, fearful and accusing, shot up to him.
"I'm not going to leave her here."
"We need to go home," said Emmett again. "We can call Animal Control from the car, and someone will come and pick her up."
"Animal Control," repeated Bella dryly. "How long will that take?"
"I don't know," said Emmett, taken aback. "Twenty minutes? Half an hour?"
"And what happens if she runs away?"
"They'll get her."
"And where will they take her?"
The thought made her heart hurt.
"I don't know, Bella," Emmett groaned. "Just please, get back in the car."
She shook her head.
"No?"
"No," she said. "I can't leave her here."
"Then we'll wait until Animal Control shows up," bargained Emmett.
"Mm mm." Bella shook her head again, pressing a kiss to the dog's dry nose. "She needs water."
"We don't have water," said Emmett, exasperated. "Come on, Bella. Let's go."
"I'm not leaving her here," she said again. "You go, if you're in a rush."
"And what?" he demanded, losing his patience. "You're going to stay here? Right here on this corner, where that asshole could drive by at any minute?"
"I'm not leaving her here!" said Bella again, but this time, not even Emmett could mistake the anger in her voice. "You go, if you want to. I'm not going to leave her here."
"Oh, for crying out loud…" Emmett ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Get in the car, Bella."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes! Jesus Christ, Bella, it's enough of a risk for us to be out of the car at all! What do you think would happen if someone drove by us right now and saw you?"
His words sent icy fear through her, but still, she did not relent.
"I'm not leaving her here," she said again. "I don't care how many times I have to say it. I left her behind once before. I won't do it again."
"Oh, for God's sake." Before she could react, Emmett, quick as a whip, reached down and snatched the pathetic creature from her lap. For one, horrendous moment, Bella wondered just what her brother would do to the dog… he had never been a fan of animals, especially ones that smelled, and she had one, terrible vision of him tossing her out onto the busy road before he turned face and stalked back towards the vehicle.
The dog yipped, and Bella scampered after them.
"Get in the car," said Emmett slowly, opening the back door and plunking the dirty animal in his abandoned seat. Emmett himself slunk into the front—Bella supposed he was angry with her now—and though he stared pointedly at her through the front window, it was the sight of the shivering, frightened dog that finally made her relent.
She didn't even have time to buckle her seatbelt before Marcus began to drive again, and the muddy, smelly, frightened dog wormed her way back onto Bella's lap.
"She needs water," said Bella again, letting the dog climb up near her face to lick her chin.
"Pull in," said Emmett gruffly, pointing Marcus towards a McDonalds drive-thru at the next intersection.
"The poor thing is sweltering," said Bella sadly, running her hands through the dirty fur around the dog's mouth. "How long has it been, eh?"
The dog licked her cheeks.
"Get us a cup of ice, a water bottle, and a cheeseburger," said Emmett, still surly.
By the time they pulled out of the parking lot, poor Trixie had lapped up almost half of the ice water from the paper cup in Bella's hands. Another ten minutes in the car and she had scarfed down half of the burger as well.
"Pull in up here," said Emmett quietly. "Bella, give her here."
"What?" The dog, sated for the time being, slept peacefully in Bella's lap.
"I said," repeated Emmett, "give here here."
"I'm sorry," said Bella at once, holding the little dog close. "I didn't mean to upset you…"
Emmett scowled at her, turning around in his seat.
"What do you think I'm going to do?" he demanded.
Bella balked.
"Give me the dog."
Bella felt her lip tremble.
"Oh, for fuck's sake…"
Before she could react, her brother had slammed his own door and made it to hers, tearing it open with such force that both Bella and Trixie both jumped.
"Have you ever known me to hurt an animal?"
Bella shook her head.
"Do you think I'd even try to hurt it?"
Bella shivered. Trixie licked her fingers.
"If you'd take half a second to see where we actually are, then maybe you wouldn't be so quick to judge," said Emmett, shaking his head. "Give me the dog and get out of the car."
Bella, still holding tight to the wiggling bundle of fur, wiped away her tears as she took in the big, blue sign hanging over the door.
City Animal Hospital
Dr. Grace Hart
Bella blinked.
"What…?"
"She's dehydrated, starving, skinny, and covered in fleas." Emmett ticked off the list on his fingers. "She needs a checkup, a bath, and a good haircut."
"I…"
"Come on," said Emmett again. "Get her inside so we can at least see if she's healthy. We can't take her home with us until we know she's okay to go."
Bella's breath caught in her throat.
"Home?" she asked, squeezing the dog to her chest. "Do you mean it?"
"I guess I'll have to," said Emmett wryly. "You looked ready to throw yourself on the fire for that thing, so it would do me no good to turn her out now."
"She's a good girl," said Bella at once. "A really good dog, once you get to know her…"
"I'm sure."
"I mean it…" Bella, followed closely by Marcus, trailed Emmett into the veterinarian's office. "And she's so smart. She knows all kinds of tricks."
"We'll see about that."
"It's true…" Bella felt a sudden lightness in her heart that she hadn't felt for a long time. Trixie, her tail wagging furiously, rested her head on Bella's bony shoulder as she carried her into the office.
"My, my…" The lady at the desk looked rather startled. "What do we have here?"
"We've found a stray," said Emmett wryly, "and we were wondering if the doctor was in?"
"She's just in her office…" The lady ran a hand down Trixie's back. "Let me see if she's free."
And though Bella knew her brother was angry—the tense set of his spine and the brooding scowl plastered on his face made it obvious—he did not turn her away when she hugged him, her arms finally free of the dog.
"Thank you," she said, squeezing him tightly. His arms rested loosely around her shoulders.
"Yeah."
"She'll be good, I promise."
"I hope so."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome," he said, finally returning her embrace. She felt him sigh as he patted her gently on the back, and though she caught Marcus' smirk when she pulled away, she paid him no mind.
"Who's gonna pick up the dog shit?" he chortled, earning him an eye roll from Emmett.
"Sure as hell won't be me," said Emmett quickly, and Bella laughed. "And as for you…"
Bella's smile froze as Emmett turned his narrowed eyes on her.
"I expect bacon and eggs every day for a week," he said. Bella's muscles relaxed.
"Done," she agreed easily, squeezing him tightly once again. "Thank you, Emmett. I couldn't let her go again…"
"You're lucky I like you," said Emmett gruffly, "because I sure as hell do not like yappy little dogs."
"She's a good girl," Bella insisted. "A really, really good dog…"
"Yeah, we'll see about that."
But when Emmett plucked a purple collar from a display against the far wall, turning it over in his hands to check it for defects, Bella knew that with time, the dog would win him over, too.
A/N: My sincerest apologies for the massive delay in submitting this chapter. I didn't anticipate being as busy as I was, as I was finishing up my second semester of teacher's college. I had another out-of-town placement that snuck up on me (5 practice teaching), and as has become my habit, I am now in the process of moving houses again. Now that my assignments, placements, and packing is almost finished, I have a bit more time to get some writing done.
As always, please let me know what you think. I always appreciate your feedback!
