Despite It All, She Smiled
Once everyone was finally ready to leave, Kenichi led the group to the usual bus stop. Once everyone boarded the bus with Kenichi paying the fare, the group took their seats. Still unused to the new world, Emilia, Petra, and Frederica gazed out the window to take in the city of lights.
"Frederica, look at all those lights!" Petra said excitedly as she pointed out the window.
With a small giggle, Frederica smiled "Yes, those crystals are indeed pretty."
Crossing her arms over her chest, Emilia stated with a triumphant smile "Those aren't crystals, they're called lightbulbs. Those bulbs use electricky to make light."
"So cute." Naoko couldn't help but comment.
"So close." Subaru uttered as he covered his face with his hands.
With her eyes sparkling, Petra gazed up at the half-elf "Wow, Emilia, you sure know a lot about this place."
With an air of confidence, Emilia put her hands to her hips as she spoke "Fufu, well, I do visit this place from time to time."
Irked by Emilia's assertiveness, Beatrice scolded "Why are you acting smug now of all times? My knowledge of this place far surpasses your misunderstanding of electricity, I suppose!"
Remembering when Beatrice first visited a mall, Subaru grinned "That doesn't mean much from the person who used to say 'elebator'."
With her cheeks turning a raging scarlet, Beatrice exclaimed "Why did you bring that up, I wonder?! Can you please refrain from reminding me of that, I wonder?!"
After the ensuing argument between the couple finally resolved itself, the group disembarked off the bus and reached the fairgrounds.
Both Emilia's and Petra's faces glowed with delight and curiosity as they looked around at the different attractions, lighting, and food stalls. This place was truly a spectacle to them.
Realizing that the group had ten people in it, Kenichi reasoned "We have quite a large group here, so it might be best if some of us split up. It'd be too hard for all of us to stay together in this crowd anyways."
Seizing the opportunity in front of her, Beatrice grabbed Petra by the hand as she reassured "Petra, you should just spend some time with me. Definitely… I will definitely prove to you that I'm not a weirdo, I suppose!"
After the two girls flew off with Beatrice in the lead, Emilia beamed up at the maid "Frederica, I don't really understand all that much about attractions, so do you want to experience them with me?"
"Of course, Lady Emilia. It will be my pleasure." Frederica smiled with a glint in her eyes. The two girls left with Emilia pulling Frederica along.
Scratching the side of his head nervously, Subaru asked "Do you think those two will be okay? Neither of them can read."
Putting a hand on his son's shoulder, Kenichi smiled confidently "The rides are free with admission anyways. Besides, I gave Frederica some money and explained to her how it works here, so she should be able to order food just fine."
Thinking back to the few experiences he's had with the new maid, Subaru reasoned "Well, Frederica seems like she's the most dependable person in the mansion."
Feeling a tug on his arm, Subaru looked over to see Rem timidly request "Subaru, if I'm not being a bother, may I accompany you?"
"Of course you can, Rem." Subaru smiled, and starting to pet Rem's head, the boy turned to his father "Well, me and Rem are going to break off too, so I'll see you later."
Giving his son a thumbs-up, Kenichi smiled "Yeah, just make sure Rem has a good time."
Right as Subaru turned to leave, he heard someone speak to him "It's quite arrogant of you to think you could wander off with my sister without my consent, Barusu."
Turning to see Ram standing directly behind him, Subaru asked "You're not going with Ros-chi?"
With a small shake of her head, Ram frowned "Much to my dismay, Master Roswaal gets along rather well with your father. I simply didn't want to get in the way of his fun."
Seeing though the girl, Subaru grinned "I bet you just didn't want to be a part of any group that my parents are in."
"You're being disgustingly perceptive, Barusu." Ram glared at the boy, and with her gaze shifting towards the ground, her expression softened as she said "I suppose I just wanted to spend some time with my family."
"Big sister." Rem beamed at her sister through her watering eyes. The brilliance the twins' smiles erased Subaru of his guilt for the moment. It was as if they were looking directly at each other, despite Ram's eyes being closed.
Getting caught up in their moment, Subaru gazed at Ram as he joked "I feel bad for everyone else that's met you, but I'm sure Rem is really blessed to have you for a big sister."
With a vigorous nod of her head, Rem said "It's as you say, Subaru. Being the little sister to my big sister brings me great joy."
With her eyes finally opening, Ram slowly lifted her gaze up from the ground as she tugged on Subaru's sleeve "I'm sure you're secretly excited to show me and Rem around this bizarre place, so let's get going."
"Yes, captain Ram!" Subaru replied energetically as he gave Ram a salute.
As the three walked around the carnival, Ram asked "Firstly, what do you do at the festivals in this domain?"
With an aura of useless knowledge about him, Subaru explained "Well, the main attraction is the fireworks show that happens a little bit later. Until then, we could visit some food stalls and ride some carnival rides."
With her stomach feeling somewhat empty, Ram insisted "Then let's eat right away since I had a light breakfast."
Since breakfast was just a few hours ago for them, Subaru questioned "Why did you have a light breakfast anyways? Were you looking forward to eating the food over here or something?"
Giving the boy a look of indifference, Ram snorted "Hmpf, it was simply Master Roswaal's advice to save my appetite for otherworldly foods. I look forward to the expression you will certainly make when you check your coin purse after we're done tonight."
Fearing for his wallet, Subaru exclaimed "Are you glutton or something?! Not that I can complain since dad's treating everyone else, but go easy on me, Ram."
With her lips curving into a soft smile, Ram corrected herself "Then, I simply looked forward to you treating me to food."
Not fooled in the slightest, Subaru argued "Disguise your intentions with cute explanations all you want. I still know that your end goal is to watch me slowly suffer."
With the same smile still on her face, Ram added "You're being disgustingly perceptive, Barusu."
"You already said that!"
Hearing the sound of giggling behind him, Subaru looked over discover that Rem was the source "Hehehe. Oh, forgive me for laughing. It's just that you and big sister are getting along so well."
Suddenly starting to feel sick, Subaru uttered "That's some pretty severe sarcasm. Me and Ram get along about as much as I got along with Beako when we first met."
With a small nod, Rem reminded the boy "Yes, but you eventually went on to marry Lady Beatrice, did you not?"
"Did you really have to bring that up?!" Subaru exclaimed as he slammed his foot on the ground.
Tilting her head to the side, Rem continued to tease "Sorry, but you walked right into that one, Subaru."
Noticing the flustered look on Subaru's face, Ram let out a long sigh "It would be in your best interest to buy me food before you make a bigger fool of yourself."
"Right…" Subaru sighed, and pointing at a nearby food stand, he asked "Want some octopus balls?"
Upon noticing the disgusted look on Ram's face, Subaru had another idea "Not a fan of seafood? For some reason, you're really proud of your potatoes, so maybe you'll like fries."
After returning from the French fry stall, Subaru handed the food over to Ram who observed "Well, these look more edible than that filth from earlier."
"And just like that, you've become the number one enemy of seafood lovers everywhere." Subaru looked around to make sure nobody else heard her.
After picking up a fry, Ram slowly and reluctantly bought it to her mouth, and after taking her first bite-
"Uh oh." Subaru immediately uttered once he noticed Ram's eyes starting to sparkle brilliantly.
"Barusu."
"Yes?"
Looking down at her food as if it were holy, Ram scolded the boy "With your insufficient knowledge of this world, you helped recreate trifles like mayonnaise and ice cream, but you didn't think to teach us how to make these?"
Seeing that Ram just became a French fry enthusiast, Subaru scratched his head "Fries are good and all, but we would need to get a deep fryer just to make them. Plus, they're only a side dish, so-"
"Do not label such wonderful food as a side dish." Ram warned in a deathly tone.
Pointing her finger at Subaru's nose, Rem added "That's right, you side character!"
Seeing the twins' faces light up with passion, Subaru recalled "It's been awhile since the twin sisters teamed up on me like this."
After quickly finishing her food, Ram went on to ask "So, what will we do now that I've discovered the most redeeming aspect of this place thus far? My standards have been significantly raised."
"Please don't force your absurd expectations on me." Subaru pleaded, and with his spirits immediately being lifted, he shouted to the heavens "I think it's time I make you experience the height of entertainment in this world: attractions!"
After leading the twins to a nearby carnival ride, Rem sat on a bench as she happily watched as Subaru and Ram ride it together. All it took was one spinning attraction to make Ram lose all her composure. Immediately after disembarking from the Round-Up ride, Ram laid down on the bench.
Looking down at her dizzy sister, Rem worriedly asked "Big sister, are you okay?"
Putting a hand on Rem's shoulder, Subaru eased her worries "She's fine, Rem. She probably just doesn't have any spinning tolerance."
With her world still going around in circles, Ram berated the boy "'Spinning tolerance'? I'd point how childish that phrasing is if I wasn't feeling so-"
"Subaru, Ram!"
Looking over his shoulder, Subaru saw Emilia dashing towards them with her hands waving in the air.
Entranced by the half-elf's beaming face, Subaru couldn't help but smile as well "Hey, Emilia-tan. Have you been enjoying yourself?"
With her hands balling up into fists, Emilia beamed "Yup, yup! This place is so much fun! Your parents always talked about how fun amusement parks are, but I never thought it would be this exciting!"
Seeing that Emilia misunderstood again, Subaru tried correcting her "This isn't exactly an amusement park, but I guess it's close enough."
Finally catching up to the half-elf, Frederica took a quick breather "Lady Emilia is very energetic when she's excited. I fear that I'm barely able to keep up with her."
With her eyes still sparkling, Emilia hastily asked "Frederica, what should we ride next?"
Overwhelmed by the girl, Frederica recommended "Lady Emilia, have you considered slowing down a little? We've already been on-"
Completely lacking in patience, Emilia pointed at a nearby ride and asked "Hey, hey, what's that ride over there?"
Looking in the direction of where Emilia is pointing, Subaru answered "That's the teacup ride. There's a giant wheel in the middle that you can turn to spin the teacup around."
Unsettled by the boy's explanation, Ram scoffed "That's a ride that you spin yourself? I see that this place accommodates masochists as well."
Grabbing Subaru by the hands, Emilia proposed with a smile "Do you want to ride it with us? It'll be a lot more fun with more people!"
"Can we, Subaru?" Rem pleadingly looked at Subaru with her signature puppy dog eyes.
Knowing that he couldn't say no, Subaru couldn't hold back a smile "Sure, me and Rem will ride with you guys, but Ram might have to sit this one-"
"How bold of you to try and leave me out like that." Ram interrupted, and as she grabbed Subaru by the shoulder to steady herself, she stood up with confidence "My dizziness is starting to clear away, so I should be fine."
Noticing that Ram was wobbling ever so slightly, Subaru pointed out "You're clearly pushing yourself, but I appreciate your determination."
Once the five boarded a teacup, Subaru lightly gripped the wheel and thought to himself "I don't want this to leave a bad taste in Ram's mouth, so I'll just spin this a little bit."
Looking over to see the adorable smile still plastered on the half-elf's lips, Subaru watched as Emilia went to grip the wheel…
"…Eh?"
And he watched with horror as her ridiculous grip actually made an indent in the metal.
"Umm…" Subaru uttered dumbfoundedly as he went on to nervously sweat "E-Emilia-tan, this might seem like a pretty bizarre question, but how strong are you? Purely physical, I mean."
With her hand in front of her mouth, Frederica grinned at the boy "My, Subaru, it's rude to ask a lady something like that."
With her childlike smile unfaltering, Emilia answered "I'm not really sure, but I almost won against Rem in an arm-wrestling contest a few months ago."
"…"
"Oh."
"Ohhhh."
"OHHHHHH NOOOOO." Subaru internally screamed as he clutched his head once he realized he made what could possibly be considered the worst decision of his life thus far.
With a hand to her forehead, Ram closed her eyes as she uttered in a despair-filled voice "Fred's strength is also comparable to Lady Emilia's. It seems we've made a fatal mistake."
Disturbed by the news, Subaru clutched his stomach as he nervously smiled "Y-You know what? My tummy isn't feeling so good, so I'll be-"
As the teacup started to move, Frederica pointed out "This ride appears to be in motion, so it's already too late to get off, I'm afraid."
"This is going to be a lot of fun!" Emilia exclaimed as her eyes started to sparkle, awaiting the moment where she could start spinning the wheel.
With her hands forming into fists, Rem cheered "Do your best, Subaru!"
Faced with their brilliant smiles, Ram and Subaru nervously faced each other and felt a certain companionship they've never felt for one another before. They say those who share the same fate also share an intimate bond.
-A few minutes later-
"Hahahahahaha!" Emilia and Frederica laughed like wild dogs.
Throughout the entire ride, Emilia and Frederica caused the cup to spin so fast that Subaru and Ram couldn't budge even a tiny bit forward due to the intense pressure.
While the laughing girls thoroughly enjoyed the ride, Subaru and Ram sat on the grass with their backs pressed against each other for support. Right after they got off the ride, Subaru and Ram rushed to a nearby garbage can so they could relinquish their nausea the hard way. They collapsed from the dizziness immediately afterward.
With the world before him being completely distorted, Subaru complained "It feels like my eyeballs are literally spinning in their sockets."
"I can do without your disgusting analogy, Barusu." Ram scolded the boy as she leaned her head against his.
Running over to the two, Rem excitedly asked "Subaru, Subaru! Did you have fun?"
Forcing a smile for her sake, Subaru answered "Yeah, I had a lot of fun, Rem. Too much fun actually. Well, what about you, Ram?"
Not having the same resolve as Subaru, Ram's lips struggled to even reply "I'm just thankful that you had fun, Rem. That's all that matters to me. With that being said, please allow me to rest here until I can see straight."
Seeing the horrible state her sister was obviously in, Rem turned to Subaru and requested "Subaru, if it's alright with you, could you please rub my big sister's back to help make her feel better?"
Thinking that her request was ridiculous, Subaru answered "This is just like the time you asked me to brush her hair. Are you trying to get Ram to kill me?"
Still not budging on the issue, Rem asked again "Will you please do it for her? If it's you, I'm sure she won't mind."
Not believing Rem in the slightest, Subaru replied "And I'm sure she would mind! Are we really talking about the same person here?"
Clasping her hands together and giving Subaru a look he couldn't say no to, Rem gently pleaded "Please?"
Unable to surmise what Subaru was talking about, Ram turned around to look at the boy as she asked blankly "Barusu?"
Reluctantly place his hand on Ram's back, Subaru started moving it up and down as he awkwardly said "There, there... and please don't kill me."
Although she was momentarily unsure of how to respond, Ram relaxed her back as she smiled "Is this really all you were fretting over? I don't mind such a casual touch if it's a genuine act of charity."
Still feeling like he didn't misunderstand her true nature, Subaru spat back "Funny, I kind of figured you were going to say something like 'only Rem and Master Roswaal may touch me'."
Starting to close her eyes, Ram agreed "Well, you're certainly not far from the truth."
"Ram..?" Subaru uttered, not knowing how to interpret her words.
Completely slumping her back against Subaru's shoulder, Ram ordered "Who gave you permission to stop? If you're going to rub my back, then you could at least show enough consideration to continue until I feel better."
Lightly pushing Ram off, Subaru sighed "Fine, fine. As long as you don't beat me to death after this, I'll do it."
With her lips once again curving into a smile, Ram spoke "While I can certainly make such a promise, I fear Lady Beatrice won't be as forgiving if she saw this."
Annoyed by Ram's phrasing, Subaru complained "Don't make it sound so scandalous. I'm just giving a backrub to a friend that doesn't feel so well."
With her eyes closing and her expression softening, Ram spoke in a whisper "Let's hope Lady Beatrice will believe you."
After rubbing her back for a good few minutes, the two stood up as Subaru said "I was actually planning on riding a lot more rides, but Emilia and Frederica really took it out of me on the last one. Seriously, I never thought they could be so terrifying when together."
With the image of Frederica still howling in her head, Ram sighed "For once, I have to agree with you. After those traumatic experiences, I feel that I should be near Master Roswaal to fully recover."
Once she turned away from Subaru, Ram remembered something as she turned around to say "Oh, and Rem?"
"Y-Yes, big sister?" Rem replied timidly, not expecting to be called out by her sister.
Closing her eyes, Ram softly smiled as she laid eyes upon her little sister "Rem, it was nice to spend time with you like this. Thank you for letting me indulge in your company."
"Geez, where did your superiority complex go?" Subaru couldn't withhold his comment.
Although she was momentarily speechless, Rem beamed at her sister "Yes, I'm so happy that I could create more memories with you, big sister!"
With her face stiffening ever so slightly, Ram opened her eyes as she added "It's also a tad embarrassing to admit, but you look stunningly beautiful tonight. That pink dress really suits you, and you truly do have a cute smile, Rem. It's a shame that it's wasted on someone like Barusu."
After blinking twice, Rem took a step back as she uttered in amazement "Big sister..?"
With his heart being moved by the scene in front of him, Subaru reasoned "I guess even big sisters how to shower their younger siblings with praise sometimes."
With her smile still unbroken, Ram turned towards the boy and said "Barusu, make sure my little sister keeps smiling, okay?"
Although a little surprised by Ram's request, Subaru gave her a nod "Yeah, you got it."
Giving her little sister a parting smile, Ram finally walked off to find Roswaal, leaving Subaru and Rem to themselves.
Nudging his elbow against Rem's shoulder, Subaru asked "I bet that made you really happy, didn't it?"
Bringing both of her hands to her chest, Rem softly smiled "That was a truly blessed moment for me. I don't know how to explain it, but it felt like my big sister could actually see me."
Gazing around the carnival, Subaru asked "Well, the night is still young. Is there anything you want to do, Rem?"
With a small shake of her head, Rem beamed "No, I'm content just being here with you."
Taken by her smile, Subaru scratched his cheek as he came out with an idea "If that's the case, let's go find a spot to watch the fireworks from. There's a certain place I like that a lot of people don't know about."
After passing through a bush and arriving at the edge of a pond, Subaru smiled to himself "Just like I remembered it, there's no one else here. It's like I own this small plot of dirt."
Once the two sat down on the ground, Rem expressed her gratitude "Today was a lot of fun, Subaru. Thank you very much for brining all of us to the carnival."
Scratching the side of his head, Subaru replied "I didn't really do much to make this happen. My dad and Beako are the ones who deserve thanks."
Tracing the air with her finger, Rem pointed out "But you're the one who spoke with Master Roswaal about making this trip possible. That's the reason why everyone was able to have so much fun."
With the crude image of Ram throwing up still fresh in his mind, Subaru sighed "Even if you say that, it didn't look like Ram had that much fun. She practically suffered on those two rides."
As she gazed out towards the pond, Rem added "Even so, I'm sure she had as much fun as Lady Emilia today."
Almost thinking that Rem was joking, Subaru had to suppress a laugh "That's quite the imagination you've got there."
With a puff of her cheeks, Rem pouted "Hmpf, you're the one with the imagination, Subaru. After all, I came into existence because of it."
With his smile widening, Subaru agreed "Funny, I somehow don't have a retort for that. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's creating delusions. Going back to Ram, she sure has been acting strangely, no, bizarrely as of late. Even in the face of my usual foolishness, she's been acting so accepting and… disturbingly nice."
Closing her eyes to enjoy the moment, Rem said "I think you're just being paranoid of my big sister."
"Did Ram tell you to say that?" Subaru demanded as sweat trickled down his forehead.
Giggling from the boy's forced expression, Rem drew closer to Subaru as she intertwined her fingers with his.
Looking down at the hand that was being held by Rem, Subaru questioned "Hey, Rem, are you sure you're alright with this? I mean, are you okay with being a ghost?"
With her invisible dog ears drooping, Rem sulked "Hey, I'm not a ghost. I am… Let's see here, what exactly am I?"
With one title coming to mind, Subaru said "I think imaginary friend works the best."
"Yes, I am your imaginary best frie-" Rem was interrupted by the sound of an explosion as the night sky started to light up with different colors.
With his gaze pointed towards the sky, Subaru smiled "Looks like they're starting."
As the two continued to enjoy the fireworks for the next several minutes, Subaru asked "So, what do you think of the show?"
With her gaze still fixated on the colorful sky, Rem brought her free hand to her chest as she answered "They're beautiful, but they also make my heartache just a little bit."
Watching as one firework went off after another, Rem explained "One moment, their radiance lights up the night sky, and the next moment, there's no trace left as the next firework catches our eye. They only exist in this world for a brief time and are immediately replaced."
"Well, some would argue that beauty is fleeting." Subaru answered, trying to hide the pain in his voice.
Feeling something ominous within her heart starting to stir, Rem went on to boldly smile "These fireworks will only be a part of our lives for an instant, but I will stand at your side for eternity, right?"
As dread slowly crept on her, Rem finally shifted her gaze to Subaru as she hesitantly repeated "…Right?"
Turning to face her as well, Subaru uttered "Rem."
Noticing the graveness in his voice, Rem squeaked out "Y-Yes?"
"It's time to end this."
All of a sudden, as if on cue, the fireworks stopped as their surroundings were slowly enveloped back into darkness.
After blinking a couple of times, Rem titled her head as she faked obliviousness "E-End what? I'm afraid I don't understand."
With his gaze returning to the pond in front of him, Subaru said in a small voice "It's finally time that I say goodbye to you."
"'Goodbye'?" Rem uttered, and with her hands balling up into fists, she went on to shout "'Goodbye'?! There doesn't have to be another goodbye between us! I understand that I left you once, but I promise that I won't leave you alone anymore!"
"But you're not-"
"I am Rem!" Rem frantically screamed, and pulling Subaru's hand to her chest, she forced a smile "See? You can feel my warmth, right? You can feel my heartbeat, right? Even if it's just for you, I exist. You're the only person in this world that I can do this to, but even so, isn't that enough? If I can just stay here with you, if I can watch you from this close rather than afar, then I'm sure you won't be left with regrets. So, please…"
With tears starting to form in her eyes, Rem looked up at the boy and pleaded "Let me be your Rem. Let me help you reclaim what you lost due to disease and death."
As Rem's desperate plea pierced his heart, Subaru answered in almost a whisper "If I did that, then it would be like Rem never died."
With a vigorous nod of her head, Rem beamed "Exactly! You won't have to agonize over that stuff any longer. That's why I'm-"
"But what about everyone else?" Subaru interrupted as he went on to say "You're a construct of what I believe is Rem. You are the Rem that I remembered exactly, but you will never be Rem to anybody else."
Once again faltering from his words, Rem argued "E-Even if they can't see me, that doesn't mean I can't be their Rem too. Oh, I got it! You can just tell the others what I'm saying, just like you've always done."
With a small shake of his head, Subaru went on to ask "Do you remember anything before meeting me? Do you remember your parents' names or their faces? How did your sister lose her horn?"
"…"
Watching as Rem went silent, Subaru asked once more "Can you tell me anything about your past that I don't already know?"
With her shoulders starting to tremble, Rem answered shakily "You… You should know that's impossible. I only…"
"You only know what I know, right?" Subaru finished for her as he went on to explain "To me, and maybe even to my parents, you might as well be an exact copy of Rem, but you'll never be Rem to someone like Ram."
"That's not-!"
Although reluctant to ask this, Subaru hesitantly said "If you… If you really are Ram's twin sister, can you tell me when her birthday is?"
With her eyes widening, Rem was at a loss for words as she fumbled for something to say "I…"
With heartbreak written all over Rem's face, Subaru once again turned his gaze away from her "That was a mean thing to say, I'm sorry. It's my fault that I never asked when your birthdays were. I had all that time with you, but I never even considered asking…"
"I just… I just didn't want to be alone." Rem choked out, and as she clutched the hem of her skirt, she went on to cry out "Even… Even if I only exist for you… I would be fine with that! I'm not ready for this to end, I'm not ready to say goodbye to you! You're all that I have in this world, so please just let us stay together! If you reject me, there won't be anything of me left! If… If things end here for me, I'll just cease to be! Do you know how lonely that thought is?! To be separated from everyone else!"
With fat tears finally running down her face, Rem squeezed out "I don't want to be alone. I don't want you to be somewhere I'm not."
A few minutes passed by as Subaru stared blankly up at the sky as he tried to collect his erratic thoughts.
"I just… I just didn't want to go a day without seeing your smile." Subaru broke the silence in a hollow tone.
Suddenly starting to feel a fragment of peace, Rem lowered her gaze as she whispered "…Yes."
With the memories of Rem starting to flash by in his mind, Subaru said "I wanted you to motivate me by telling me to do my best."
"Yes."
With his voice starting to crack, Subaru continued "Y-Your head really is perfect for petting, and it always felt reassuring when you were right behind me."
With a small nod of her head, Rem urged him forward "Yes, that's it."
Eyes starting to water, Subaru's shoulders started to shake as he went on "The way you excitedly run up to me reminds me of a puppy. Whenever you get discouraged, your eyes always light up when I try cheering you up."
"Keep going."
"I just…" Subaru choked out, and feeling an unbearable agony in his heart, he clutched his chest "Oh god. I just loved you so much. Even if Beatrice is my number one, you were always precious to me. Just like Emilia, I couldn't bear the thought of living without you."
"But… You really are gone now, aren't you?" Subaru finished as he looked over at Rem with tears filling his face.
Giving the boy a small smile, Rem nodded "…Yes, that's correct. It seems that you're finally ready, Subaru."
"Rem...?"
Starting to stroke Subaru's hair, Rem lightly giggled "Hehe, I always wanted to do this to you. I am a part of you, after all. All the anguish you feel over her loss, your reluctance of finally accepting her death, I was just reflecting all those feelings. The reason I can accept this fate right now is because you're finally ready to let me go, right?"
Pulling Subaru to her bosom, Rem asked with a smile "Are you ready?"
At Rem's question, Subaru's heart sunk into the pit of his stomach. For the last week, Subaru's told himself that this day would finally be the day where he could say it, and yet-
"Rem, I…" Finally ready to face Rem once again, Subaru looked up only to find her missing. No matter which way he turned, Subaru couldn't find Rem.
"Once more…" Right before Subaru went into a full panic, he heard these words whispered to him, and the owner's voice was undoubtedly…
At that moment, reality and his imagination started overlapping. Subaru was still by the pond; however, now he was also back in the mansion. Before he had time to be confused about it, Subaru noticed the bed in front of him, and on that bed…
"Subaru, let's talk and laugh about the future one more time." Rem gently spoke as she gazed up at him from the bed.
What Subaru was viewing right now was the repressed memory of Rem on her deathbed, with just small moments of life left to her.
"…The future?" Subaru could only utter in response.
With a small nod, Rem spoke "Yes; although, it seems that luxury is no longer allowed to me. Let's see… Oh, I know. How about we chat away about your future instead."
Not wanting to think about tomorrow, Subaru asked with his voice hollow "Are you talking about my future without you?"
Softly smiling up at the boy, Rem corrected "I'm talking about your future with Beatrice, my big sister, and everyone else."
With his hands forming into fists, Subaru's entire figure trembled as he forced out "Rem, I…"
Seeing the pain written all over his face, Rem apologized "Sorry, I guess I was putting you on the spot. If you're still unsure about your future, then allow me to speak about the future I used to envision for myself."
Once again speaking about her imagination, Rem revealed her desires "It seems like you really want to move back to your world, but something's keeping you here. I imagine once you finished up your business here, you would move back into your parents' house with your wife. It may be presumptuous of me to say this, but I always hoped you would allow me to go with you; although, it might make my big sister sad."
"Lady Beatrice was able to learn the language very quickly; however, I fear I don't share her ability to learn things at such an incredible pace. Still, I would do my best to learn everything about your world that I can. That way, I can start contributing to your family."
"There would come a time where you and Lady Beatrice move out and find a house to live in. This is a little embarrassing to say, but even though I wouldn't mind staying with Naoko and Kenichi, I really hope you would take me with you. I could even look after the house while you and Lady Beatrice go to work."
With a strong desire to make her smile, Subaru forced himself to joke "Idiot… Do you really think Beako could get past a job interview? They'd ask her why they should hire her and she'd say something ridiculous like 'because I'm clearly above you filthy humans, I suppose'."
Lightly giggling at the boy's words, Rem corrected herself "Ah, you're right. That would indeed be difficult for her. Then I would be the one leaving for work while she looks after the children. I've heard you and Lady Beatrice discussing adoption on multiple occasions. When the time comes when you two expand your family, I really hope the children will come to call me auntie. That would make me the happiest auntie in the world."
Using most of her strength, Rem brought her hands to her chest as she finished with a smile "That's the brilliant future that I wished for; although, Lady Beatrice might disagree with it."
With her name brought up once again, Beatrice crossed her arms as she said "Surely you jest. I would have a seemingly endless amount of problems with it."
"But I… I still wouldn't have said no, I suppose." Beatrice finished as she turned her gaze away.
Watching as Beatrice's figure started to shake, Rem requested "Lady Beatrice, Subaru is prone to getting in trouble and taking on much more than he could ever hope to handle. So, will you continue to look after Subaru for me?"
With her strong-hearted façade crumbling, Beatrice brushed away her tears as she answered "Yes, I swear to you that I will, I suppose."
Smiling at Beatrice's unwavering response, Rem turned her gaze back to Subaru as she went on to say "As sad as it is, that future is now closed off to me. I'm not a prophet, but I still wish for that future to be fulfilled, even if I have to be taken out of it. So, promise me one thing. Fill your life with so many wonderful things that it'll make me jealous."
Starting to feel an unbearable feeling of loss, Subaru's voice cracked "I… I might not have such a happy life, you know."
With her smile still unwavering, Rem asked "Can you look at Lady Beatrice and say that again?"
Turning to look at Beatrice, Subaru noticed the fat tears that were racing down her face as she desperately trying to wipe them away.
Once again turning to Rem, Subaru clenched his fists and cried out in desperation "No, you're right. I know you're right, but if you're not there-!"
Interrupting the boy's outburst, Rem insisted "No matter what, look forward to whatever tomorrow brings you, because you have a tomorrow."
Watching as the blue-haired maiden's expression starting to relax further, Subaru uttered "Rem..?"
"I think… it's finally time." Rem weakly spoke, and still gazing up at the boy, she poured her heart into this request "Subaru, may I lean on you for help one last time? Please take care of my sister for me. Even though her heart is strong, even if she doesn't look like she needs it, please help her. I don't… I don't want my sister feeling lonely, so support her, and let her support you."
Trying to collect himself for her sake, Subaru forced himself to say "Yeah, I can do that; although, Ram might not be happy about it being me."
With her gaze turning to her beloved sister, Rem asked "Will you do the same for Subaru, big sister? Will you please look after Subaru for me?"
Even though it looked like Ram was about to crumble at any second, she still spoke with confidence "I will. It will surely test my patience, but I promise that I'll make sure Barusu goes down a path that will allow you peace of mind."
Finally relieved of her worries, Rem couldn't help but brightly smile "Thank you, big sister. I love you very much."
Feeling something within her start to break, Ram spoke through her trembling lips "I-I love you too, Rem. You will always be my little sister."
With her body starting to relax, Rem struggled to keep her eyes open as she said "Hearing you say that… makes me… very happy."
Watching with horror as Rem started to weaken again, Subaru frantically called her name "Rem? Rem?!"
With her vision starting to go blurry, Rem struggled to turn her head to gaze at him one more time "You truly are my hero, Subaru. Thank you… for everything."
"Rem, wait! Please don't go just yet!" Subaru screamed as he desperately grabbed her hand.
As Subaru's warmth helped summon the reminder of her strength, Rem spoke her final request "Then… One last time… Will you praise me… and pet my head?"
Watching as Rem's lips once again curved into a wide smile, Subaru held back his sobs as he forced a smile in return "Y-You did… such a wonderful job, Rem. You really are the best."
Even now, Rem's eyes seemed to twinkle as she urged "And..?"
"A-And you really are amazing. You're the best maid this mansion's ever seen."
With her hunger for praise still being insatiable even now, Rem asked with a weak giggle "What else..?"
Still remembering when time started moving for him once again, Subaru chocked out "You've helped me through so much that I wouldn't even be here right now if it wasn't for you. You saved me, oh god you saved me!"
"Hearing you say that… makes me incredibly happy. Even at this moment… I truly am the most blessed girl in the world." With her vision almost completely gone, Rem's lips received her final question "When I was with you… was I able… to smile most of the time?"
Unable to hold back his screams anymore, Subaru fell to his knees as he sobbed out "You… you were always smiling when I saw you. Your smiles were always so silly and contagious that I couldn't help but smile too. Rem, you really-!"
"I love you, Subaru."
Subaru heard the sound of Rem's voice whisper to him from someplace he couldn't reach.
Opening his eyes once again, Subaru found an angelic and peaceful smile resting on Rem's face as her eyes remained closed. Before he could feel a torrent of heartbreak, the scene before his started to dissolve.
With his surroundings starting to go back to normal, Subaru now only saw the pond in front of him with Rem nowhere to be seen. He was back in reality.
As tears kept racing down his cheeks without end and clenching his teeth as he desperately tried to hold back his screams, Subaru finally brought himself to utter the words he didn't have to resolve to say that day.
"Goodbye, Rem."
-Later that night-
Finding his son slowly walk towards him, Kenichi waved at him "Heya. Did you and Rem have a good time?"
As Subaru walked closer, Ram noticed the vacant expression on the boy's face as well his reddened eyes. Worried that something happened, Ram closed her eyes and concentrated.
"Barusu… Why is Rem not with you?" Ram asked in almost a panic as she opened her eyes back up.
With her expression starting to crumble, Emilia's eyes widened as she asked in a shaky voice "S-Subaru, did Rem go somewhere?"
Once Subaru walked close enough that she noticed as well, tears quickly formed in Beatrice's eyes as she uttered "Oh gods, he knows."
The great spirit had every intention of rushing over and embracing her husband; however, her paralyzing fear kept her grounded to the spot.
Unable to face the group before him, Subaru stared down at the ground as he uttered "Rem, she… she really did smile until the end."
"She… She… really is…"
After those words escaped his mouth, someone rushed over to him. It was the person he least expected; however, it also somehow made the most sense at the same time. Subaru didn't even have time to rationalize those conflicting thoughts before he was pulled into a tight, almost suffocating embrace…
By none other than Ram as she wrapped her arms tightly around him.
The reason Ram rushed to his side was because, more than anyone else in the mansion, Subaru also suffered tremendous loss because of Rem's death. Before now, it seemed unreasonable to Ram that anyone could love her little sister as much as she did, but she couldn't afford to keep that outlook anymore once her sister closed her eyes for the final time. The intensity of Subaru's screams matched her own, the anguish upon his face mirrored hers, and the tears they both shed were equal in weight.
Subaru truly cherished Rem.
Knowing that somebody else was suffering just as she is, the cold and apathetic image Ram tried to uphold came crashing down as an overpowering wish to comfort this boy, the person Rem trusted her with, took over.
Clinging to Ram in return, tears once again formed in Subaru's eyes as he weakly complained "I thought… I got it all out earlier. I really am… irredeemable."
Lightly patting his back, Ram scolded the boy "You're right about being irredeemable, but for right now, it's fine. My image of you is already horrendous enough that seeing you cry so pathetically won't reduce my opinion of you."
Bringing Subaru even closer, Ram whispered "Cry as much as you have to, Barusu. I will be right here."
Without a word, Beatrice drew closer to her husband as she embraced him from the side. One by one, the others approached Subaru to comfort him. Emilia, Naoko, and Petra wrapped their arms around Subaru and Ram. Kenichi put his hand on Subaru's shoulder, Roswaal put his hand on Ram's shoulder, and Frederica did the same for both of them.
As he continued to sob onto Ram's shoulder, Subaru wondered "Rem, when you talked about my future with everyone, is this what you meant? I was in too much pain to realize it at the time, actually, I'm hurting real bad right now too, but I think I understand what you were saying."
As Subaru looked around through his blurry, watery vision, his lips curved into a trembling smile as he choked out "I'm really… blessed to know… such wonderful people. I really do… love you guys."
With her face filled with tears as well, Emilia held the boy tighter as she said "I love you too, Subaru! We all do!"
Still clinging to her husband, Beatrice spoke "I've said it many times, and I will say many more, I suppose. I love you, Subaru."
Stroking the boy's hair, Naoko comforted her son "Your mother loves you very much. I won't lose to Emilia, Beatrice or Ram in that regard. After all, motherly love is the most powerful form of love."
Opening her eyes to glare at the parent, Ram argued "Please don't speak on my behalf. I never once said that I'm affectionate towards Barusu. I'm only doing this because I want to, not out of some disturbing tender feeling for him."
Starting to rough up Subaru's shoulder, Kenichi spat out "Well, you won't catch me saying such embarrassing crap; although, I'll always be willing to give you a good tackle to help take your mind off things."
Pressing his face on Ram's shoulder, Subaru rubbed his tears off as he chuckled "Oh, it'll take my mind off things alright. The coma I would receive as a result would shut my brain off altogether."
As he gazed gently at the boy, Kenichi felt a sense of relief as he beamed "Now there's my son's sense of humor starting to peak out."
Finally lifting his face from Ram's shoulder, Subaru's lips curved into a stupid smile as he spoke to everyone "I think I'm alright now."
Looking straight into Subaru's tear and snot-filled face, Ram couldn't help but softly smile in return.
Author's Notes: WARNING. WARNING. Juicy afternote scene ahead!
I sure hope a certain somebody RAN OUT OF TISSUES WHILE READING THIS CHAPTER.
(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง
Has anyone played Pokémon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky? For a while, the title of this chapter was "I Don't Want To Say Goodbye", which is a nod to the OST that plays during an incredibly sad part of that game. I listened to that OST on loop while writing this chapter, so I hope I captured even a fragment of the sadness from that scene. I so need to play that game again.
STILL HYPED FOR-
Man, and to think chapter 28 and this chapter were supposed to be one combined update instead. That would've been like 17k+ words for one update! What am I, insane?
Definitely.
Really hope you enjoyed this chapter that took over a month to write. It would really suck if I botched this! Not only that, but slowly showing a new side of Ram without her actions seeming unreasonable was something I've been setting up ever since chapter 25. Is it time for Ram's hostile takeover of this story?
Probably not.
Did somebody say Smash?
I'll see you lovely bunch of degenerates later. Hope you enjoy the post notes scene, it's probably the longest afternotes I've posted yet.
AND LET ME KNOW HOW I DID, 'KAY?
See you later.
Once day turned into night for the residents of Roswaal's mansion, Subaru and Beatrice laid down in bed as they retired for the day as usual; however…
Feeling his wife's trembling hands clutching his back, Subaru asked "Beako, you're still awake, right?"
Still attached to her husband, Beatrice answered "I am, I suppose."
Starting to sit up from the bed, Subaru offered "Want me to get you some sleeping medicine again?"
Pulling her husband back down on the bed, Beatrice replied "No, that won't be necessary, I suppose. I must fall asleep after you to drain your mana, after all."
Surprised by his wife's roughness, Subaru suggested "You could always go ahead and drain my mana while I'm awake like this. I don't mind."
"But if I do that, you might wake up before me, I suppose."
Remembering her complaints from earlier, Subaru chuckled "Are you afraid that I'm going to do something to you while you're asleep? I'm sorry your cheeks are so perfect to poke, but-"
Finally letting go of her husband, Beatrice started to sit up on the bed as she spoke "I'm just… I'm so scared that you'll do something irreversible while I'm not looking, I suppose."
"I'm terrified, Subaru." Beatrice finished as her shoulders trembled, her back still to her husband.
Quickly figuring out the cause of Beatrice's seemingly out of place anxiety, Subaru sat up and embraced Beatrice from behind as he comforted "Beatrice, I promise you, whatever you're thinking, I won't do it. I swear to you that once you wake up in the morning, I'll be there right beside you to say 'good morning'."
Letting her tears flow freely, Beatrice answered in a voice filled with anguish "I just… I don't know if I can trust you, I suppose."
It broke Subaru's heart to hear such words, but he couldn't deny that Beatrice's distrust was rightfully earned, so he went on to ask "What can I do to make you trust me?"
"If you really think I'd reply with something shallow like a kiss, you'd be mistaken, I suppose." Beatrice uttered, and turning around to face the boy, she said "Make another contract with me, I suppose."
Not surprised by the spirit's suggestion, Subaru immediately replied "Okay, what will the contract be this time?"
Pressing both of her hands against Subaru's chest, Beatrice answered "You will swear upon the contract that you will never again attempt to take your life, I suppose."
With his heart going unsteady from Beatrice speaking of his attempt, Subaru answered shakily "That's… straightforward enough."
Starting to grip on her husband's shirt, Beatrice added with heaviness in her voice "Of course, there will be consequences in place. If you choose to break this contract, it will invalidate all our previous contracts as well, I suppose. This is why spiritualists value promises as much as we do."
His eyes widening from shock, Subaru dumbfoundedly asked "So… we wouldn't be spiritualists anymore?"
Unable to look at her husband in the eye, Beatrice cast her gaze down to the bed as she finished with heartbreak in her voice "Yes, and that bond between us wouldn't be the only thing to break, I suppose."
Realizing a flaw in the contract, Subaru hesitantly asked "I… I don't understand why we have to make a contract about that. Contract or not, even if I kill myself, wouldn't that be the end of things anyways?"
"Y-You!" Beatrice's lips trembled, and feeling a torrent of anger, she looked up at Subaru and went on to scream "How could you say something like that so easily, I wonder?! We're not discussing what to eat or where to go on a date! WE'RE TALKING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, SO HOW CAN YOU BE SO NONCHALANT ABOUT THIS, I WONDER?!"
Having never seen the spirit so upset, Subaru could only utter "B-Beatrice..?"
Grabbing Subaru by the collar, Beatrice's eyes lit up with a passionate rage as she continued to shout "Allow me to make myself clear here! Contracts and the breaking of one persists across space, across worlds even, and especially across time. If you break a contract, it will remain broken across all eternity. Think of it like this: contracts are carved into your soul, and once it breaks inside of you, it will forever be so. Contracts can't simply be rewound, no matter how you try to change things, I suppose!"
Truly intimidated by the spirit, Subaru fearfully asked "W-What are you saying?"
Yanking on Subaru to bring his face closer to hers, Beatrice gave the boy a clear warning "I'm saying that even if you possess some bizarre ability to rewind time, our contract would still remain broken, I suppose!"
"Beatrice… Do you know..?"
Ignoring Subaru's question all together, Beatrice settled down ever so slightly as she went on to ask "Are you going to accept the terms of this contract, I wonder?"
Seeing that Beatrice wasn't giving him the option to not answer, Subaru hesitantly asked "…Am I at least allowed to ask what would happen if I refuse this contract?"
"The immediate termination of our previous contracts regardless, I suppose." Beatrice stated firmly as she continued to glare at her husband.
Frightened by the spirit's resolve, Subaru uttered "Beatrice… You'd throw all of that away just for…"
"'Just for'..?"
Feeling the venom dripping from her quaking voice, Subaru closed his eyes as he predicted another onslaught.
"Do you… truly not value your life at all, I wonder?"
Opening his eyes to see the sorrowful expression on Beatrice's face, Subaru listened as she spoke "You may talk about how you are blessed, but when it comes down to it, you'll throw your life away as many times as you need to with little regard, I suppose."
No matter how much he wanted to argue, Subaru knew that in his heart of hearts, he believed his life was something that could be used up and expended. After bringing his own life to an end multiple times before, Subaru just thought his life was a simple convenience that he could undo if the situation demanded it. This was the side of himself that Subaru never wanted to reveal to anyone, especially not his wife.
With a hand to her chest, Beatrice finished decisively "I don't think you quite understand the depth of my feelings for you, Subaru. To me, your life comes first. That's why, even with our relationship on the line, I must make sure you stay alive, I suppose."
Seeing the fire in the spirit's eyes, Subaru understood that there was no chance of her backing down, so he firmly accepted "Okay, I'll do it."
With the spirit's eyes narrowing at him as she continued to glare at him, Subaru went on to say "If it will help regain some of the trust that I betrayed, I will do it."
Grabbing his wife by her hands, Subaru interlocked his fingers with hers as he chanted "I, Subaru Natsuki, will not take my own life from this day forth. I swear this oath upon my contract with Great Spirit Beatrice."
Even after Subaru swore the oath, Beatrice gripped Subaru's hand tightly as she warned "You realize what would happen if you break this contract, don't you?"
Giving the spirit a nod, Subaru answered "Yes, you made it pretty clear what would happen."
Unable to hold her fears back any longer, Beatrice's lips started to tremble as she desperately yelled "I really don't want to lose you, Subaru! My love for you transcends every other feeling I have, but I can't just watch as you throw your life away with little concern!"
With her shoulders starting to tremble, Beatrice pressed her face against Subaru's chest as she silently wept "If I… If I woke up one day and found out that we're no longer contracted to each other… Oh gods, I can't even bear the thought. Our connection being severed would be enough to completely devastate me on its own, but also knowing that you… that you ended your own…"
With the memory of Subaru stabbing himself in the neck resurfacing in her mind, Beatrice gripped at Subaru's shirt as she screamed into his chest "Don't make me go through such agony once more! Subaru, please don't do that to me! I don't know what I would do if you threw away your life once again, so please!"
Paranoia and terror gripping at her very soul, Beatrice pleaded "You have such a bad habit of failing to keep promises, so I'm begging you, please keep this one! Please! Oh gods, please don't leave me. I'd be so lost without you, so please…"
Watching as the proud spirit was reduced to such a pitiful state, Subaru felt a torrent of remorse and regret as he spoke "I won't. I know you have no reason to believe me when I say this, I know I don't have any right to say this, but please believe in me."
Being embraced by her husband for the next few minutes, Beatrice started to calm down "…Okay. It's a wife's duty to believe in her husband, after all. You also agreed to the contract I proposed to you, so that gives me the bare minimum of what I required to regain some trust in you, I suppose."
Although Subaru felt relieved, he still went on to question "Even though you say that, you're probably still going to be worried, aren't you?"
Pressing her hand against his cheek, Beatrice's expression softened as she said "Subaru, I'm ALWAYS worried about you, I suppose."
Resting his hand on top of his wife's, Subaru sighed "I guess I really cause you a lot of grief, don't I? I really am sorry about that."
Turning her gaze away from him, Beatrice softly uttered "…I'll be demanding a lot more affection out of you from now on, you know that, right?"
After planting a kiss on her cheek, Subaru retracted his face as he reassured her "I'll give you everything that I can offer. That's my duty as your husband."
"I may make you regret saying something like that, I suppose." Beatrice gazed deep into her husband's eyes as she declared once again "I love you, Subaru."
"Yes, I know."
"I love you, Subaru."
"Yeah, you just said that."
"I love you, Subaru."
"You really are persistent."
"I love you, Subaru."
"…I love you too, Beatrice."
With a smile finally breaking out on her face, Beatrice softly demanded "Now, please repeat that twenty more times, I suppose."
"I'm starting to see why you said I would be left with regret after all of this." After uttering that empty complaint, Subaru did as Beatrice asked as he declared his love for her twenty times over.
Watching as Beatrice's face slowly brightened with every time he declared his love for her, Subaru asked "Is there anything else you want, Beatrice?"
Burying her face in the crane of his neck, Beatrice requested "Will you hold me close and stroke my head until I fall asleep, I wonder?"
"Of course I will."
Feeling the warmth of her husband's arms wrapping around her, Beatrice spoke "Subaru, we'll talk about everything later, okay? Until then, can you tell me that everything will be alright, I wonder?"
Thinking that Beatrice would still be skeptical, Subaru asked "Will it really sound convincing coming from my mouth?"
After drilling the top of her head into Subaru's chin, Beatrice pointed out "The breaking of your promises with Emilia aside, at the very least, you have never lied to me about anything important, I suppose."
Thankful that he still had his wife's trust, Subaru vowed to her "Somehow or another, I'll make sure that everything will be okay in the end."
Starting to feel sleep's embrace, Beatrice closed her eyes as she softly spoke "You're right. You… You really did work hard to give all of us a happy ending, I suppose."
Suppressing those traumatic experiences, Subaru sighed "Yeah, you have no idea."
"No, I understand better than anyone else, I suppose." Beatrice said in almost a whisper.
About to question the spirit's words, Subaru heard the sound of his wife's light snores as he uttered to himself "Of course she falls asleep right after saying that."
From everything she's said tonight, and remembering how she helped stop his attempt on his own life, Subaru started to panic as he wondered "She… She has to know right?"
