Crash Into Me: Chapter 28

Since her break up with Edward, Bella waded her way through the fog that had taken over her life. She felt numb but she was angry too. She was so mad at Edward for how he cut her off but more for why he had but she missed him so terribly that her body physically ached. All Bella wanted was for him to listen to her, really listen. She wracked her brain for days searching for something that hadn't already been said, something that she thought might make a difference. His irrational behavior was driving her crazy.

"Can I sit down?" Bell knew the voice belonged to Riley without looking up.

"Yeah, sure," a lifeless voice answered him

"Bella, I've asked you this dozens of times already but," paused, "are you okay? You seem so out of it."

"Well things have been better," she sighed not knowing why she suddenly thought she could confide in Riley Biers.

"What's the problem?"

"Edward and I had a fight….I mean I think we broke up….hell I really don't know what's going on. I just know I feel lousy about it all."

"I'm sorry." A light bulb clicked on in Riley's brain. Here was his chance to make his move finally with Edward Masen out of the way he could slide right in and make this all come together.

"I just don't understand. It really wasn't my fault but I can't get him to see that. He won't listen to me!" she cried.

"Bella, I don't want to sound like a complete jerk, but why do you even care? You have to know that you can do much better than him."

"You mean like you?" she glared at him crossly. If this was the way Riley intended on helping her deal with this, he'd have been better off to get up and go right then.

"No – really," he said to Bella's much disbelieving face, "why do you always think that I'm talking with my ego? I told you that I know it's over between us. I will admit that I wish it wasn't but I have faced the facts as they are and I am doing my best to deal with it. I worry about you. I realize I treated you rotten while we were a couple. I'm sorry for that really I am, but I can't go back and change what I did. But I certainly don't want to see you be hurt by anyone else."

Riley had impressed himself even by his little speech. This was working far better than he had hoped for or could have planned if he had tried. Her saw her earlier frown turn upwards into a faint smile. She was way too easy to play he gleefully thought to himself.

"Riley, you hurt me. Hurt me in ways that I can't even begin to explain. It's just hard to forgive and forget. Can you understand that?"

"Yes, yes I can. Besides you know me I am never able to deny a beautiful girl anything." He leaned down kissing her gently on the cheek.

Rosalie had watched the whole scene unfold and was stunned by what she had witnessed. This was one of the first times, outside of the play that is, she had seen them be civil. The idea that Bella had let Riley kiss her, even if it was on the cheek, completely floored her.

"Hey," Bella looked at Rosalie in shock as she settled in beside her.

"Give!" Rose said.

"Give? What are you talking about?"

"You and Riley, what's going on? Don't you dare say nothing. I just saw him kiss you. Come on what gives? And what about that guy for Port Angeles? That was pretty short lived."

"Riley and I were just talking about old times."

"So what – are you saying that that hood from Port Angeles is history? I'm so glad that you came to your senses and saw Riley was a much better catch."

The storm brewing inside Bella took on volcanic force. Regardless of what was happening with her and Edward she wasn't about to tolerate Rosalie's insolent words towards him. Bella reigned in her temper before speaking, "Rose, let's just drop the subject before we get into another argument."

"So you are still with him then?" she countered truly disgusted.

"And if I am?"

"You know what I don't have time for this? I have to meet up with Royce anyway. It's your life to ruin."

Bella watched Rosalie as she stormed away from her knowing that the only way her life would be ruined is if it never included Edward again.

Bella's Saab rolled to a stop in front of Hampton House. She was there for one last vain attempt to get through to Edward. She needed to do this before finally making the resolve that all was lost.

The front counter was vacant and the center was quiet. Looking at her watch she realized that she had arrived during the middle of a group session. Quietly she entered the large room and sat down on the floor among the others. Carlisle smiled in her direction glad to see that she hadn't given up just yet.

Her eyes probed the group trying to locate Edward. Her eyes locked on him sitting alone in the corner of the room just on the fringe of everyone. She felt her heart tear apart piece by piece. He looked more lost than she ever remembered. His body was minus any physical scars but if she looked close enough the distant look in his now dull green eyes told her all she needed to know. This was far worse than anything that Caius could have inflicted on him. This time Bella knew he wore his bruises on his soul and it had been her fault. The urge to go to him wrapping her arms tightly around him consumed her.

"Bella hello," Carlisle's voice broke through her private thoughts. "Nice to have you with us today." She looked at Edward who's only reaction was to glare at her then turn his back. "How about starting us off today?"

Victoria was having none of this. She stood up and exited the room. She wasn't about to be party to this any longer. If Carlisle's intent was to keep Edward Masen and Bella Swan involved then she wasn't about to wait around for the inevitable fall out.

"I don't have anything to contribute Carlisle, really." Bella's private thoughts were not for public consumption at the moment.

"Come on, Bella," Angela prodded.

Bella looked at the tiny girl before her recalling how brave she had been the first time she had sat in. Bella wondered if she could be as brave. She looked at Edward across the room knowing this was her last shot at him. A way to get him to listen without being able to run from her. "I guess there is something I would like to discuss," she started. "I want to talk about differences in people. I know this couple – these two people I know are so different but they are the same. From the outside you would have thought that their lifestyles were so completely opposite that there would have been no chance for them, but somehow they found each other despite it all."

Carlisle's eyes darted between Edward and Bella. He knew where she was going with this and why but he also knew all too well that this wasn't the way to endear Edward to her. It would only serve to push him further away from where she wanted him to be. However there was no stopping her now, she had the entire room's attention.

"Believe me the road they walked was rocky and they had their fair share of arguments. But the biggest one came as a complete shock. She hadn't mentioned who her father was. She didn't really think it would make a difference but apparently it did…."

"Why?' a random voice from across the room asked.

"Her father is wealthy and welds a great deal of power. It wasn't left out purposely. She just naturally assumed that it was a known fact. Honestly she thought it wouldn't make a difference. She didn't think she needed to restate the obvious. She was blindsided by the fact that who her father was would make a difference," Bella purposely said it again hoping to drive her point home. "But unbeknownst to her it definitely did. It made all the difference in the world. This guy pushed her away and she was completely crushed. It didn't matter what she did or how she tried to explain he just kept pushing and pushing her away refusing to listen to anything she had to say…."

"That's bullshit!" Edward retorted, "I did listen. I just don't believe you!" He hadn't realized what he had actually said until the room fell silent around him all eyes were fixed on him. The sudden fact that he had lost it in front of them all sent him dashing from the room.

"Edward – wait – please," Bella begged.

"Bella," Carlisle said certain in the fact that she was about to run out of the room, "We should discuss this."

"NOT NOW! You are as much to blame for this as me!" she shouted racing from the room.

"Okay everyone, let's settle down and get back to the session," Alice suggested, but the room was slow to quiet. What Bella had let them to believe had stirred up quite a few questions.

"Edward – Edward are you out here?" The fenced area in the rear was dark, "Edward are you here? Answer me please!"

"What is it about you? Do you get off on making a fool out of me? I hate you!" he seethed.

The venom in his words stung her. "I didn't know any other way," Bella knew the lameness of her own sentence. "I needed a way for you to finally be forced to hear me out. Edward, don't you get it? I love you and want to be with you. It shouldn't matter the family I come from. It didn't before you knew. I haven't changed and we were happy then. Actually moving forward together. I thought that we both wanted. I apologize for how I handled things in there, but I was desperate. You weren't listening to me. I was just looking for some way to make you understand. How was I supposed to make you understand that I love you Edward?"

"Bull shit! All of this is just bullshit! You will never learn will you? I don't want to hear any of this. Admit it, you were out to hurt me from day one!"

"You know what Edward, that's what's bull shit here! The first time I laid eyes on you I couldn't get you out of my head. Even after finding out everything about you…none of that mattered to me. All I knew was I wanted to be with you. Hell I drove myself half crazy about our different backgrounds. But in the end all that made any sense to me was that I couldn't imagine me without you. I thought we deserved a shot at making one another happy. Until a few days ago I thought that we were. Surprise – surprise! Why are you being so damned stubborn?"

"Save it! I'm not buying it!" Edward moved into the outreaching darkness. He couldn't let Bella see his face knowing if she did she would have known how deeply her words affected him, yet that made no difference. He was unwilling to change his position about it all.

"Why do you have to be so spiteful?" she brushed away an obvious tear. "I never wanted or meant to hurt you," she cried bewildered. "Why can't you see that?"

"I just can't! I won't!"

The finality of his words was like a knife through Bella's heart. She admitted defeat as she walked passed him completely composed knowing at this point crying wasn't the answer to getting what she wanted – nothing was.

Edward watched her depart from the yard. It was all he could do to stand and watch her walk out of his life. There was a nagging voice in his mind asking if hadn't he forced her to that point? He continually rebuffed her attempts to set things straight. What choice did he really give her? Yet now he was losing the best thing to walk into his life in maybe forever and couldn't do a damn thing about stopping it.

"Where's Bella?" Carlisle startled him.

"Don't know. Haven't seen her," he lied.

"She ran out looking for you and you're telling me you haven't seen her?"

"I haven't seen her!"

"Might I suggest that you and I speak then?"

"Thought we did that the other day?"

"You left before hearing a vital part of my explanation. First let me start by again apologizing for my role in this whole mess. I know involving Bella was a mistake but you had me backed into a corner."

"So you said," Edward added sarcastically.

"Well what you really need to understand is that Bella had every intention of telling you from the very beginning. You see she thought that you knew she was helping. I told her that I told you all about it." Edward stared at him disbelieving. "As for the part about her being rich, well I think that you are obsessing way too much on that."

"What makes you say that?" Edward's edge suddenly vanished the reality of Carlisle's confession and how it mirrored Bella's was finally sinking in.

"Really – think about it how many rich people do you actually know?"

"None," Edward hated to admit.

"Well then don't you think that maybe you need to come down off that high horse of yours?" Carlisle asked looking Edward directly in the eye. "At least cut Bella some slack. She was doing what she thought was best for you. Why don't you take off those damn blinders you insist on wearing and see what a great girl you have in her before someone else does?" With that thought Carlisle left him to his own devices.

Almost immediately Edward wanted to take off in search of Bella. Everything that Carlisle had just said rang in his ears. He was finally able to see what a complete jerk he had been, yet his pride was the only thing that kept him rooted where he was. Between Carlisle and Jasper, Bella Swan had one hell of a cheering section. Edward knew they were right in everything both had said and forced him to see, yet he was still too stubborn to get past it and go after her.

Bella found herself making a path to the park – the sight of their first real date. The connection that they had made that night wasn't one that Edward cared to see any longer. That thought tore at her very soul. Bella had no idea she could hurt this much. Not even after her mother's death had she felt this utterly alone. Her forward path brought her to the Port Angeles soccer fields. The faces of Tanya and James leapt to mind and what a disaster they had proven to be. The only bright spot in that whole evening had been meeting Jasper. She knew the instant that she met him what a wonderful friend he was to Edward. She could only hope was that he could find a way to help him now. Bella was kicking herself now for not going with her guy instincts from the start and telling Edward herself rather than leaving something that delicate up to another person. She imagined from his reaction that it would have been pretty but at least he wouldn't have the fact that he thought she lied to him to stand on.

She wondered if they might even have ended up talking about the money issue that Edward was so hung up on. None of that mattered anymore for at the moment she had lost everything that had come to mean so much to her. Without knowledge of where her feet were carrying her, Bella found herself standing over her mother's grave. The sight of the headstone brought on an uncontrollable wave of sobs, she couldn't tell if the tears were for the loss of her mom or Edward but either way she felt totally alone and utterly isolated from the world.

She sat there talking to the flower covered grave. She told Renee everything; her anger vented at her father's lack of understanding; her rage at herself for letting Riley turn her into a person she barely recognized; her desperation at the downward spiral of events with Edward. The was so much pouring forth by the time that she had finished talking Bella found herself feeling as if the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders.

Her one sided conversation had even brought clarity to whether she should stay or leave the center. It would be torture seeing Edward day in and day out knowing that she had lost her chance with him, but she knew in her heart that she had to stay on. Renee Swan hadn't raised a quitter. The one true thing she had learned from working at Hampton House was running away from a problem never solved it. Fighting it was the only thing to do and that's exactly what Bella intended on doing.

"Alice, is Carlisle in his office?"

She nodded. "Bella," she paused but Bella was on a mission and didn't hear the word.

"Yes, come in," Carlisle looked up from the file he was reading. "Bella," he sounded shocked to see her, "I didn't think that you would come back."

"Can I talk to you?"

"Of course," Carlisle was even more surprised to hear that she still would want anything to do with him after the fiasco he had made of things.

Bella sat on the edge of his desk and began at the very beginning of everything that had transpired so far. She found herself even speaking of Riley and the role he played in her life and how suddenly he had become her friend again. Carlisle like Edward couldn't shake the bad vibe he got from the total 180 degree turn Bella described.

"I know this is a lot to ask – but I would really like it if I could stay on here."

"Of course you'll stay on here. You have been a great asset to the center not just to Edward. Besides how do you expect Edward to see how wrong he's been about you if you just up and vanish into the night?" Carlisle smiled.

"I wish that were true," she sighed, "I just have to accept that I screwed up on this one and move on. He's not going to come around. You know that as well as I do."

"Don't be so sure sweetie. Let's just keep an open mind okay?" Bella wished she had Carlisle's confidence.