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Bella

Progress. Glorious, glorious progress. My eyes were no longer red at all. They weren't gold either but they were a vibrant orange. The color of an orange poppy flower. It was strange and would probably freak a human out more than the red but it was beautiful to me. It showed how far I'd come. I was doing good. I felt so proud of myself.

"I'd never thought I'd see someone more conceited than me, but if you look in the mirror any longer you're going to give me a run for my money," Rosalie said.

"Shut up," I retort glaring at her over my shoulder.

"Leave her alone, Rose!" Alice snapped taking my side before flashing me her prettiest smile. I took a step back from the little pixie. Nothing good ever came from the smile and she was holding her hands behind her back surreptitiously. My good mood was suddenly overshadowed by worry.

"What's behind your back?" I asked as she drew near.

"Now Bella I need you to have an open mind about this," she began. Rather than respond I just waited for her to continue and she did. She pulled a white shirt from behind her back. It had a turtle neck and short puff sleeves. With very short puff sleeves.

"No."

"Bella please! What's the difference between the scars on your face and neck from the ones on your arms," Alice asked. "Plus it's like a trade off because this shirt will cover your neck!" she added gleefully.

I stared at the shirt for a long time. It was really pretty and ethereal with a turtle neck with delicate piping on the sleeves, three pearl buttons and a small beige lace overlay on the chest. Lately I'd been trying to keep with plans of moving forward and not being inhibited by my past. My scars though would always be a somewhat sensitive subject to me. They represented so much of myself that I just wished had never happened, so many of my regrets.

I couldn't change any of that now though. And maybe my arms were not too disgusting, but in a house full of other vampires with smooth and flawless skin, I would stick out like a sore thumb. However I already did stick out like a sore thumb. The scars on my neck, along my jaw, and the one over my eye were ones that usually went unhidden. The Cullens never mentioned them or seemed to pay much attention at all. I'm sure the same would go for my arms.

"What would I wear it with?" I asked.

"Charcoal cigarette pants, black ankle boots, three gold bangles and a simple gold chain," she said placing each item across Edward's bed as she called them off.

I glanced at Rosalie and she shrugged. "You're the only one who focuses on them," she said confirming what I'd already thought.

I sighed and scooped up the clothes Alice set out and took them into the bathroom to change. When everything is on, I take more time in front of the mirror. I do look nice and my arms, I guess, aren't as awful as I'd thought. I stepped out of the bathroom slowly and Alice squealed in delight upon seeing me. She launched her tiny body over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"You look so pretty!" she exclaimed and I smiled, feeling a little embarrassed by the compliment.

"Thank you," I replied.

Alice squeezed me one last time before dancing away leaving Rosalie and I alone.

"You really do like pretty, Swan," Rose smiled and I rolled my eyes.

"And you wonder why I'm so conceited now," I responded.

She laughed and linked her arms with me as we headed out of the room behind Alice. We went down the steps slowly and I tried to settle my nerves. I was fairly sure that the Cullens wouldn't say anything about my arms. However, they wouldn't be able to hide the reaction in their eyes and that's what I wanted and feared to see. We reached the living room and everyone glanced up at our arrival but none of them were nonplussed except for Emmett who was grinning and beckoning toward Rose, Alice who was still riding the high of seeing me in something other than long sleeves and jackets, and Edward whose eyes never left my own as he smiled at me. He seamlessly shifted the piece he was playing on the piano to my song.

"Thank you," I thought coming to sit beside him. I leaned over and kissed the spot I knew he liked so much between his ear and the start of his jaw.

Things between us had been going exceedingly well. Things sort of just seemed to click after I agreed to be his…well one thing had gone great. I didn't know what we called ourselves. We were both over a hundred years old. I would feel like a fool calling myself his girlfriend. It would be even worse to call him my boyfriend. After all we'd been through together it just didn't seem like enough. Not to mention it was just fucking childish. I'd considered lover but that wasn't exactly true and just seemed a bit off. Other things like companion, partner, and significant other just seemed to be a bit stuffy and not right for us. There was something that came to my mind a few nights ago but it worried me.

My Edward. Mine.

The problem with just going around saying that Edward was mine was that it sounded so territorial. It was possessive, like I was staking my claim, like I owned him. Edward had said that to me before I'd made a huge deal about it, telling him how that was what I wanted for us. Now that we were together though, saying that he was mine felt natural and right. I was confused about why that was and it was really too much to think about at the moment. I was proud of my eye color, proud that I was bold enough to wear shorts sleeves, and Edward was playing my song. I'd worry about labels later.

"Bella, Rose and I are going shop…," Alice began but I cut her off instantly.

"See you later," I said before she could even ask if I wanted to come. Shopping with Alice was like tiring and since vampires had unlimited energy that was really saying something.

"I wasn't even going to ask you to come!" Alice pouted. "I was just going to ask was it okay if I get you a few more short sleeved shirts!"

I instantly felt guilty. Alice really was being great about my limits as to things I would wear and things I would not. I stood from the piano bench and gave her a hug. I found myself being more and more affectionate lately. It was odd. It just happened impulsively and I couldn't stop myself.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Go ahead and get the shirts. But only a few," I said pointing my finger at her for emphasis. She nodded her head before leaving with Rose.

"You've been um quite loving lately," Edward said low enough for only my ears.

"I know!" I exclaimed in my head. "It's like Tourette's or something!"

He chuckled and shook his head at me. We sat at the piano for a long time before moving to the couch to watch a movie. Right when the opening credits started though, Edward's cell rang. It was Carlisle saying that, if Edward wanted to come and sit in on a harvest, Carlisle could get him into the operating room.

"Rain check?"

"You're going to go!"

"Well…if you don't want me too. Then I won't."

"It's not that," I said shaking my head. "I just…I mean you'd be able to handle it?" I asked finally getting out what I wanted to say.

"Yeah," he nodded slowly. "I've been to med school three times already. I'd like to get to where Carlisle is and eventually be a doctor too. He lets me sit in on some surgeries so I can get used to the open smell," he told me.

Of course I knew all this from reading his diaries but now that I was feeding off animals it sounded more outrageous. More courageous, brave, and audacious. I was amazed by this man in front of me more and more everyday. I smiled up at him feeling something swelling in my chest and kissed his lips slow but deeply.

"Good luck," I breathed after pulling away.

He leaned in and kissed me again before thanking me. He went to change his clothes into something that looked a little more like an astute and driven teenager; khaki pants, button down shirt, and brown loafers. He looked fucking adorable. It took all I had not to smother him in more kisses as he walked out the door. I sighed and settled back into the couch to find something to watch on TV until Edward got back. I didn't want to watch the movie without him. The house was unusually quiet for a Saturday. Esme was in her study doing some sketches for the house on the island Carlisle had purchased for her. I couldn't believe that he'd done that and what was more astounding was that he'd had the money to. How much did a fucking island cost anyway and who did you talk to about purchasing an actual piece of the earth?

Jasper was up in his room reading some Civil War lieutenant's memoir. He was obsessed with that shit. He had an entire section of the library filled with those types of books. I knew that he fought in that war when he was human but wouldn't that make him have some sort of aversion to it. I'd fought in plenty of battles and now I couldn't even stomach movies like Saving Private Ryan or even fucking Forrest Gump! The war I'd been in hadn't even been anything like that stuff. I just knew that it was a war and was completely turned off by it. I could never entertain myself with watching that kind stuff anymore.

Jasper

I loved my family very much and I enjoyed every second of my time with them. However when the house was sparsely populated and everything was quiet, I reveled in it completely. I really enjoyed quiet time and also not having to feel so many emotions at once. At the moment the only thing, I felt was inspiration coming from Esme and contemplation from Bella. Since I was reading these were things that didn't distract me from my book at all.

Hours passed like this until I heard a sound that I'd never thought I'd hear around the house. A heartbeat. It was coming toward us slowly but steadily. I stood up to look out my window but suddenly thirst like no other hit me hard and strong. It was so powerful that it took a few seconds to realize that it was not my own. It was Bella's. My cell started to ring but I didn't even bother answering it. I knew who it was and most likely what her warning was going to be. Esme and I moved into action at the same time but I was faster and got downstairs first.

The following moments were an amazing moment of synchronization between Esme and I. The human was close to the house now and his or her smell was in the air. Esme went to the door as I went to handle Bella. We'd all seen Bella in action and we knew that when it came to something she really wanted, the girl had no scruples. I was better equipped to handle that than Esme. Bella was already on the move but luckily not out of the house yet. She was close to the back door but luckily, with some fancy footwork, I was able to leap over and land between her and the door.

Bella hit me with the force of a Mack truck. The windows in the room shuddered, one actually cracked, and a few of the pans hanging above the stove clattered to the floor. I tried to brace myself for the impact by putting one foot behind me. It worked to an extent but the tile on the kitchen floor was ruined. I swung her around and pinned her against the wall to keep her from getting to the human that was rapidly approaching the front of the house.

Seeing as I was the newbie vegetarian before Bella, battling her thirst along with mine was a feat worthy of a Nobel prize or something. Her thirst was overwhelming and all consuming. The human was walking up the steps of the porch and the pain in my throat was so intense that part of me wanted to just say "Fuck it" and share the kill with Bella. The only thing that stopped me was the second emotion that was starting to creep out of Bella and into me.

Fear.

I looked down into her eyes and saw that they were black as night. They were wild and feral with need but there was also pleading there as well. I realized that I wasn't having a hard time at all to restrain her. It dawned on me that she, in fact, wanted me to restrain. She was gripping the front of my shirt in her fists so tight I feared her fingers would crack and crumble. Her chest was heaving with every burning breath she took in and staring at me with eyes begging for my help. I worked to get myself under control and clear my head. I had to get both of us through this.

We could hear Esme open the front door just after the human knocked. Unfortunately a wind blew simultaneously carrying the scent of the human in and through the house. Bella growled loudly in pain as her control broke and she tried to push past me. I used all my strength to force her back into the wall making a Bella shaped hole behind her. I covered her mouth with my hand and looked into her agonized eyes.

"Stop breathing," I whispered to her and she immediately complied. "I'm going to move you and get us to a place farthest away from the scent," I told her and she nodded.

I scooped her up into my arms and rushed us down to the basement and kicked the door closed behind us. I proceeded to the laundry room where I opened the washing machine and filled it with bleach.

"Put your head in there," I instructed her. "It's going to burn your nose but it'll completely overpower the scent of the blood. Bella dropped to her knees and stuck her head in the front load washer. She breathed in the bleach and choked and growled at the burning I'd warned her about. I sat beside her and I tried to breathe in the stench of the bleach too. I listened to the human talking upstairs to Esme. Apparently he was camping in the woods and a couple of bears came and completely ruined his campsite and the tires of his RV. He'd walked in here in search of a phone to call for help. For some reason, that just pissed me off…

"What the fuck was he doing camping in this part of the woods!" Bella snarled from inside the washer.

"My thoughts exactly!" I exclaimed.

Bella and I stayed in the laundry room as Esme entertained the human until AAA came. After he'd gone, Bella emerged from the washer and collapsed back on the floor. Her hands came up to cover her face and the emotions rolling off her were just depressing; chagrin, defeat, anger, and hopelessness.

"Bella you did very well. It's no reason for you to feel this way," I told her gently hoping it was okay that I talk to her now that the crisis was averted.

"I still want him. I still hear his heart beating in my ears. I've thought of eighty-nine plans to get past you and Esme, find the human, take him down along with the AAA guy, and a cover story to keep the rest of you out of trouble. And all the while I'm thinking this Edward and Carlisle are elbow deep in human blood and taking it all in stride," she replied and the tone of her voice was dead.

"Bella, Edward and Carlisle have been abstaining from the moment they awoke from the change. Carlisle is almost four hundred years old. Edward is almost one hundred and ten. You've been abstaining for a month after having all the human blood you wanted for over a century. They are seasoned veterans. You're just starting out and you managed to control yourself enough for that human to walk away from this house unharmed. That's amazing! I was where you are but the human who crossed my path didn't survive. In fact the first ten humans that crossed my path after I changed my diet didn't survive," I told her.

She brought her hands down from her face and sat up on the floor rearranging herself so that she was sitting beside me with her back against the washer.

"How did you do it? How did you get where you are now?" she asked.

"Well let's just say I learned the bleach trick early on. But what really helped was Alice. Every time I fucked up, she would comfort me and tell me it was okay but not only could I feel her disappointment, I could see it in her eyes. I hated it and every time I was around a human I remembered the look in her eyes and I just did what was necessary to keep that look away. It was torture but I'd endure anything for Alice," I answered.

Bella nodded her head. "Edward always tells me how proud of me he is. It feels good to hear him say that. I don't ever want to disappoint him either," she told me.

"Use that," I said. "It works."

She sighed and raked her hands through her hair before hugging her knees to her chest.

"I feel like I'm a newborn all over again," she groused.

"I know but just like your newborn year the frenzy will pass," I replied.

"In the same amount of time?"

"That depends on you, on how bad you want to change."

"How long did it take you?"

"Well three months before I stopped slipping all the time and then another four before I could go out in public and remain relatively calm. You're already off to a better start than me though. It'll probably take you a lesser amount of time."

A comfortable silence fell over us for a few minutes. I couldn't believe how calmly we were talking to each other after our somewhat hostile past. I guess it was because I'd long since abandoned my distrust of her. When she first arrived, I was sure she would be the demise of our family. Now I realized that couldn't have been farther from the truth. Especially for Edward. My brooding brother was now the happiest I'd ever seen him. Bella was the complete opposite of his demise. She was his salvation.

"Is it bad that I used the memory of changing humans into vampires to stop myself? I kept remembering all the times I'd bitten people but stopped before I killed them. I told myself that if I could mid-feed then I could definitely stop before I even started," she asked.

"It can't be bad if it worked. The man is still alive, you won't have to see Edward struggle to hide his disappointment, and you're not drowning in guilt," I responded.

She nodded again as a small smile appeared on her face. She glanced at me and I quirked my eyebrow wondering what brought on this sudden spurt of happiness after all the hopelessness that she'd previously left.

"Also…I feel pretty badass right now. Kinda like Dr. Jekyll fighting my own evil or something," she said sheepishly.

I threw my head back in laughter. I'd never heard anybody call Dr. Jekyll badass. Bella tried holding back her own laughter but was unsuccessful.

"BELLA!" Edward exclaimed as he raced into the house. I could feel panic and worry pulsing through him. I sent a wave of calm through the house that had little effect on him.

"Down here!" Bella called and he was instantly kneeling before her clutching her to his chest.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you! Alice called me a million times but they don't allow cell phones in operating rooms. I'm so sorry, baby! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Edward," she said running her fingers through his hair which I noticed worked magic in calming him down. "Everything is fine," she cooed.

I stood up to leave them alone but just before I got to the door Bella called out to me.

"Hey Empath!"

I stopped and looked at her over my shoulder to find her smiling sheepishly again.

"Thank you," she said. "Thank you so much."

I smiled and nodded my head once, "Anytime."