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Chapter 29

"Clara?" Alex' voice followed a careful knock on her bedroom door, "How are you feeling today?"

Clara put her the book she had been reading down and looked at Alex, noticing that he seemed kind of worried. He took a step into the room but she stopped him with a hand gesture and a weak smile.

"Better but probably still contagious," she lied, "How was work?"

Alex shrugged. "Not so good. But I managed to set a date for a reconciliation attempt with Missy. Do you think you'll feel better on Friday?"

"Me?" Clara blurted out, "Why me?"

"Because I need you to be there. It's just some talk over dinner. We'll both say we're sorry and suggest to settle it like adults. Nothing more."

"I'm not talking to that woman ever again, Alex!"

That was really the last thing Clara needed right now, especially since the whole event was absolutely connected with John and she couldn't pretend to be fine about him at the moment.

"Clara, please, I am lucky that Missy finally agreed to this and it's an actual chance for me to keep my current position if this dinner is successful. I need you there."

"No!"

Alex took a deep breath and Clara could clearly see that he was trying very hard to swallow his anger, but she didn't care.

"You got me into this mess and you will help me fix it," he said determinedly.

"I got you into this mess and you forgave me, remember?"

"Like you forgave me about the house?" Alex cocked an eyebrow at her.

Before Clara had the time to open her mouth and speak Alex had turned around and left the room. Clara groaned, threw her blanket aside after a moment of consideration and followed him into the living room.

"Alex, I'm sorry," Clara apologized quickly, "I know I messed it up. I'll come to the dinner with you if that's what you want."

"Yes," Alex sighed and suddenly, to Clara's surprise, he raised his voice, "But it's not what you want. We should be a team. We should solve a problem like this together without hesitating, yet I feel like you are leaving me alone in this. And you seem to hide your problems from me as well. I know that something is up with you that you're not telling me about and quite frankly, it scares me."

Clara shuffled her feet nervously. A part of her wanted to tell him, quit the lying and tell him the truth, but then she would rob John of his last chance at having any kind of relationship with his son.

"Clara, I need to ask you a question," Alex announced gravely, "And I would like an honest answer. I think I deserve at least that. Do you still want to be with me?"

"Alex-"

"An honest answer, please. Would you rather break up with me? Because if that's what you want, then I should know."

"I considered it," Clara admitted weakly. She was about to start crying again. She could feel the tears coming already, "But I made my decision. I'm going to stay."

"I don't think you have, Clara," he looked at her and his sad eyes made Clara's stomach twist. She realized just how much she was hurting him, but what could she do about that?

"I am staying with you," she repeated, her voice trembling, and she started to cry again because she was hurting the man she had loved and been with for so many years and now she couldn't even bring herself to be honest with him. Alex deserved so much better than her, so much better than this and yet all Clara could think about was how much she would rather be with John. Her own thoughts were beginning to make her sick.

"You know I love you," Alex said sincerely and Clara just started shaking her head frantically.

"Please, stop talking," she begged him, sniffing.

"No, I won't, because I need you to know that I'd give about anything to fix this if I only knew what I'm doing wrong!"

The nausea was rising up inside her, she could feel the disgust over her own thoughts and actions eating its way like acid through her body.

"You've done nothing wrong, Alex, nothing!" Clara didn't meant to shout, the words just came out this way.

"Then what is wrong with us, Clara? Please, just tell me!"

Clara darted into the bathroom when she felt she could no longer hold it back. She bent down over the toilet and after she had thrown up she sank down on the bathroom floor, leaning against the wall. When Alex appeared in the door way all she could think about was that now he would definitely believe her to be sick.

"Clara," he began softly as he sat down next to her. Alex gently placed his arm around her and Clara was so grateful for that, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I pushed you. I shouldn't have."

She only nodded and rested her head against his shoulder.

"You should go back to bed," he suggested, "I'll get you anything you want. If you want to be alone, I'll leave you."

"No, it's okay," she whispered, "Can we just forget about the fight for now and watch a movie together or something like that?"

"Absolutely," Alex agreed.

OOO

The next day Clara was definitely fed up with staying in bed so after finally having a normal breakfast again she headed over to Amy's house.

"I'm bored," she complained as soon as her friend opened the door, "I can't sit around any longer."

"That was quick," Amy raised her eyebrow when Clara walked inside the house, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes," Clara said determinedly, almost believing it herself now after having thought about it almost all night, "Alex is a wonderful man and a great boyfriend and he deserves another chance, so I'm gonna be a good girlfriend and stop crying about other men."

"Wow," Amy uttered, "You have truly perfected the art of lying to yourself."

"I'm not lying to myself, Amy. I love John and I still care a great deal about Alex. And since a relationship with John is out of the question now I owe it to Alex to make an honest attempt. Now, be a good friend and help me distract myself from the rest."

Amy sighed. "Rory wants me to pick a colour for the nursery. You can help with that?"

Clara raised her eyebrows. "The nursery? You're already setting up the nursery?"

Her friend shrugged. "I said I wouldn't have him do or buy anything as long as I'm still in my first trimester – which ends next month. You know Rory and how enthusiastic he is."

Amy rolled her eyes but Clara only laughed. For a moment she wondered what John would be like as a soon-to-be-father, but quickly brushed the thought aside. John would probably be even worse.

"Well, I think that's very sweet," Clara finally said to make her thoughts stop, "Little Clara Martha should have a nicely planned room. How is she doing by the way?"

"He or she was doing fine until you threatened him or her with that name again."

"You probably haven't thought of a name yet, so there's still a chance for Clara Martha."

"Actually," Amy said, "Rory and I came across this cute name a few days ago and we both agreed that if it was a girl we'd definitely consider naming her Melody."

"Okay, I admit that sounds slightly better than Clara Martha."

"How nice of you to admit that," Amy said, laughing and shoving paint samples in front of Clara's face, "Now pick a colour for me!"

Clara blew the air out between her lips and stared at the samples for a moment. "Aren't they all the same?"

"That is exactly what I told Rory. I see no difference. They're all beige to me," Amy complained.

"Are you really going to let Rory set up the nursery on his own? I'm surely not an expert on your husband but wouldn't you rather leave this to someone who actually knows what he's doing?" Clara asked carefully.

A mischievous smile appeared on Amy face. "You mean someone like John?"

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind helping."

"We'll consider it. After all, it's always a bit of a commute for Brian, but Clara-"

"Mh?" she looked up at her friend and immediately knew what was coming.

"Forget Alex. Go for John."

"I told you I-"

"No," Amy insisted, "Forget the excuses. You want to be with him and you know it."

"Sadly it's not just about what I want," Clara admitted.