The Simpson's: In Space: Episode 9: Divine Pawns: Epilogue.
(Date: Orion Standard: 12/07/5009. Orion Standard Time: 1000 hours Military Times. Location: Orpheus system: Orpheus II: United Federation of Orion: Frontier Sector Omega.)
Captain Homer Simpson, still in Q-space is impatiently thrumming his fingers on his armrest. "What is taking so long?" He thought impatiently "I thought these things were faster in Q-space."
"Mr. McGrunch-Grunch?" He asked his diminutive Dadaban second in command. "How much longer until we to Morphing II?" The Ex-Vice-Duke of Artana III breaths in impatiently from his methane tank. "If I told you once." He said with a disturbingly calm voice. "I've told you over a THOUSAND TIMES!" He yelled loudly causing Homer to jolt back in shock. "ETA UNTIL ARRIVAL IS THREE HOURS! You've been bugging me about since we left Earth." He yelled hotly; sweat dripping off of his greasy brow.
"Well, SORRY!" Homer responded with insincere care. "But I really just want to be home and rest, not like I always do. Lounging on the coach watching reruns of Hogan's Heroes, I mean an honest break!" Homer complained. "All right, all right, I get your point; you're tired of the fighting." Grunchy responded. "No that's not it at all." Homer contradicted him. "It's just that I thought this job would be a lot more… oh I don't know."
He pondered. "To boldly go, were no man has gone before, on the final frontier. Instead when I'm not risking my neck, I'm being forced to baby-sit trade fleets and escort snot nosed politicians that could care less if I helped them or not!" He ranted. Grunchy sighed over Homer's tangent, he didn't really care for it. But it did temporarily break the monotony of staring into Q-space. "Look Homer, the whole point of this is… actually I don't really know the point of this war, aside from keeping an imperialistic coot from taking over the galaxy, but I'll honor you for standing by despite all this bureaucratic nonsense, and the fact that the both of us get butt end missions." He said, with several years' worth of practiced insincerity to mask his response.
"Ah, it's nice to see that were finally starting to get along." Homer said. "I never said that, I just said that it was nice to see you have a spine." Grunchy bluntly stated. "Oh… so could you tell me more about Morpheus II." Homer asked. Grunchy's eyes began to twitch erratically as Homer just mispronounced Orpheus II… again. "ORPHEUS! The planet is called Orpheus II! Did you even pay attention during the briefing?" He complained. "Was that a trick question?" Homer queried. "Could at least tell me more about this planet?" Grunchy sighed in defeat, knowing all too well that correcting Homer was futile… not to mention a complete waste of time. "Okay, Orpheus II was settled by The UFO in 4949 as a lava and sulfur mining world. But recently some archeologists in The Orion Society for the Preservation of Extinct Civilizations found some alien ruins that lead beneath the planet's surface."
"And did anyone know about these ruins earlier? I mean, sixty years and someone could have at least found them by accident." Homer concluded, which was rather unusual considering his low-level intelligence. "Hmm… when you put it that way, but no matter. We still have our mission with Admiral Bethany Tanto." Grunchy responded. "Get in, make sure that nobody stupid, or ambitious comes along to try to steal whatever is found, and get out. I may not be getting paid for this shivicara, but this is probably the easiest assignment I've ever had." He continued.
XXXXX
Within the confinements of Bart and Lisa's quarters, they, Thel Knara and Seth Elysium. We're playing a heated game of Holo-Risk; Bart had all forty-nine of The Wilderness Sectors under his dominion. Lisa, Seth, and Knara were forced into a coalition to fight off Bart's ruthless blitzkrieg. The AI Sheila and her daughter Athena acted as referees managing the virtual dice. While Knara's stepbrother, Thel Tsaritsyn, and his two best friends Ocihc Muloc-Sbu, and Rahpo Ein-he'rjar R'lyeh, we're playing as goofing looking fans, complete with miniature flags, and Rahpo wearing a giant foam finger on his hand.
Bart was lounging back in his chair with a smug grin on his face, mainly because he actually managed to outsmart his own sister at a game he never even played, nor particularly cared for in the first place. Lisa on the other hand was nervously sweating her sweat glistening across her orange tinted scales over the prospect of losing to her own dimwitted brother. 'I don't know where he found this winning streak, but I'll be damned if I lose to him.' she thought to herself thrumming her clawed fingers against the table.
"You do realize that your fear is only bolstering his overconfidence right?" Knara quipped in, her face baring the same stoic but serine look that somehow captured Bart's heart. "In any case playing this game was YOUR idea." She added in. "So if you're going to make a big deal out of this we may as well stop playing." Knara continued.
"No!" Lisa sharply responded back at her, baring her needle like fangs in an unnecessary show of aggression. "I am not losing to my idiot brother!" She hissed. Bart cracked his knuckles loudly. "So little sister, you are losing nerve da?" He said in a deep Russian accent, which was rather unusual because for the greater portion of the game he was talking with a very loud German accent. "My armies are conquering the galaxy, and you are nervous that you will inevitability loose. Da?" He continued.
Lisa, then suddenly thought of a way to get Bart to drop his guard, or at the very least keep him quiet. "You do realize that your being rascally insensitive to Knara right?" She tried to reason with him. "Lisa? That's a low point even for you." Knara commented. "I mean were just playing this for fun, I wasn't even offended by the accent, I'm not even properly Russian as far as I'm aware" Lisa scowled at Knara but she thought about what she said about her making a big deal out of the game.
'May be I am making a big deal out of this.' She thought to herself. 'But I just want to win so badly!' She continued in her mind. "Honestly Lisa, do you have to get his competitive over a simple game?" Seth finally responded after being quiet after Lisa's turn began over twenty minutes ago. "I'm not making a big deal out of this!" Lisa shouted back at him. "Yes you are! Now it's your turn young lady, just move so we can get on with our lives." Sheila, the AI stated, all of a sudden the ship began to rock. "The ship has exited Q-space in orbit of Orpheus II." Blared the recently repaired PA system.
"Turvack, and I was on a winning streak." Bart abruptly said, all of a sudden he removed the pair of Mobile AI Storage Units that kept Sheila and Athena in the holo-board. "Bart what are you doing?" Knara asked him anxiously. "Oh nothing, nothing." Bart hastily stated, while pressing the reset button on the holo-board. "I was just thinking that it might be cool to, you know? Go down to surface and see what's in the ruins?" He stated, in spite of the fact that this was obviously a very bad idea.
"Bart?" Knara asked him. "Is this the real reason you and Lisa, brought me and Seth out here with you?" She continued on. "To poke around alien ruins?" She continued, this was true, but as far as Bart was concerned Knara didn't need to know his ulterior motives for coming… yet. "Don't be ridicules Knara." He responded with a care free grin on his face.
"Even I'm not stupid enough to go through something that's older then Grandpa."
"You know I was really hoping this game was going to go somewhere." Tsaritsyn complained. "Ah well-a, better luck-a next-a time eh?" His friend, Ocihc spouted. Rahpo, due to his lack of vocal chords, said nothing, but he gave a disappointed moan.
A/N: How am I doing so far? Right now I'm going to go back to my old form of narration REAL quick.
XXXXX
(Two hours later, Homer, and Lieutenant Tyler approach a small excavation camp. They meet up with a withered old scientist. Along with several young and beautiful women, that where probably brought along simply for… scenery by said scientist.)
Homer: So, which one of you is Professor Fester?
Prof. Fester: That would be me!
Homer: So what are we looking at here?
Prof. Fester: Yes, well from what the surveys have revealed, there are two shrine-like structures on both magnetic poles of the planet. (He points to a silver building behind him.) This one, Unidentified Ruin Alpha, is the only one we've managed to access right now. UR Beta, which is on the northern pole. For some reason won't open unless something called, "The Scarred Dawn" is present. We believe it is inside of UR Alpha, but aside from a very big sarcophagus there's nothing inside.
Homer: (He nods in interest.) Hmm… so what have you found?
(All of a sudden, Bart, Lisa, Knara, Seth, Tsaritsyn, Ochic, and Rahpo rush into UR- Alpha.)
Prof. Fester: I say! Who were those scamps that rushed into UR-Alpha?
(All of a sudden, hundreds of FOA Ships enter the system, along with about a dozen Confederate Capital Ships.)
Homer: (He is really confused by what just happened.) What the! Tyler what just happened?
Tyler: (He points out the obvious.) Several Goliath-class capital ships entered the system! Along with an entire Fellowship fleet, The Fleet of The Martyrs Dirge from the looks of it.
Homer: (He is clenching his teeth.) I can see that Lieutenant! But why are they here?
Tyler: I don't know. But I get the feeling, for the same reason were here?
Prof. Fester: (Idealistically.) To explore the vast and murky depths of history that we didn't even know happened until now?
Tyler: (Cynically.) Yeah, that could be it. Either that or there could be data on advanced weapons in these things. So that sounds more plausible then just discovery. Now let's get in there, before those punks break something.
(Meanwhile on Metropoli Major, Augustus Belmont is walking back and forth nervously, creating a noticeable groove in the floor.)
Augustus: (He is muttering to himself.) What is taking Uncle Armageddon so long? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? (All of a sudden, Maccabeus Thermopylae shows up.) AH! Rakata Armageddon! I have been waiting for you.
Maccabe- I mean Armageddon: Augustus what are you doing here? I thought you were on Kobra Minor preparing for the insurrection of Earth.
Augustus: (Defensively.) I was! But… well it's kind of a long story.
Armageddon: Let me guess? You allowed The Alliance to find the planet after you kidnapped Prime Minister Elysium?
Augustus: Oh no! Of course not! What would ever make you think something that ridicules- yes that's exactly what happened!
Armageddon: And The Fellowship followed thereafter, because of The Blood Portal you and Chronus had?
Augustus: (Nervously.) Hmm… maybe.
Armaggedon: And I suppose you also turned The Prime Minister into a Blood Ghoul, in an overly sadistic attempt to bring her son into The Blood Cults, but instead compelled him into destroying Kobra Minor Luna 1 with his mind? Is that what happened!
Augustus: (Sheepishly.) Yes?…
Armageddon: (Sighs in disappointment.) Augustus my dear nephew, I haven't been this disappointed since The Lukus Templar's destroyed The Crimson Heart of Shadows. I earnestly hoped that banishing you to The Basilica of Unrelenting Spanking would have set you strait.
Augustus: (He draws a sword.) No! My buttocks still sting with the Trillion Hands of Glu-Teus!
Armageddon: (Augustus lunges at him, but before he can land a blow. Armageddon snaps his fingers and said blade disintegrates into ash.) Don't worry about it nephew, The Basilica of Unrelenting Spanking is reserved squarely for those who can redeem their failures.
Augustus: Then why not just kill me now, if you're so disappointed?
Armageddon: For one thing, I think it would be more appropriate and amusing to the gods if you die at the hands of someone who's earned their ire of you.
Augustus: (He… giggles. I'm going to enjoy killing this guy off.) Come on Uncle, you and both know that Eddie is a spineless and dimwitted coward!
Armageddon: Well he wasn't spineless enough to betray you, or for that matter too stupid to hide from the entire galaxy for two-hundred years without us knowing where. No, I was thinking of another Serp'feratu entirely.
Augustus: (He sounds really whiny.) Uncle! Must we be Divine Pawns to The Blood Lords?
Armageddon: (He grabs Augustus by the throat.) Mark my words boy. I've been at this sviv'caar longer then you would believe. You're not the first idiot I've accidentally allowed to outlive his failures, and each time I had my failed subordinates executed in the most humiliating way I can devise, (Under his breath.) like getting you killed by an thirteen year old Ub-Viper Serp'feratu for instance.
Augustus: Not if I have anything to say about it!
Armageddon: We shall see, (He throws Augustus into a wall with a very loud thud. Complete with a large crate landing on top of Augustus's head.) We shall see.
A/N: FINALLY! I thought I'd never get this chapter finished. Okay, I went through on my threat from the last chapter. I've posted a new story, and I briefly changed this from a scriptfic, to a… different kind of narration entirely. In the next chapter I may be able to keep up the non-script text longer. Hopefully better written, and not in the first person.
