Dr. Ivanlove screamed in horror, his recently painted nails placed onto his cheeks to emulate a certain Edvard Munch painting. "What have you done with the Heartbreaker?!"
Hemera smirked, chuckling. "Uh…used it."
"Used? You use condoms and cell phones! You've screwed our ride to the point I'm surprised it is not falling apart now!"
As if on cue, the steering wheel of the Heartbreaker fell off and rolled to Dr. Ivanlove's feet, causing him to go beet red in anger.
"This is just great!" he shouted. "I am not having you all ride this vehicle again!"
"Sir," spoke an aide.
"What?!"
"The supply crates are here. From their winnings."
"How many?"
"Twenty sir."
Dr. Ivanlove paused, then draped an arm over Hemera's shoulders. "I wouldn't worry about this. It's a little…beat up. It'll be ready for the next race. When is that?"
"Tomorrow."
Dr. Ivanlove let out a noise very similar to scream, albeit only in his throat and behind closed teeth. 'Okay then. We'll get it ready."
"Good."
Hemera yawned, walking off. "God I'm beat. There anything good to eat in this place?"
As soon as she left the room, Dr. Ivanlove began screaming at the top of his lungs, throwing his head back dramatically.
"I like the winnings, but look at my baby!" he yelled cradling the broken steering wheel with tears in his eyes. "I can't let her go back out there and get torn up like that again!"
Mortem slapped him across the face. "Get a hold of yourself!"
Dr. Ivanlove slapped her right back. "You get a hold of yourself! The bond between transvestite and vehicle is far more sacred than you could ever understand! When God came down to man in the Garden, he asked man whether he would have a vehicle or a woman."
"So he chose woman?" asked Lupus confused.
"No! Man chose vehicle, but God ignored him and made woman anyway. Anyway, this is awful! We're going to need a master technician to fix this!"
Ningyo sighed, pulling out his ECHO. "Calling Bartholomew."
"Hey Simo, can I ask you a question?" asked Lupus lying in bed.
"Go ahead my guitar-playing friend," replied Simo polishing his rifle.
"Why's your name Red Death? Where'd you get that sort of nickname?"
Simo paused before answering. "…I used to be a sniper working for a criminal organization named Red Thorn. I was there go-to assassin, the Red Death. I…"
The sniper rubbed his temples. "They…manipulated my mind. They planted false memories into my brain and used those to fuel a killer impulse. My signature was the grisly ways I killed people as well as…the crying."
"Who cries when they kill people?" asked Mortem astonished.
"You do if you're reliving memories of people abusing and bullying you," argued Simo. "I lashed out at the memories with tears pouring down my face, and only after did I see I had killed a real person instead. Of course, I was able to rip the memories out eventually."
He smiled pleasantly, though it had a tinge of sadness. "I'm all better now."
A knock was heard at the door, the Vault Hunters quickly looking up to see Dr. Ivanlove. He looked serious for once, his face blank.
"…which one of you is named Red Death?" he asked quietly.
Simo slowly raised his hand.
Dr. Ivanlove paled, gripping the door frame. "…if that's the case, I have someone you need to go to. He's a mask maker. You'll need a disguise."
"Why?" asked Mortem. "Who's after us?"
"Davis Dahmer, the leader of the Deviants, is after your friend Red Death."
"What does a pervert want with me?" inquired the sniper nervously.
"I don't know, or want to know," responded Dr. Ivanlove. "You're going to need a mask so he doesn't recognize you on sight. Here's his address. Bring the others too. They might be wanted by others too."
Lupus glanced at the address and the building, eyebrows raised. "Well, this is the street."
The building looked like an old tattoo parlor, the stained glass in the front now replaced with metal beams and wooden boards. It had a Guy Fawkes mask on the front door, indicating its function, but the door was locked and tight.
Ningyo knocked on the door.
A slot in the door opened quickly, revelaing a pair of black eyes.
"Go away," snapped the eyes before the slot was quickly closed.
Ningyo narrowed his eyes and knocked again. The eyes returned shortly.
"Pizza delivery man?" asked the eyes.
"What?" inquired Ningyo confused.
"Amazon man?"
"…no."
"Then get the hell out of here!"
The slot closed again. Ningyo began to get annoyed and knocked even harder. The eyes immediately sprung out.
"Look mister, I have an Ebola mine below that welcome mat."
"That's not very welcoming," murmured Mortem.
"It's irony!" argued the eyes.
"Oh, is there a female?" asked a new voice, a new pair of eyes joining the first. These new eyes were distinctively female, having a higher voice and eyeliner. "Is it a hooker?"
"You're married you dumb bitch!"
"Hey, no need to be an ass! I was going to propose some fun with her with both of us! I'm a generous sort of wife!"
"We're Catholic! Polyfidelity isn't tolerated in our religion!"
"Then we're converting to Mormon immediately! Bring her in!"
"No!"
"We're here to buy masks you dumb pieces of human garbage!" screamed Hemera, absolutely tired of their idiocy.
The eyes glanced at each other.
"Oh, a customer," spoke the male eyes.
"We like customers," stated the female eyes.
"This one is particularly rude."
"But one of them's a hooker."
The door opened, revealing a sole figure. He was a thin and short man wearing black leather. Most notably, his eyes had black sclera, making him appear like some sort of demonic figure.
"Good evening," spoke the man elegantly. "My name is Baravan Black."
"Where's the other?" inquired Ningyo confused.
"Who?"
Hemera rolled her eyes. "Whatever. We need masks. We got money. Let's just get this over with."
"Oh, direct," noted Baravan. "Excellent."
He grabbed Simo, dragging him into the building. "This one first."
He threw Simo onto a black leather chair, twirling him around a few times to get a good look at him.
"Okay honey, let's get started," spoke the mask maker pulling out a clipboard. "Are you a fan of…leather?"
"Uh…"
"Leather it is. Full face?"
"Uh…"
"Full face it is. One more thing…"
He crouched down and leaned in close, nearly pressing his nose against Simo's. "What do you think about…S&M?"
"Not really…"
"Oh, well neither am I. What's your name?"
"Simo Hathcock."
"Okay, well, that's no good. Give me a nickname, a professional name, something."
"…Red Death."
Baravan paled considerably. "…oh. Never heard that before."
"Liar!" screamed a female voice from the stairway, charging in towards Baravan. She was dressed just like him, up to the black eyes. "Liar!"
"Don't listen to her, she's crazy!" snapped Baravan.
"I'm not crazy, I'm your wife, Beatrice!"
"What's the difference?!"
"You've heard of Red Death! That guy, Davis, talked about him!"
Baravan cringed, shivering. "You know I hate that name!"
"What, Davis?"
"Auuauuagh!" screamed Baravan in disgust and frustration. "Stop saying that!"
"Davis, Davis, Davis!"
"Augh! Get back devil woman wife!"
"Why is that pervert after Simo?" asked Hemera.
"Oh, he's crazy!" spoke Baravan. "He's got that look in his eyes, like a mad dog! He wants to do…things to him! And he wants Red Death to do things to him!"
"Tell them!" yelled Beatrice.
"I don't know anything else! Honest!"
Ningyo pulled out a shotgun, cocking it. "Thanks. Now time to die."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" shouted Simo getting in the way. "Why?"
"They know who you are! They tell Davis, you die!"
"I wouldn't tell that disgusting piece of filth anything!" snapped Baravan. "I hate him with every fiber of my being. Your secret is safe with me, honest!"
Ningyo snarled, but put his gun away. "If not, I'll be back to blow both of your brains out."
"I think we'll charge him double," spoke Beatrice.
"I think so too," stated Baravan. "Billy!"
"What?!" snapped a large man emerging from the back, holding an ice pack to his head. "God, my head. I never should've mixed tequila and rum. Captain Morgan hates Truxicans."
"Warned you," spoke Baravan. "Now stop making me regret having brought you into my shop and grab the measuring tape!"
"Wait, Baravan Black, Beatrice Black, Billy Black…" murmured Mortem. "I should call Baldemar. There's a lot of Blacks here."
"That's racist," noted Ningyo.
"That's hipster."
"That's white."
"That's racist."
The Jananice snapped his metal fingers. "Damn."
[Richard McGuiness] "So, Sam…back again…"
[Samuel Keller] "Yes Rich. Something new to confess?"
[Richard McGuiness] "No. Nothing. I have no idea why my house smells like lye. None whatsoever. I think I should call a plumber."
[Samuel Keller] "…okay…well Rich, I'm here for a reason, but not for your…household problems. I was asked by a friend to assign songs to other characters besides the main cast, which can be found on their respective pages in the initial story. This was also the reason this chapter took so long, as it took forever to figure some out. Here's a list of major villains/side characters and their theme song if you will."
Josef Muller: "War Is All We Know" by GWAR
Mockingbird: "BileDriver" by GWAR
Karasu: "Flash Pan Hunter/Intro" by Tom Waits
John and Jane: "Twincest" by Le Sexoflex (I am so sorry, I couldn't think of anything else. Even if the song is about homosexual twins and not John and Jane's relationship, nothing else fit so perfectly)
Bathory Sanguine: "Venus in Furs" by Velvet Underground
Masher: "When You're Evil" by Voltaire
Knight Sven the Planet Slayer: "Zombie" by Miser
Elena Tear "The Shark Maiden": "Iron" by Within Temptation
Nitro: "The Man Without Fear" by Drowning Pool featuring Rob Zombie
Jackal Cash "Demon Ymir": "Soldier" by Eminem
Mr. Vangorium: "Fear is the Weakness" by In Flames
Edward the Kidd "Grey-Dog Killer": "The Emperor's New Clothes" by Panic at the Disco
Vladimir Cain "Wicked Cain": "Jock O'Braidosly" by The Corries
Dude "Grandmaster": "Across the Rainbow Bridge" by Amon Amarth
Sven "Bleeding Melancholy": "I'm Alive" by Disturbed
Dr. Ivanlove: "Sweet Transvestite" by Rocky Horror Picture Show
Mary Jane: "All the Time (Tove Lo Flip)" by Keys N Krates
Croix Sonore "Demon of Song": "Tears" by Document One
Wallace "Marshall": "Dig" by Mudvayne
Amon "Skeleton Jack": "Exciter" by Judas Priest
Jefferson "The Hanged Man": "A Man Ain't Made of Stone" by Randy Travis
Davis Dahmer: "Mein Teil" by Ramnstein
Humbert: "The Janitor" by Apathy
Francois: "Sarah" by Tyler the Creator
Catherine: "The One" by Elena Siegman
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Okay Sam, I actually know a few of those songs…you need to explain as well as some therapy."
[Samuel Keller] "Okay, hear me out. Some of the songs need to be taken figuratively, not literally. The one I want to explain right now is Davis's song, 'Mien Tiel' by Ramnstein. It's a song based on a true event, the cannibal Armin Meiwes. I'd seriously recommend a strong stomach for continuing, so this is fair warning right now. So what the idea of the song is from the victim's perspective about being eaten and receiving a borderline sexual pleasure from it. This represents what Davis wants with Simo, aka Simo "eating" him in some twisted masochistic ritual. Of course, I won't spoil how that turns out."
[Richard McGuiness] "Of course not. Still, that's gross as hell. By the way, why aren't anyone from the second DLC here?"
[Samuel Keller] "Oh, I hate that DLC in hindsight. No good developed characters with any complexity. I really regret writing that one."
[Richard McGuiness] "Well…we can't argue that."
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Nope. If we did, that'd be self-praise, and that's a little masturbatory."
[Samuel Keller] "Yeah, but at least this story is still moderately popular judging by my views per month. I just wish someone would drop a damn review."
[Richard McGuiness] "Oh, after this list, you got a few incoming. Mostly WTF's, but reviews nonetheless."
[Samuel Keller] "Excellent. I guess that's all."
[Scotty "Roundhouse" Dale] "Tatty bye!"
[Richard McGuiness] "Later dicktits!"
