Chapter 29 An admission, an agreement and an idea

EPOV

Bella told me about the horrible things Lauren Jessica and Carmen had said in the girls bathroom and I tried with all I was worth to contain my rage. I had to let her hand go lest I squeeze too hard and hurt her. I tried to concentrate on her heartbeat to calm myself as she spoke. The gross and disgusting things the girls had said made the monster in me rise to the surface and I had to use all my will power to remain in the meadow with Bella instead of returning to the school and ripping them both limb from limb.

Bella was quite composed as she retold the story now, her upset and anguish long since having left her. She was so brave and so very forgiving of them both. I couldn't be so magnanimous.

"You know those things aren't true, don't you Bella? You are so very far above any of them that they can't even see your toes dangling from way down here."

She laughed a little but said nothing. She didn't believe me!

"Isabella, I don't have to be able to read your mind to know that you'd never, ever speak like that about someone, let alone think it. It's not in you to do it."

"You're wrong Edward." She said quietly. I searched her face to see if she was sincere, she was. I was about to protest when she continued, "I was cursing them in my mind the whole time they were talking, I'm no better than them, really I'm not."

"Oh Isabella. Don't ever think that you cursing them makes you like them. That's a normal reaction to what they were saying, it's no reflection on you my love. None at all. You know it's all lies. Ignore it if you are able to, although I'd be more than happy to put a stop to it more permanently if you'd like." I couldn't contain the hiss that escaped with the last few words and Bella's eyes widened as she watched me speak.

"No Edward, you can't ever let them know that I've told you what they said. It would only get worse then. They'd say worse things about you just to get at me because they'd know they'd be able to hurt me. I don't care what they say about me but I don't want them talking about you that way."

I gathered her into my arms and held her tighter to my chest. I didn't deserve this gorgeous creature. Her only thought was for me.

"I'm not concerned about their thoughts for me Bella, I don't want them to spread disgusting rumors about you. I'm afraid my public displays of affection toward you on Friday night at the dance and again this morning between classes has led them to believe that we are, well, that we are being inappropriate with each other, um…physically speaking."

"Edward Cullen, I would bet that if you could you would blush right now." She laughed throatily and it made me twitch in my trousers. She was more than likely right, however, the ability to blush had long since left me, but if I could have I would have, I was sure of it.

"Quite possibly I would be, yes. I want to be honest with you but don't want to hurt your feelings. Will you hear me out, please?" I waited till I felt her nod against my chest before I went on. "It's true that those girls you mentioned have, well, propositioned me before. I was very careful to brush them away, make sure they knew I wasn't interested without hurting their feelings. I never entertained the thought, I swear it to you now."

"Of course I know that Edward. I didn't know they were serious when they said they'd asked you, obviously, but I knew you'd never do that. Not with them anyway." The way she ended the sentence made me think she'd intended to say more but was hesitant. So I prodded her.

"What is it Isabella? Please tell me."

"Well, I know that those particular girls wouldn't interest you but I'm sure there have been others who have. I know it's none of my business and all, but, well I'm sure that you've done things with other girls."

I tried very hard to keep my voice calm and reassuring as I answered. I feared I failed terribly.

"You are wrong. It is and has been only ever you Isabella. I've never wanted to be near anyone else, ever. I've only ever wanted you. You don't know how long I've waited for you."

"But you know what to do. I'm all clumsy and fumbly but you know just how to touch me, how to kiss me, to make me go all…I don't know, all gooey."

"Isabella I'm as clueless as you are. I'm learning with every touch of your skin and with every kiss of your lips. I have no idea what I'm doing. I've asked my brothers but they laugh and tease me so I stopped asking them. Carlisle is too clinical. I'd be mortified to ask Esme, Rose would lie and Alice would show me visions of what the others do and I just couldn't handle that. I can't vomit remember." I shuddered at the thought and Bella laughed.

"Trust me Edward, you're doing great." She laughed again and I joined in, so relieved that I seemed to be pleasing her without even really trying too hard.

"Can I explain a little more to you Bella?" She nodded against my chest again and I went on. "You might think I'm stuffy and old fashioned but please try to remember that I'm from a different time. Speaking of such things in front of a lady just wasn't done then. It's difficult for me to do the things I do with you even though I know that in this day and age it's allowed, even expected. I'm usually mortified at Emmett and the others when they joke about it or say racy things. I've already gone far further than I would have when I was a human teenager Bella. At the dance on Friday I kissed you openly, in pubic. That would not have happened in the twenties when I was a young man." She giggled, I continued. "I'd have spent the whole night trying to hold your hand or merely asking you to dance with me more often than was appropriate. I would come to your house and ask your fathers permission to court you. We would've played cards and I'd play music for your enjoyment. We'd never be left alone and an adult or chaperone would accompany us everywhere we went that wasn't school. I'd try to monopolize your time and ascertain whether you wanted to spend time with me, but I would never come out and ask you to spend time with me. I'd never have held you so close to me or been so forward back then."

"But I wanted you to kiss me Edward. I wanted to dance only with you, I wanted you to hold me and touch me. I want those things with you Edward. But I do understand if you can't do them."

"I want those things too Bella, with you. I'd like to learn those things with you, if you'll let me?"

"I'd like that Edward." I felt her tense against me and I wondered what was bothering her.

She sat up and crossed her legs, putting her hands in her lap and dropping her eyes to the ground.

"Can I ask you something Edward?"

"Anything Bella." I shifted to sitting opposite her and took her hands from her lap and put them in mine. She smiled up at me as I did.

BPOV

Whew, this was going to be tough. I was nervous. Especially now he'd just explained how hard it was for him to behave in a way that was appropriate to the times. Now I was going to have to ask him to compromise himself for me.

Alice said it was going to be easy, I'd just ask, he'd say yes, we'd be happy again. I wasn't so sure it would be easy now. He was not only struggling with his thirst but also the notion that it was disrespectful for him to be kissing me, touching me, so I had no idea now how he'd react to my request for him to come to me during the night.

"Please just ask Isabella. I refuse to bring it up. You will have to ask it of me."

I was so shocked I squeaked a little bit. He knew what I wanted to ask? How? I felt the blush rise from my chest and light my face from the inside. How did he know?

"I don't know if I can now, not after what you just shared with me." I lowered my eyes back to my knees and held my breath.

"Then we will leave it unvisited until you can talk about it." He stood now, reaching down a hand for mine. I took it and let him lift me up to standing in front of him. He put both his hands on my shoulders and bent his head to lay a soft kiss below my right ear. The jolt of electricity that flew from my belly to my brain startled me and I drew in a rush of air. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of his cold lips on my skin.

I knew he needed to take us back to the school now to collect his siblings. I knew we had to leave this wonderful place.

He'd collect the others and he'd stop outside my house to drop me off and then he'd leave and I'd be alone again, all night. I couldn't let that happen, leave it unsaid for another night. I had to say it now.

I stepped away from his waiting hand, he wanted me to climb up on his back for the run back to his car, but I shook my head and made my way to the edge of the meadow and sat on a rock that stuck out into the sun.

I folded my arms across my chest in an effort to protect myself from the nerves that wracked my body.

He followed, as I knew he would and stood in between my legs looking down at me quizzically.

"Isabella?"

"I can't do this Edward. I can't let you take me home and then not see you until tomorrow for school. I don't sleep. I hear you out there talking with Alice and Emmett and Jasper when they come to keep you company. I told you that when I was little I would sleep fitfully when your smell was weak in my room, it's the same now Edward. Worse even. Now I know you're out there and wont come in it's worse. It's like being thirsty in the desert and finding an oasis only for it to be behind a door you have no key for. You know its there but you can't have it. I hate it." I could feel the tears spring to my eyes and I blinked them away angrily. I didn't want to be so emotional about it but it hurt, really hurt, to know he was so close yet so far from me.

He stepped closer and tilted my chin up so that he was looking directly down into my eyes. He was smiling, widely. I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting over reacting Edward, the one who thought he was a pervert for wanting to be near me at night. Instead I saw my beautiful Edward smiling. So I smiled to and I felt my tears disappear.

"Ok Isabella." Was all he said.

"Ok." I replied. I wasn't sure he understood me fully but for now, knowing I'd told him how I felt, that was enough, for now.

He scooped me up into his arms and tossed me over his shoulder and I gripped his waist with my legs and crossed my arms around his neck. We were off and running towards the car before I had time to take in my next breath.

I felt the fluidity of his muscles clench and tighten as we flew over the ground. He'd relax a little when the path widened, tighten up when it narrowed. It was exhilarating.

We reached the car all too soon and he opened the door for me to get in.

As we drove back towards the school I took his hand in mine and smiled at him. He returned my smile and we sat in companionable silence until we got to the parking lot. It was still empty so at least nobody would see us return and start more rumors.

We got out and were leaning against the side of the car talking quietly when the bell went and people started streaming out of the buildings and coming towards us.

Edward frowned as Alice and Jasper approached us.

"Brace yourself Bella, Alice has had an idea." He said grimacing.

"Oh, great."

She bounded towards me and flung me around and around in a tight hug. She put me back onto my feet and looked me over from head to foot before saying, "Well, it's nice to see you two happy again. I told you it would be easy didn't I?"

"Oh yeah Alice, you called it." I said smugly, grimacing sarcastically at her.

"Oh come on, it went well all things considered. And now you are both smiling and happy and we can play happy families again. Which leads me to my next question…" before she could ask it Emmett and Rose came down the slope and towards us. Emmett was bouncing just like Alice had been a moment ago and I guessed that he already knew what Alice's idea was. Great, if Emmett was onboard I'd never live it down if I said no now. Alice continued regardless, "I've already seen that you will go, so there is no point saying you're busy Bella. We are taking a family trip to the zoo on Friday night. All of us. It will be fun and it's something we can do together that will be easygoing and free from temptation for Edward here. Ok we'll pick you up at 8 Bella. Wear those dark blue jeans and the dark blue v-neck sweater, it will be coldish." And then she was in the car waiting patiently for us to get in with her.

I heard the doors slam on Rosalie's BMW and watched her drive away with Emmett waving at me like a loony from the passenger seat.

I got into the passenger seat and sat staring out the window. What the fuck was that that just happened then? Was that even a question she just asked me? Did I have a choice? Why the zoo of all places? What was wrong with the movies or I don't know, bowling? The zoo?

Edward was driving now, heading towards my home, but his face was bleak. I looked at him and raised my hands as if to ask what the hell had happened but he just grinned at me and kept driving. Alice and Jasper were chatting away in the back so I knew the decision had been made, nothing I said now would change her mind. Great, we were going to the zoo, like children.

EPOV

Bella was still sitting in stunned silence when I pulled up in her driveway.

I helped her out of the Volvo and walked her to her door.

I pushed a stray hair over her ear and leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips.

"I will see you later this evening Isabella."

I went back to the car and waited for her to go inside before I gunned the engine and sped off in the direction of my home.

"Don't bother Edward. I've seen it. You have a great day. We all do. It'll be fun. I've just done you a favour and you don't even realize it yet."

"You're pushing her too fast Alice. She's going to crack if you go too fast. She's only just coming to terms with what I am, there's no need to push this."

"It'll be fun. Trust me Edward. I don't want to push her either, this is just a bit of harmless, innocent fun. You have to admit the past couple of days have been pretty drama filled. Everyone could use a little light relief, right Jaz?"

I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Jasper wince then nod. I realized how hard all this was on him, especially for him, and sighed.

"Great. Thanks Edward. You won't regret it, I promise." Alice leapt out of the car before I had even pulled to a complete stop in front of our garage and had bounded into the house before I could open my mouth. I guess the discussion part of the day was over.

Waiting for the sun to set took an age today. I had showered already and had done the piddling homework assignments set for me today. I'd rearranged my journals in chronological order three times making sure each of their spines were facing the right direction and were perfectly aligned. I'd changed my clothes twice too, trying to work out if jeans or trousers were appropriate when visiting ones, oh god, I can't say girlfriend. I'm really going to have to work out what to call Isabella in my head one day. I decided that nothing was truly appropriate to wear when visiting a lady in the middle of the night. Lady. I would call her my lady for now. Yes, that was acceptable. Bella was my lady. She was mine. Calling her mine was okay too. I liked it. She was mine, all mine.

The groan escaped me before I had a chance to keep it in check and within seconds I had six separate questions about my welfare raging through my mind.

"I'm fine. Go back to what you were doing." I grumbled.

"Grumpy old bastard." I heard Emmett say and I chuckled. Yep. That was me.

I went back to my music collection and began diving the Cd's into genre, again. I'd done this over and over again the past few nights, never quite happy with the outcome or position of some of the more obscure tracks. Many of my favourite Cd's crossed lines into two or more genres. This drove me to near distraction, it through my entire system out.

I began pacing along the path in front of my windows, staring out over the river. I was thinking about swimming with Bella near the boat when I heard a gentle cough behind me.

I turned to see Esme looking at me indulgently.

"Hello dear. Is everything all right? You've been so distracted and now you've been pacing?" She crossed the room and stood beside me at the windows, putting a soft hand on my shoulder.

"Everything is perfect Esme, mom. Bella has asked me to go to her tonight." I said it quietly and dipped my head in shame. I didn't want to admit how excited I felt about it. It was wrong to feel that way, I didn't want to compromise Isabella at all but couldn't deny the overwhelming feeling of desire had flooded my system since she'd mentioned it in the meadow.

"There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with her Edward. You love her, that's how people feel when they are in love."

It sounded so simple when she said it.

"I've spent so many years telling myself it was to protect her. But she knows now that if I go to her at night its nothing to do with that, she'll know it's because I need to be near her."

"Yes. She will know that. You said it yourself Edward, Bella asked you to go to her. She wants to be with you. She wants you near her. From what Alice has told me about today it seems as though Bella was upset and sad this morning because you stopped going to her in the night. Bella is a smart girl Edward, she would tell you if she was uncomfortable or if anything was done, or said, that she thought was inappropriate. Trust her, trust yourself dear." She ran her fingers through my hair and I sighed.

"Being seventeen is bloody hard in the twenty first century Esme." She laughed at that and I laughed too.

Then she slapped me up the back of my head and told me to watch my language!

Great. Emmett and Jasper rag on me for not being able to swear properly and now Esme whacks me for saying bloody. How the fuck is a guy supposed to win?

BPOV

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

That bastard clock must be stuck. It had only ticked over 4 minutes in the age since I'd been sitting here staring at it. It seemed like two years had passed, not four minutes. It was only 8pm but I was well and truly ready to turn in for the night.

I'd done my homework, made the dinner. Cleaned up the dinner. Put on some laundry. Cleaned the bathroom. Tidied the living room. Emailed my mother. Phoned Angela and assured her I was now fine, explaining away my sadness at missing my mother. Charlie was getting pissed off with my fidgeting and I just wanted to go upstairs and for Edward to be here already.

I excused myself, said good night to Charlie and went up to my room.

Every sound I heard I thought was him. I'd checked and rechecked that my window was open a dozen times already.

I'd changed my pj's three times. I normally slept in a t-shirt and boy shorts but they didn't seem right tonight. So I put on a nightgown. Worse. I took it off and replaced it with a long sleeved jersey and some sweats. Better but not great.

I'd put my hair in a ponytail then brushed it out. Put it back into the ponytail and then cursed myself for caring what it looked like, I never had before.

In a last ditch effort to distract myself I put my earphones in my ears and turned my ipod on. I found the playlist named Sparkly and hit play.

I let the music waft over me and I felt myself relax. I grabbed my novel from my bed stand and opened to the dog-eared place marker. I lay down on my bed and immersed myself in the world of Tess.

When the blast of cold air hit me I sat bolt upright, sweeping hair out of my eyes and wiping sleep from my eyes. I'd fallen asleep with my book on my chest and my earphones still in. the playlist had long ago finished it cycle and only the slight crackle of background noise remained. I pulled them from my ears and put them on the floor beside the bed. I began searching the dark room for him. I could smell his spicy scent but couldn't see him.

"Edward?" I said quietly.

And then he was there, beside me on my bed. He was magnificent. His hair was an unruly mess, like he'd been running his hand through it for an hour before he came in. He was cold; his clothes were freezing cold, having been outside. His eyes were dark tonight, his pale lavender lids half closed as he stared down at me. I bit my bottom lip as his eyes settled on my mouth.

I leaned slightly forward, towards him, desperate to feel him, I needed him closer to me. He'd come to me. My beautiful Edward had come to me.

"Isabella." He whispered so quietly I had to lean to catch the last syllable.

I put one hand on his chest and the other on his face, running my thumb across the apple of his cheek. He leaned in and kissed my palm. I smiled, he returned my smile and leaned towards me kissing me softly on my lips.

"It's late love, Charlie is sleeping very lightly tonight because of the storm that's coming. You need to be quiet, go back to sleep, I'll be here, I promise."

I ran my hand over his beautiful face again and nodded.

I lay back down and he lifted the covers for me to scoot under. I snuggled down into the bed and put an arm under my pillow as I normally did. Edward went to get up off the bed but I clutched at his forearm before he got very far. "Stay." I whispered. He sighed and tucked the covers around me more securely, he smoothed my hair once and kissed my forehead before he sank onto the bed beside me. I moved closer to him and breathed him in deeply. He smelled exactly like he should, clean linen soap and Edward.

The last thing I felt was his arm wrapping around me as I drifted into the first peaceful nights sleep I'd had since moving to Forks.

When my ipod alarm went off at 7am I startled awake searching the bed for him. He was gone. But I wasn't sad because I knew he'd been right there, all night long, as he'd promised he would be. I could still smell him on my sheets and on my pillow where he'd laid his head to hum to me softly when the storm hit.

I felt so much better having had decent nights sleep. My energy had returned and I hoped my sense of humour would come back with it. Now that everything was as it should be I was hoping I could just have some fun with Edward from now on. He loved me and whilst he knew I loved him I'd not said it out loud to him yet. We were together, we were happily together. His family had accepted me and I had accepted them for what they were. I wasn't scared. Edward Cullen loved me.

EPOV

Alice wiped the drop of blood from the corner of her mouth and pushed the buck carcass away from her. She ran to where I was leaning against a tree and took my hand, leading us back to the house. The sun was just coming over the mountains and in a few hours I'd be with Bella again, going to school.

"It was the best night of my entire existence Alice. She was perfect, so beautiful. She was so warm, so relaxed. I sang to her and told her over and over what she meant to me. I know she didn't hear most of it because she was asleep but I was there Alice, right there, beside her. If I die now I'll go happy."

Her laughter rang out across the trees as we ran.