"Adrenalin has kept you going this far," Hershel advised as Daryl sat Rose down within the stone walls. "but now your body is telling you to stop and rest. That's why you are getting dizzy spells."
"It's not really a restful time Hershel." Rose replied, getting situated on the leaf litter, others around her being busy unloading cars or standing watch.
"Too bad." Daryl grunted as he stood back up and picked up his crossbow. "Stay." He said as he walked back out of sight to find Glenn and Maggie, or Rick.
Rose's jacket creaked as she accepted her situation, accepted but unhappy about it, and laid back on the slight incline behind her from the sunken earth.
Carol and Sophia joined her in the old, crumbling structure, sitting together, holding each other nearby. Rose closed her eyes as Lori, Carl and Beth entered what once may have been the doorway. She could hear them sitting next to Carol. Hear the soft weeping of Beth in Hershel's arms. And hear the pin-drop silence between Carol and Lori.
…...
"We're not safe here with him. Keeping something like that from us. Why do you need him, he's just going to pull you down?"
"Nah, Rick's done alright by me."
Carol and Daryl's quiet disagreement woke Rose from the sleep she had dropped into. The darkness of night and the soft, warm orange glow of the small fire surprising her, and scaring her a little. She had been asleep, heavier and deeper than was safe.
Rose lifted her head and blinked at the sound of Carol's voice, harsh and mean and quiet unlike how Rose had ever her speak before. "You're his henchmen. And we're a burden," She hugged her daughter closer to her side. "We deserve better."
"What do you want?" Daryl asked, his eyes twisting with a squint as he turned to face Carol's persecution.
"A man of honour." The mother said passive-aggressively.
"Rick has honour." Rose croaked, watching Carol spin around at her words, through barely cracked eyelids.
Rose sat up slowly, pushing herself up from the soil using her hands behind her. She breathed a deep inhale through her nose and rolled her neck. The quiet crack noise was still loud enough for everyone to hear over the soft crackle of the campfire. Brushing some loose dried leaves out of her hair, Rose looked around at the sombre faces within the stone fort they were camped in.
"How can you sleep? It's not safe here." Carol asked Rose with a hiss.
"I guess I needed it." Rose dismissed her, looking around at the group.
Carol and Sophia to her left around the fire, with Daryl crouched beside them, adding a few bits of wood to the small flames. Lori and Carl next around the circle, quietly holding each other, not even trying to defend Rick.
"I think we should take our chances." Maggie said quietly, seated on the ground between Glenn and Beth, the opposite side of the fire to Rose.
"Don't be foolish." Hershel reprimanded softly from the other side of Beth. "We've no food, no fuel, no ammo…" An indistinguishable sound cut off Hershel, reminding them of the world just on the other side of the wall of stone. Within the glow of the firelight, it was easy to forget about what existed in the darkness. Too easy.
"What was that?" Beth asked, panic rising in her voice as she sat up from her father's embrace.
"Could be anything." Daryl said, standing up again. "Could be raccoon, possum…"
"Walker." Glenn suggested, saying what everyone was thinking as he got up too.
"We need to leave." Carol said, getting to her feet with Maggie. "I mean… what are we waiting for?"
"Which way?" Glenn asked, searching the darkness for any movement from whatever created the sound.
"It came from over there." Maggie offered, pointing with the shotgun she had in hand as Rick appeared from behind the stone wall.
"I thought it was that way." Carol added, pointing away from Maggie's direction.
"Last thing we need is people running off in the dark." Rick hissed, raising his hand to stop Glenn and Maggie from leaving. "We don't have the vehicles. No one is travelling on foot." He added with a glance at Rose.
"Don't panic." Hershel said gruffly.
"I'm not." Maggie retorted sternly. "But I'm not sitting here, waiting for another herd to blow through. We need to move now."
"No one is going anywhere." Rick shot her argument down without further explanation.
"Do something." Carol said angrily back at him.
"I am doing something!" Rick barked. "I'm keeping this group together. Alive. And I've been doin' that all along, no matter what. I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS. …I killed my best friend for you people, for Christ's sake!"
Carl stared at his father in the dark.
"You saw what he was like." Rick said quieter, but still angrily. "How he pushed me. How he compromised us. How he threatened us." He alleged, looking at Lori. "He staged the whole car-lights thing. Did god-knows-what to Andrea. Led me out there to put a bullet in my back! HE GAVE ME NO CHOICE! …He was my friend, but he came after me."
Carl turned into his mother's arms and cried as she rubbed his back and rocked slowly back and forth. Rose realised Carl hadn't seen the dark side of Shane, only the loving 'step-father' type role or, lets face it, best friend at the end of the world.
"My hands are clean." Rick stated. The only reply he received was the stunned silence from the group on their feet and the muffled sobs of his son. Rose looking at the flickering orange flames, finding she just couldn't turn to look at Rick.
T-Dog shuffled on the spot from his high-ground on the wall and looked out into the night. Rose glanced over at Daryl, catching his eye. They looked at each other, neither knowing what to do or say.
"Maybe you people are better off without me. Go Ahead." Rick said, quiet and dry, pointing to the road behind him, the lack of support cutting him deeply. "I say there's a place for us, but maybe that's just another pipedream. Maybe… maybe I'm foolin' myself again. Well, why don't you go find out yourself. Send me a postcard." He spat angrily. "Go on. There's the door. You can do better? Let's see how far you can get." Rick stood aside, waiting to see if anyone would take up the challenge he threw down.
"No takers? Fine." He finally issued to the group. "But let's get one thing straight. If you're staying… this isn't a democracy anymore."
Rose swallowed the lump in her throat, willing her body to unfreeze. To move into action and try to diffuse what she could. But she was stuck. Turned to stone in the pit of her stomach by Rick's words. She wanted to throw up, or cry, or scream or something, but nothing would happen. So she sat and stared into the fire.
Tears rolled down Lori's face, glistening wet in the soft light. Carol swayed a little on the spot, drawing her cardigan around her tighter and stared frightened at Rick, almost afraid he was going to lash out at her or something. Hershel adjusted his grip on the shot gun he held in hand, Rose unable to decipher the expression on his face in the dull light. Glenn, Maggie and Daryl stood silently, watching Rick as he turned and disappeared past the stone walls, returning to his watch of the perimeter.
"What do we do now?" Beth said quietly, mostly to her dad.
"We do what we're told." Daryl said dryly, unsure how he felt about Rick's statement.
"You still think he has honour?" Carol asked turning to Daryl.
"Calm down Carol." Rose said quietly, finally getting a grip on her faculties. "Besides, what are you gonna do? Are you willing to leave Lori and Carl? Because Rick is going to keep them safe, at all costs, apparently. I'd rather be a burden, tagging myself on to that, than having to go out there alone. So just… calm down." She said with a wave of her hand, turning away from Carol. "Go to sleep."
…...
The uncomfortable sensation of a full bladder weighed heavily on Rose. Ignoring it sure as hell wasn't working. It never does.
The static tingle of 'pins and needles' in her right foot, as she wiggled her toes in her boots, kept her seated on the soft leaf litter in the stone shelter.
While others around her had dropped their heads and found some piece of fitful sleep, Rose hadn't been able to close her eyes again, no matter how much she wanted to.
Now her body was waging a war. Knee versus Bladder. She shifted quietly on the ground, drawing her right knee up slowly as her fingers curled into the soft earth beneath her palms. She hissed breathlessly as the stiff joint seemed to creak like an old tree in a harsh wind, so loud she was surprised no one else seemed to hear it.
She silently blew out a shaky breath and let the joint settle again. Nerve and cartilage, pinching and aching. A few quiet breaths later and Rose put her hands to the stone wall behind her, searching for purchase and somewhere to push herself up from.
She wanted to be quiet. Let the others sleep while they could. Holding a breath tight in her chest so she didn't cry out, Rose gripped her fingers into the grooves of the laid stones and used her left leg to push herself up. She pressed back with her shoulders against the wall and inched her way up with her hands.
Standing up, she turned around and held onto the wall. Rough, grey stones giving her something to support herself with. Her shuffling in the leaves hadn't gone as unnoticed as she had hoped. Movement out of the corner of her eye, turned Rose's head to see Daryl pushing himself up off the ground, hand resting on the knife at his belt as he sat up.
Rose pushed her finger to her lips, hushing Daryl before he could raise an alarm. She waved her hand in a gesture that wordlessly said 'It's okay.'
Daryl squinted and rubbed at his eyes, the rude awakening getting his body moving before his mind. He mouthed 'what are you doing?' silently at Rose, once his eyes refocussed.
Blushing a little, Rose just shook her head slightly, miming back 'nothing.'
Daryl raised his palm up and shrugged, saying he was still wanting an answer.
Rose looked up, embarrassed before turning her eyes back to Daryl and pointing to her bladder.
Rolling his eyes, Daryl looked back beside him to his crossbow, ready to escort Rose to the 'bathroom'.
Rick's sudden and almost silent return to the opening, snapping Rose's head back the other way in surprise, as she held onto the stone wall. Looking between Rose and Daryl, Rick quickly worked out what was happening.
Flashing Rose a small, apologetic smile, Rick offered out his hand to take her instead. Daryl gave Rick a nod and lay back down to get what rest he could before his watch.
Rose put her arm up and gestured for Rick to move into her side so she could use him for support. He stepped forward and put his arm around her shoulders as her hand snaked it's way around Rick's waist. Rose's fingers curled into Rick's shirt at his hip as she tried to quietly limp away from the campfire. Rick's hand pressed into Rose's ribs, holding her tight against his side.
Rose looked over her shoulder to check she hadn't disturbed anyone. Only Daryl and Lori shifted around but both had their eyes closed.
Out of earshot, Rose whispered to Rick, "Thanks for this."
Rick silently nodded, mouth closed in a tight frown. Pulling a flashlight from his pocket, Rick passed the light over a small bush between a pair of trees. He took Rose behind it and paused, unsure what to do.
"Okay, go away Rick." Rose laughed silently and embarrassed.
"Are you gonna be able to…" He said, not knowing how to finish the sentence.
"I'll work it out." She said, holding a tree for support and pushing Rick away playfully, trying to keep it light.
Rick scratched at his head and blushed, "Yeah, okay." He said as he went and stood on the other side of the bush, passing the torch light around the area to be sure.
Rose found an old scrunched up tissue in her jeans; the kind that had been there so long it had taken on the shape of the pocket. It was all she had. Dropping her pants with a precursory look over her shoulder, Rose very uncomfortable with her knee and her ass out in the dark, night air, voided her bladder as quickly as humanly possible, holding on to the narrow tree beside her to keep her balance.
Standing back up with a soft cry and a sharp stabbing pain in her knee, Rose quickly buttoned her jeans before Rick could come investigate her distress.
"All okay?" Rick asked, as Rose hopped around the tree.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She smiled awkwardly in the dark as he stepped forward to her side again. Rose sighed quietly as they walked back to the stone structure. "I can't sleep Rick.. I mean… I already slept before, for a bit. I may as well sit somewhere I can be on watch."
"It's okay Rose. You may as well rest while we can." Rick began before Rose cut him off.
"Seriously?" She asked quietly, a little angrily. "I thought you would appreciate a little support right now."
The terse silence between them knitted into the lining of Rose's stomach, making her feel like she was having her threads pulled and was about to unravel from the inside out.
"Did I do the wrong thing?" Rick asked quiet and dry to Rose as he walked her to an old fallen tree that she would be able to sit on and watch the campsite entrance. "Not telling people… was it so wrong? I just… I didn't want people to loose hope."
"Did you tell Elliot, before he left," she said quietly, enouncing each word. "that there was a possibility, we were all infected with whatever this… plague, is?"
Rick breathed slowly out through his nose, knowing he had let her down and possibly destroyed the trust that she had in him. "No." He said softly, ashamed that it hadn't occurred to him to say anything to Elliot.
"That's why you should have told us." Rose replied, taking a seat on the log and finally looking Rick in the eye.
Rick looked at the ground, hang-dog expression as he waited for Rose to say something, anything.
"So you're in charge, huh?" She finally said, kicking softly at the dirt with her left foot and rubbing her right knee idly, eyes on the ground. "You're responsible for everyone? Not just Lori and Carl, but everyone? Carol and Sophia? Maggie and Beth? Daryl?" Rose asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm sure Daryl can look after himself." Rick said with a smirk, hoping Rose's suggestion was meant as humour.
"I'm sure he can." Rose grimaced before looking back up to Rick. Her eyes were sad, dark and scared. She sat up straighter and brushed back the loose bits of hair that had come free of the hair tie. Untwining a dried leaf from a tangle at the back, Rose sighed and cast it away before she spoke again. "Please tell me there is a plan, Rick."
"There is." He affirmed, placing his hands on his hips as he spoke. "We travel, quietly and carefully. We will find somewhere, I promise. Maybe another farm, but I'd prefer somewhere with better fences. Maybe a factory with a security fence, high walls… I don't know for sure. But we will find it."
"And in the mean time?" She asked, patting the log beside her for Rick to sit, and putting grievances aside.
"We stay alert. Find food, shelter, medical supplies… whatever we can. Ammo." He added.
Rose realised with a fright that she didn't have her gun. The 9mm was in one of the saddlebags of Daryl's motorbike where she had stowed it earlier. That sudden feeling of nakedness, like when you are missing your wallet, crept into her as she put her hand to the back of her jeans where the gun usually rested.
Rick, seeing her hand return to her lap empty, drew his Python from the holster and handed it to Rose, grip first.
"Look after this for me, will you?" He asked, placing it in her hands.
Rose sensed what Rick was really asking for. She could hear it in his tired voice, and see it in his turned in shoulders. She sighed and rest the large pistol in her lap, targeting Rick with her grey eyes and a hint of a smile.
"I still trust you Rick."
