Max: I hate you, 'Tiri.
Neytiri: -grins evilly-
Max: I mean, now we have MORE questions to answer.
Neytiri: -grins- -nods-
Max: Including ANOTHER assload from Saint and Fang.
Neytiri: -grins- -nods-
Max: -sighs- Matt? Anything to say?
Me: ...10th... Q&A... Chapter...
Me: And now, from Noel of Randomness:
For Max: Can I ask a few questions?
Max: No, you may not. Of course, You're going to anyway, so why do I even bother?
So, do you ever preen?
Max: ...Yes, I do. Because technically, brushing your hair is preening. Look it up.
Me: You know what that question meant...
Max: But I took it literally. Now shut up.
Do you know if you have a crop or gizzard?
Max: Do you want me to cut myself open and find out?
Do you like syrup on your bacon?
Max: ...I've never tried it... Huh. Will do so.
How many times a day do you dream about Fang?
Max: Do I have to be asleep for it to count?
How many times does Dylan pop into these dreams?
Max: ...Maybe it's best if it only counts when I'm sleeping...
Do you think Fang is bipolar?
Max: No, he's just emo.
Are you bipolar?
Max: Well, you see that NO I'M F#$%ING NOT!
How's Total?
Max: He's... A dog. So... Ask your local talking dog that, and that's probably about how Total's doing.
Man, I'm bored... Do you ever think about Figgy? Diggy? Niggy? Eggy? Aggy(ew)?
Max: Living with this freak, I don't have a choice.
Me: -is planning epic OMGWTFPairing fic-
...my creativity is limited at the moment so bear with me. Is Nudge still a veggie?
Max: Last I checked, yes.
Have you ever stumbled while flying?
Max: ...Is that even possible?
Me: She crashes into trees a lot. -points to -'s TAEBloopers-
Max: -facepalm- Must you do shameless plugs?
Me: Yep. EVERYONE! GO READ SAINT'S STORIES! THEN GO READ -'S! AND SKITS'! AND RAIN'S AND M.G'S AND KARA'S AND VERA'S AND EVERYONE ELSE'S!
Max: -headwall-
What is your hair color anyway?
Max: I don't know, my hair has a mind of its own.
Max's Hair: -nods-
Am I asking too many questions?
Max: Yeah, one is more than enough.
Is Dylan hotter than Fang? Vice Versa?
Max: ...Yes. For both.
Me: -eyeroll-
Do you daydream about punching /Fang in the face?
Max: Punching doesn't begin to cover it, ditto, and why the hell would I do that?
Have you considered anger management?
Max: WHY THE F#$% WOULD I DO THAT? I'M NOT F#$%ING BIPOLAR!
How much would you like me if I said I was a redhead?
Max: I'd hate you if your name was Lissa too.
Oh...really?
Max: -nods-
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Max: BECAUSE IT F#$%ING WANTED TO! NOW GIVE THE GODDAMN CHICKEN SOME F#$%ING PRIVACY!
What are you getting your mom for Mother's Day?
Max: Uh... It passed... But I sent her a nice card...
How thoughtful of you! Is Nudge fashion obsessed?
Max: ...Have you even read the books?
If Total and Akila had babies would you name one Takila for me?
Max: I figured they'd name 'em, but I'll make sure to recommend it.
Would you name one Fabio?
Max: I'll ask, but that may not happen.
How about Medusa?
Max: Again, that may be pushing it.
Or maybe...Fang?
Max: No.
Are these questions annoying?
Max: Very.
Am I annoying?
Max: I wouldn't know. Your questions are.
Should I stop now?
Max: Yes, please.
Are you sure?
Max: Yes. Are you gonna stop? No...
What do you like better, hands or feet?
Max: Hands. You don't have thumbs on your feet.
Neytiri: Yes you do!
Max: Well, 'Tiri does, but she's also ten feet tall and blue.
Neytiri: -glares-
Have you ever gone cow tipping?
Max: ...You're a cop, aren't you? Then no. Never.
What is your weirdest 'quirk'?
Max: I'm gonna go with the wings...
Do you like school?
Max: Do I like THE School? No. Do I like Matt's school? Not particularly. Did I like that school in Virginia? Kinda.
When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
Max: When the man on the TV with the radar map says so.
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Max: I kill the animal, then use the plant as seasoning when I eat the animal. Last I checked, there are way less mutant birdkids than any endangered species.
Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?
Max: Because nobody likes styrofoam almonds.
Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?
Max: Ask Total...
Can you cry underwater?
Max: I don't see why not...
Do you consider my questions random?
Max: Very.
Soo...I'm out of questions. Yay?
Max: Hallelujah.
For Matt: ...I dont actually have anything to say to you…
Me: Hallelujah.
Max: Aw, come on!
Me: Now, from Skits and Iggy...
Max: Hang on, we just did an entire goddamn chapter for these guys!
Me: And they had another review, one with more questions.
Max: -facepalm-
Iggy: I have a question for Matt.
Me: -laughs- Go...'head...Iggles...
Iggy: Now that Bell broke up with me, are you going to try to get in her pants?
Me: Well, If she lets me, I guess, but I doubt I'll fit.
Max: -facepalm- You know what he meant.
Me: I know. But I took it literally.
Max: And I took your answer sexually.
Me: -rereads- -facepalm-
Iggy: Max, are you going to be jealous when Matt tries to get in Bell's pants?
Max: Only if they're damn nice pants.
For Neytiri: Did you know you're freaking epic? You are.
Neytiri: -grins- -nods-
Max: As if her head wasn't big enough...
Did you know I have kidnapped Jake now? He's in the closet.
Neytiri: -frowns- -hisses-
Max: -sings- Jakesully was trapped in the closet!
Did you know that Jake is downright sexy, even as a blue cat-person? He is...
Neytiri: -eyeroll- -nods-
Is Jake good in bed? Or, well, more like under the tree...heh...
Neytiri: -ignores question-
Did you know I finally watched Avatar and I'm in love with it?
Neytiri: -nods- -grins-
Max: Are you gonna say anything?
Neytiri: Anything.
Did you know...I forgot what I was going to ask?
Neytiri: Clearly.
For Matthias: What's it like living with a big, blue, cat-person?
Me: Uh, she takes up a hell of a lot of space...
Max: She's blue, too.
Me: What a concept...
Do you think Avatar is a racist movie?
Me: Me personally? No. And I had a good little mini-rant about racism here that got deleted when this failed to save (I'm answering these for the second time). Unfortunately, it took me a while to write, since I pulled up quotes and s#$%, and I really don't feel like rewriting it, so I guess you all got lucky. -shrugs-
Did you know that I just got back from marching band practice and I fell so many freaking times in just 2 hours, I didn't even know someone could fall that much...It hurt... Can you march?
Me: Nope.
Can you march CORRECTLY?
Me: Given that last answer, probably not.
Did you know I shake my hips too much when I march?
Me: Do tell.
Did you know my tongue feels weird?
Me: I do now.
Iggy: Did you know Skits is in love with you?
Me: I somehow doubt that.
For Max: Did you know I'm just doing this to annoy you?
Max: Gee, thanks...
Did you know when you march you have to thrust your boobs out?
Max: Are you in the Playboy Bunny Band or something?
Did you know when you march you must NOT shake your butt? You get yelled at for it. "DON'T SHAKE YOUR ASS!" Yeah...
Max: -hums "1985"- "She was gonna shake her ass..."
Me: Okay, this next set of questions is from Vera.
Max: AGAIN? She... But... Aw, come on!
Me: -shrugs- Take it up with her, you know how to use Skype.
For Matt: Have you ever been dragged along while someone was bra shopping?
Me: Hmm, that's a good question... -thinks- Not that I can remember. If it doesn't involve me, I plug in the iPod and zone out the world, so... Yeah. Probably not.
If so, with who?
Me: It'd definitely be with my mom and sisters. Yay.
What was it like?
Me: Loud. Because I'd have had my iPod at top volume.
Mwahaha?
Me: Eh?
What color is your hair, anyway? I know it's "soft", but I can never remember the color...
Me: Dark brown, it looks black at times, though.
Max: Like how my hair works.
Me: Yeah. And, well... -pats head- Yeah, the majority of it may be gone, but there's enough left for it to still be "soft."
What would you do if you were magically turned into a pink mini-dragon that breathes sparkles, not fire, by the guy from the Lucky Charms commercial?
Me: I would dance around in circles singing songs by Ke$ha. Of course, that would happen on the same day that Saint's dad stops being a dick, Crossover decides to stop liking the Beatles in favor of the Jonas Brothers, the US Virgin Islands rise up and take over the world, Guam capsizes, Stevo lets go of his dick, Spiffy and Pooky get caught having gay sex by Fromo and Lear, who were having straight sex with the Maxes, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, and Rodney Dangerfield come back to life to create the greatest musical group of all time, Mario and Luigi lead an army of video game characters against the US Virgin Islands for control of the world, it starts raining wontons, Saint takes that as a sign and declares herself Pope, Fang takes that as a sign and declares himself Head-Boss-Jew-Oy!, the Jews of the world revolt on the grounds that there has never been a Head-Boss-Jew-Oy! and they don't want one, Captain Jack actually finds that rum, Iggy... does something, James Patterson finally writes a book that completely makes sense, MG says "eh" like a true Canadian, not just as a mistake, eh, ET tries to phone home, but he misdials and accidentally calls a sex line, Jesus returns, takes a look around, and runs back screaming to heaven, Bell actually doesn't get mentioned in a chapter of MM&aDK, and Max realizes this is the apocalypse she was supposed to stop, and in her last-ditch attempt to stop it, she gets crushed by a rampaging army of massive murderous Mexican mutant minkles.
Max: ...
Neytiri: ...
Max: ...
Neytiri: ...
Max: ...
Neytiri: DAMN.
Max: You can say that again, 'Tiri.
Neytiri: DAMN.
And, if faced with the opportunity, would you finally give that poor rabbit some Trix?
Me: Oh, hell yes.
Have you ever met anyone named Alice? I haven't...
Me: Nope... Not that I can remember.
For Max: My Max wants to know if you'll agree that neither of you are the actual Max, nor are either of your Max II. She says - and I agree - that you two are Max I and Max I, while Wryder's Max is Max I.
Max: ...Uh... What?
Me: I think they're saying you're not Max, but you are Max.
Max: ...Uh...
Neytiri: I'm 'Tiri!
Max: We know.
Did you know your sister's a vampire?
Max: I knew that Robert Pattinson obsession was only gonna cause problems...
What's your opinion on your sister being a vampire?
Max: She'd better not bite me.
Me: Or what? You'd bite her back?
Max: -eyeroll-
Have you ever tormented Dylan - who's Canadian - by Spehming him? (NEW WORD! Spehm. It means Eh Spam. XD)
Max: Not in anything JP writes... But Matt here...
Me: -looks up from story-in-progress- Spehm doesn't work... "Spam" has an "ah" sound, not an "ay" one... So you can't really replace it with "eh"...
Max: Picky picky picky...
What's your actual middle name? My Max refuses to tell me, and I know it's not actually "Charging-Off"...
Max: My name is Maximum Ride. That's it. Maximum. Ride.
Me: -whispers- It's Fluffy.
Max: -eyeroll-
For Neytiri: If someone dyed you, say, orange, with permanent (meaning it'll wash out in a few months) dye, what would you do? Also, that someone isn't Max or Matt.
Neytiri: I would be orange. And I would hunt down those joiks and make them pay.
Max: Who said it was Kara?
Neytiri: -shrugs-
What does cheese taste like to you?
Neytiri: Cheese. What's it supposed to taste like?
Me: And now, from Vera...
Max: ...THOSE WERE JUST FROM VERA!
Me: This is another set.
Max: Dear Lord...
For Matt: What's your shoe size?
Me: American Men's size 11 1/2. Dunno what it is in anything else, though.
For Max: If someone dyed your wings hot pink in the middle of the night, who would you blame, other than Matt?
Max: I'd blame 'Tiri, but she couldn't figure it out, so I'd blame one of the resident homos...
For Lear: What would happen if you turned into a giant pink tulip?
Lear: Alas! I cannot answer, as I would not know.
Me: Didn't I kick you out?
For Stevo: Is life boring, always doing the same thing over and over again?
Stevo: -headshake- -grabs dick-
Me: And why haven't I kicked you out yet?
Max: Because... -checks question list- WE'RE DONE! YESH!
Neytiri: They're gonna ask more.
Max: Shut up, 'Tiri, let me enjoy this.
Me: Well, thank God that's done. We'll hopefully wait a bit before returning to answering questions...
Max: Can "a bit" be a few hundred years?
Me: No.
Max: Damn.
Me: Oh, and I'd like to take a moment to remember everyone who has died protecting the US. It is Memorial Day, after all.
Max: Not anymore, it's not.
Me: It still is in California!
Max: ...Okay.
Me: And since people from all over the world read this, I'd like to remember everyone who died protecting those countries too.
Max: So... In some cases, you're remembering people who killed people you're remembering?
Me: Don't rain on my parade.
Max: Any last words, 'Tiri?
Neytiri: MORE QUESTIONS!
Me: ...
Max: ...
Me: ...
Max: ...
Me: ...
Max: ...You'd think I'd have learned...
Thanks for reading! -Matt&Max&Neytiri
