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Chapter 29
The Doctor exhaled sharply before he stuck his head through the crack in the door. He spotted Clara at her desk and she was so immersed in her reading that she hadn't noticed him yet. Yesterday, the Doctor had chickened out after their strange encounter at the supermarket, so he decided to give it another try. They just had to talk even if he dreaded the conversation, otherwise, he would never find peace. Carefully, he cleared his throat. Clara lifted her head and it was obvious from her expression that she hadn't expected it.
"Can I come in?" he asked carefully.
"Uhm, you just missed Rosie," Clara replied in an instant. "She just left with her friend."
The Doctor granted her a smile. "Rosie and her friend are waiting in the car," he said gently. "I was actually hoping to talk to you."
Clara didn't seem surprised, instead, she gave off the impression that her worst fear had come true, but she still nodded in his direction and rose from her chair when he entered.
Once the Doctor had reached her, he took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts. Last night, the conversation had gone really well. In his head. But now, as he was standing right in front of her, the Doctor suddenly wasn't sure what to say anymore.
"So, uhm, you seemed in a hurry at the supermarket yesterday," he remarked. It was meant as an icebreaker, but it seemed to have quite the opposite effect.
"The supermarket?" Clara asked, giving him a slightly puzzled look.
"Yeah, well, I said hi and you just turned around a left, so I assumed-" he broke off. This was more awkward than he had imagined. "Nevermind."
"Yeah, you're right," she said after a moment. "In a rush."
Clara walked to the front of her desk and sat down on top of it and the Doctor decided to follow her example. At least while they were sitting side by side, he wouldn't have to look her in the eye. Maybe it would make the following conversation a little easier.
"Well, uhm," he paused, "I suppose we should talk. . . about what happened at the ball."
"I told you," Clara's reply was instant. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I promise."
Even though his initial thought had been to better not look at her at all, his curiosity finally won and the Doctor turned his head. Yet Clara's gaze was lowered to her own two feet.
"Why did you?" the Doctor wanted to know. "I mean, why did you kiss me? You know that I'm with your sister. Why?"
When Clara hesitated for a moment, he thought that there was something she wanted to say but never did. "I don't know," she said instead. She turned to meet his gaze and he thought he could see the same kind of confusion in her eyes that he currently felt. Suddenly, the Doctor felt sorry for asking. "It was on the spur of the moment, okay? I didn't think. I just. . . I just wanted to."
In response, the Doctor knitted his eyebrows at her. He had never been a womanizer and he had always considered himself lucky when a woman actually managed to see something in him. Two at once, that was something new, something terribly confusing.
"You were so sweet with Justin and I realized that you're probably a great father and a lovely person and I. . . I don't know what came over me."
The Doctor inhaled deeply and he felt relieved that it seemed something as simple as a mood, something that he could handle, something that probably wasn't going to happen twice. But there was more that they needed to discuss.
"I saw Bonnie last weekend and I wasn't sure how to react," he confessed. "I didn't know whether you had told her, whether you wanted to tell her, whether I should be the one to do it and I just felt extremely guilty. What do you think?"
"About what?" Clara asked, frowning.
"Should I tell her? Do you wanna tell her?" he enquired.
She seemed to consider it for a moment, but eventually, Clara shook her head. "There's no need, I think. I mean, it was only a kiss and it's not gonna happen again. Besides, Bonnie slept with one of my ex-boyfriends, so she still owes me for that."
The Doctor's eyes widened in response and Clara quickly added: "Way back, at uni."
After a moment, his features softened a little and he even began to chuckle. He could only imagine the kind of mischief the twins had been up to during their university years and he was glad that he had never been on the receiving end of one of their pranks or tricks.
"I'm glad we could clear this up," he said after a moment. "Because Bonnie means a lot to me and I'm sure you have a nice man waiting for you at home."
From one moment to the next, the expression on her face changed. There was a smile at first, but it faded rather quickly. The Doctor wanted to ask because somehow, he cared about her, but he didn't feel like it was his place to know. Yet to his surprise, Clara started talking of her own accord.
"I used to date a colleague a couple of years ago," she admitted.
"It didn't go well?" he asked cautiously.
Clara turned her head and granted him a soft but sad smile. "He was killed in a car accident."
It wasn't what the Doctor had expected and upon hearing these words, he somehow felt the strong urge to comfort her. Yet he couldn't think of the right words and he doubted that those even existed. "I'm sorry."
Clara smiled at him again and then shrugged. "I wasn't as lucky as Bonnie to find someone like you," she said. "Not yet."
It was stupid. No, it was downright insane and the Doctor was fully aware of it. He couldn't possibly do what he wanted to do and yet before he could get himself under control, the Doctor leaned forward, slowly, carefully as if giving her a chance to pull away. Clara didn't, so he brought their lips together in a kiss. The Doctor was kissing his daughter's teacher, he was kissing the sister of the woman he was dating, the woman he was in love with and it was at that moment that he realized he might be a little bit in love with not just one but both sisters. And how could he not when they were exactly alike.
No one pushed the other away this time, no one broke the kiss until they ran out of air and when they finally parted, the Doctor didn't run away and neither did Clara. Instead, he smiled at her. She smiled back.
"You're an amazing woman, Clara Oswald," he told her in a soft voice. "You'll find someone."
She merely nodded when the Doctor rose from the desk and started to leave. A part of him was hoping that she would try to stop him, that she would say something, anything to make him stay, but instead, she let him walk out of the room. This time, the Doctor didn't even feel confused. He knew exactly that he had feelings for both of them and he had no idea what to do about that.
