Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: As always, thank you for your patience, kind words and support. I appreciate it all. :)

Without further ado, here is chapter 28!


Chapter 28

"Let me see your hand."

Kate looked up from her phone as the door to her parent's apartment burst open and she was met with the demand from her mother.

"Hi, Mom, nice to see you too. How was your weekend? Mine was great," Kate responded as she stepped into the apartment and slid her phone into her back pocket so that she could bend over to tug off her boots.

"Katherine," Johanna huffed out as she made to grab Kate's left hand.

Kate gave up with a sigh, and lifted her arm so that her hand dangled in front of her mother's face. "There's nothing on it."

"I can see that," Johanna huffed again. "So, what happened?"

Kate shrugged as she wrapped her arms around her stomach and made her way to the kitchen, bending over to give her father a peck on the cheek as she passed by him perched at the kitchen table reading the paper. "Hey, Dad."

"Hi, Katie, I hear you're getting married, again," Jim called out as he raised his head from the paper with a smirk and threw a wink at his wife.

"I'm not getting married," Kate voiced, her tone bordering on a whine. "At least not yet."

"Okay," Johanna interrupted, grabbing the wine glasses out of Kate's hands to fill with the open bottle of Pino Noir set on the counter. "Spill. What is going on?"

Kate shrugged again as she lifted the proffered glass to her lips, "We went out to a charity thing, Castle was arguing with his ex about something, I guess me and he yelled out that he wanted to marry me. I said that I would want that too, someday, not now. He agreed."

"So, you're engaged?"

"No, we're not engaged." Kate argued as she leaned her hip against the counter, letting out a slight laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. "We're going on a second date. Then we'll talk about it."

Johanna hummed again. "So, he said that he wanted to marry you…"

"Someday."

"Someday. And you said that you wanted to marry him, someday?"

Kate nodded her head slowly in confirmation. "Yes. So?"

"So, that means you're engaged."

"No it doesn't. It means that we are almost semi-engaged."

"Almost semi-engaged?"

"Yeah, you know…" Kate waved her free hand in the air, looking for the words to describe their current situation but coming up at a loss.

"Uh huh," Johanna responded, her arms crossed over her chest, eying her daughter critically. "Are you sure this is a good idea, Katie? You barely know the man."

Kate's head shot up to look at her mother, shock and betrayal etched on her face. "What do you mean 'is this a good idea'? We've known each other for long enough, plus I love him. First Mark take's too much time to propose, then Rick does it too soon? When is it supposed to be right, Mom? It feels right this time. Nothing is wrong."

Johanna sighed. "It's just that he's been married twice already, Kate. How do you know he isn't going to fall hard then give up? I don't want you to get hurt again."

Kate looked down at her bare toes wiggling on the wood floor, and shook her head, her braided hair flopping against her shoulder with the motion. "He's not like that, Mom. He's the one that's tried to make them work. It's not going to fail this time, for either of us. Besides…"

Kate's voice trailed off as her cheeks turned pink and she bit her lip as she smiled into her wine glass.

"Besides what, Katie?"

"Besides, I'm the one that's going to propose. When I'm ready, I'm going to ask him."

Johanna sighed as she sank down onto the couch, reaching out for her daughter's hand to pull her down beside her. Kate sank down into the cushion, curling her body into her mother's side. "Thirty-two years Katie and I still have the hardest time understanding you. I like Rick, I really do, he's a good man, but how are you so sure?"

Kate shrugged as she laid her head on her mother's shoulder. "I don't know. He annoys the hell out of me half the time but he knows me better than any person I have met. He can look at me and know exactly what I am thinking without me having to say a word. He…"

Kate's voice trailed off and Johanna brought a hand up to run over her daughter's head.

"Just wait until you are ready, Katie."

Kate nodded against her mother's shoulder. "When we both are."


"Richard?"

Castle mumbled a response, his eyes never leaving the computer screen in front of him as his mother breezed through the doorway to his office.

"Richard, what are you doing? I've been calling your name for the last five minutes. What do you want for dinner?"

"Anything's fine," Castle murmured in response, his chin propped in his left hand as his right controlled the track pad of the laptop.

"What are you looking at?" Martha questioned, rounding the desk, as her son continued to ignore her in favor of the computer screen. "Are those engagement rings?"

"What, hmm, yeah. What do you think?" Castle questioned, breaking out of his daze to scroll through the screen to point out some of the ones that he marked. "I'm thinking one of these."

Martha sighed as she turned to lean against the corner of her son's desk. "I think that you need to make sure that this is what you actually want."

Castle's finger paused mid scroll, as he turned to look at his mother, confusion etched on his face. "What do you mean? You know this is what I want."

Martha sighed again, "Have you talked to Alexis?"

Castle leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I have. She's not happy but there is nothing I can say. She won't listen to me."

Martha sighed, "I think there is more going on with her than you realize. Talk to your daughter, Richard. Then go talk to your girlfriend and make sure that, now that you are back in the city and reality has set back in, that you are on the same page."

Castle sighed as his mother wandered out of the office and he looked back at the screen, letting his eyes wander over the images of diamonds and yellow and white gold before shutting the computer with a thump.


"You're quiet tonight," Kate whispered as he wrapped his arm tighter around her middle squeezing her body further towards him as they lay in the middle of her bed. The sheets and blankets pooled around them, engulfing them in a pile of soft cotton and down.

He snuggled his head further into her shoulder and his other hand came up to rest on the pillow above her head, his fingers playing with random strands of hair that had fallen loose of her braid. "I'm just thinking."

"About what?" She turned her head, her lip brushing his forehead as she spoke.

"About you, Alexis, everything."

Kate let out a hum of acknowledgement. "Is everything okay with Alexis? She wouldn't look at me in class today."

Castle sighed softly into her skin, his breath bathing her shoulder, causing it to goose pimple. "I don't know. I haven't seen her since last night. She won't talk to me, either. I know she isn't happy but she won't tell me why other than she thinks we are moving too fast, that's I'm going to get hurt but there is something else... I just don't know."

"Yeah, I got the 'it's too soon speech' from my mother today, too. Do you want me to talk to Alexis, see if I can find out what's bothering her?"

Castle shook his head into her shoulder. "No, she's my daughter, I'll figure it out."

Kate's body stiffened as he tilted his chin to place a kiss on her neck, just below her ear. His hand slipped down to cup her bare hip as his body relaxed against hers and he slipped into sleep. Kate's eyes peered through the dark room to stare at the ceiling above as she drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly her bottom lip worrying between her teeth. Yes, she was his daughter but if they were going to be together, shouldn't they be in that together, too?

And what exactly did he mean by 'everything'?


Kate's eyes drifted down to her cell phone one more time as she sat at her desk. She reached out a finger and tapped on the screen until she found the correct number, her finger pausing over it. She let out a sigh and reached up to press the button on the top of the phone, effectively putting it back into sleep mode. She would give it a couple of days, if the girl had issues about her and her father then she could come to her about them. If it was something else then Kate could pry them out of her later.

She couldn't say that she and Alexis had a great relationship or even possibly a good one. It was more that of being respectful acquaintances than anything. Kate admired the girl, she was smart, funny, sweet and had a great relationship with her father but at the same time there was a wall, a boundary in place. It could be because Kate was also her professor or it could be for other reasons also. That, Kate couldn't tell.

Another sigh wheezed from her lips and she pushed her phone aside, reaching instead for a stack of papers. She grabbed a pen from the cup beside her computer and her lips tilted up in a small smile as she stared at the word printed on the side.

Muse.

Castle had had them made. The one that sat in his office in the loft said Writer. Part of her swore he did it just to annoy her. He knew that she hated the phrase. His muse. But he had presented it to her with a flourish anyway, a wide child-like grin plastered across his face. There had been no way that she could be mad at him, not with that look staring back at her.

Now, though, she had to admit that she was mildly irritated, to say the very least. She had ignored it, pushed it down, while they had been eating breakfast: pancakes and bacon. She hadn't mentioned it while she was in the shower and he was sitting in bed playing Angry Birds on his phone and she hadn't brought it up when they were parting ways on the sidewalk for her to go to campus and him to go back to his apartment. But it was there, the fact that there was a part of his life that he didn't want her in on. That relationship he had with his daughter. It wasn't that she was jealous, because she wasn't. It just didn't feel right for her to be shut out.

"I know that look."

Kate paused as she heard the voice from the man standing in the doorway. Slowly her eyes drifted up and her heart started to pound in her chest as she felt her mouth go dry. Her eyes drifted over his body, the way he was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest, briefcase hanging off of shoulder.

"Hi," she greeted as their eyes met through the lenses of his glasses and his mouth tilted up in a half smile as he pushed off of the doorframe and took a couple of steps into the office, leaving the door open behind him. "What are you doing here?"

Mark shrugged as he stood awkwardly in the middle of the office, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he shrugged. "I'm in the city for a conference, thought I would stop in and say hi. See how you were doing."

"I'm, I'm good," Kate responded, her grip on her pen tightening. "I heard you got tenure, congratulations."

Mark tilted his head to the side, studying her. "I told you, I know that look, Katie. I know you're not good. That's your 'something is bothering me and I am pissed off about it but I am not going to say anything because I am stubborn' look."

Kate shook her head as she dropped her pen to her desk and leaned back in her chair, arms crossed over her chest. She ran her tongue over her teeth behind her closed lips and considered the man standing in front of her for a second. "It's none of your business, Mark. Why are you here?"

Mark sighed as he moved forward and sat down in one of the chairs in front of her desk. Kate's eyes flickered to it. That was Castle's chair. "I wanted to talk to you. We never really had the chance to talk about things when we broke up. I was wondering if you would have time to grab a cup of coffee, maybe some lunch?"

Kate regarded him for a second before jerking her head down in a single nod. "Yeah, sure. I can get lunch."


"You look good, Kate. I've missed you," Mark started as he smiled across the small bistro table at her. A chill was starting to nip at the air and Kate pulled her coat tighter around her as she leaned back, legs cross, arms wrapped around her waist.

"You look good, too. What have you been up to?" Kate replied as she lifted a hand to swipe an errant lock of hair that the breeze blew into her mouth.

His lips lifted into a sad smile, the fact that she hadn't said she missed him too not lost on him.

"Teaching mostly, a couple projects here and there. I've been invited to lecture in Japan next summer," Mark offered, his fingers flicking at the corner of his menu.

Kate nodded, her middle finger picking at the cuticle of her thumb.

"You been seeing anyone?" she asked quietly after a beat.

Mark glanced up at her from where he had been staring down at the menu, mindlessly reading the words. "No, I, well, I've been on a couple of dates but nothing serious. So, no, not really. Janet is having a baby, though."

Kate smiled at the thought of Mark's baby sister pregnant. "She and Tim must be happy."

A smile bloomed over Mark's face. "Yeah, yeah they are. It's a girl."

"Tell them congratulations for me."

"I will…" Mark's voice trailed off for a moment. "I, um, I saw your picture in the paper the other day. It said that you were engaged to Richard Castle."

Kate let out a short laugh. "Yeah, that."

"Yeah, that. So, you two are seeing each other?" Mark asked quietly.

Kate's gaze drifted to the street for a second before looking back at him, her fingers coming up to press over her mouth. "Yeah, we are. We're not engaged, though. The papers got that part wrong."

Mark nodded, his head bobbing a couple more times then necessary as he processed the information. "How long?"

Kate glanced up at him, her eyes dropping to the table before bouncing back up to look at him again. "About a month. Two I guess if you count the time that we've been hanging out and not actually 'dating'."

Mark nodded again, letting out a relieved sigh. "So you two weren't… I mean, you weren't seeing him when we were still together?"

Kate's eyes darted up to look at her ex-fiancé, wide with shock. "What? Mark no… I would never. We didn't, I promise. I didn't have an affair with him. I never cheated on you."

Mark nodded again, bringing a hand up to run through his hair, scratching the back of his neck. "So, what happened between us? Why then?"

Kate ducked her head to look at the table, her brow scrunched as she carefully chose her words. "We both changed, Mark, and we didn't change together. Everyone kept on telling me that I had changed, that I was different than I used to be and I finally stopped to look in the mirror. I looked and I didn't recognize the person staring back at me. I didn't recognize her and I didn't like her. I didn't like who I had become…"

"Who you had become with me." Mark stated.

Kate could feel the tears pricking at her eyes at the dejected tone in his voice. "Yeah, Mark, the person I became with you. We just, we weren't right for each other and we couldn't see it."

Mark took in a shaky breath. "Thank you, for telling me the truth."

Kate's lips twisted up in a sad smile and she gave him a short nod in return, her arms tightening around her middle.

The waitress chose that moment to approach the table, a wide, slightly hesitant smile on her face. They both placed their orders, glancing back up to look at each other after the girl was gone.

"So," Mark continued a moment later. "What have you been up to?"

Kate looked at the man sitting across from her with a small smile gracing her lips. "Oh, you know, the usual. Dating a famous author, have my own apartment, might be fired from my brand new job."

Mark looked up with a start. "Why? What happened?"

Kate let out a humorless laugh as she leaned forward, her elbows propped up on the table as she rehashed the story of her inquiry; the tension seemingly seeping from the table, floating away with the cool November breeze. The tips of her ears burned red as she gracefully attempted to gloss over the more, intimate, parts of the embarrassing situation that led to the situation in the first place.

They talked through their drinks being set on the table, and they even managed to laugh a couple of times as they worked their way through their meals, stopping only when their plates were clean and the chatter had died into a content silence filled with them staring at each other across the table.

"I, um, I should go," Mark stated after another quiet moment filled only with the sound of passing traffic and wordless chatter. "I have a meeting in a few minutes."

Kate nodded, pushing herself out of her seat. "It was good to see you, Mark."

"It was good to see you, too," Mark replied as he mirrored her action until they were standing awkwardly on the sidewalk staring at each other.

Kate took a step forward and lifted her arms to wrap around her ex-fiance's neck, hugging him tightly as he buried his face in her shoulder.

"Are you happy, Katie?" He asked quietly as she pulled back and she reached up a hand to cup his cheek, her thumb gliding gently over his skin.

"Yeah, Mark, I really am."

"Good. I'm glad. I, um, I will always love you, you know."

Kate gave him a sad smile before nodding her head and lifting herself up on her toes to kiss him gently on the cheek, before pulling back, letting her hand drop at the same time, shoving it into her pocket as she took a step back, readying herself to turn the opposite way down the sidewalk. "Part of me will always love you, too."


"What do you want to do tonight?" Andrew asked as he and Alexis made their way across the crosswalk, dodging other pedestrians and cyclists.

Alexis shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not really in the mood to go out. I might just stay home."

Andrew let out a sigh. "What is going on with you lately?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired," Alexis countered, a little too much bite behind her words.

They made it to the sidewalk, turning towards the small sandwich shop and Alexis stopped, staring straight ahead.

Andrew paused and turned slightly to look back over his shoulder at his girlfriend. "Alexis, what's wrong?"

Alexis shook her head before dropping her gaze, a hand flying up in apology. "I, um, I have to go, I'll see you later."

"Wait! Alexis? What's wrong?" Andrew called after her as she fled down the sidewalk in the opposite direction as they had been walking.

He called after her again before turning to look behind him, trying to spot whatever she had seen. His eyes grew wide as he saw Professor Beckett lean up on her toes to kiss a man on his cheek, a man who definitely wasn't Alexis's father.