I'm sitting in a lobby of a very nice hotel in Egypt. I was meant to update this last night but I lost the connection to the internet, right in the middle of having an important discussion with Julia. Boo.
So here it is, I think I replied to most reviews… and if I didn't, I'm sorry, I meant to and thank you anyway.
Song: From The Ritz To The Rubble - Arctic Monkeys
BPOV
Rain.
There was just so much of it falling down from the heavens. I wished so much that I could see it properly or feel it on my skin, but it was the middle of the night. Not that I could sleep. LM was tossing and turning and it was keeping me up. Edward was pretty much dead to the world so I'd slipped out of his grasps to sit beside the large window in his bedroom, watching water droplets dribbling down the glass.
The light that almost formed a halo around the city was blurred as I looked out at it, the water distorted my vision but I sat and looked out for god knows how long, a couple of minutes, maybe an hour, I don't know. But after a while I felt lonely and a little chilly, and as I looked over at Edward, all snuggled up and warm, I thought about just returning to the bed, putting his arm back around me and watching him until I fell asleep myself.
But to be honest, I liked where I was and how the fuck could I possibly feel lonely when I had another person not only with me, but inside me?
"Are you sleeping yet, sweetheart?" I said to my stomach as I placed a hand over it. "I hope so. I really do because I'd like to sleep at some point if that's ok with you. I think you're turning into a bit of a show off to be honest, I know you can move around, I can feel it most of the time, but can you keep it to the daytime please?"
I smiled knowing full well I wasn't going to get any response, hoping I wasn't anyway. I had a nightmare once that I gave birth to a baby that spoke like the guy at the news stall by my apartment. That was a creepy dream.
"I think you like the rain," I sighed contently. I was definitely a fan of the rain, just watching it, knowing that summer was at its end. The only bad thing I could think of with the arrival of September was my freakin' birthday. As much as I liked to think perhaps everyone had forgotten, I knew better.
Rose was always overly keen and Edward had probably been planning what to get me since his birthday. He hadn't actually asked me though, so I wondered if he'd already decided. I didn't really want anything. Shoes would suffice me, but Edward always wanted big. And I like presents, I like the thought of expensive presents, who doesn't? But receiving one from Edward just seemed wrong.
I would, probably in a matter of days, be 'fully' moved into his house. It wouldn't be just his house, it would be our house, our room, our bed. That was an odd thought, nothing ever really occurs to me until it's literally whacking me square in the face.
In a way, I didn't want Edward to get me anything, he'd already given me too much. A route out of my dreary one-way life, a belief in myself, a family…
My phone started buzzing on the side table yanking me out of my reverie. Edward groaned and turned over in his sleep while I tiptoed as fast as I could over to the bedside. Why did I even bother tiptoeing? The phone was making such a noise, and then when I picked it up, I dropped it, making it clatter on the floor. I checked the clock before hurrying over to the door to answer it – two thirty in the morning. Apparently Edward didn't wake up for shit.
"Hello?" I said into the phone, glancing back at my sleeping man, undisturbed and peaceful before I closed the door and walked down the hallway.
"Come back to bed, please," a groggy voice said from the other side. I pulled the phone away and looked at the caller ID, smiling widely as I put it back to my ear.
"Wrong number?" I said with a grin.
"I don't know… I'll check."
"I think it might be."
"I don't think it is." I could hear the voice louder now, and not just from my phone. "Definitely not the wrong number," Edward sighed as he pulled my back to him, wrapping his arms around my middle and burying his head into the crook of my neck. So much for sleeping.
I ended the call, tilting my head slightly to one side while he continued to use me as some sort of standing up bed, I could feel him getting heavier and heavier on my shoulder.
"I didn't mean to wake you up," I apologised.
"Why are you up?" he mumbled.
"Baby was moving," I mumbled back in a voice that mimicked his, laughing a bit and groaning when he got a little heavier on me. "Edward, don't fall asleep on me please you're too heavy, I can't support the weight of three people at once."
"Three?"
"Yeah, me, you, Ethan."
"Ethan…" he muttered a little amusedly, kissing my neck softly before putting his cheek to my shoulder.
"Edward," I complained.
"Mmm…"
"I'm serious!" I laughed, shaking my shoulders to get him off, "Get the hell off of me, you weigh, like, seriously too much."
"Thanks," he yawned rubbing his eyes, before looking at me and pouting. "You know, if I were a woman, I might actually find that quiet offensive."
"Why just if you were a woman? Men might find that offensive too. In fact, I'm offended that you think that way. Quite a sexist view there. I know I worry about a lot more than my weight actually." Yeah, baby, work, family issues, my cat, Olivia, Edward, in fact I had become a bit paranoid recently so everything had me a bit anxious. Edward might think he's the only one who worries about stuff, but just because I don't rearrange things or vocalise my concerns, it doesn't mean they're not there.
Instead of making any effort to defend himself, he just stood there, eyes closed, his eyebrows knitted together, shoulders slumped and his mouth turned down. "I'm not talking sense. Have…no idea what you are saying. Just. Sleep."
I shook my head, holding him by his waist to turn him around and walked him back to his bed. I really wasn't joking about him being heavy, he's like a fucking rock. I'm pretty sure I could have run into him with a high-kick and he wouldn't have budged. Not that I can high-kick. Or run.
"How the fuck did you manage to get out of that bed? You're not even really awake. Are you sleepwalking right now? If you are, sleepwalk your ass back to where you came from, I can't move you by myself. You're like a fucking wall."
He groaned and trudged forward. I nearly fell over since I had been previously pushing against him and then he just decided to move on his own accord. Dick. Reluctantly he made it back to the bed and fell on top of it, only moving himself under the covers after a good five minutes of lying on top of them.
"I need… beside… smell you," he burbled into the pillows. I had no idea what the heck he was saying. It was like he was drunk on his lack of sleep, but he stuck an arm out pointing in my general direction, so after closing the curtains from where I had been sitting, I returned to bed.
This half asleep Edward was adorable but fucking weird. As soon as I was back under the covers, he attached himself to me, clinging to my top like a lost child and rubbing his nose along the side of my neck, inhaling softly. "Better," he breathed onto my skin, murmuring something else that sounded like "I love you. You smell so good. Mmm."
Hoping my presence would send him back to sleep and stop his random mutterings, I turned onto my side and let him spoon me. Spooning. I love spooning. I love spooning after sex but since I'm not getting much of that these days, just the spooning will do.
I suppose…
Oh fuck it. I want the sex, dammit Edward. With crazed hormones I was forever horny. And it often felt like I was being handed a spoon without the ice-cream. The ice-cream's the good bit, what the hell was I supposed to do with just the spoon? Fuck the spooning. If I was a real bitch, I would wake him the hell up and make him fuck me. But I'm not a bitch, I'm just a horny loser who's going to cry herself to sleep.
He sighed deeply, his breath cool against my shoulder; I knew he was pretty much gone now. I remember the days when spooning led to forking. They were good times for me, I loved life on those days. But saying that, I wasn't with Edward in 'those days', I was with Mike, and between Mike and Edward, I had a brief fling with Tyler. I was needy, bored and a little depressed because Mike left me. I didn't want my vagina to dry out like the Sahara Desert, Tyler was just there, I was upset and new in New York, and I liked sex. A lot. I still do. Possibly even more than I did. Which was a lot to begin with.
It seemed like my thoughts were just whirring around my head in some sort of vicious circle, always the same things, constant reminders of how desperate I was becoming. And the more I thought about it, the more I felt it, that build up in my nether regions, and with it came the feeling of despair and uselessness because there was nothing I could do about it.
Well, there was. And I was seriously about to get up, right at that second, and dig through the boxes from my bedroom that had yet to be unpacked, because I knew there was a vibrator in there somewhere, maybe even two. I could be having a one-woman party, but I'm not.
I'm lying here in the dark, listening to the faint sounds of rain, moping.
-x-x-x-x-x-
"You were humping my leg in your sleep last night," I said nonchalantly as I took the last bite of my toast and brushed my hands off. Edward and I were sitting in the kitchen, I was sitting at the island while he stood on the other side, flicking through a daily newspaper. Except he wasn't anymore, he was giving me a weird look.
"Excuse me?"
"You were humping my leg last night. While you were sleeping," I repeated. "Like a dog might I add."
"Yeah, right," he scoffed disbelievingly. No, I made it up Edward, really, because I was having such a great night as it was, I thought I might just liven things up this morning. Idiot. I just rolled my eyes and carried on as I was but I could feel his questioning stare, wondering whether I was actually telling the truth. Which I was obviously because that is not something I just say for the fun of it.
'You were humping my leg', 'Really?', 'No'.
"Seriously?" he said quietly, suddenly inclining toward me.
"Uh-huh." My smile was wide as I glanced up at him from under my eyelashes. He blanched. "It was pretty funny, I was just lying there wishing LM would stop moving around so much so vigorously and then something or should I say someone was on my leg."
It was a serious what the fuck moment and at first I was thoroughly weirded out because I don't think I've had my leg dry humped by a sleeping man with a serious hard-on before. Definitely an experience…
"Fuck." Yeah, I really wish we would. "I'm sorry. I didn't know I was so… shit." His hands were in his hair, nervously combing through and he wouldn't make eye contact with me, almost like he was ashamed. I don't know why, it was probably the highlight of my night and I was not ashamed to admit that.
"If I wasn't as stupidly horny as I am, I might have woken you up and told you to stop." I grinned hoping he could read my thoughts. I was quite simply saying 'Fuck me, Edward. Hard, fast and soon.' It took him a second to process this but when he did, when I assumed he'd caught on, he tilted his head to one side and the corner of his mouth pulled up into that smile.
My smile. I own that smile now. Just. Wow.
"Bella, you don't have any horns… you're not very horny at all," said a confused voice from the kitchen doorway.
Oh fuck my life.
Pulled from the mass of dirty thoughts and images that came to mind just from that smile - seriously, it was slightly concerning how many fucked up things my mind could assemble in two seconds, oh the things you do to me Edward Cullen – I realised we were not alone. At some point Olivia had appeared and caught just the end of that conversation. And I was really wishing she hadn't.
Where the hell does she even appear from? She just seems to have a knack for overhearing the wrong things. A six year old just told me I'm not very horny at all. That is so wrong, even if she meant it in an innocent way. I'm inadvertently destroying her childhood innocence. I'm going to hell.
And Edward just fucking loves it, he loves to see me squirm and my face to heat up in embarrassment. He encourages it. He's a completely sadistic prick. So after Olivia had said this, his attention was momentarily swayed onto trying to make me feel awkward.
"Sorry, what was that, Olivia?" he asked, holding back a chuckle.
Olivia scrambled up onto the seat next to mine, leaning the majority of her body onto the granite worktop. "Umm, Bella said she was horny. But she doesn't have horns?"
"I think she is pretty horny."
"Edward-!" I gasped because, well… what the hell!
He continued, "I mean if you look really closely, you can see horns coming out of her hair." Oh nice. Olivia came close to me, squinting as she stared intently at the top of my head. We were talking about me being 'horny' and I know she was talking about actual horns, but Edward was definitely not.
"I can't see anything," Olivia said sounding very disappointed. Because me with horns would have been really cool…
Edward wasn't even looking at my head, he was looking directly at me with a smirk when he said, "Oh, well, I can." And I felt my face get stupidly hot so I looked away and huffed.
"What are we talking about?" Meg asked as she walked in tying her hair up into a bun whilst making a beeline for the coffee machine.
"Bella said she's horny but I can't see any horns. Can you? Daddy said he could." Meg looked between myself and Edward and then just shook her head. After she'd turned the coffee machine on, she glanced at me and laughed.
"Ok." I clapped my hands together, narrowing my eyes at Edward before standing up and pinching Olivia's side. "I haven't got any horns… I was just… it doesn't actually matter. Um. Anyway, we need to get you changed and your father needs to leave this house. I'm sure he has work or something."
"Actually, I don't have to be in for another half an hour." Yeah, ok smartass. No-one gives a shit.
Rolling my eyes, I lifted Olivia down from her seat and set her on the floor, taking her hand. "Well maybe you should be early. And irrespective of what you're doing with your life, your daughter and I have things to do today."
"Like what?"
"We're going to get stuff for the baby and you're not coming, nuh nuh nuh nuh," Olivia chanted as she jiggled her little self about.
"Yep, we are. And we need to get some other stuff too. Olivia needs some new school shoes and I need some new underwear…" Edwards face fell. "While you're at work. Working hard. At work. Working," I sighed. "It's a real shame. You being at work and everything. I don't have work today, so I'll just be around…"
I was just trying to make him jealous but I was also in serious need of a new bra because, holy fuck, I had motherfucking melons attached to my chest. I wasn't used to this, I wasn't used to running down the stairs and getting a black eye from my boobs. I used to have mosquito bites.
By the time I'd finished, Edward was glaring at me. "I'm going to work," he said stoically. I felt like my job here was done. I'd evened things out; Bella, one, Edward, one.
"Have a nice day, daddy." Olivia beamed at him as he picked up his bagel, closed the newspaper and then came over to where we stood.
"I'll try, princess." He kissed the top of her head before looking at me and shaking his head. "You… just..."
"Goodbye, Edward," I laughed as I leant forward and kissed him.
"You're still looking pretty horny from where I'm standing," he whispered into my ear as he held me to him slightly, his hand on the small of my back. "Oh and if you buy anything lacy, frilly, whatever, then I'm getting a show at some point today. No ifs, buts or maybes." He kissed just under my ear and I almost melted. "Have fun, beautiful."
And the arrogance was back as he left me there gaping while he bit into his bagel and disappeared.
Now I had to buy something lacy, frilly, whatever.
Bella, one, Edward, two. Damn.
-x-x-x-x-x-
Who knew I enjoyed spending money so much? Apparently when I know I've been given no limit I have no guilt. I was starting to think Edward's credit card could possibly be in the running for my new best friend and baby shopping had become my favourite type of shopping. It started off nicely, with the odd 'this is cute', or 'aw, look at this one', 'this is definitely a necessity' and then somewhere in between I spent three thousand dollars.
It was completely crazy, I started and then I couldn't stop. Alice wasn't any help either, she was encouraging this insane spending. I'd never, ever, in my life, spent that much on one shopping trip and then continued to spend. By the time I couldn't go on and Olivia looked like she was going to kill herself or me, maybe both, it was closer to five thousand. And we still had to go back.
We decided to have a break because although I was completely caught up in baby buying, I was pathetic when it came to shopping sprees and my feet were starting to hurt and I was pretty much spent, plus I'd arranged for Olivia to go to Rose's while Alice and I carried on since I'd anticipated her boredom.
So some way or another, I wound up at Edwards work. Alice got a call on her blackberry just after Olivia got picked up so we had to go in so she could sort shit out.
I hated their office, I didn't like the people in there, they were all too perfect for people who worked within a friggin advertising agency. I mean seriously, I could have easily mistaken this for a modelling agency. Not that there's anything wrong with beautiful people, I just felt like I was being judged from every angle.
The best, and the worst, thing about this place was everything was made of glass. You had no privacy but seeing everything definitely had its advantages. So I didn't mind waiting around because I could see Edward in his work suit which I just wanted to rip from his body. While people went on with their everyday work lives, completely ignoring me, I stood, leaning ever so slightly on Alice's desk, watching Edward go about his.
He just seemed to own everything he did. It looked as if he was in a small meeting, parading around the room while other men and women, all in business attire, watched him intently, occasionally saying something and scribbling down notes. I could feel his presence from here. For all I knew he could have been talking about how pineapple tastes fizzy when it's out of date, it wouldn't have really mattered, the way he held himself, all of his body language, it just oozed power and authority.
It was pretty hot, I'm not going to lie.
My eyes were trained to him. I watched as his eyebrows knitted together and he ran a hand through his hair irritably. I watched as he leaned over the long table they were all gathered around and flicked through some papers, holding one up and making some sort of joke to which they all laughed. I smiled as well even though I hadn't heard it and had no idea whether what he had said was even minutely funny.
I bit my lip watching as he unbuttoned and rolled the sleeves of his shirt, placing his hands on his hips as he listened carefully to what a woman towards the end of the table was saying. He shrugged. He crossed his arms and tapped his fingers on his biceps that were looking so good through his shirt. He paced the room a little and then, just by chance, he glanced at me and then looked away.
And then he looked again and didn't look away.
I flushed under his gaze as he came to a halt, all I could do was smile back at him. And he smiled so I smiled a little more and I think he did too. But then I got this full on stupidly large grin which I tried, and failed, to hide, behind my hand and it looked as if he laughed a little to himself.
We were having a moment through the glass in the middle of his meeting.
I seemed to realise I was working as a distraction before he did and pointed toward the other people in the room, a few of which had turned around to see what it was he was smiling like a moron at, and others who hadn't noticed or simply didn't care. He looked at them and then back at me and then them again, shaking his head, probably making some sort of apology and trying to backtrack but it didn't seem to be working so well.
He couldn't stop looking up at me after every other word and I was still just standing there, watching and smiling.
Needless to say, the meeting didn't last much longer and after saying a few more words, Edward more or less darted out and was standing in front of me with the same smile as earlier.
"Hi," I said, biting the edge of my bottom lip and watching as the people with whom he was having a meeting walked past, all but two eying me up, one even patting Edward on the back. He rolled his eyes, took my hand and pulled me into his office, shutting the door carefully while I walked ahead and stared at the white leather sofa in the corner of the room before putting my bag down onto it.
"I've only been in here once before. I feel like this room started something… everything," I mused aloud, sighing contently before I turned to face him, remembering how awful the conversation we'd last had here had been. I'd been in such a different place then to where I was now. I was so confused, so lost, so nervous, unsure, desperate for something to just set me straight. And a lot less pregnant.
He kissed me when I turned around. There was no build up, no warning, I just turned and his lips were there and so were mine. And they met and it was all so hurried and took me by surprise that I had no time to prepare my heart as it started thumping erratically. But my hands were on his waist while his were holding my face and everything just seemed to melt into him until he pulled away.
"Hello," he said, resting his forehead against mine. "I want to do that to you every time we have a 'moment', you know."
"Do what?"
"Kiss you."
"Oh." I smiled and kissed him again. "So do I," I admitted because it was true. It was always true. I wanted to kiss or touch or hug or fuck Edward most of the time. All at once. "But not so much in your glass office where everyone can see while you're supposed to be working."
There were five people indiscreetly watching us from outside his office, I could see the nosey fuckers in my peripheral vision. I was going to wave at them but I decided against it, it would probably make everyone feel awkward. Maybe I could show them my tits since they were so huge and in everyone's faces. Too much? Yeah, probably.
"But saying that, there is something sort of thrilling about being seen, you know, doing stuff." I began fiddling with one of the buttons on his shirt. "Not that we can here but… it makes you feel a bit naughty."
"Very naughty. Pretty certain I'd get fired actually," he laughed. "Could you imagine if I fucked you on this desk, right now, knowing people were watching? That would be…insane. Fucking awesome but I think I could get arrested for that."
"That would be very naughty then. And I can imagine actually, and I have, and I wrote it down..." I mumbled the last part so he didn't hear, but I think he might have.
"What?" he asked, probably sceptical of what he thought he'd heard.
"I said it could be quite awkward. Me being pregnant and all." The second list, that is all I'm saying… "You haven't even asked me what I'm doing here." Change subject, smooth. I let go of him and went to sit on the sofa while he leant against his desk.
"I know you went shopping with Alice, I know Olivia is with your sister-in-law, I know that Alice is here right now so I know why you're here too." Knowing Edward, he'd probably put a hidden camera in my hair or something. I was already sure he'd put a tracking device on me because his ability to find out where I was was just uncanny.
"Oh, ok then." Just as I said this, even through the glass, I could hear Alice return to her desk. There wasn't much said, but a clear 'What the- get the hell off of and away from my desk. Now' could be heard. When I looked, Alice was stood glaring at the small collection of people as they casually strolled off in different directions. All but one, a skinny blonde woman, who seemed to be causing a fuss and Alice just wasn't having any of it.
"Put your hands up my dress," I said quickly to Edward as I rose to my feet, turning my attention away from the now small argument. He looked at me unsurely, "Edward, I just asked you to put your hands up my dress. Honestly I can't believe you're even questioning me, is that ever going to be a bad request? Do it quickly whilst everyone's distracted," I prompted, really tempted to just put them there myself.
He was totally confused. "Why-"
"Just do it." And then I had his hands up my dress, hesitant about what it was they were doing there. "And?"
"And what? What am I supposed to be doing?"
Oh fucking hell, he just clearly wasn't thinking and if people turned around and saw us standing there, Edward with his hands up my long, floaty, black maxi dress that had ridden up to my knees with his hands, well I don't imagine that would go down well with those in charge. I moved his hands to where I wanted them and waited for him to get it.
And then his eyes lit up like fireworks, exploding green sparks in the otherwise dim place his unthinking brain was. "Oh god, you're wearing lace."
I smiled, now we were getting somewhere.
"And?"
"And you were definitely not wearing these this morning or I would have been late for work, not early."
I giggled, rolling my eyes. "And?"
"And I'm getting hard right now."
"And?" His fingers followed the lace on both sides of the lace, around my hips, occasionally tickling my skin, his face full of concentration until he reached my ass. He gasped and dropped the dress, removing his hands from underneath and held them up in the air as if he were surrendering to something.
"And it's a thong."
I grinned darkly.
He hesitantly pulled my dress up again with a curled finger so he could peer up it, made a pathetic little whimpering noise and took a large step back from me, holding his hands up once again. "And it's navy blue. Midnight blue. My blue. Isabella Swan you need to get out of my office right this second else I will not be liable for my actions. If you loved me you would leave because I really don't want to get fired."
"I have a matching bra, too," I teased as I picked up my bag. I wasn't wearing it but I thought I'd just throw it in there anyway.
"I don't want to know." He squeezed his eyes shut and opened to door for me.
"Don't I get a kiss goodbye?"
"No, you don't. Just leave. Now." His jaw was tense and unmoving, his breath hard and fast. I loved it.
"Fine. I'm going, I'm going," I laughed, slowly waltzing out of the door way. I think it was safe to say, Bella, two, Edward, two. Nice to know we were even again. Also, it was very nice to know that I'd pretty much secured myself a one-way trip to Edwardtown upon his return home. Chugga chugga woo woo.
So I was all smug and smiley when I sauntered over to where Alice was, still arguing with this woman. "Oh please don't be so bitter, Jane. You're the receptionist, go and sit your flat ass back down over there, not on my desk. Just because you don't have a real job other than answering phones and taking and passing messages, doesn't mean you can interrupt mine."
"You are such a bitch. No wonder you're still single," the blonde huffed, staring daggers at Alice.
Alice nodded, putting her Mulberry bag on her wrist and dropping her blackberry inside. "And you're still not very attractive. Life's a bitch, isn't it. Oh and I'm not single anymore, I haven't been for a while, so you should probably get a new line," she retorted patronisingly. She turned and narrowed her eyes at me, not that I was paying much attention, I was watching Edward who had been staring out of the window since I left the room.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked me as I stood there, completely dazed, most probably looking like I had some sort of mental condition. When I didn't respond, she looked into Edwards office and then sighed knowingly. "You showed him your underwear, didn't you." I pursed my lips but my goofy smile just couldn't be hidden. "Bella, that's so uncouth."
"Who said I did?"
We started walking towards the elevators. "That god awful smile on your face says you did. Don't go into details."
"Wasn't planning to." There was a minutes silence while we waited for the elevator. The doors opened, we stepped in and pressed the button for the lobby. "Well he liked it. A lot." Alice gave me a warning glare so I shut up… for maybe a second or two. "I could feel just how much he liked it…" I giggled to myself.
"Bella, I don't want to know." She was irritated, but she was always irritated and I was so giddy now that I didn't really care so much.
"Sorry." I began to fiddle with the strap of my bag. Again, another moments silence. "He said that too, when I told him about the matching bra."
"Bella-"
"I had to make him put his hands up my dress which was funny-"
"Seriously-"
"And he said something about fucking me on his desk. And my mind hasn't really been thinking properly since. And that was before the underwear thing-"
"Bella, stop talking! My god!" The elevator doors opened and a middle-aged woman stepped in holding her bag in front of her. We all smiled through politeness and then there was silence again, but for some reason my mouth was on a roll. It just wouldn't stop. I just kept going.
"I'm sorry but I haven't had sex in nearly three weeks, Alice. Three weeks!" I whispered. "Now you might be able to cope with that but I'm pregnant and my hormones have seriously gone awol. I'm horny at the best of times. I feel like a dog in heat or something, so I'm getting just a little excited at the prospect of finally getting some. Is that so hard to understand?"
Alice opened her mouth to say something but the woman standing in front butt in. "Oh god, I understand, I was the same when I was pregnant with my kids. It's ridiculous." Apparently I am incapable of whispering.
"Thank you!" I laughed, looking at Alice but gesturing toward the lady. We'd reached the lobby so as the doors opened the woman turned round to me and smiled.
"Don't worry, it got better for me. But congratulations and good luck with tonight." She winked before exiting the elevator.
"See, so just let me be."
Alice just stared at me, clearly unimpressed. "You piss me off," she grumbled as she walked ahead, leaving me giggling behind her.
I probably would have slowly followed behind her but the elevator doors shut on me and wouldn't open again. So I had to go all the way back up this twenty floor building, just to come back down again. By the time I'd got back down Alice wanted to gauge my eyes out and I'd totally lost my cool as I exited meekly, walking straight past her mumbling, "Don't you dare say anything."
-x-x-x-x-x-
Bella:
I love you xxxxx
Edward:
Why? E x
Bella:
I don't have a clue. P.s I know it's u, u don't have to put 'E' after every txt. xxxxx
Edward:
I don't know why either. Strange woman. Just look what these hormones do to you. E x
Bella:
I know…what am I doing :( xxxxx
Edward:
What are you doing? E x
Bella:
I am sitting in your bed xxxxx
Edward:
Without me? In your new underwear? E x
Bella:
Yep. But you keep on working hard… :P xxxx
Edward:
How rude. E x
Edward:
Also, I still have an erection. So thanks for that. E x
Bella:
You're welcome. See, you do still like me ;) xxxxx
Edward:
No, I don't. I have another meeting in five minutes… E x
Edward:
I really don't like you.
Bella:
:(
Bella:
Not even a kiss to soften the blow…ouch :(
Bella:
At least u stopped with the 'E' x
Bella:
Jst ignore me…it's fine…really… xxxxx
Edward:
I love you, so much more than I should X
Edward:
P.s.
E x (Like ecstasy but better)
;)
Bella:
We should probably break up. Ur too weird for me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Edward:
That's not funny. P.s You're in my bed doing what? I hope you haven't replaced me with a toy… E x
Edward:
…You haven't have you? E x
Edward:
Bella… don't ignore me!
Edward:
ISABELLA? If you have I'm coming home right now. I'm serious.
Edward:
*Angry face!*
-x-x-x-x-x-
I'd fallen asleep again without meaning to. I'd meant to be 'resting my eyes' except I've never really got the hang of doing that, I just sleep. For hours. So I was really pissed when I woke up with my phone in my hand, five unread texts from Edward and dribble on my pillow. Gross.
Shopping with Alice got really tiring, really quickly. She was efficient and careful with her purchases – or my purchases – whereas I just bought whatever. I don't know when the hell she became so knowledgeable on baby buying but it certainly was useful. I just got bored and I know I shouldn't have, but my mind was in other places. Distracted by the most inane thoughts mainly revolving around a naked Edward. I had thoughts of Edward, naked, painting; Edward, naked, cooking; Edward, naked, ironing. It seemed that Edward doing any household chore pretty much did it for me.
Actually, I think the thought of Edward, naked and doing just about anything did it for me.
I rolled over onto my back and put my arm across my forehead as I continued to try different combinations of Edward, naked and whatever, when I heard a faint tinkling sound. It was a sound I'd heard before but not in this house. And although it was unfamiliar for me to hear from the walls of this Upper East Side townhouse, and it was from afar, I knew what it was straight away.
Piano.
Edward's home.
I've never really been one to follow noises, things that go bump in the night. As far as I was concerned, countless horror films had told me to just stay away. Those who wanted to die followed the sounds. I didn't want to die. I knew what was going to kill me and it had yet to come. And anyway, I knew it had to be Edward, there was only one piano in the house that I knew of, and it was his. From the way he'd briefly talked about it, it was only his. Not a shared instrument. A secret haven for him and his thoughts maybe.
I wanted in on that haven but at the same time I didn't want to intrude, so I snuck down to the drawing room, the now beautiful music getting louder as I drew closer. My bare feet padding on the floor came to a halt as I peered around the doorframe into the foreign room.
Edward was there, lost in himself, in the black and white keys of the grand piano. I was taken back, not only from the beauty of the man I loved in a totally new light, but the epic skill of his fingers. He could play. He could really fucking play. None of this, 'oh well I sorta used to play a little bit so I'm kinda alright, I guess' shit. I was no piano expert but this was definitely playing-to-large-worldwide-audiences standard.
And I was not lying when I told him I was a sucker for musicians. There was no doubt in heaven or hell that this man had my heart and he could do with it as he wished. I could feel my heart strings contract and pull at me from within my chest. He was taking swooning to a whole new level.
Then I coughed.
Edwards hands came to an immediate stop, mid chord, hovering just about the keys. I kicked myself for disturbing him mid-flow.
"Ah shit," I murmured to myself as I cleared my throat, watching Edward slowly turn round to face me. "I wasn't trying to get your attention or anything. I'm sorry. Um, please, keep playing."
The way he looked back at me clearly stated he had no idea I was standing there. He looked as if he was unsure of whether or not he should carry on or just stop. He'd said he wasn't 'big on audiences' and now he had one. But it was only me.
"Really, Edward, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Please keep going. Pretend I'm not here."
"I'll probably play better knowing you are," he sighed, quietly turning back to resume his position. Only he didn't continue to play the song I had accidentally interrupted. He moved his hands further up and began to play something softer, more melodic, a little happier, slowly increasing in tempo only to decrease again.
It was like he was playing a dream, there were times it was soft and others where it got a little harsher but then returned to its somewhat languid pace. I found myself being physically drawn to it, my feet moved on their own accord and before I knew it, I was standing just to one side of him. He shook his head and smiled, moving to the right hand side of the stool he sat on so there was space for me, his fingers not once moving from the keys.
Even when I was staring at his hands, watching them move up and down, his fingers moving at such a rapid pace, I could feel his jade eyes burning into me. I wondered how the hell he could look at me and still manage to play something that was seeming quite complex to me, so effortlessly. His hands moved almost like liquid, so flawless, dainty, easy.
As the music came to an end, I put my head on his shoulder and just stared at the keys. Eighty eight of them, I counted.
"What are you thinking?" he asked me after a while, his hand coming to rest on my thigh.
"I'm trying to remember when I fell in love with you," I said, letting my fingers tickle his wrist until they made their way to his fingers and clasped our hands together. "I don't know though. There wasn't a point, it just sort of happened. But I wish there was a particular point where I can look back and say, 'Yeah, right there, that's when I fell in love with him', but there isn't." I shook my head, tilting it back a bit so I could see his face and smile.
"You play beautifully, Edward." He really did, but I could tell no-one told him this often. He just didn't seem to know what to do with the compliment. In the end he just gave me back a shy smile and snorted. "Seriously."
"I'm nothing great," he murmured and I pulled back from him wide-eyed because fuck me if he was going to pull the 'I'm not that great' card.
"Dude, are you kidding me? My mind is blown right now, you're amazing, and I'm not just saying that because you're you and I'm me. I don't know what you were playing but it was beyond great."
"You're completely bias though," he shrugged.
"Why am I?"
"Because you love me. I could have been playing Chopsticks and you would have thought it was some great, complex composition," he snorted. That was probably true, I don't even know what Chopsticks is…
"Maybe, but I don't think so. I don't really get any bias towards things. You do, I don't as much."
He looked at me and scoffed. "Yes, you are biased, Bella. What am I biased about? I want an example of when I have been."
"Well," I started, looking up at the ceiling as I tried to think of an example. But it was one of those moments where I thought so hard I came up blank. "Um, well…" Edward looked at me smugly but then I thought of something. "Ok, well, you're biased against yourself. All the time. I can't think of an example but… oh, just now. I'm telling you you're great, whether or not I'm biased, and you automatically think the opposite. You should just see the good in yourself."
"You hardly ever see the good in yourself while I'm constantly in awe of you. Even when I tell you. You're biased against yourself too."
"That's because there isn't much good about me. I am so average."
"You're really not, but at least now we know we're in a similar mindset about ourselves," he muttered, rolling his eyes. "We'll just agree to disagree. We're both biased toward each other and against ourselves."
"That's so sad," I laughed as I put my head back on his shoulder. And then I had an idea and I almost pissed myself and squealed with glee when I thought it up. I looked at Edward, "Ok, I'm going to be biased toward myself. Well, I'm going to find the good in myself anyway, the things I like."
"You're beautiful and amazing, that's two things." I rolled my eyes as he smiled and placed a kiss on the top of my head. "Stop with the eye rolls, you're supposed to be agreeing with me."
"Fine, but don't make me say it because I don't believe it but…" Oh my inner Bella had awoken and was raving around. She knew what was coming, every ounce of my body knew what I was going to do and I tingled everywhere. For a moment I thought, do I really want to do this. And then I looked at Edward and my decision was made.
I stood up, kissed his hand before letting mine slip through and took a step back from where we were sat. He watched me curiously while I just grinned back at him while I began fiddling with the buttons on the back of my dress. When they were all undone I stopped, held my breath and told myself to stop being such a pussy.
And then I let it drop to the floor.
And then there was silence.
I tried to pretend I was some sort of sex kitten who dropped her dresses all the time when wearing nothing but a navy, lace thong underneath. Honestly it was some sort of feat on my part that my whole body hadn't turned a shade of red or something, I was half expecting my boobs to start leaking sometime soon. Squirting colostrum in Edwards eye. Sexy…
"So, um, I'm being biased towards myself, right? More complimentary…" I said hesitantly as I looked down at myself and then cupped myself, stepping out from my discarded dress. "My boobs are pretty big, I quite like them. And my ass is alright." I looked behind myself. My ass was looking good, as were my boobs. Hey, I quite liked this self complimenting thing. "My hair's looking really thick and shiny, I think that's nice. These are awesome." I pinged the lace thong I had on and then put my hands under my belly, cradling my bump but also making an effort to create incredible cleavage with my boobs by use of my upper arms.
"But I love this the most,"I sighed. I do, I do, my inner me managed to calm down enough to wrap her arms around herself and giggle. Why the hell wasn't my inner me pregnant? That's just not fair. "Oh and I'm a nice person. Just generally. I think." I looked up at Edward and smiled.
He was sat with one leg over the other, leaning back to rest on the piano with his arm crossed over his chest and a hand placed pensively over his mouth. I raised my eyebrow expectantly and waited. I felt like I was being sized up, as if he was deciding whether or not he agreed with my avowals.
"You're actually a pretty mean person sometimes, and it's debateable as to whether or not that bump of yours is your best feature. I'm liking your tits actually, rather a lot." Well, at least we agree on something. When he got up from the stool, he sauntered over to where I was stood and circled me, like a lion with its prey. And I was stood there, like some vulnerable little lamb, waiting to be pounced on. I looked cute though.
"Do something," I breathed out desperately. My heart was beginning to beat so hard I swear I could feel it in my throat. Still, he moved around before he stopped behind me. I smiled, keen for something to happen. It was exciting, I could feel my adrenaline begin to build and between my legs begin to dampen…
"What do you want me to do?" he purred into my ear as he embraced me, his hands resting nicely on their usual spot- my stomach. Good to see everyone was beginning to use my belly as a table already. Cough. Walking furniture, that's what they class me as nowadays.
"We have about an hour. Please, just do something." I was pleading. I was in some serious need, and although I had previously been distracted by his piano skills, my sexual frustration that had been lingering in the background of my thoughts – it never went away - hit me like a train on a track.
Full blast.
Boom.
Smack in my face.
Total wipe-out.
Am I an addict or just so fucking horny?
Does it really matter?
Can I have sex now?
An hour and a bit and then we had to get Olivia and then go to the clinic. Forty five minutes and then the only other free time we could have like this, with no-one in the house, neither of us at work or busy doing something else, would be in another three days. I knew I couldn't make it that long.
It was now or I was fucking myself. And I really nearly already did the other morning.
He spun me round to face him, dragging his eyes from my feet to my face, licking his lips. "What do you want to do?"
I want to make love. No, I want to have sex. No, I want to fuck.
We stood staring at each other; I knew he could hear my breath coming hard and fast because so could I. I knew he could see the desire, the want, the need in my eyes because I could see it reflected right back at me through his. And just his face was too much to look at for long periods of time. His face was porn for my eyes. Unadulterated, uncensored, XXX porn.
I don't know who initiated what happened next, it just sort of… happened. As most things did with us. We were assaulting each other with hands and lips and tongues. Passion was everywhere. It was oozing out of every fibre of my body as I nibbled on his lip, my hands lumbering as I tried to unbutton his shirt.
It wouldn't come off and it was killing me. So I ripped it, right down the middle making most of the buttons fall off and clatter on the floor, soon followed by the shredded piece of material.
"I loved that shirt," Edward groaned between brief kisses and the odd bite.
"Shut up," I said breathlessly as our lips met again and my hands moved to his belt which in the end he had to remove because leather is hard to rip. All the while our hands roamed and our mouths attacked one another with hungry kisses and I pushed on his chest until we ended up basically naked in foyer.
Neither of us looked up but seemed to just know where we were. "Kitchen, bathroom, living room, drawing room and whatever other ones." Everything was so rushed, even as we spoke it was with clear eagerness. The floor was fine for me. "Or the stairs."
"Which is closest?" I had my hand on Edwards dick by now, rubbing along his hard shaft. "Jesus," he gasped biting down hard on my neck. I didn't really care anymore, time was ticking and I needed to quench my thirst.
The stairs won.
And I kind of nearly hated the fact they were marble stairs enough to suggest we move, but then I thought, fuck that. Needs before comfort.
"I never got to admire these properly," Edward said with a sad face as he pulled my lace thong down my legs, looking at it briefly before throwing them somewhere.
"Another time," I laughed, holding his face with one hand as I took my position straddling him, using my other hand as some sort of guide for his dick. "With the matching bra."
"With the matching bra," he repeated, putting a hand to my breast and squeezing just as he entered me, eliciting a long moan from me.
I nearly cried. I had tears build and everything. There was a 'welcome home' party going on in my vagina. My mind was at a loss as I lifted myself up and down on top of Edward. The only thing that was beginning to really irritate me was my stomach. There was a bigger gap between myself and Edward. I had to lean back more, and if his legs weren't there to alleviate my discomfort as something to hold on to, I probably would have fallen down the stairs.
And he was slanting upwards and my thighs were hurting, and my knees; it was just all wrong.
"Fuck," I gasped because as uncomfortable as it was, it was so fucking good. "Edward, I can't do this," I panted.
"My back is… killing me," he grunted, letting his thrusts slow before stopping. I bit my lip and ran a hand through my hair as I thought, arching my back and sighing.
"Um, your bedroom?" I queried looking up to the top of the stairs. I knew once his dick was out there'd be only so much time for it to return before I imploded. Decisions needed to be made quickly.
"I'll carry you," he said.
"No, you won't. I'll walk."
He pulled me closer to his body, wrapping his arms around as tightly as he dared. "You walking would mean I would have to pull out. I don't want to do that." I smiled and ground my hips into him as best I could from this position, letting him whimper into my skin on my shoulder each time I did. "Bella," he whined and I giggled a little.
"You can try, but I don't know if you can actually lift me. I don't weigh myself anymore so I don't know what's going on."
Impressively, we made it up the majority of stairs, Edward still buried within me and me clinging on for dear life. Albeit awkward and I still had to walk in the end anyway, it was satisfying to know we both didn't want to let go of each other, even for a short amount of time. It wasn't just me hanging on to anything I could.
I thought I'd remind Edward of that when he complained about me being bossy. Bossy. I wasn't being bossy at all I just wanted to get things done. "Excuse me, but you want this as much as I do," I laughed, falling backward onto the bed, scooting back a bit before pulling my knees up.
"You don't know that." His smile was pure evil as he came prowling towards me. I squeezed my thighs together as I waited for him to reach me. I wasn't really appreciating his slowness. If he hadn't have already guessed, the whole, slow and steady 'I love you' sex was out of the window.
I needed fucking. Seriously. Not wanting to sound vulgar or anything but it was true.
"You were humping my leg, man." He shrugged and then pulled my hips closer to the edge where he was stood, prising my legs open again and then leant down and kissed me hard on my mouth, his hands gently caressing my breasts as he did. I squirmed and moaned quietly.
I wanted to eat him. That is how much I desired him that moment, I would have happily eaten him alive, licking every ounce of his body. His face, neck, chest, peen, legs, feet. And then his arms and then, my new obsession, his back.
Holy fucking moley his back was hot. I mean he was just amazing all over but his back was something that had only caught my attention recently. And with all the supposed working out - which I had previously dismissed as Edward taking the piss but was now starting to believe – his back had all this muscle and tonnage I'd not seen before, but I wanted to see more often. His arms were pretty lickable. To be quite frank, Meg needed to be dishing up roast Edward in cranberry sauce some time soon. Yum.
And now I was thinking about food and actually being quite hungry. What the fuck.
"You liked it," Edward snorted, positioning himself as I turned the metaphorical sign for my legs from closed to open. Bella is open for business, come one and all. Literally.
"I did," I sighed as I braced myself, flattening my hands out on the bed. And if baby E was sleeping at the time, then he must have been rather rudely awoken because Edward pretty much slammed into me. I was taken aback by it all and was left completely noiseless as he then continued to pound into me. He was like a rabbit, specifically the rabbit in Bambi came to mind. Thumper.
Yeah, that was the perfect name.
I had one hand gripping the bed sheets and the other placed over Edwards hand as he put his weight onto the bed, his hips still moving at some stupid speed. And then all too soon and sudden, I felt myself crack. And thank god there was no-one in the house because when I did reach breaking point, I was loud and screechy and I didn't even realise I'd made such a sound until it was over.
It was quite amazing how religious I became in the midst of passion, 'Oh my God' was a personal favourite of mine, frequently used and closely followed by 'Jesus Christ'. These then tended to be followed by a usually unintelligible string of expletives, and now was no exception.
"Oh fuck…shit… fuck… Edward…" I gasped, wrapping my legs around his back to bring him closer, hold him to me, I'm not entirely sure what I was doing.
"God, baby," he groaned, putting a hand on my stomach to steady himself. It made me laugh to myself when he put his hand on my swelling because I imagined LM, who usually slept through the day and not so much at night, to be in a washing machine. Going from perfect calm to being sloshed around listening to the weirdest noises and just generally thinking what the fuck is going on out there? Either that or he was having a crazy time being in the closest thing he was going to get to a rollercoaster in there.
It was a side thought; I'd trained half my brain to think intelligibly during sex seeing as the half that actually controlled most things was basically a pile of shit by now. When I switched over I couldn't think. The only thing I thought on that side of the brain was 'fuck' and 'Edward'.
I almost forgot how good Edward was. How he just went at it like a machine without instruction, I didn't have to say anything he just knew, and he'd move us slightly or do whatever he needed to do in order to fulfil whatever need. I'd never had sex with anyone like that before. It was like he could read my breathing patterns maybe, or just my body as a whole.
I loved it, I loved him. Oh how I loved him. I loved him so fucking much I just didn't think he understood properly. He couldn't possibly understand because I couldn't understand it. I honestly felt like I could just hand myself over to this man for the rest of eternity and be perfectly content about it.
But then he'd been in love before and this was all new to me. I had to wonder whether the love he had for me was on a similar level to Tanya. Was that how he knew he loved me? Was I the only one going through all these extremes where when we were apart all I could think of was him, what was he doing, when could I see him again, probably counting the minutes like a love-sick fool while he looked over and thought 'Psh, newbie'?
To be fair I was a newbie. Love was completely alien to me, I was still getting to grips with it and then it sprung all these other things at me. There wasn't just 'love', it wasn't simply one emotion, it had so many fucking subcategories and I'd only ventured into about three or four so far. Some of them I was simply too scared to even go near because I loved Edward and that was enough for me for now.
I didn't want to love Edward so much I felt the need to leave him. I wasn't into that 'if you love someone you'll let them go'. No, are you fucking kidding me? I don't think I could let him go. I was seriously thinking I couldn't ever let him go. Out of my whole life plan list, the only things I knew were semi-certain were LM/Little E/Ethan, Olivia, Hammy to a certain extent, Emmett and Rose, and Edward.
There was Alice and Jasper too, I actually was making friends so that was good. But ultimately they were my life-line. Alice and Jasper branched off from Edward, as did Olivia, so if he was removed from my life for whatever reason, I honestly don't know what I'll do.
I'd probably die.
I was getting too deep. Thinking too much while having sex was annoying so I switched over to the other side of my brain.
Much better
Sex when pregnant was fucking awesome so far, not to mention the fact it had been three weeks. I came so quickly and when I did, it wasn't just like 'oh, that was quite nice', it was like 'fuckfuckfuckfuck my vagina has literally just fucking exploded from the inside out. Holy fucking crapping Jesus Christ on a bicycle'.
The only downside was I got uncomfortable quickly and was frequently on top, then underneath, then to the side and then finally the only position I could do without getting cramp or backache or whatever else, was doggy style. A position I had never really done much and I had to wonder why. This was pretty much the position for me. It felt the best, it was the easiest and there were different variants of it. It ticked all my boxes.
Only down side was instead of having Edwards face near mine, I had the bed sheets.
Face down, ass up, that's the way I like to fuck.
By now my original need to just fuck something had been nearly obliterated. We'd slowed into love making. Edward rubbed his thumbs in circles as he gripped my hips and gently thrust in and out of me. So slowly. My heart was in my throat as I gasped and held to the sheets like I needed them for life, rocking myself backwards ever so slightly as he hips came forward.
I put one of my arms back onto his leg as he grunted and I knew he was reaching his end. If I could move my face from being squished into the mattress I was sure his would be scrunched up in a mix of concentration and what sometimes looked like pain.
"Bella, love, I'm-"
"I know," I breathed out. He always seemed to feel the need to tell me when he was cumming, I don't really know why, maybe it was so I could prepare or something. I was thankful he told me instead of starting a countdown and then make rocket take-off noises. Mike did that sometimes. I used to think it was funny, in retrospect, it was just fucking weird.
Edward was just being considerate I guess. In giving me forewarning, I suppose he was actually saying 'Ok, I'm done. If you want to get off now, you're going to have to do it yourself'. But I was pretty much done. As soon as he came, digging his finger tips and moaning my name, he loosened his grip on my waist and then removed his hands completely.
I must have looked like a pregnant version on Bambi because my legs seemed to cave in on each other as I slumped down, my butt still in the air.
"Does that count as your 'I love you' sex?" he asked as he collapsed down on the bed beside me.
I turned my head so I could look at him, his hair all ruffled up and crazy. So freaking sexy. "Well, I love you and that was sex, so I guess so."
He laughed and rolled onto his back running his hands through his hair. "I love you, Isabella." He turned his face back to me and smiled warmly, the kind of smile that made my tummy flutter.
"I love you," I whispered as I put a hand to his face. Like you don't even know.
I know some people wanted to read the discussion between Charlie, but to be honest, I cba to write it in this… so I might do it separately at some point in time maybe. Or I might just put it in here, I don't know.
Egypt is hot but I'm going home today. Apparently there has been snow and rain in England. I can't wait. Cough. And I've been bitten so much by bugs, not cool.
Anyway, I've just been sat watching fashion TV and now hate my legs (haha) so I'm going to sit here and think what the hell I'm going to write in the next chapter. Don't forget to leave a comment on your thoughts, this chapter was kinda fun and kinda weird in my opinion ha.
Ciao! XOXO
