Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.
In a single moment of insanity, Majin Boo kills Rutabecca without remorse!
"HEY, I DID IT FOR SELF-DEFENSE, GODDAMMIT!!" Majin Boo snapped at the author's words.
"Dude, considering how strong you are, I don't think ANYTHING you do could be considered self-defense..." Gohan remarked.
"That's exactly what a heartless bum on the streets would say," Majin Boo exclaimed, "I mean, even though being shot in the head obviously won't kill me, it'll still kinda hurt, and I don't see any problem in trying to protect myself from feeling pain...right?"
"I see what you mean," Piccolo nodded, "But...you tore the guy to shreds...and ate his organs...and played 'Turning Japanese' by The Vapors using his spine and hair to make a guitar..."
"JUST SHUT UP! JUST...JUST SHUT UP, YOU BASTARD!!!"
Searching through Rutabecca's remains, Videl gasped and picked up a small badge that read: 'TOWN VICE-MAYOR'.
"Uh...Majin Boo just killed the town's vice-mayor..."
"...AGAIN?!!" Piccolo cried.
"This is as bad as the time I found out that Dracula sucked cock!" Gohan exclaimed, weeping into his hands.
Everyone stared at him in disgust.
"What?" Gohan shrugged, "It's a choice!"
Suddenly, Vegeta stood up, turned to face Goku and the others, and barked, "THERE'S THREE THINGS I HATE IN THIS WORLD: FAT-FREE BACON, VOCALOID'S GODDAMN HUGE POPULARITY, AND PEOPLE WHO DISS LEMON DEMON! THAT IS ALL!!!" Then, he sat back down and laughed loudly at Peter Griffin's newest gag.
They all let Vegeta's words sink in...and realized it meant absolutely nothing.
"So...what should we do now?" Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon asked.
Picking up Billy the doll (it was still just lying on the ground), Goku checked it over and remarked, "...I think I have an idea..."
"Will it work?!"
"..I highly doubt it..."
"...Fine, we'll try it!"
"YEAH!!!"
"WE'LL STOP THESE FUCKED-UP VILLAGERS FROM SACRIFICING THEMSELVES TO THIS 'AGI' DUDE," Goku proclaimed, "AND GET BACK HOME BEFORE CHI-CHI SLEEPS WITH BULMA AGAIN!!!"
Checking his watch, Broly shook his head. "Let's play some tetris, motherfucker..."
"WHAAAT?! THEY ALREADY ARE?! DAMMIT, CHI-CHI, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL I GET HOME!! THAT'S HOW WE SET THIS UP!!! THEY'RE HAVING HAWT LEZBIAN SECKS WITHOUT ME EVEN GETTING TO WALK IN ON IT!!! TOTALLY UNFAIR, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN..."
Three hours later...
Outside of the town hall building, a large crowd of people had gathered. At the head of this group of humans was Piccolo, who had disguised himself with the age-old costume of a moustache, a sombrero, and a poncho.
"...What the hell is going on again?" grunted an old man who was standing behind the wannabe-mexican Namekian.
"I told you, damn wanker, that sir Rutabecca has an announcement to make to all the people of the village!" Piccolo snapped.
The old man was silent for a moment. "...Does it have to do with those child-labor laws I requested?"
"LIKE HELL IF I KNOW, DUMBASS!! JUST SHUT UP AND RETURN TO BEING LESS THAN A MINOR CHARACTER!!!"
Suddenly, the front doors swung open, and Gohan and Broly walked out, both of them dressed in form-fitting black suits with big shades and fingerless gloves to match.
"WE ARE HERE TO START FIRES AND RAPE YOUR WIVES!!!" they announced in unison.
"OH MY GOD...YOU GUYS ARE FROM THE ARMY!!!" cried a lady in the crowd.
Realizing what he just said, Gohan grinned sheepishly and exclaimed, "Oh...uh...sorry about that. I got a little carried away there...ahem...PEOPLE OF THE VILLAGE OF AGI, STAND TALL AND PROUD...AS HIS DISHONOR VICE-MAYOR RUTABECCA COMES OUT TO SPEAK TO ALL OF YOU ABOUT AN URGENT MATTER!!!"
Leaning over next to the old man, Piccolo whispered, "I've been wondering...if Rutabecca is the vice-mayor, who's the real mayor?"
The old man grunted and replied, "Actually, Rutabecca IS the mayor. Originally, he wanted to be called Viceroy Rutabecca, but the feds wouldn't allow it, yet Rutabecca didn't give up, and eventually he got the title 'vice-mayor'..."
"...That's incredibly gay,"
"I know,"
Gohan and Broly stepped off to the side, and a single figure came slowly walking out into the open...it was Billy the puppet, only he wore a large bushy moustache and the pork pie hat that belonged to the LATE Rutabecca, whose bloody remains Majin Boo was busy disposing of.
The crowd hushed into silence for a moment.
"WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" barked the same old man from earlier.
"Why...I am Vice-Mayor Rutabecca, of course!" squeaked a voice from within Billy. Back inside the building, Goku was speaking through Billy using a walkie-talkie he had placed inside the doll, while Videl provided him the exact words he needed to say.
"Well, then...what the hell do you need to tell us, Vice-Mayor?!" asked the old man.
"Do you ever shut up??" Piccolo snarled at him.
"Now, now, no need to fight..." 'Rutabecca' said, "I just wanted to tell all of you...that you can all go back to West City now. There's no need to sacrifice yourselves to some 'god' that doesn't even really exist...OKAY?!"
"YOU HEAR THAT, MOTHERFUCKERS?!!!" Gohan snapped, "DON'T WASTE YOUR LIVES WITH SOMETHING SO MEANINGLESS!!!"
'I've been forgotten...again!!' Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon realized as he watched from the sidelines.
Back in West City...
"CELL, YOU FUCKIN' BASTARD!!!" Frieza screeched into the phone.
On the other line, Cell winced and replied, "Damn, Frieza...what the hell is wrong? I was busy taking a math test when you went and called me!!"
"I GOT YOUR REPORT CARD," Frieza weeped, "AND YOUR GRADES ARE WAY BETTER THAN ANYTHING I HAD EVER GOTTEN!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"
"Jeez, Frieza, what do you expect? I AM THE ULTIMATE LIFE-FORM!!!" Cell barked.
"Yes, but...Gohan still beat you," Frieza replied nonchalantly.
"FINE! I'M A PSEUDO ULTIMATE LIFE-FORM!!! JUST STOP FREAKING OUT OVER SOMETHING SO MEANINGLESS, ALRIGHT? I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT MY GRADES! I'M ONLY AT SCHOOL BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY YOUNG!!! I'D RATHER BE POPPING SOME PILLS THAN DOING THIS SHIT!!! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" Cell snapped, and then he crushed the cellphone in his hands to pieces and ate them.
Frieza sighed and hung up his phone as well. '...But this is the first time I finally got to appear again in the fic after so long...'
