AN: Sorry I am late on this guys. I was working on my one-shot for the "Home for the Holiday's" contest. Please go check it out. It is called "A Delicious Experiment". It is a Jasper/Edward fic so if the thought of these two hotties getting it on makes you queasy you may not want to read it.
To all the writers: Take a break from your regular fics and create a one-shot for the contest. To all readers who haven't started a fic: JUST DO IT! It is a very rewarding experience. A one-shot is a perfect place to start. To find out the contest rules check out one of the "Home for the Holiday's" profile.
I also want to acknowledge Edwardobsessive who was my 1000th review, and I want to thank everyone that helped make that possible. Raise your hand if after reading the first five chapters you thought that this story would make it over 1000 reviews. Yeah…my hand isn't up either. Thanks everyone !!
QueenBeta Cullen818 is the best.
I do not own twilight or any of the characters
I'll Never Let You Go – Steelheart
Angel eyes
You have angel eyes
Such a smile that lights up my life oh
You're a dream come true
Now I'm holding you
And I'll never, never let you go
I will never let you go
First time I laid my eyes upon you
All my dreams were answered
First time I kissed your tender lips
My love to you I surrendered
I'll never let you go
You're always on my mind
You're the only one for me
You're all I need
And I'll never, never let you go
Chapter 29
Oh shit!
"Jasper is it?" Victoria sneers.
Charlie and the others look confused at Victoria's blatant animosity.
I glance around us and notice that everyone, I mean everyone, that I know is staring.
Every person involved in my life is watching this little display unfold.
Please do not say anything. My eyes silently beg her.
Her eyes widen in shock and then she chuckles bitterly. "You know." She says it as a statement and not a question.
Charlie looks from me to Victoria perplexed. "What do you know Bella?"
Victoria looks at me with her eyebrows raised. Jasper is silent. I don't know what to say. I am at a loss for words. I may have thought about telling my dad about Jasper's past at some point, but it would have definitely not been today.
And I didn't have any plans on telling the Cullen's or Jacob, Seth, and Mike at all, but here they all are; ready to hear about Jasper's dirty little secret.
"You haven't told your father about Jasper's last career choice. I have to say that I am surprised…he was very talented." She takes a long look at Jasper from head to toe and then licks her lips.
I can't help feel the jealousy.
Rosalie has been puzzled up until now, but Victoria's last comment cleared up any confusion she may have still had. Hurry Rosie. She rises to her feet and heads directly for Victoria, but, unfortunately, she doesn't get there in time.
"You mean you didn't tell your dad that your boyfriend was a prostitute." There are gasps in the crowd.
I automatically drop my hand from Jasper's, and take a step back. The look on Jasper's face makes my heart drop. A look of hurt and shock pass across his features before a mask of cool indifference takes its place.
Oh Fuck. That is not what I meant. Oh God, what did I do? I am paralyzed by my own stupidity.
Charlie looks at Jasper. "Is this true?"
He turns to Charlie and I don't hear what he says because just then Rosalie comes up behind Victoria, turns her around and sucker punches her right in the nose. Victoria lands in a heap on the floor.
When I turn back around Jasper is heading out the church doors.
NOOOOOO!
Rosalie starts to go after him, but of all people, Emmett gets up and races after him. As he passes me he gives me a quiet, "Bella", before he sprints out the door. He said it in the form of astonishment and disbelief. Even Emmett had taken my actions as an insult.
If Emmett is upset at how I handled that, how the hell is Jasper going to feel.
I just told Jasper a couple of weeks ago that I would never be ashamed of him.
For fucksakes, I just told him this morning that he is my family.
He is my family.
What the fuck have I done? My heart is breaking. My movement away from him had been spurred by instinct alone, but to him it meant abandonment and betrayal.
Oh my God.
How do I make this right? I mean yeah, my boyfriend is an ex-prostitute. I don't scream it from the rooftops, but if it was brought up I always thought that I would stand beside him. Not pull away, as I had done.
I look at Rosalie who is now looking at me with contempt.
No surprise there.
I have no doubt that she plans on dealing with me as she had done with Victoria. I have to make her understand that I am just a fucking idiot, an idiot that loves her brother more than anything in the whole world.
I finally find my wits, as my world comes crashing down around me. I run up to Rosalie and I grab her upper arms frantically. She is still looking at me with hatred, but she doesn't push me away as she could have easily done.
Not believing that this is actually happening, and not caring what any other person is thinking in this room, but Rosalie. I shake her. "Rose, tell me what just happened? What the fuck just happened? How do I fix this?" When she raises her brow questioningly, I add desperate for her to understand. "You know I love your brother. I'll do anything for him. I promise. I will do anything it takes to make this right."
I turn around to see everyone is now watching. Carlisle overcomes his shock and his MO kicks in. He goes to help Victoria stop the bleeding.
I turn back to Rosalie. I still have a death grip on her arms. "Help me Rosie. Tell me you don't hate me. Please. I am begging you." The last words slip out on a tortured sob.
Finally, I see her expression change to remorse and pity. "Bella, of course I don't hate you. I love you. How can I not love you? You loved my brother when he was at his lowest. You brought him out of the depths of hell and showed him that he could have a good life and that he deserves it. I have no reservations that you will fix this; you just need to go to him. Fast. Before he makes decisions that he will regret."
I turn quickly to locate the man of my dreams. Charlie still hasn't moved from the position that he was in when he the chaos began. He grabs my arm. "Bella, are you serious? You aren't going to go after him are you?"
I go to pull Charlie outside to talk to him, but than I change my mind because I want everyone to hear what I have to say, so that there is no confusion later.
"Yes. I am going after him. I love him." I hiss.
"Bella, he was a prostitute." A look of disgust on Charlie's face makes my face twist into one of reproach.
"Yes, he goddamn was. Thank God! Otherwise I never would have met him. Dad, if he was an average guy he wouldn't have stood a chance with me. I wasn't ready for anyone normal. I don't know if I ever would have been. He saved me. He is the only one that could have reached me…dug me out of the hole I buried myself in. He has done so much for me. He cracked the shell around my heart. Now, I don't just exist. I live to love, to dream, to breath. Without him…" I shutter. "I can't think of how I would still be living my life."
I grab Charlie's hands. "We needed each other Dad. He has changed, too. He doesn't do that anymore. I am filling the voids in his life, too. I need you to understand Dad, because I can't live without him. He is going to be around."
He stares at me hard. He lets out a gust of air. "Well, he isn't going to be around if you don't go and get him."
I give Charlie a weak smile and turn to go find Jasper, but then Victoria finally rises and spits, "You're her, aren't you? You will regret this." Her eyes are flashing angrily. "I will get you back for this."
I stalk up to her and slap her face so hard that my hand has an intense pain shoot through it. Then I hear a gasp from behind me. I turn to find Sue standing there complete in wedding gown and veil.
I don't know how long she had been there. "Get that piece of shit out of here." She says as she waves a hand in Victoria's direction.
Victoria looks stunned before Rosalie utters, "my pleasure," and escorts Victoria out the back entrance of the church.
I head outside and look around. They are both standing by Jasper's Envoy. As I head toward them I notice that Jasper is pacing, and Emmett is leaning on Jasper's car door, effectively ruining his chance at a getaway.
I can see that Emmett is speaking to him, obviously trying to calm him down.
I will really have to thank Emmett for this one day. A simple "thank you" is not going to be near enough.
By the time I reach them I am out of breath from running. I study Jasper while I gasp for air. He won't look at me, and really, I don't blame him. It was a misunderstanding, but I would have come to the same conclusions as he had.
I just did what he always thought I would do. Desert him, when it got complicated.
"Took you long enough." Emmett mutters.
"Yeah well, I had some things to take care of back there."
Emmett looks at me approvingly.
He turns to Jasper. "Can I leave bro? You gonna hear her out before you decide to up and leave?" He questions.
Jasper gives him a scathing look before he turns his head back away, but nods. Emmett stares at him, judging him for truth and then decides he believes him.
When Emmett walks by me to return to the church he grabs and squeezes my hand briefly.
"Jasper…" I stop. I shake my head because I just don't know what to say...where to start...how to make him see…shit, that I fucked up!
I take a step toward him, but he must have saw the movement in his peripheral vision because he holds out an arm that wordlessly tells me not to get any closer to him. My breath catches at his uncaring action, and he snickers humorlessly.
"Bella, I knew that this was never going to work." He states, his back still to me.
"No…it will work…it works…Jazz…please listen to me." I plead.
"I can't live like this Bella. I can't always look over my shoulder, or worry that I am embarrassing you. You told me, Bella…you told me you wouldn't be ashamed." He accuses.
He tries to look at me, but then he looks away. He starts to pace like a caged animal looking for an escape from his torment.
He shakes his head. "Bella, I don't want to do this anymore...I-I don't want this anymore." He whispers brokenly, and I can see that there are tears in his eyes.
I am losing him again. I cannot lose him.
From what Rosalie says Jasper has not cried since he was fifteen, but right now, he looks like a dam that is about to break.
Let it go.
"Jasper…please don't do this. I made a mistake in there. I am not ashamed of you. It was my body reacting to us being under attack. It was a defensive move but it was not done with the intention to advertise to everyone that I was embarrassed by you. I would have explained to everyone…I would have made them understand, like I have. But everything happened so fast and I froze."
"I know what you saw and I don't blame you for feeling like you did, but your wrong, Jasper I am not ashamed of you. They all know that now. Please…don't." I will grovel, I will get down on my hands and knees before I let him walk away.
His actions make it obvious that he is fighting for control of himself. His jaw is clenching and his hands are in tight fists.
I begin to think that if I can get him to lose his control that it just might set him free…but I don't know how. He looks so sad…so lost.
"Bella, I am not good for you." He says with his head bent. "We've already played all our cards here. The game is over and we both lost."
This game is hardly over. I know he does not want to end this. I know in my heart he would not survive without me, just as I would not without him.
"Is that right?" I demand.
His head snaps up when he sees my attitude adjustment. Tears are threatening to spill over in his eyes.
Let it fucking go.
"Well, fuck you! Just. Fuck. You." I scream. He looks shocked before his impassiveness comes back. Well, fuck that.
Please let this work.
"When did you become so fucking selfish that you only think about yourself? Y'know what? You're right Jasper, I can't walk on eggshells around you. Sometimes I say and do things without thinking. I can't always second-guess myself…" He turns away from me and I see a hand briefly swipe at his face.
Than I go for my final blow. My ace.
"I guess seeing Victoria was a good thing. I guess it saved us both a lot of time and trouble." I lie atrociously.
He whips around, pain etched in his face and the tears finally stream down his cheeks. He actually believes this...believes my lies. I think I've gotten to him, but instead of begging me to reconsider, he pushes passed me to get into his car. I try to reach out to him but he wrenches free.
He is beyond conversation at this point. I know his heart is breaking and so is mine.
I realize that he is worth more than any game, I forget my strategy and go for honest begging, "Jazz, do you want to give up everything?"
He laughs bitterly as he reaches for the handle of his vehicle. "It doesn't matter anymore."
"You're a fucking liar." I accuse. His hand stops on the handle.
"Are you going to tell me our relationship doesn't matter? Are you telling me that I don't fucking matter to you?"
He pauses, lowers his head but opens the car door slowly.
Suddenly he swivels around. "Goddammit Bella. Why are you doing this? You. Can't. Fix. Me." Each word stabs me in the heart. His words are killing me. Does he really believe that or is he trying to protect himself?
His eyes are averted, staring at anything but me. I am not having any of that, so I put my hand on his cheek and force him to look at me. His midnight blue eyes are shining and they delve into mine. He is looking for something.
Please tell me what you want. I will give you anything.
I can also see that he is shaking. Hs vulnerability is at an all time high and I don't think he knows how to handle it. I just want to hold him.
"Belllaaa, this just can't work. You can't heal me. I was crazy to think that I am getting better."
"You are better, and yes, I can heal you. I know I can."
"Why?" He says quietly. His eyes probe me for the first time with what looks like hope. He doesn't want me to give up. He wants me to fight for him. He wants this…us.
Grabbing the lapels of his jacket. I bring my body within an inch of his.
"I can heal you Jasper. You showed me how, because you…healed...me. You made me love you. I love you angel! I want to make love to you. Tell me that you don't. Tell me you don't love me Jasper. Tell me you don't want to make this work. Then I will let you go, and I will never bother you again."
The thought of that makes my stomach lurch.
I shake him by his suit coat. "Do you not want to see me ever again? Think about it, Jazz. Think about what that would be like."
He contemplates that for split second before a look of pain and torture crosses his face.
"Oh, God." He lets out a guttural cry, as he falls to his knees. He wraps his arms around my middle squeezing me tightly, as if he is afraid I will run away from him, his face is buried in my abdomen.
My hands run through his hair. It makes me nauseous to think that a little while ago I thought I would never be able to do this again.
We stayed in that position for several moments.
He looks up and his wet eyes meet my wet eyes. "Did you mean it darlin'?" I know what he is asking me. I get down on my knees so we are closer to eye level. "Of course angel, don't you see how much I love you?"
He pulls me into a tight hug. His voice fervent, "You better mean it Bella. Because I will never let you go again."
He brings his wet lips to my wet lips and we meld them together into a searing kiss. He breaks away to press small kisses all over my face. In between every kiss he says, "I love you. I love you. I love you."
Abruptly, his hands cup my face and he stares deeply. "I love you Bella. It scares me how much."
"I know angel. But it is okay, because I am never going to leave you."
"Will you make love to me Bella?"
I felt my stomach drop, but whole body awakens, and it blooms with love and desire.
Suppressed declarations, pent up need, unnecessary yearning are just some of the things that are now gone forever. I am finally going to have him entirely, and he is going to have me completely.
I realize that I still haven't answered him but I am sure he knows what my big goofy grin means. He has that sexy smirk on his face. We gaze at each other for a minute, before we both start laughing through our tears.
Finally, I give him the verbal affirmation. "Yes, but not right now. We have to see my dad get married first." He stiffens.
"Angel, don't worry about it. Have faith in the people that love me, and the people that I chose to have in my life. Please."
He stands up, and then helps me up. He wipes the dirt off of his knees and I look down to notice that my nylons are torn.
I hide behind his car and rip them down my legs. I glance up at Jazz watching me with hot eyes. I chuckle.
"Later." Is all I have to say.
We walk back to the church hand in hand. I pat my hair with my free hand to make sure most of it is still in place. "You look gorgeous darlin'."
Yeah, right, now that is true love. I don't have to look into a mirror to know that my face is blotchy and red and my make-up smeared, but I didn't give a shit. I was fucking ecstatic.
^*^
I have already had a few drinks. It had been a long fucking day. They just finished clearing the food away and we were enjoying conversation. I am glad that Charlie and Sue had decided on a small wedding and dinner at their favorite restaurant afterward.
When we got back to the wedding you would never have known what anything had happened. It was like Victoria had never been there. The ceremony had went along as planned and everyone treated Jasper with friendship and respect.
We are now sitting at the end of the long restaurant table with Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jacob and Angela and Seth.
Jacob, Alice, Angela and Seth were having a conversation regarding the movie that they had all just gone to last weekend.
Jasper went to the restroom so I took the opportunity to say what I needed to Emmett. "I owe you a big thank you Emmett, but I have to ask what made you decide to do that?" Rosalie and him both know that I am talking about him going after Jasper.
"Well, I had to fix it. He's going to be my future brother-in-law, and I need him to be happy." He says with a goofy grin.
Rosalie looks at him with a raised brow, and lets out a very unladylike snort, but I notice that both of them have hands underneath the table, and I am pretty sure that they are connected.
When Jasper gets back he keeps looking down at something, but I can't tell what it is.
After about another half hour of doing that approximately twenty times I finally figured it out.
"Are you ready to go home darlin'?"
He's been looking at his watch. Oh, hell yeah!
AN: Jasper's story will have more on the return to the wedding since he would be more nervous about going back to the church. Well, we all know what is coming up next, but if you think the drama is over, you still don't know me very well. Thanks everyone for reading. A couple of good chapters are coming up. Please, please let me know what you thought and remember to check out my one-shot!
