couldn`t help but feel a bit guilty for the new information being brought out about my friends. I mean... I have been a key factor in many transactions with Duo and Trowa recently. I never told Duo that one of his clients was Trowa and vice versa; I didn`t have the heart too really. It`s so much easier to go about the black market as a nameless faceless person. Therefore, I kept it as that. Though my guilty conscience must be written over my face, considering Duo keeps glancing at me whenever he gets the chance.

"Next, we have Quatre..." I hear Hiiro mumble to himself as he watches the screen closely. I don`t believe he`ll find anything abnormal with me, maybe during the last war, but not this time around...

I believe I have become a stronger person since the last war. I was brought up by kindness and I wanted to return that to others. I look back and think that maybe I was a bit naive. Naive to the fact that I was fighting in a war and I had a choice whether or not I could give my kindness to my enemies... have it reach them and they understand where I`m coming from. Did I actually think my kindness would reach them? Yes... I did. Did it ever do so? That I`m not really sure about. Others say it did, and maybe my heart even told me that as well, but I never had any confirmation on that. That burns deep within my soul from time to time, even now.

I am still haunted by the past war, as we all are. I believe myself to have been possessed so drastically that I couldn`t think straight... and that still destroys me inside to a degree. It is hard to forgive another for the mistakes they made... but it`s much harder to forgive yourself for the sins that you`ve committed; whether in the right state of mind or not. It is so hard and it is so painful.

"Everything seems to be stable." Hiiro stated as he turned around and threw the chip back at me. I caught it with both hands gracefully and stared at it for a moment...

I think my conscience gets the best of me. I saw one of my friends trying desperately to repair and rebuild his past and I had to help him in any way I could. Whereas help him sell drugs was the last thing I thought I`d be doing, but the look on Duo`s face when he said that he felt like bringing back the smiles on people`s faces with the rebuilding of the church... I really didn`t have the heart to bring up any hostility in regards to his underground work. Later, I realized that I could help another one of my friends by helping Duo. Trowa seemed at a loss for what he wanted to do and I pointed him in a direction to help him make a decision regarding his issues. I`m surprised he never asked more advice from Shiris to be honest. I think he was embarrassed to an extent and I know he didn`t wanted to hurt her any longer. He desperately wanted to protect Shiris from his dangerous emotions he held from the war. I guess he needed a way to suppress such negative feelings until he figured out a better way to deal with them.

I fear these are the kind of secrets that could destroy people from the inside out.

I think the more dangerous secret is Julie`s... she needed an easier way to get her drugs and Duo was the way to do it. She approached me on L2, during the rebuilding, desperate and she asked me to buy the drugs from Duo under an alias for her. She knew that Duo had been selling on the black market and she begged me to keep this a secret from him. As she said `it would break his heart... and I can`t do that to him` and she really didn`t want to hurt him in such a way. It was heartbreaking for me to do so, to be honest, but I wanted to make her feel better in some way. I think the past we have had between us allowed me to do so. I thought I had loved her but she had always loved Duo far more than any other thing existing in this world. At least I would have this as our secret and ours alone... Duo cannot take that away from me.

Heh. I will control everything eventually... Just you wait... Ah... I find myself wanting power and money to a great extent recently. I do like that feeling of control, not a leader of any sort, but simply that my hand is always pulling strings in the background. At least, that`s how I like to see things-

"Wufei..." Hiiro`s voice breaks my thought process. I was so deep in thought that I hadn`t noticed Hiiro had moved on to Wufei`s chip...

"Ah?" Wufei grunted in response, he had his arms crossed still.

"Your brain waves seem quite erratic." Hiiro said swiveling in his chair to face Wufei. I glanced at Wufei, who had raised an eyebrow at him for a moment.

"Meaning?" Wufei glared at Hiiro as he continued. Hiiro turned to face the screen once more before looking back at Wufei.

"Your brain waves are showing an irregular imbalance of patterns in regards to mood and mentality I`m presuming." Hiiro stated firmly. The look in Wufei`s eyes was a bit wild as he processed what Hiiro had said. It`s interesting to see those two stare so intensely at each other. As if they would launch at each other with rage at any moment in an attempt to see who`s superior.

At one point in time, I was the only one who believed we would all be friends by the end of the war. Sure, many of us went crazy and some of us tried to kill one another... However, it wasn`t meant to be like that, we were meant to be allies. We all came from very different pasts but had the same objectives. We walked the same path... I was surely the most kind hearted, which put others off, they must have thought how in the world did I get to become a pilot? Blood lust isn`t the only thing that a soldier needs... or if they need it at all. What I know is my friends have brought out the best in me in the end.

However, with Wufei, I was never sure where I stood with him. Frankly, It was very hard to understand him. I`m sure he thought I was weak... but I believed him to be weak in the same way, for he is still haunted by the ghost of Treize and his own fleeting emotions...