Chapter 29: The Height of Romance
Shiina Makoto had been sneering the whole match between Ranma and Chardin. How Hibari could prefer someone who wasn't even a guy half the time... it didn't make any sense. But he knew he was tired of beating around the bush. As soon as he saw Hibari head off down a hallway on her own, he set off to follow her.
He thanked his long legs for letting him catch up to her before she reached her destination (which was undoubtedly the girls' change room, where Saotome was insultingly changing for this match).
"What are you after now, Shiina?" Hibari asked as the lanky boxer slipped past her and came to a stop.
"Why are you still with Saotome? He's barely a man," Shiina asked, leaning down into Hibari's personal space.
"Shiina, honestly... I don't care about your opinion on this," Hibari replied flatly, balling her fists.
"I'm trying to be patient here, Hibari-chan," Shiina replied, "But I don't want to see you throw your life away for some... whatever Saotome is."
Hibari's eyes narrowed before the hitting him with a front hook to the cheek. Shiina slammed into the wall across the the hallway with a satisfying crunch. "I'm done with your nonsense Shiina. I love Ranma, and that's not changing."
Shiina was left a bit dazed as he fell out of the fresh hole in the wall which matched his silhouette.
"Ow..."
It had been a couple of days, but Shiina remained bitter. Fuming in his family living room, sprawled halfway between the couch and coffee table, he angrily flicked his cigarette butt into the pot of the house palm in the corner. His mother would complain, but what did he care right now?
"Pheh... I shouldn't be so hung up on one girl. I could easily get another babe," Shiina muttered to himself as he ran his messy mop of dark brown hair he'd long ago given up turning into a proper pompadour. "Plenty o' fish in the sea... but dang it! Saotome doesn't deserve her!"
Shiina yelped in surprise as the coffee table was suddenly kicked out from under him, causing him to thump unceremoniously onto the tatami mat floor.
"Are you trying to get over her or not!?" a man's voice yelled out.
Gazing over grumpily, Makoto was greeted to the sight of his father. Married life had left the man with a not insignificant pot belly, but beneath it lay the frame of a former boxer. And of course, he kept his hair slicked back in a clean pompadour as always, with those black sunglasses that rarely left his face firmly in place.
"Make up your mind, Makoto. I didn't raise you to be indecisive like this!"
Shiina lept to his feet, attempting to look dignified. "If she'd chosen any other guy I'd look the other way, pa, but... Saotome shouldn't even count as a man!"
"If he's that much of a worm... maybe you should take a page from my old pal Jimmy's playbook. Walk up to him with a big ol' smile," his father explained, flashing a toothy grin to further the instructions, "and then, when his defenses are down... ya give him the old 'sucker punch to the gut'. That was one of Jimmy favourite moves."
"I'd love to, but Saotome's a martial artist. I could barely land a hit last time I fought him."
Shiina Sr. struck a dramatic pose, stroke his chin in thought as the assessed the issue. "Mhm... well, it's been a few years since I paid Jimmy a visit. C'mon, I'll take you to go meet him. He was always an excellent scrapper, and from what I remember he's got a couple of kids right around your age who would make good training partners."
"You think he'd give me lessons?" Makoto asked.
"Oh, for sure. He and I go way back."
"Sounds like it's worth a shot," Makoto replied as he followed his father to the front door.
"Oh, you're heading out, are you? Well... next time, remember not to traipse around the house in your shoes, like a couple of Americans!" Shiina's mother shouted angrily as she waved a mop at them. "Honestly, I spend more time cleaning up after you two... And on the tatami, just to make it worse."
The walls were at least 4m tall. And stretched on for what seemed like it should have been three or four city blocks. Then there was the gate house, which Shiina swore was nearly as big as his own home.
"Yeah, Jimmy's family's got dough," Shiina's father said as he walked up and rang the doorbell.
"Boss," was all Makoto managed to mutter as his mind boggled at the riches on display here.
After a few moments a small section of the door, at least two metres up, slid open to reveal a pair of judging eyes. "Who goes there?"
"Yo! It's Shiina. Shiina 'Sammy' Sanji. I'm an old friend of Kuno-san's."
"Oh! Sammy! It's been too long!" the voice behind the gate squeaked.
The was the sound of hopping. And then some crashing. After a gap long enough to confuse Makoto, the door finally swung open and revealed a rather diminutive man in some sort of ninja costume.
"Eeey! Sasuke! I see you're still not having any luck with the beard," Shiina Sr. said, bonking the small man on the head.
"I do have to apologise," Sasuke explained as he led them into the grounds of what was clearly a castle. "Kuno-sama is on an extended getaway to Hawaii right now. His son has taken over managing the estate."
"Has he taken after his old man in fighting skill?" the elder Shiina asked.
"He's a nationally ranked Kendoist," Sasuke replied, holding a door open for them to enter the main building. "Not quite as resourceful as his father, but probably better in a straight up fight."
"Aha, perfect news. He should make a good sparring partner for you, Makoto," Shiina's father said happily.
Makoto was left wondering how on earth a boxer like him was supposed to spar a kendoist as they entered some kind of... Makoto figured it would be called a sitting room? Living room seemed too normal for a place this plush. Lounging on a couch that wouldn't even fit in the Shiina family living room was a guy who looked roughly Makoto's age, with poofy brown hair and wearing a loosely tied kendo gi. He seemed deep in thought, scribbling away on a small pad of paper.
"Dearest Akane-no, no... Fairest? Bah, I have used that term on far too many occasions. Perchance a new turn of phrase would assist," he muttered to himself as he scratched something out. "Sasuke fetch me an eraser! And a thesaurus!"
"O-of course Tatewaki-sama, but first, I must introduce our guests," the small ninja replied nervously.
Kuno Tatewaki leapt to his feet, and struck a dramatic pose as if he were an actor coming onto a stage. "Greetings, good sirs. It is I, Kuno Tatewaki, head of the Tatewaki house. Rising star of the Kendo world. And devoted practitioner of the arts of chivalry."
As the pompous fellow turned to take a proper look at his guests Makoto couldn't help but smirk at how the other teen did a double take at Makoto's height advantage. It wasn't much (really, just enough to be noticed), but it felt good to take this guy down a peg without even having to do anything.
"Man, what are they feeding kids in this generation," Shiina's father said. "All as tall as bean sprouts. Anyhow... Name's Shiina Sanji. I'm old friends with your father."
Tatewaki nodded, giving Makoto a slight side eye. "And to what do I owe this honour of hosting thee and thine son?"
"Well, Makoto here's been having a bit of difficulty. Got a girl he likes, but she's got her eyes on another."
"Dad... I can explain it for myself," Makoto hissed.
The elder Shiina shrugged. "You weren't though, so I thought I would."
Tatewaki however was lost in his own little world, nodding away. "Mhm, yes. A matter of love unrequited... that is indeed a worthy cause. I shall train you! This way!"
Makoto found himself following, more than a little confused. His father just waved him off, before apparently deciding stay and chat with Sasuke.
"Be sure to stay close, commoner. The Kuno estate was deliberately designed to serve as a maze as a means to defend against intruders. Only one familiar with the halls, such as myself, can navigate in confidence," Tatewaki explained confidently, before opening a sliding door... only to freeze in shock.
Shiina poked his head over to see what caused his guide to freeze, and was met with a room whose walls were covered in pictures of some girl with long dark blueish hair.
"I, heh... The design is so ingenious, even defenders may get lost at times," Kuno replied awkwardly as he closed the door slowly. "The dojo would be that way! Yes."
Shiina rolled his eyes. It wasn't the first time he'd seen something like that after all.
"Ow. Ow. Ow."
Sure, he'd been given kendo gear as protection, but Shiina was fast learning that Kuno hit like a dump truck. Only faster. Of course, if he survived this training, then he was certain he'd be fast enough to fight Ranma after learning to dodge Kuno's swipes.
"An acceptable commencement. Yes, I can see the fire in thine eyes... yet it has not been fed. Wherever thou train now... it does not challenge thee enough. We shall have three training sessions a week for the length of summer holiday."
"Cool... can I get more padding for my arms?" Shiina asked as he gingerly rubbed his sore forearms.
"That would defeat the purpose," Kuno replied flatly.
Kaji stared longingly at the wall of photos of Tsubame he had collected over the past year. His love for her had grown so much stronger since they were placed in the same class. And his photo collection had grown so much larger. Yet... he still felt unsatisfied.
Suddenly his thick eyebrows shot up in realisation. "Of course! I can ask Tsubame-kun on a date!"
" Take me to ssuummmer ssiiide! Na da da da! " Suzume sang to herself as she walked home from her friend's house.
Her happy singing stopped when she saw a strange man with angular features apparently trying to will his way through her family's front door. The guy turned to her and lit up.
"Ah! You must be Tsubame-kun's little sister! I'm her friend Kaji from school," the teen said in a nasally voice. "I just get nervous about knocking. Heheh."
Suzume raised an eyebrow, more than a bit skeptical, but figured the guy looked harmless enough, and so opened the door. Crossing into the genkan she gave a shout, "I'm home! I found one of Tsubame's friends wandering the street! I'm going to go watch anime!"
After shouting she turned and glared at Kaji. "Stay here. Don't move. Someone'll come get you."
Kaji was slightly terrified how the girl's icy glare vanished into childish glee as she skipped away down the hallway. She was definitely much more intense than Tsubame. Luckily the target of his affection showed up as soon as the little blue haired girl left. The way her expression turned serious upon seeing him made his heart flutter.
"Kaji... w-what are you doing here?" she asked.
"Tsubame!" the captain of the Wakaba boxing team shouted as he rushed over to hug her.
The brown haired Oozora barely slipped out the his way, and the two began a brief chase of Kaji lunging for a hug as he called her name while Tsubame dodged. The two froze when they heard giggling from the hallway.
"Don't stop on my accord," Hibari said as she poked her head around the corner.
Tsubame turned and shot Kaji her best glare. "So, what did you want anyway?"
"Oh, right," the angular lad replied, straightening up and brushing some non-existent fluff from his clothing. "I bought some movie tickets. They were having a sale. So I bought two. For this Sunday. You're free? Excellent! It's a date then."
Handing one of the tickets to Tsubame before she could reply either way, Kaji waved and then departed (all the while laughing in a slightly maniacal manner).
Tsubame watched him for a minute, frozen in shock, before turning to ask Hibari a question. Only to find her younger sibling have vanished. Luckily it didn't take too long to find the blonde, Ranma, and Suzume sitting in front of the TV, laughing away over some anime.
"What a dork," the small redhead snorted.
"I love his sisters," Hibari said between laughs. "Man, what I'd do with psychic powers..."
"Hibari," Tsubame began a sweetly as she could. "I need to ask a favour from you..."
"Oh? What would that be sis?" Hibari asked, walking over to the doorway beside Tsubame (so that the television would distract her less). She was pretty sure she knew, but wanted to hear Tsubame say it.
"Well... you saw how Kaji was being weird, and asked me on that date. I find him sort of creepy, but you know me. I'm not good at playing the bad cop, so... could you go in my place to dump him for me?" the older sister asked hopefully.
"Hmm... I was hoping to get a date with Ranma, now that the make up exams are done... buuuut, I might be open to offering my services, on one condition."
"What's that?" Tsubame asked, a bit nervous.
"I want you to refer to me as sister for a month."
"I... what? Come on. That's ridiculous," Tsubame protested.
"Well then, I'm sure Kaji will have good breath when he goes to kiss you. Shiina was telling me how he loves raw onions," Hibari replied with a wink.
Tsubame glared at her for a moment. "Fine. I'll call you sister for a month..."
Hibari lit up and hugged her older sister. "I bet you'll forget you ever did otherwise by the end of the month."
Ranma and Suzume both clapped.
"Yeah, yeah..." Tsubame muttered, deflating.
"Of course, for services rendered, I'll expect to be paid my going rate," Hibari said as she broke the hug.
"Paid!? You said I just had to pretend you're a girl for a month!" the brunette protested.
"Nah. That was what it took to offer my services. It didn't help you with paying for them," Hibari replied with a shrug, before holding out a hand to accept some cash.
"Th-that's downright criminal!"
"Sis... you do know what our family business is, right?" Hibari asked flatly.
"Fiiiine. I'll get my wallet," Tsubame replied, sighing.
"I think 2 500 yen should cover it! Unless he gets fresh!" Hibari called out as her sister walked away.
"So, after the movie's done at 3, ya want me ta show up in a disguise ta give ya back up," the black haired teen asked while sitting at Tsubame's desk.
"Mhm. It'll make rejecting him easier if you come along," Hibari replied as she stood in only her underwear flitting through Tsubame's clothes. "Where. Is. That. Skirt? Hm... Oh, wait, right! I borrowed it. It's probably in my room somewhere."
As they left the movie theatre, which had been playing the recent American import Raising Alligator, Hibari really wasn't sure what to make of that film. As she slyly adjusted he brown wig she wondered why they couldn't just adopt, rather than stealing a child from a set of quintuplets. She really couldn't understand it.
"S-so, Tsubame! What do you say we head out for dinner, maybe?" Kaji asked, his voice more nasally for his nerves.
Hibari's eyes searched the street before them. It was about time for Ranma to show up. Where could the pigtailed cutie be though... Ranma's handsome face was nowhere to be seen.
"Tsubame-chan!" a girl squeaked from not too far away.
Hibari turned to the source, and found herself looking at a deeply dolled up girl Ranma. Where Ranma found such a nice blue-black wig on such short notice Hibari wasn't sure, though she did recognise the dress as one of the ones Ranma had bought on that first girl day. It wasn't what she expected, but Hibari couldn't help lighting up at the sight of her beloved.
"Oh, heheh, you seem really happy to see her, Tsubame. I'm not sure I recognise her though," Kaji said, leaning a little too close for either girl's comfort.
"Oh, yeah. This is... Emiko. She's an old friend and goes to a different school. We were planning to go get ice cream," Hibari explained. She was going to have to improvise a bit if Ranma couldn't fill the role of a boyfriend in this disguise.
"Ah! Ice cream sounds good. I know a great place!" Kaji declared.
"Kaji, stop. Just eat your ice cream," Hibari hissed, as the boxing team captain tried to put his arm around her again.
Ranma was trying to enjoy the ice cream, but the way Kaji kept invading Hibari's personal space was driving the redhead up the wall. Even if it had been Tsubame he was annoying Ranma would have been upset... as it was, the diminutive martial artist was seeing red.
Not able to take it anymore, Ranma stood up and marched around the table to grab Kaji by the collar and yanked him from his chair. "Listen, pal. I really don't like the way you're bother my-" (Ranma had to pause a moment. 'Fiancée' was not an option right now... what was a good term to explain Ranma's outrage? Oh, right!) "-my girlfriend!"
"You're..." Kaji said, staring blankly at Ranma, before laughing nervously. "Ohh, right! Girls just call each other that all the time. Heh, heh."
"No, I mean it!" Ranma shouted, letting Kaji drop to the ground before turning and kissing Hibari firmly on the lips.
"W-w-what!?" Kaji yelped, leaping back to press himself against the glass of the window. "Ts-Tsubame-kun! Y-you..."
Hibari paused a moment, shocked to have Ranma be quite so forward in the circumstances. The way Ranma turned bright red while listening to whispers spread across the ice cream parlor clearly showed that her fiancé(e) had not thought matters through. Still, this worked quite well for Hibari's needs.
"Mhm, it's like that. I would really appreciate if you keep this quiet at school though, Kaji," Hibari said sweetly.
"I have to go!" Kaji declared, scrambling over the table and scurrying off to the door.
Where he promptly bumped into the real Tsubame, who was checking her watched as she walked in.
In a moment of panic he glanced between the 'Tsubame' he'd been on a date with and the Tsubame he bumped into, before yelling something indiscernible and running off into the street.
In all the commotion it was only as a grumpy Tsubame sat down across from them that Ranma and Hibari noticed that she'd had her previously shoulder length hair trimmed down to a soft pageboy haircut.
"What did you two do?" Tsubame asked flatly. The blushing faces and way half the parlour was staring at them gave Tsubame a bad feeling.
"I, er, that is... we helped Kaji realise you weren't interested," Ranma replied a bit nervously.
Tsubame just let out a sigh. "Whatever. My friends are meeting me here, so if you two could get lost, I'd appreciate it."
"This has got to be Tokyo, right?" Ryoga asked as he walked past the Glico Running Man of Dotonbori.
