"So," Marissa began nervously after a few moments, desperate to break the awkward silence that had settled over the room. "You wanted to talk?"
"Yes." Sandy nodded, his thick eyebrows furrowed as he frowned at her from across the room. "Marissa, you know that Kirsten and I love you and that we've always thought of you like a daughter to us and you know that we've loved those kids since the second we heard about them but we need some sort of explanation. You really didn't get to into the details on the phone. We're not angry with you but you've got to give us some answers, we need to understand why you did what you did."
Marissa sighed, closing her eyes as tears threatened to spill onto her cheeks. "It's complicated." She said at last, as Summer gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I don't know where to start."
"How about at the beginning?" Kirsten suggested kindly, offering Marissa a comforting smile. "From what I remember you were having a pretty tough time before you left Newport."
The young woman nodded slowly. "Yeah." She hated going back to that time in her life and had been blocking it out, refusing to delve into the details, for years. Marissa was not proud of the way she'd lived back then, of the things she'd done to herself and, unknowingly, to her babies. Struggling once again to fight back the wave of emotions that were building up inside of her, she swallowed.
"When I found out I was pregnant," she spoke softly, voice faltering slightly as she began to recount the tale, "I was in a pretty bad place. Johnny had just died, Summer and I were fighting, Ryan had broken up with me and found a new girlfriend…and I had started hanging around with that surfer Kevin Volchok. At first, I think it was just because Ryan hated him. I was angry with Ryan for leaving me during the time that I needed him most and Volchok was kind of a revenge ploy for me. As we spent more time together though I began to realise that I liked the lifestyle I led when I was with him. He offered me an escape, a way to forget, and I became dependent on him for that. Under his influence I did some things I'm not proud of." Marissa trailed off, hoping they wouldn't ask her to elaborate. It was hard for her to talk about and she was barely holding it together as it was.
Sandy and Kirsten sat calmly, watching Marissa with both curiosity and compassion. They were well aware that this conversation would be hard for her and were prepared to give her as much time as she needed.
Marissa, grateful that Sandy and Kirsten weren't pushing or prodding her to talk, cleared her throat as she continued.
"At first I attributed the tiredness I was feeling, the nausea, to my new way of life. I was drinking too much and hardly eating and rarely slept in a proper bed, so I just shrugged it off as a side effect of that. It was a while before I took it seriously and by the time I went to a clinic I was already six or seven weeks along." She paused again briefly to collect herself.
Doctor Malcolm Lyle sighed as he approached the small room where his patient sat waiting, glancing briefly down at the file folder clutched in his right hand. He stopped for a moment before entering the room, watching the young girl inside. She was a teenager, still in high school, he gathered from the age on her health form, but likely graduating soon. She wore a black jacket and boots and although the clothes appeared expensive they were thrown together in a way that suggested she didn't care about her appearance. Her dirty blond hair hung in limp curls around her face, which was makeup free and her skin had a greyish tinge to it. Dull, sunken eyes stared lifelessly at the floor while thin arms hugged her body, as though she was trying shield herself from the world.
Doctor Lyle sighed again. He knew this girl. Not personally per say, but he knew her story. He had read all about her in the papers, first at the beginning of last summer when she shot a man in the back, then again in the fall when she had been expelled from school, and, most recently, in early February when she had witnessed her friend fall off a cliff. The more times she appeared in the news the more curious about her he became, wondering how she was and how the events she was involved in were affecting her. Now he had his answer. The girl before him was clearly distressed. She looked scared and broken sitting up on the doctor's table and was much too thin. She had a hopeless look about her that worried Doctor Lyle and something in her expression gave him the impression that she was holding on for dear life. She was obviously suffering, obviously struggling to deal with her life, and now he was about to make that even worse. The doctor regretted to have to tell her the results of her blood work. He didn't want to be the bearer of bad news or the one that gave her a difficult choice to make. She didn't deserve this, she had endured so much already.
He shook his head sadly as he pushed open the door, knowing he couldn't defer the conversation any longer. The girl's head snapped up as he entered, her eyes immediately focusing on the folder in his hand. She looked nervous, he noted, and was playing with a ring on her finger, twisting it around and around as she waited for him to talk.
"Well miss Cooper." He said at last, breaking the news bluntly. "I take it you weren't aware of this but the results of your blood work indicate that you are pregnant. And the symptoms that you described earlier support this. You're about 6 or 7 weeks along so nausea, fatigue and dizziness are perfectly normal at this stage in the pregnancy but they should start to subside within the next few weeks.". He paused to wait for a reaction, watching as the expression on her face changed from worry to shock to fear, all in the matter of a second.
"P-pregnant." She stuttered at last. "Like with a baby?"
"I was numb when they told me." Marissa admitted. "I thought I'd already fallen as far as was possible but I'd somehow managed to hit a new low. My first thought was of the babies- or baby, I guess, at that point I didn't know." She gave a watery chuckle.
"I was so sure that I had damaged it beyond repair with the things I'd been doing, the drinking,…..the drugs." She took a long pause and Summer grabbed her hand again.
"The doctor told me that everything was okay." Marissa resumed feebly. "He said it was early enough in the pregnancy that if I got my act together right away, my baby would me fine. He told me all my options, gave me a bunch of pamphlets, and then sent me on my way. Walking out of that clinic was one of the loneliest moments of my life." She admitted, covering her face with her hands, but continuing with the story.
"I felt like I had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. I was scared and confused and ashamed. Somehow I think I ended up at the beach. I remember just lying there in the sand trying to process everything. There was never any doubt that it was Ryan's. The timeline matched up perfectly and I just knew. I'm not sure how to explain it; I just had this feeling in my chest. I decided pretty quickly that I was going to get an abortion. I was a mess and knew I couldn't raise a child. I was actually sitting in the waiting room at the clinic just a few days later, about to have the surgery, when I realised I couldn't do it. Not because I'm against abortion or pro life or anything like that. I actually wasn't thinking of the baby at all when I ran out of that building, as awful as that is to say, I was thinking of Ryan. As I was sitting in that room waiting for them to call my name all I could see was the pain in Ryan's eyes, the despair on his face, when he'd told me Theresa had lost her baby. As much as Ryan had hurt me I couldn't do that to him again, he didn't deserve it. After that I started thinking of the baby as a little Ryan. How could I kill something that was a part of him? A part of us?" Tears pooled in Marissa's eyes as she spoke but she ignored them, pressing on.
"I think it was that realisation that made me break down- like really lose it for the first time since I'd been told I was pregnant. I spent that whole night on the lifeguard stand at the beach just weeping. I was scared out of my mind and didn't know what to do. I wanted Ryan more than anything but I had heard Seth telling Summer a few days before that he and his new girlfriend Sadie were planning to live together in Berkley in the fall and I didn't want to ruin his life. Ryan had a bright future ahead of him. He would be the first in his family to graduate high school and go to college and I couldn't get in the way of that. Things were finally working out for him." She stopped, seeing the look on Sandy and Kirsten's faces and opened her mouth to explain.
"I know it was wrong not to tell him and I know it sounds like I'm trying to justify that decision but really the thing I was thinking about the most when I decided not to tell Ryan, more so than his future or his happiness or anything else, was Theresa. We had all gone through pretty much the exact same situation two years earlier and I had seen first hand how miserable Ryan was to leave. I knew that he had felt obliged to help her out because of the baby- he would never abandon his child as his father had done, and he had refused to come home, regardless of how unhappy he was. We were basically reliving the exact same thing only this time I was Theresa and Sadie was me." Marissa shook her head sadly.
"I had lived through it once before and knew that the story didn't end in Theresa's, or in this case my, favour. I couldn't go through the heartbreak again, I wouldn't. I still hadn't recovered from the last time Ryan had broken up with me and, while I loved him, I wanted him to be with me because he wanted to, not because he felt it was his responsibility."
Kirsten's heart ached as she listened to the young woman speak, unable to tear her eyes from Marissa's forlorn face. She understood exactly where the girl was coming from, having been there once herself, and it was all she could do not to jump up and hug her. Still, Kirsten knew it was important for Marissa to tell this story- she had probably never expressed her emotions about the situation out loud before- and vowed to let her finish. She was doing so well but Kirsten feared that any hugs at this point would cause her to break down. And so she remained in her chair, as difficult as it was, and listened with open ears as Marissa continued to talk.
"So I did the only thing I could think of at the time, the only thing that seemed right." Marissa told the group. "I went to see Summer." She smiled at her best friend.
"Even though we were fighting at the time she comforted me right away, hugging me and letting me cry on her shoulder until my tears had run dry. She told me everything was going to be okay and, together, we worked out a plan."
Summer chose that moment to interject, facing the Cohen's boldly. "For the record," she announced, "I never supported the not-telling-Ryan-thing. I wanted him to know from day one."
Marissa looked at her friend, amused, but agreed whole-heartedly, fearing that the Cohen's held some of the blame on Seth and Summer for not coming forward earlier. "She didn't." Marissa concurred. "She was ready to march over here and tell him herself but I begged her to keep my secret. I pleaded for more time, promising that I would tell him eventually, once I had had time to think things through. I convinced Summer that I needed to leave Newport, just for a month or two, I assured her. Just long enough to get my head together."
"Absolutely not!" Summer cried, crossing her arms over her chest firmly. "You are not running away! I will not allow it!"
"But Summer!" Marissa exclaimed. "I'm not running away! I just need a little vacation. I need some time to figure out what I want to do about this! Please!"
Summer closed her eyes. It had been less than twelve hours since her best friend had come to her in tears, sobbing that she was pregnant and didn't know what to do. She was trying to be supportive, she really was, but mostly she was still in shock. Marissa could not be pregnant. She was only eighteen. She was in high school. She wasn't in a stable relationship and lived a carefree lifestyle. This had to be some sort of mistake. And yet Summer knew it wasn't. Even though they'd been fighting recently she had noticed a difference in Marissa's habits during the fleeting moments they'd spent together in the past few weeks. She was eating and sleeping more, constantly irritable and frequently sick to her stomach. Summer had blamed all of this on her friend's recent descent into the word of scary suffers but now that she knew the truth she felt stupid for not realising it earlier. It was so obvious. She sighed, turning to face Marissa.
"You can figure out what you want to do here. With your mother and I's help. With Ryan's help. You don't need to go away." She stated firmly, tone stubborn.
Marissa took a step backward, shaking her head vigorously. "I can't tell Ryan about this Sum." She whispered. "Not yet, we talked about this. I thought you understood."
"I understand." Summer confirmed. "But I don't agree with it. Marissa, you can't leave now. You need to be with people who can take care of you; who love you! And what about school? You can't drop out now, so close to graduation!"
"I'll finish online." Marissa contested immediately. "Or I'll go to summer school." She sighed, sitting down on the bed, clearly exhausted. "Look Sum, all I'm asking for is a few weeks. Just keep this to yourself for a few weeks while I get my head together and then I'll come back and tell everyone. I promise. You don't understand how much I need this."
Summer frowned, registering the desperation in Marissa's voice and reluctantly folding. "How many weeks is a few." She said hesitantly.
Marissa tucked her hair behind her ears and pressed on. "And I wasn't lying when I said those things!" She insisted. "It really was my plan to go away for a few weeks and think things through and then come back and tell Ryan. I never intended to stay for five years. Never." She said forcefully, eyes fixed on Sandy's doubtful expression.
"I didn't like the idea of Marissa going away." Summer spoke up again, feeling it necessary to add her side of the story. "I wanted her here so I could keep an eye on her but I also knew that she'd been on a downward spiral lately. Of course I was concerned for her health but there was an innocent baby involved now, and I for one, love babies, so I thought it might be good for her to get away. My dad had a little apartment in New York for work that he practically never used so we decided that she would go there. I gave her access to my bank account because I knew our parents wouldn't think to check my account records once they realized she was missing, they would only check hers. Together, we packed a few suitcases and that very night I was hugging her goodbye at the airport. I would've gone with her but school wasn't out for the summer yet and with my plan to go to Brown in the fall I couldn't afford to miss any classes. I made her promise before she left that she would call every night and that she would be back by the end of the summer. She made me promise not to tell anyone, especially Seth or Ryan. And then she was gone. The whole thing happened so fast that I didn't really have time to process it until after she'd left. I had doubts about her going to New York but when our parents asked I pretended I hadn't seen her in days and when they found the note she'd left, vaguely telling them she'd run away for a while but was safe and would be coming back eventually, I acted shocked."
"Things started to feel very real when I got to New York." Marissa resumed the story once again, straining to recall what she had done, what she had felt, during her first few weeks in the city. "I hadn't decided yet if I wanted to keep my baby or give it up for adoption but I knew that regardless of what happened, I had to start getting my life together. So I contacted Harbor and convinced them to let me finish my studies online. I was eighteen and therefore didn't need my parents consent and was able to set the whole thing up without ever having to involve my mother. After that I spent practically all my time on the computer, trying to make up for all the classes I'd missed during the past year, trying to get good enough grades to get into college so that I could make something of myself. So that I could make my child proud. I found an obstetrician in the city that I liked and started going to check-ups regularly. I took my vitamins and ate properly. I completely swore off all drinking and smoking.
I found out that I was having twins on the same day I received my virtual diploma from Harbor. At first I thought the doctor was joking. When he assured me he wasn't I just burst into laughter. The whole thing seemed incredibly ironic. The odds of naturally conceiving twins isn't all that high but, of course, it would happen to me, the single teenaged mother struggling to get by. I was still laughing when I left the doctor's office. A few days later Summer came down to visit me. She had managed to convince her dad and Seth that she was just going to an orientation weekend at Brown and that she would be fine by herself and neither of them were suspicious. She arrived with a head full of arguments, set on convincing me to come home with her to Newport."
"I seriously cannot believe how big you are!" Summer said for what seemed like the fiftieth time since she had arrived in New York city only a few hours before. "Seriously Coop, this is so strange! You've been stick thin as long as I've known you!"
Marissa rolled her eyes, scooping a clump of noodles into her mouth with a pair of chopsticks. "I'm not that big." She protested. "I haven't even gained that much weight."
"Mmhm." Summer snickered through a mouthful of chicken fried rice. "Whatever you say."
The two girls sat cross legged on the floor of Summer's father's apartment, several boxes of Chinese food littering the coffee table between them. It was the first day of a two week trip that Summer had taken to visit Marissa in the city and so far things were going well, The two had managed to spend the whole day shopping without any arguments, largely due to Marissa's tendency to avoid any conversation about her 'condition.' It had been nice to forget everything for a while and have fun together as they used to however Summer hadn't come there for a vacation. On the contrary she had come with a job to do, a mission, of sorts, to convince her friend to come home, and that was exactly what she planned to do."
"You know," Summer began thoughtfully as she watched Marissa clamber to her feet to clear the dishes. "It's only a few months into your pregnancy and you're already having trouble getting around. Sooner or later you won't be able to do anything by yourself."
"I know where you're going with this." Marissa sighed, snatching the empty take out boxes off the table in frustration. "And the answer is no. I'm not coming home with you, not right now."
"But Marissa," Summer whined, following her friend into the kitchen. "You don't just need Newport, Newport needs you!"
"No it doesn't." Marissa scoffed, loading the dish washer, but Summer nodded insistently.
"Coop, your mother is a mess." She admitted, successfully catching the other girl's attention. Ever since you left she's been going in and out of states of extreme depression and happiness. Frankly, she's scary! My dad and I have been doing our best to help her but she's really suffering Coop. I'm worried about her."
Marissa remained silent, refusing to face Summer, hands gripping the granite countertop tightly and she took the opportunity to continue.
"And Kaitlin needs you too." The brunette pressed on hastily. "I don't know if you're aware of this but she came back to Newport. I guess she heard you left and thought it was a good opportunity to come home. At first I was all for it." She spoke rapidly, as though worried her friend would storm out before she could finish. "I thought her return might help your mom to get better."
"It didn't?" Marissa questioned softly, turning slowly to face her friend, expression of sadness, regret and guilt, mixing on her face.
"No." Summer shook her head. "She's pretty much ignored Kaitlin completely since she arrived so she's started acting out a bit. She's been hanging around with a sketchy crowd and sneaking into bars with a fake id. She's out late partying every night….all the stuff we used to do I guess, only she doesn't have anyone to worry about her. Anyone that cares if she's safe or not."
"I care." Marissa's voice trembled.
"I know that." Summer assured her. "But Kaitlin doesn't.. I'm doing my best to be like a sister to her but you're the one she really needs."
Summer watched as tears pooled in her friend's wide blue eyes, well aware that she was close to winning the battle. One more argument and she would have her. And luckily for Summer, her last point was pretty convincing.
"And there's one more person that needs you too." She stressed, edging slightly closer to the other girl. "Aside from me, I mean; did you know that your departure has left me friendless and alone and forced me to hang out with Taylor Townsend! I will never forgive you for that by the way! Sorry, where was I?" She wondered aloud losing her train of thought. "Oh right, Ryan! Ryan needs you. He really, really does Coop, I'm not just saying that. When you left he reverted back to his old ways and has been shutting us all out, even Seth. He rarely leaves the pool house and when he does it's just for food. I haven't seen him smile in months."
"Can't his girlfriend cheer him up?" Marissa couldn't help but ask and to her surprise Summer shook her head gleefully, a large smile stretching across her face.
"Nope. They broke up." She erupted into a fit of happy giggles. "They broke up Coop! So now you and Ryan can get back together and live happily ever after with your adorable little baby!"
For a moment Marissa looked like she was seriously considering taking Summer's advice. She drummed her fingers on the counter, lips pursed as she stared off into space, deep in though, mulling over everything her friend had said. Summer was elated. She had spent days working on those arguments and had rehearsed for hours on the plane ride on the slight chance that they would work. She beamed, thrilled that she would not only have her bestie back with her in Newport, but also that she would no longer have the burden of carrying around such a huge secret. It was really taking a toll on her and she couldn't wait until the day she could stop lying. She had been dying to tell Seth the truth for so long! And Ryan too, of course, and Julie, and Kaitlin and her dad and the Cohens and…"
"No." Marissa's firm voice cut sharply into Summer's daydreams.
"What?" She demanded, eyes probing Marissa's in shock, refusing to believe what she though she'd heard.
"No." The girl repeated again. "I'm not coming home with you Sum. Sorry but I can't right now. This time away has been good for me and I'm not ready to give it up yet. And besides, we agreed that I didn't have to come home until the end of the summer. It's only the beginning. We had a deal."
"But," Summer sputtered. "But the circumstances have changed. Ryan and Sadie broke up. He's single now! He's available!" She cried desperately. "You have to come back! You have to!"
"Summer," Marissa spoke gently. "The whole point of me coming here was to decide what I wanted to do about my pregnancy. Whether I wanted to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. And I'm still not completely sure what I want to do." She said with a determination in her voice, leading her friend to the sofa. "Now I've given this a lot of thought." She told Summer, her expression giving way to the fact that there would be no convincing her otherwise. "And I'm going to tell Ryan in early September, if, that is, I decide to keep the babies. That will give him a chance to settle into college life which will make him less likely to drop out when I tell him the news cause let's face it, he would drop out."
"You make a good point." Summer admitted. "But isn't September cutting it a bit close? I mean you're due in November and you're already pretty big and- wait did you just say babies? As in plural?"
Marissa smiled weakly. "Yeah." She confirmed. "Turns out I'm having twins."
"Oh my god."
Marissa smiled slightly, recalling the moment she told Summer. "Like me, she didn't believe that I could be having twins, and it took several hours to convince her that I was telling the truth." She told Sandy and Kirsten.
"She tried to use this new information to get me to come home with her but I explained that it had only motivated me further to be independent. At that point I was leaning towards keeping my babies more than adoption and I didn't want to be mooching off of Summer's dad forever. I had recently found a job in a photography studio and was planning to get a little apartment of my own as soon as I had saved enough money. We argued a lot over the next few days and she left the city threatening to tell everyone everything. After she got home I called and apologized and she reluctantly agreed to give me until September, but that was it. If I hadn't told Ryan by then, she would.
After Summer's visit I threw myself into my work, discovering along the way that I liked photography and had a natural talent for it. I was quickly promoted to assistant photographer and, with my boss's help, I put together a portfolio of my work and sent it to NYU in an application for their winter term. I knew I would probably be back in California by the time the program began in January but it was for just in case.
By the end of July I had managed to scrape together enough money to rent a tiny apartment above a bagel shop in Brooklyn. It was a dark and dingy place, and smaller than I ever though possible, a real downgrade from Dr. Robert's Manhattan penthouse, but it was mine. I had gotten it on my own and I was happy.
As the weeks pressed on and September drew closer I focused all of my energy on my job and cleaning up my apartment as well as I could. I refused to think of Ryan and what was fast approaching although I kept tabs on him discreetly through Summer.
When Summer moved to Brown in late August I went down to meet her, my first time out of the city since I'd arrived, and we hung out for a few days. I was entering my third trimester and was utterly exhausted all the time. My feet were huge and ached constantly, I was often out of breath and did nothing except eat, work and sleep. I had difficulty with the stairs up to my place and only left my apartment for food, doctors' appointments, and work.
In the second week of September, just before the day Summer and I had picked out to tell Ryan, I started to get painful cramps in my belly and after they persisted for a few hours I cabbed it to the hospital. They admitted me right away to run tests and I called Summer, scared and confused about what was happening. She took the next train into the city and sat with me, holding my hand, until the doctor came to talk to us."
"Miss…Cooper." A tall, middle aged man glanced down as his chart as he entered the small, white room on the fifth floor of the Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn where Marissa and Summer sat waiting. "I've heard you've been experiencing some severe cramping throughout the last few hours in the lower region of your abdomen."
"Yes." Marissa confirmed hastily, struggling to sit up in the uncomfortable hospital bed while Summer pushed her back down.
"Is it the babies?" The brunette demanded worriedly, jumping to her feet. "Are they going to be alright? Is she having them now?"
The doctor watched the young woman clap her hand over her mouth with wide eyes, his mouth twitching into a bemused smile. "Relax." He began, looking directly at Summer. "The babies are fine. A bit smaller than is normal but that is often the case with twins." He explained, taking a seat in a chair next to Marissa's bedside. "We're not sure of the exact cause of the pain at this point in time but my guess is that you've just been overdoing it a little bit. Twins are typically a lot more difficult for the mother to carry physically and with you being so slim as it is I'm afraid it's even harder on your body."
Marissa and Summer nodded as he spoke, soaking in each word.
"You need to make sure that you're eating right and getting enough rest to keep both you and the babies healthy." The doctor advised them. "Now it does seem like you're doing a fairly good job of taking care of yourself and taking your vitamins and whatnot but just to be sure I'm going to put you on bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy. That means no working, no strenuous physical activity, no lifting heavy object, no exercising and no traveling. Got it?"
"Got it." Marissa agreed, relieved, but Summer looked slightly more troubled.
"Umm Doctor…"
"Barry." He filled in for her.
"Right." Summer resumed. "Doctor Barry, Marissa is supposed to be flying to California in five days for a brief visit. It's been planned for months and it's really, really important." She stressed the word 'really'.
"I'm sorry." Doctor Barry shook his head. "But it is my professional opinion that Miss Cooper shouldn't be traveling, especially by plane, until after the babies are born. It's simply too risky and we don't want the little guy and gal arriving before we're ready for them now do we?" He chuckled to himself, oblivious to the expressions on the young womens' faces.
"I'm sorry," Summer stared at the doctor in astonishment. "Did you just say guy and gal? She's having a boy and a girl? Oh my god! Coop!" She broke out into a grin and hugged her sill bewildered friend tightly. "A mini Ryan and a mini you! It's perfect!"
The doctor watched them, his expression of confusion morphing into one of horror. "Oh I'm so sorry." He spoke with genuine sincerity. "I thought you already knew. I didn't realize you wanted it to be a surprise."
"No, it's alright." Marissa held out her hand to stop him, giggling softly with shining eyes. "I just wasn't expecting to be told today, but like Summer said, it's perfect." Her smile widened.
"Ahhhh!" Summer shrieked, unable to contain her excitement any longer as she once again buried Marissa in a hug. "I'm so happy!"
The doctor beamed in satisfaction as he watched the young mother wipe her eyes. "Yeah," she agreed. "Me too."
"Summer took me home the next day," Marissa continued the story. "And we had a sleepover and spent the entire night pouring over name books, making lists of our favourites and least favourites. After that Summer came over whenever she could to take care of me, something that I'm still grateful for. I conveniently couldn't travel after what the doctor had said and insisted that I couldn't tell Ryan something like this over the phone. Summer tried for a while to convince Ryan to come visit her in New York so that I could tell him but he couldn't afford to miss any classes so early in the semester and she eventually gave up on him. After a while she dropped the matter with me too because I wasn't supposed to be stressed and because she didn't know what to do about it anyway. She maintained that I had to tell Ryan but no date was specified this time.
The babies were born on October 17th at 7:13 in the morning, one month early. I went into labour the night before regardless of the bed rest and after rushing to the hospital the doctors decided to do a c-section. Summer was at Brown at the time but booked it just enough to be there when the twins were born and she was first to see them, even before me.
They were really small and neither was particularly healthy at birth so they were taken straight to the NICU. I blamed myself and my reckless behaviour during the early weeks of my pregnancy but the nurses assured me the twins would be fine, they just needed to develop a bit more so I tried to believe them.
They didn't have names for the first three or four days, just because we were too worried about their health to think about anything else once they were deemed stable Summer and I began looking at the books again. I chose Lucy because I liked the meaning- light. I felt like, as cheesy as it was, the babies had saved me from self-destruction. They were a light in my life and I wanted their names to reflect that. Nathaniel was Summer's idea. It means gift of god but since neither of us are religious we preferred to look at it as just a gift." Seth snickered a bit at this and Summer smacked his arm lightly.
"You know Seth, you've been pretty quiet over there so far. Where do you fit into the story?" Sandy questioned his son.
"Oh don't worry dad." Seth grinned, reclining leisurely in his chair. "Come Christmas time this story will be nothing but Seth. Just you wait."
Sandy raised his eyebrows but said nothing while Summer smacked her boyfriend again. Marissa rolled her eyes as she resumed speaking.
"Things got pretty crazy after I brought the babies home." She told the others, grimacing slightly. "I'd been planning to keep them ever since I'd found out I was having a boy and a girl but I hadn't really realised what that entailed. I was still living in that tiny one-bedroom place above the bagel shop and I had set up a bassinette next to my bed for them to sleep in but that was where my preparations had ended. I shelled out nearly all of my savings over the first couple of weeks on formula and diapers and second hand onesies. I took some time off work to take care of Nate and Lucy but soon found that living in the city was too expensive to continue with that arrangement. Summer gave me money for a while to help me out and after her dad started getting suspicious she even got a job at a clothing store to make sure that the babies and I wouldn't go homeless or hungry. She came to New York City every weekend to help me with them and for awhile both of us were simply too exhausted to even think about Ryan or Newport at all. About a month and a half after the twins were born I went back to work at the photography studio, leaving them with my elderly neighbour Mrs. Maguire or, on the days she couldn't watch them, bringing them with me. That was how I got into modelling. My boss photographed me with the babies one day and an agent saw the photos and called me. I accepted the job because it paid well. And then another after that, and then another. I tried to only do obscure things so that nobody from home would see me. It wasn't until Christmas that I really started to think about Ryan again. I mean, he was on my mind every time I looked at the babies but I always found some sort of excuse to postpone calling him; I had to do laundry or Nate or Lucy needed to be fed. When Seth arrived the whole thing became very real again. Very scary."
Seth coughed slightly as she said this and Marissa looked over at him expectantly. "Would you like to take over?" She asked in amusement.
"Ah, if you insist." He replied casually, leaning forward in his seat. "It all started in early December." He began dramatically. "If you remember, I didn't start at RISD until January because of my late application so I spent the fall in Newport working at the comic book shop. As the months passed by I started to worry that my relationship with Summer was in jeopardy. I hadn't seen her since the end of August and her phone calls and emails were growing increasingly fewer and farther between. I didn't want to lose her," Seth explained, gesturing wildly with his hands as he spoke. "And I knew that drastic measures had to be taken. Something big. Something grand and romantic. After much deliberation I decided to move down to Rhode Island early to surprise her for Christmas. She had already sent an email saying that she wouldn't be coming home and I wasn't going to let her spend Chrismukkah by herself. Mom and dad helped me find an apartment online." He nodded to his parents. "And we packed up a few boxes for me to take with me. I insisted that I didn't need their help moving and that I would be back soon to visit. Ryan was actually supposed to come with me to do the heavy lifting but he backed out at last minute because of exams or something."
Seth laughed as he said that. "Can you imagine how differently this all would've turned out if he had come?" He shook his head and pressed on. "Anyway I spent my first few days in Providence trying to settle into my apartment. It was agony not to call Summer the second that I got there but I wanted the place to be perfect first. After the furniture was in and the boxes were unpacked I even went and got a Christmas tree, though I left it undecorated so that we could do that part together. When I finally went to Summer's dorm to surprise her she wasn't there. Her roommate said that she was in New York City. That she went every weekend. I left the residence building convinced that Summer was cheating on me. It made sense, especially after how distant she'd become over the last few months. I called her up on a whim, not expecting her to answer but shocked when she did."
"Hello?" Summer's distinct voice rang through the cell phone and Seth jumped, almost dropping the device in surprise. "Hello?" She said again, audibly annoyed and Seth hastened to respond, worried that this would be his only chance.
"Summer." He said quickly. "Where are you right now? And don't say your dorm room cause I'm here and you are most definitely not." There was silence on the other end of the line and Seth frowned, growing frustrated when she didn't answer after several moments. "Summer?" He said again. "What's going on? Are you.." His voice broke in distress and he swallowed, clearing his throat nervously. "Are you cheating on me? Please just tell me the truth alright. I won't get mad, I won't yell, I just want the tru-"
"Seth!" Summer hissed abruptly, cutting him off mid-ramble. "I'm not cheating on you, okay? I'm just…." She trailed off. "It's hard to explain."
"So try." Seth begged. "Please."
There was a sighed and a long pause before Summer spoke again, her voice still a shrill whisper.
"Alright get on the train and go to Brooklyn, New York City. When you arrive take a taxi to East 31st Street. Find the Bradley Bagel Bakery and go around the side door. Ring the bell to apartment 1b." She recited the directions quickly and urgency, and underlying fear and guilt evident in her voice.
"Summer are you-"
"Just do it Seth!" She cut him off again and the line went dead.
Seth sighed, getting to his feet and checking his watch. Quarter to five already. That meant that he wouldn't be in the city until at least 8. So much for the quiet evening of catching up with his girlfriend that he'd planned. Seth sighed again as he flagged down a cab and directed it to the train station. Whatever Summer had to show him better be worth it.
"When I got to that bagel shop Summer was waiting for me." Seth recounted. "She dragged me inside and threatened me not to freak out at what I was about to see." Summer glared at him as he said this but Seth continued on, oblivious.
"I did freak out though." He admitted.
"That's an understatement." Marissa and Summer said in unison. "You screamed for like twenty minutes straight."
"Seth was freaking out about Marissa." Summer explained. "And Marissa was freaking out about Seth. And both of their screaming woke the babies. And then Seth was freaking out about them. When the chaos finally died down Seth was mad at me for not telling him about Marissa and the twins and Marissa was mad at me for not telling her that I'd invited Seth to her place. I quickly explained everything we just told you guys," She gestured to Sandy and Kirsten. "To Seth and then the three of us spent the night arguing. Seth had his cell phone out, set on calling Ryan that very minute while Marissa was in tears, sobbing that she wasn't ready for him to know. Eventually I managed to convince Seth to hold off until after the holidays on the condition that Marissa would tell him within the first week of the new year. Both of them reluctantly agreed to that and we were able to have a relatively relaxing Christmas."
Marissa nodded, taking over for Summer. "Seth took to the babies right away." She recalled with a smile. "They adored him from day one and he loved them just as much. He was the only one who could get them to stop crying for a long time and could always make them laugh. It's the same to this day. He's been wrapped around their fingers since the first time he held them and spoils them like crazy! That first Chrismukkah was the worst!"
"Well I had to do something!" Seth defended himself. "I mean no offense but you weren't exactly living the life of luxury above that bagel shop. Nate and Lucy deserved some new clothes and toys. I didn't get them anything they didn't need."
Marissa nodded in agreement.
"I helped them out as much as I could financially after that." Seth carried on. "Well, I guess it was technically you guys." He looked to his parents. "Haha."
They did not look amused so he hastily continued. "I reminded Marissa every day that she had to call Ryan on January first, no matter what. He had to know and even though Marissa and Summer had explained everything to me, I still couldn't understand how they had kept the secret so long. I was continuously fighting the urge to call Ryan myself and spill the news but I knew Marissa had to do it. So I turned off my cell phone indefinitely and counted down the days."
"What changed?" Sandy spoke up from across the room, a mixture of annoyance and curiosity on his face. "If you were so determined that Ryan find out, why didn't he?"
"Excellent question father." Seth answered enthusiastically. "A combination of events prevented Ryan from finding out the day he was supposed to, the first one being a phone conversation that the two of us had on December 31st, mere hours before the bomb was scheduled to be dropped."
Seth frowned at the sight of his best friend Ryan's name flashing across the screen of his cell phone on New Years Eve. He hadn't spoken to him since leaving for Providence, since finding out about Nate and Lucy, and he wasn't sure he would be able to without spilling the beans. Still, this was Ryan calling, his brother. He couldn't just not answer. Resolving to say as little as possible and to keep the conversation centered around Ryan, Seth pressed the talk button.
"Hello?" He said cautiously.
"Hey." Ryan's voice sounded far away and Seth strained to hear him. "How's it going man? I feel like we haven't talked in ages! How's Providence? How's Summer?"
"Good, good." Seth responded quickly, voice high with nerves. "Everything's good here. How about you? What sort of trouble has kid Chino been getting into at Berkley huh?" He tried to direct the conversation away from him.
There was a muffled reply, almost as though Ryan was underwater.
"What?" Seth said loudly. "Ryan, I can't hear you. Where are you?" He listened to another gurgling answer and then a clicking sound and then suddenly the background noise was gone and Ryan's voice rang loud and clear.
"Sorry about that." He apologised. "I'm at a New Years party and it's getting a bit loud."
"No kidding." Said Seth. "What are you doing calling me at a party? Is it really that boring that the only thing you could think of to do was phone me? I mean it's great to hear from you and everything but it doesn't really sound like the best time for this."
"Yeah, you're right." Ryan said after a moment. "It's just….I have something that I need to tell you."
This both excited and intrigued Seth and he grinned expectantly. "Go on."
"I…" Ryan trailed off. "I think I like Taylor." He muttered hastily.
Caught off guard Seth coughed. "Say what?" He sputtered. "Taylor? Taylor Townsend, like from high school?"
"Yeah. I helped her get a divorce from her French husband earlier this year and we've been hanging out ever since." He answered softly. "I don't know what to do."
"Well first of all." Seth ranted. "Go see a doctor, cause you're clearly sick in the head! I mean, I like Taylor as a person and all but she's crazy! Insane actually. She once stole Captain Oats in an attempt to break up Summer and I! She stole my plastic horse Ryan! Do you hear what I'm saying?"
"I know, I know." Ryan mumbled. "But she's different with me. She makes me happy."
Seth sighed, not knowing how to respond to that one. "Well if she makes you happy," he said after a while. "Then I guess you have to see where it goes. Just don't come crying to me when she starts stealing your things too."
Ryan laughed softly. "I haven't felt this way since before Marissa left." He confessed and again Seth was lost for words.
"So…have you given up on Marissa then?" He asked nervously. "She could still come back you know."
Ryan exhaled loudly. "You know," He began, voice rising slightly. "At this point I don't think I want her to. I mean, I love her and everything, I always will, but I need to move on with my life. I just don't think she fits into my dreams anymore. I don't see her in my future."
Seth's heart sank. Marissa was just hours away from pouring her soul out to Ryan and he didn't want anything to do with her. He didn't know what to do. Ryan still had to know about the twins, regardless of his feelings about Marissa but it somehow didn't seem fair to throw her into the fire unprepared. He knew that the young mother was dreaming deep down that Ryan would forgive her and they would get back together and raise their kids together but he couldn't let her get her hopes up. He had to tell her what Ryan had said so that she wouldn't go into it with high expectations. He needed to prepare her for the worst.
"Seth?" Ryan broke the silence and Seth's thoughts. "You still there?"
"Yeah." He said feebly.
"Listen, I have to go. Thanks for the advice though and I'll talk to you soon."
"Sure man." Said Seth dully. "Happy New Year."
"You too." Came Ryan's rushed response. And then the line went dead.
"So you talked her out of telling Ryan that day." Sandy said accusingly to Seth, disappointment etched on his face.
"No." Marissa shook her head in his defence. "Seth actually couldn't get a hold of me until later. He had nothing to do with what happened."
Sandy frowned, looking from Marissa to Seth and back to Marissa. "So what happened then?"
"Well," Marissa frowned, struggling to remember the details. "Not long after Seth talked to Ryan I guess, I decided to call him myself. I was originally supposed to do it the next day, on January first, with Seth and Summer by my side but I was so nervous that I couldn't wait any longer."
Marissa sighed, staring sadly at her sleeping babies as she waited for Ryan to pick up, a knot in her stomach. Her white fingers gripped the phone tightly in an attempt to stop her hands from shaking and she paced the small room restlessly, cursing at him to pick up his phone while at the same time praying that he wouldn't.
"Hello?" A perky feminine voice suddenly answered and Marissa jumped, pulling the phone away from her ear to make sure she had dialled the right number.
"Um hi." She said, confusion audible in her voice. This was definitely Ryan's number, unless he had changed it. "I'm looking for Ryan Atwood but I may have the wrong number."
"No this is his phone." The voice answered and Marissa frowned, trying to place the familiar haughty tone.
"Oh." She said, growing more and more bewildered by the second. "Well can I talk to him please?"
There was a fake little chortle. "No Marissa, I don't think that's a good idea. You see, Ryan is just starting to get over you and I think that hearing your voice would have reverse effects."
Something in Marissa's head suddenly clicked and she frowned in annoyance. "Taylor Townsend?" She cried questioningly. "What are you doing answering Ryan's phone? And what do you mean I can't talk to him? That's not up for you to decide!"
Taylor laughed again. "I was wondering if you would recognise my voice." She said, still sickeningly perky. "I'm answering Ryan's phone because he is currently in the bathroom and left it in my care. When I said you couldn't talk to him I meant exactly that. Ryan's in an emotionally delicate state right now and you reappearing in his life after so many months away wouldn't do him any good. And contrary to your belief it is up for me to decide whether you speak to Ryan on not, seeing as he is my boyfriend." She snickered as Marissa gasped. "Yes it's true." Taylor continued, eager to rub it in. "We bonded a few months ago when he helped me divorce my French husband and the rest is history. Ryan and I couldn't be happier and we don't need you butting in to ruin it."
Marissa sighed, her stomach sinking, eyes filling with tears as Taylor spoke. She hadn't expected Ryan to forgive her right away but she hadn't considered that he may have moved on either. Hearing that he was dating Taylor was like a punch to the stomach. Marissa wiped her eyes hastily and swallowed her sobs. As much as it hurt she had to keep going. Nate and Lucy deserved it.
"Please Taylor." She begged, voice wobbling slightly. "This is really, really important. I'm not trying to get Ryan back, I swear. There's just something I have to tell him. Now."
"Oh yeah right." Taylor shot back, her cheerful voice morphing into something darker, more sarcastic. "Like I'm going to fall for that. Of course you want Ryan back. Why else would you be calling? Well guess what, he doesn't want you back. Just because you were too weak to face your messed up life and ran away, doesn't mean we all put our lives on hold. Ryan has moved on now. He loves his school, he has a part time job, me, his loving girlfriend. For once in his life he is happy Marissa. There is no drama like there was when you were here, no stress. Just happiness. I won't let you mess that up for him, for us, just because of your selfishness. I won't do it. So why don't you go crawl back into whatever hole you've been hiding in for the past eight months and leave us alone. Ryan doesn't want you anymore. Nobody here does. Don't ever try to contact us again." And with that the phone went dead.
Marissa stood frozen with shock, the phone slipping from her hand and crashing to the floor. He wide eyes landed frantically on the babies, still asleep peacefully in their crib. Without warning she sank to the floor, her whole body shaking with racking sobs. Taylor was right. Ryan didn't want her anymore. Nobody did.
"It took us hours to calm her down." Summer recalled. "And when she had finally stopped crying Seth told her what Ryan had said to him earlier on the phone and she lost it again. We were up all night, and not in the fun way that we usually are on New Years Eve." Marissa giggled at her friend and rested her head on Summer's shoulder, content to let her talk.
"I remember the next morning Seth and I were sitting at the kitchen table, both of us exhausted as we hadn't slept at all, each holding a baby so that Marissa could get some sleep. In that moment we agreed that it would be best to lay off of her about telling Ryan for a while. She was struggling to do so much already and with her due to start classes in January we didn't think she could handle the added stress. We decided to wait out Ryan and Taylor's relationship- it couldn't last more than a few weeks anyway, and then start bugging her about it again. We thought that was what was best for both Marissa and the babies. She seemed relieved when we told her and Ryan's name wasn't mentioned again for a while."
Marissa sat up and reached for a glass of water on the coffee table. "After the new year things got pretty busy in all of our lives." She continued. "Summer started a new semester at Brown, and I made her promise not to slack off on her homework this time because of me and the twins. She didn't have to come out to New York every weekend anymore. I was getting a lot better and handling both Nate and Lucy by myself. Seth was starting at RISD for the first time and I made him promise the same thing. School first. Then work. Then me and the babies. They both came almost every weekend anyway though. And I was enrolled in the photography program at NYU. I was taking a full course load even though I knew it would be hard and I was determined to do well. For Nate and Lucy." She paused and took another sip of water.
"Seth, Summer and I began interviewing potential nanny candidates in the first week of January; someone to watch the twins when none of us could. We saw dozens of people before we found one we liked. Alexis. She's still with us to this day, though not nearly as often as she used to be. Classes started about a week later and after that everything is a blur. I was going to school everyday, working at the photography studio during my time off, and, on top of that, taking modeling jobs whenever I could squeeze them in. Seth and Summer's lives were equally crazy, what with them trying to juggle school, homework, part-time jobs, which were for my benefit I might add, and coming to the city every weekend. By the time we adjusted to out new schedules it was April and Ryan was long forgotten. Seth still checked up on him occasionally to get updates on him and Taylor but he didn't tell me anything unless I asked, which I rarely did, and he didn't push the matter." She smiled at him gratefully and he winked back.
"As busy as my life was at that point, I loved it." Marissa broke out into a grin. "I adored school and had connected with many of my professors, I loved working at the studio and my modelling career was finally bringing in a steady enough income so that we could live comfortably. When I was done being shot I often hung around on set, helping the professionals with the rest of the shoot. It was through that that I met a lot of the contacts that proved valuable when I opened my own studio later on. They were eager to teach me what they knew and I developed deep friendships with some of them." She spoke wistfully.
"Before I knew it the babies were eight months old and my first semester at college was over. I enrolled in summer classes right away, desperate to finish my degree as quickly as I could, and even approached my department heads about letting my job at the studio count as the mandatory co-op, which they agreed to.
By August all of us were shocked that Ryan and Taylor were still together. I knew that I could no longer wait for them to break up to tell him- who knew when, or even if, that would happen, but every time I picked up the phone I thought about what Taylor had said to me on New Years. I worried that she was right. Nobody wanted me back in Newport. Nobody needed me. I heard from Summer that my mom had recovered from her depression. She was living happily with Doctor Roberts and Kaitlin. He had talked her out of hiring a private investigator, convincing her that I would come home when I was ready, and she was finally starting to move on. I knew that Ryan had Taylor. He had told Seth that he would rather I stayed out of his life for good at this point and I couldn't help but agree that he would be better off without me. I was afraid to come clean after hiding the twins for so long so I kept putting it off. I said I would do it in September, using the same excuse as the year before; Ryan would be less likely to drop out of Berkley if he had already started classes. When September rolled around, I decided to wait until the end of the month. I knew everyone would be angry with me for what I'd done and I didn't want to face them. The longer I waited the harder it became and the guiltier we all felt." She looked at Seth and Summer, both of whom had their eyes down, the old feelings resurfacing.
"In October, just before the twins birthday, Seth decided that enough was enough."
Marissa looked up as she heard the front door open and finished tucking her almost-one-year-old babies into bed. She kissed each of their foreheads softly then flicked off the light, closing the door behind her as she left the apartment's only bedroom. Entering the kitchen she smiled at the sight of her best friends sitting at the kitchen table.
"Hey." She greeted them happily, grin faltering when they didn't smile back.
"Have a seat Marissa." Seth said seriously, for once not a trace of sarcasm on his face. "We need to talk."
"Okay." She laughed nervously, plopping down into a chair opposite Seth and Summer. "About what?"
"We've given it a lot of thought." He began gently. "And we think it's time. You have to tell Ryan now. If you don't you never will."
Marissa froze, her eyes wide as she started from Seth to Summer, willing one of them to laugh, to tell her they were joking. "But.." She sputtered when their faces remained hard. "But it's almost Nate and Lucy's birthday!" Marissa struggled to hold in her tears and keep her breathing steady as her stomach dropped. She wasn't sure why she was reacting this way. Hadn't she always known this was coming? Hadn't she been telling herself the exact same thing for over a year? Still, she couldn't help but want to run away. Ryan would be so angry. Everyone would. She didn't want to face them. Not yet. She wasn't ready.
"Exactly." She heard Seth persist, trying to listen but unable to focus on anything other than her fear. "Their first birthday is a huge milestone that their father should share with them. Ryan's already missed their first words and they're about to start walking any day now. He has to know Marissa. This has gone on too long."
She gulped, unable to think of anything to say that could change their minds.
"Now we've bought you this plane ticket." Seth continued, sliding something across the table. "For the weekend after next. Summer and I will stay with the babies. You will go to Newport and break the news." His voice softened and he patted her hand sympathetically. "I know you're scared Marissa. We are too. But do it for Nate and Lucy. They need a father."
Marissa swallowed but nodded reluctantly. As much as she didn't want to do this, Seth was right. This had gone on too long. It was now or never.
"And I would have gone too." Marissa insisted. "If it weren't for the stomach flu that hit Rhode Island that week." She explained. "Seth and Summer called me on Thursday night to say that they couldn't babysit. Both of them had been throwing up all day and couldn't be around the babies. And as it would happen my nanny Alexis had driven them to the train station the day earlier and had managed to catch the bug as well. I tried my elderly neighbour upstairs and even my boss at work but in the end I had to cancel my trip because there was no one to take care of Nate and Lucy.
After that we all sort of agreed that some higher power didn't want me to tell Ryan. The universe was giving us signs and we succumbed to them temporarily, and didn't talk about it again for a while. Nate and Lucy's birthday came and went. We had a small party with a few colleagues and classmates of mine. My big gift to the twins was a new apartment. It was a modest place but with two bedrooms it was an upgrade from the bagel shop and when we first got there it felt huge." She giggled quietly. "Seth and Summer had been avoiding phoning and visiting home because of the babies but after Christmas they couldn't put it off any longer and went down for a few days."
"I remember that visit." Sandy said in surprise. "That was the first of two trips that you've made here since you left. We couldn't figure out why you two were acting so strange. So jumpy and guilty. It all makes sense now." He muttered as an afterthought.
Kirsten nodded. "Ryan thought you were angry with him Seth." She recalled. "You had been calling him less and less often on the phone and that visit you refused to be alone with him. He kept asking us what he'd done."
"Was I that obvious?" Seth laughed. "That was the worst trip ever. There were so many times when I almost let something slip. It got to the point where I was afraid to open my mouth."
Sandy didn't smile back. "You should have just told us." He said, looking from Seth to Summer. "It would have been better for everyone."
Seth shook his head. "It wasn't our place." He maintained. "And anyway, by that time we were just as afraid as Marissa. We had been keeping the secret too and we knew you would all be just as mad at us."
"So what happened when you got back?" Kirsten cut in quickly, eager to avoid any arguments.
"When they got back school started up again." Marissa said. "Nate and Lucy started walking and their vocabularies grew. They developed personalities and likes and dislikes and were amazing to watch. The three of us continued with school and work. I was hired as an assistant photographer instead of a model on several of the fashion shoots I'd worked on last year and my portfolio grew and grew." She sighed.
"That was the way our lives were for awhile. Work, school and Nate and Lucy. Every few weeks Seth or Summer would mention Ryan and I would promise to tell him soon, only to forget days later. Summer came and went, with me taking courses again. Then it was fall. Nate and Lucy were two. Halloween. Nate and Lucy were potty trained. Thanksgiving. Christmas. My program was only two years long so I graduated in January. Seth and Summer came with the babies and afterward we went out for dinner. I was working on several high profile shoots at that point and was doing decently well. By the time Summer graduated in June I had saved enough money to open my own studio, the place I have now. I kept my other job until I was sure I could get by without it but I started booking jobs right away. Summer had decided to open up a clothing store as well, using all the designs she'd created over the years and we made sure that our places were close together. She commuted into the city for the first few months until Seth graduated in January. Then the two of them got a little apartment and Seth started working for the publishing company, where he still is today. Not long after that I got a call from one of my famous photographer friends. I had mentioned to him a few months earlier that I was looking for a bigger apartment, now that the twins were three and all, and he wanted to tell me he was selling his Manhattan penthouse. He said he would give me a discounted price if I wanted. I jumped at the chance and bought the three bedroom place on the spot. Two years later and I still love it just as much." She smiled.
"There's not really all that much to tell after that." Marissa said truthfully. "As time went on we all sort of stopped talking about Ryan or Newport altogether. It seemed like we had missed our chance to tell him. It was too late now, the twins were too big. Summer's store and my studio grew and thrived. Seth got a promotion and realised he liked illustrating books. Nate and Lucy went from babies to children. They started playing sports and taking lessons. This past fall they started kindergarten. And the very same day they met their father for the first time." She paused, looking at Sandy and Kirsten sadly. "And I guess you know the rest from there."
They nodded in agreement. "I guess we do."
Marissa frowned. "Look, you guys, I never meant to keep Ryan in the dark for so long. Every time I tried to tell him something just got in the way. And then before I knew it Nate and Lucy were four and Ryan was showing up in the city." She sighed, burying her face in her hands. "You can hate me all you want but please don't take it out on my children. They were so excited to come here and meet you."
Sandy sighed. "Of course we don't hate you." He said wearily. "And we could never hate that little boy and girl. It's going to take some time, for me at least, to forgive you. "He looked briefly at Kirsten. "But I'm going to try and I can't wait to get to know my grandchildren."
Kirsten nodded in agreement, rising from her chair to wrap Marissa in a hug. "Don't worry." She murmured in her ear. "We love them already and we love you too. Sandy will come around soon. I promise." She pulled away, winking, and Marissa smiled gratefully, stifling a yawn.
"I think that's enough conversation for one night." Kirsten said firmly, looking toward her husband. "Let the kids go to bed Sandy, they've had a long day."
"Alight." Sandy rose to his feet, clapping Seth on the shoulder. "You know, even though I'm disappointed in all three of you, I'm really glad you're here." His voice softened and he flashed them a brief smile before leaving the room.
Kirsten looked relieved. "Goodnight." She hugged all of them again before joining her husband. "Sleep well all of you."
Summer turned to Marissa as the adults left. "You okay Coop?" She asked. "I know that was difficult for you."
"I'm fine." Marissa nodded. "Just really tired."
"Right." Summer said. "Me too. See you in the morning I guess."
"Yeah." Marissa agreed. "See you. Thanks for sticking up for me tonight."
"Anytime." Seth grinned at her and Summer hugged her. "Night."
"Night." She echoed, watching them disappear up the stairs. Yawning again, she made her way through the now dark and quiet house to the pool house. It had been a long, emotionally exhausting day and she couldn't wait to fall asleep.
Marissa paused, one hand on the pool house door and looked back towards the Cohen's home. Without warning, another wave of memories hit her, knocking her back with their sheer force.
"I need you to understand."
"Consider it understood."
"You know with everything we've been through the past two years and the fact that we're still here, really makes me think there's nothing we can't handle."
"I'm sorry."
"You want to be with Johnny."
"No, I'm sorry I ever made you wonder."
"What do you want from me?"
"I want you."
Marissa shook her head slightly, desperate to silence the words in her head, still as loud and as clear as the day they'd been spoken. There had been enough reminiscing for one night, she decided, entering the pool house and changing quickly into her pajamas. She lid beneath the covers between her children, stuffing her iPod buds into her ears to distract her. For now she just wanted to sleep. For now she just wanted to forget.
Sorry the end was a bit rushed and weak. I figured this chapter had gone on long enough and just wanted to finish it. Please review, even if it's just to say hello. I love hearing from you! Hopefully you didn't find this chapter too boring! Will update soonish!
