Hey,
Just a heads up that this chapter will contain details about what Natsuki's father did in the past.
This is just part of the story and is in no way knowingly like any events that may have occurred, this is entirely fabricated but still may upset any sensitive readers so I want to warn you before you read this chapter.
I have raised the rating now because the events included aren't pretty, so giving you all fair warning.
Again, please drop reviews or messages as I really appreciate feedback.
p.s. (Forgot to mention the description of Natsuki's fear of the dark is actually based my own fear of the dark, not the locking in a cupboard part but the not being able to see the space around you bit of it)
The week continued to pass slowly.
I hated that our first summer together had this hideous shadow looming over it.
I started to slip out more often to try and let Shizuru catch up on sleep as I had basically given up on a good nights sleep for now.
I thought about how we'd overcome this.
I was becoming a burden for her.
She wouldn't say it but she wasn't sleeping properly, she wasn't eating too well either as she was constantly worrying about me.
I wanted her to be able to enjoy herself but I was holding her back from that.
I wouldn't even allow any thoughts of leaving her to form as I knew that would hurt her more than all the hell we were going through now.
Besides, it was his fault.
He was the one who hurt me and now he was starting to hurt the only person I truly cared for without even having come near her.
My letting her sleep was helping her though.
I could see the improvement as she looked brighter, healthier with more sleep.
But the lack of sleep was taking its toll on me.
I was shaky and had trouble focusing.
I was too scared to sleep even though I desperately needed it and I could feel myself weakening because of that.
I hadn't left the house since the storm and Shizuru only left to get some groceries when we needed them
It was getting to be too much for me to handle.
I was sick of the fear.
That was in the past so why did it still haunt me now?
Shizuru and I hadn't really spoken much recently either as I didn't want her to keep worrying about me so much.
That night, as we lay together, waiting for another sleepless night to pass, I finally made up my mind.
"Ne, Shizuru?"
"Yes?"
I sat up and turned to face her.
"Will you… um…"
"What's wrong?"
I took a deep shaky breath before trying again.
"Will you listen to what happened to me?"
I saw the concern and love in her eyes and knew I had the strength to tell her.
She deserved to know.
"Of course! Why wouldn't I?"
"Because he did some terrible things. He was truly a monster".
"Who?"
"My father".
I saw the shock and then hurt in her eyes.
"If you want to tell me, I will listen to anything you want to say".
One look at her and I knew this was the right thing to do.
"I'll listen until you're done. Take your time, please".
I knew she didn't want me to rush into telling her things I wasn't ready for but I knew that if I didn't tell her now, I might never find the strength to again.
I nodded, taking a deep breath to settle myself, I began.
I told her about the cupboard he locked me in, explaining that was why I had been so terrified during the blackout.
"I had to live with him though. He said my mother was gone. I assumed he meant she's dead because I never knew or heard anything about her ever. I was basically a plaything for him. He did what he wanted and I was too scared to tell anyone. I didn't want to be alone and he was all I had".
I shifted uncomfortably and looked at Shizuru for a moment before looking back at my fiddling hands and continuing.
I told her about how he'd hurt me.
About how, when he was drunk, he'd touch me or force me to do it in front of him.
"Sometimes he'd even force me to touch him if he was really drunk some nights. Every time he'd had his fun, he'd throw me back into the cupboard and lock it. He fed me enough to keep me alive but I was never treated kindly by him".
I had to pause as I felt a twinge of pain, looking down at my hands to see they were so tightly held together that I had drawn blood with some of my nails.
I unclasped my hands, gripping the bed sheets instead as I started talking again.
"He also brought other girls home. Young women who he'd blackmail into sleeping with him. They always reported him for rape and blackmail but there was never any evidence of blackmail and they were all legal so there was no way to prove that they hadn't consented having been at our house when it happened".
"I could hear them every time. They were screaming at him to stop, leave them alone, they didn't want anything to do with him. But he always had his way. And he always got away with it. He told me he'd kill me slowly if I ever told anyone what he did to me or the other girls. I knew I'd never win against him so I never said a word".
"How'd you end up in the orphanage?"
"He's in jail, has been since then".
"But how did he get caught if you never told anyone and no one believed those girls?"
"The girls never got anywhere. There was never enough proof to convict him. He only got caught when he… With me…"
I felt myself start to shake as the memory finally came back in full detail.
I felt Shizuru's hand rest gently on mine as I looked up to catch her gaze.
"It's okay, you don't have to tell me about that".
"I want to. It's just hard to remember it. Before that day, like I said, it was only ever looking or touching. He loved to watch as he forced me to do it to myself. I knew it was wrong, even then, but I couldn't fight him, he'd just hurt me and do it anyway. It was all entertainment for him, no matter what I did".
"But when he came back that night, he was different. I think he was more than drunk. He looked insane, it was terrifying as I didn't know what he was going to do to me. I thought he was going to kill me when he dragged me up with him. He'd just grabbed my arm and didn't stop, even when I lost my footing. He threw me onto the bed and tore my clothes off me, shoving me back onto the bed when I tried to move away. He forced me down and started to hit me for fighting back. Then he just stopped, he left me lying there as he stood and undressed. That's when I felt truly terrified, he was going to hurt me like all the other girls".
"So he took you?"
I shook my head.
"I fought him harder than every before when I saw him. I'd never felt fear like that. The way he looked at me… I still remember the disgust on his face. He said I was his, that I shouldn't be fighting him. He'd pulled a knife and started to swipe at me, cutting me with it as he beat me with his other hand".
I paused as a shudder coursed through me.
"No. I hurt him there when he stood up again, threw the glass by his bed at him. It hit him there, hurt him. There was blood, I'd never drawn blood before. I knew he was going to kill me".
I swallowed back the sobs that were trying to beak free.
"He lunged at me but I dodged, twisting out of grip as I ran for the front door. I managed to unlock it, but before I could open it, he was down stairs, charging at me".
"I grabbed the first thing I could think of as a weapon, the fire stoker. I wasn't strong enough o swing it so I ran back towards the door and jammed the handle into a gap in the floor. He was though only a moment later and he ran right into it. It went straight into his stomach as I ran past his, rushing to get the door open before he got himself back on his feet. I heard him yell as I ran out, he was so angry then that I almost missed his old temper. I didn't think at all, just moved to get as far away as I could. I wasn't screaming or crying, everything I had was put into getting away from him. I wasn't running for long when I turned a corner and ran right into two police officers on patrol".
"I lost it, clinging to the nearest one in the hope that they could save me fro him. I was sobbing too much to say anything to them, but I cried out in fear when I heard him call me. I saw them, they were really worried about me. They could see the cuts, the new and old bruises. I had nothing on either so the one I was hugging gently wrapped his jacket around me. It was big enough to be a dress on me but I instantly felt safer for a moment until I saw him round the corner, clutching his bleeding stomach, struggling to stay on his feet as he launched himself towards me. The other officer floored and cuffed him as I refused to let go of the first officer. He came with me to the hospital to get me checked, cleaned and stitched up. They also looked to see if he'd taken me".
"He got the longest sentence for child abuse they could give him but they couldn't charge him for rape as he hadn't actually done anything to me".
Couldn't they charge him for trying to kill you?"
"It just went under abuse, none of the cuts were fatal or anywhere near it so his defense said he couldn't have been trying to kill me".
"But he's locked away, you shouldn't worry about him, right?"
She saw the look in my eyes and instantly knew otherwise.
"That's the scariest part. He got 14 years so he'll be getting out soon. That's why I've still been having nightmares. I knew he was getting out soon and the fear was returning, warning me about him. He'll look for me, he swore he'd find me as they dragged him off. 'No matter where you go, I'll find you. You're mine and you always will be'. That's what he'd shouted. If he finds me, he'll find you, and he'll see you as someone who stole what's his. To him, you're a threat".
"And I'll fight to stay with you. I don't care if I have to stab him myself. I will not let him hurt you again. I want you to be able to live without this fear of him".
I shook my head at her.
I wouldn't put her through the hell of ever facing him.
"I'm sorry, but I want you to promise you'll never try to face him. Losing you would be infinitely worse than anything he's ever done to me".
Shizuru instantly started to protest but I gently held up a hand to quiet her.
"Please Zuru, I don't want to risk losing you".
My voice broke as I said that.
I knew she saw the fear and pain even thinking about it caused me.
I hoped using my nickname for her might help drive my point home.
She hesitated for a moment, searching my eyes to make sure I wasn't just saying anything to stop her getting involved.
Finally, with a heavy sigh, she nodded.
"Very well, I promise. I don't ever want to help him hurt you".
A small smile pulled at my lips, happy to know she'd keep herself safe for me.
We settled down, holding each other firmly.
Me to make sure she wouldn't leave, her to comfort me knowing the full truth about how much I'd been hurt in my past.
We settled down as I finally felt sleep tugging at me.
For once, I wasn't scared of it.
Sharing what he'd done to me helped.
I felt stronger knowing that Shizuru would support me, would stay with me even after hearing what he'd done.
Even knowing she might be in danger if he ever found us.
I had finally shared the weight that had been pressing down on me since I escaped him and I knew that I was safe, at least for now, with Shizuru beside me.
Sleep claimed us both as I was able to spend a night without any nightmares for the first time in almost two weeks.
