Disclaimer: We do not own Richelle Mead's world or characters.
Sydney's POV:
Carly appeared in the doorway of our room late into the afternoon. (Either that or early in the morning. I wasn't motivated enough to ask.)
I looked up from where I sat reading in the puffy armchair. Her face was red, not with anger. Carly rarely got angry. It was red with tears. She had foam on her clothes and her hair was mussed. Some strands were damp, while others were dry.
She came in and perched on the end of the bed. I closed the poetry book around my finger. I didn't want to lose the Emily Dickinson poem. I was still thinking about it. The poem was called Glee! the Great storm is over! But it's only called that because that's the first line. She never named her poems. If the poem was named more appropriately, it would have been a darker title.
It said too well our situation, either now or in the future. I suppose it mattered how symbolic you were feeling. Though I wasn't amazing at symbolism, I could get the gist of the story. A small nation had gone to war. Four men came back. Forty died. The story was told to the children like a fairy tale. They won the war! Everyone rejoiced! But the children asked if the forty men had come back. And the storyteller? "Then a silence suffuses the story,/And a softness the tellers eye;/And the children no further question/And only the waves reply."
"Sydney..." Carly said. Her voice was thick and sad, and I was suddenly hit by a wave of guilt. Was I the one who'd made her cry? But that couldn't be... It had something to do with the foam. Or maybe it was a combination. I was only part of the problem, but I was still a part.
She stared at her hands. They twisted around the end of her shirt. "Sydney, do you trust me?"
The question caught me aback. Why was that even a question worth asking?
"Of course," I said.
"Really, though."
"Yes!"
She kept twisting the shirt nervously. It was going to stretch. I almost reached out and stopped her, but I couldn't make myself. "Because... Well, you didn't tell me about Adrian, and I know your busy! But... You also didn't tell me you were a witch."
I knew this conversation would happen, but I'd been avoiding it. No one knew still. Or so I thought.
I knew this would be a long one, so I opened the book, checked the page number, then put it aside.
"Who told you that?"
"Renee. She thought I knew."
"Oh." Of course she did. Because she probably told her siblings, whatever siblings she had. Because her siblings wouldn't have the ability to sent her to re-education. I mean, maybe a psychologist, but proof would be pretty easy.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She looked up at me again. "I thought we told each other everything. I tell you about everything. Things I've never told to anyone else. Not Zoe. Not Mom. Not any one of my friends."
"Both of these things are pretty new to me too," I said. "I met Adrian in Palm Springs. Ms. Terwilliger had to be really tricky to get me to start doing magic. And by the time I'd accepted both as part of my life, Zoe was showing up at the school eager to spend every waking moment with me. I spent all my time trying not to let her know. And anyway, you're usually busy."
"I would have made time for you."
"I know." This whole conversation was making me feel like a lousy sister. "I know. It never occurred to me though. The only people who knew were the people who absolutely needed to or the people who had figured it out."
"Like who?"
"Jill, by default because Adrian knew. Eddie, because I needed to use magic for protection, and he was there. Also, he was observant about Adrian and I. Ms. Terwilliger, for obvious reasons. Neil knew about the magic but not Adrian. It was a life or death situation. Uh... Oh, Trey knew about the magic and kind of about Adrian."
"Who's Trey?"
"He's a- Oh, now you're going to think I'm crazy." I shook my head, realizing my mistake. If I thought Clarence was crazy for knowing a rebel alchemist...
"What? Tell me."
"He's basically a vampire hunter."
She gave me a skeptical look.
"No really. Their group was part of the alchemists a long time ago and split off-"
"I know this story. The dispersed hundreds of years ago!"
"No they didn't. That's what the alchemists say."
She sighed. "Of course they've got more secrets."
I nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about all this. I would have if we talked while I was there. It was just hard to make time for much of anything."
She nodded. "I get it. I just thought, maybe, that you thought I would tell Dad."
"I didn't."
"Good. Because I wouldn't have."
I smiled a little at her. She smiled back at me and came over to hug me.
I put up a hand. "Before you hug me, what is that foam?"
"Oh..." She looked down. "A long story. Is there time before-" She looked at the door.
"Before Adrian comes back? Yeah. He's taking a shower then he's stopping for-" How would she take this? "For a feeding."
She wrinkled her nose but quickly wiped the expression off her face.
"I know you're grossed out," I said.
"I don't know how you're not."
"I never said I wasn't."
She gave me another small smile. "Well good, because if you thought it was cool, I might get the wrong idea and think you're a potential cannibal."
"If that ever happened, you'd be the first to know."
"That might be the one thing I could wait on."
"Okay, but really. What happened with the foam?"
She explained to me about the guy, Lars. And I remembered him. She kept saying she thought he wanted to bring her back to his room, but I knew what he wanted to do. I was trying to dabble with her.
"Carly," I said slowly. I didn't know if I should tell her, but it was true. I didn't want to keep anything from her. "I don't think he just wanted to do... what Keith did. I've seen the guy before, when I was with Adrian. He wanted to know if Adrian would get me to come someplace that night so they could dabble with me."
She just stared, waiting for an explanation.
"I didn't know what it meant, and when I asked, Adrian kind of sugar coated it. But Rose told me later... It means they basically get you high and... feed."
She wrinkled her nose again. She looked like she was going to be sick. "He was going to try to drink my blood?"
I nodded, slowly. "I guess those are the kind of guys the alchemists think all moroi are. All communities have some bad characters I guess. There's guardians and everything though."
She just nodded, still in shock.
Adrian burst in then with wet hair and reeking of cologne.
Sonya's POV:
I didn't know what was going on at first. I was sitting, curled into a ball, on the armchair in the corner of the room while Mikail tried to calm me from my earlier exchange with Lissa, which in my defense had genuinely terrified me. I did not need anyone forcing me into treatment again. I honestly thought the treatment made me crazier sometimes.
I heard someone run down the hall and banging on the door of a room nearby.
They're looking for you, my mind whispered. Hide!
When I tried to, Mikail stopped me and tried to calm me further, but I could still hear footsteps outside, fast footsteps.
Someone knocked on the door then. It was Dimitri, asking Mikail if he could come help out with something important. They then whispered low enough that I couldn't hear, and Mikail said, louder again, "I'll be right there." Dimitri nodded and went back down the hall, leaving the door open.
Mikail knelt down in front of me in the chair.
"I'm going to be right back. I have to help Lissa for a while, okay?"
"What's wrong with Lissa?"
"She'll be okay, but I have to help for a minute."
I understood, but I also didn't want him to go. How could I explain this? "Is someone attacking her? Are they going to attack me?"
"No! No, it's not that kind of thing. I promise."
"Can I come with you?"
"No." He said this forcefully. Whatever was going on, I couldn't see. I didn't like that he was censoring for me, but I knew he'd only do it if it would put me in danger, and that meant Lissa was in danger. I had to let him help.
I nodded.
"I'll be right back," he promised. Before I could say anything, he left, closing the door behind him.
I heard more footsteps soon. Not one set, but at least five people. They were coming close to my room, and Mikail wasn't here. Who were they? I didn't want to know. What if they were what was happening to Lissa? What if they had come for me?
Sitting in the middle of the room like this, in clear view and without Mikail, made me feel too vulnerable. I considered getting into the bed, but if there was a real person here to look for me, they would obviously see me under the covers. Hiding under the bed wouldn't do me much good either. There wasn't anything to block the view of me, and every movement I might make would be audible. I got up, trying to keep the leather silent, and hurried over to the closet. I opened it with shaky hands.
Something bumped against my door and glanced over quickly. It was still closed, but there was a shadow blocking the hall light.
I got into the closet and shut the door as quickly and silently as possible.
From here, I knew from the night before, someone could perfectly hear the hum of the refrigerator and any other noises in the kitchen. I could hear the footsteps through the side of the closet, but muffled, and from the back, I heard someone say, "Oh no!" It was a voice I couldn't place, likely one of Sydney's sisters or maybe that magic girl who'd found Adrian. "Is she okay?"
"She will be," I heard Mikail say, "Don't worry."
Lissa's hurt? Who hurt her? Are they still here? Not everyone knows about it yet. Not even everybody in the palace. Would they hurt them too? What if they hurt me? Why did Mikail leave me here vulnerable?
I tried to remind myself that I wasn't vulnerable, that I had spirit, and I could take care of myself, but I wasn't sure I believed it. I wasn't prepared for this. I just wanted to know what was going on.
I didn't leave the closet until Mikail got back. It wasn't that I thought I was safe there, someone could easily open the door and see me, but it was a smaller space to keep tabs on, so it felt safer. If I sat with my back on one wall and stretched my legs, I could touch the other. And if I spread my feet, I could touch both the door and the back of the closet easily. I knew exactly what took up every inch of the space.
It also helped that there was light coming in from the blinds-like design of the door. Then, I was certain there was no one in a peculiar perch -holding themselves up by pressing on opposite walls. And though this idea was ridiculous, I found myself grateful I could debunk the wild theory with ease.
I heard the door open a while later and froze.
Please be Mikail. Please be Mikail. Please be Mikail.
My hands were instantly shaking again as I heard them walk in. It sounded like Mikail's footsteps, but a lot of men had the same weight in step.
"Sonya?" he said softly.
I let my body relax for the first time since he'd left and knelt to reach the closet door handle.
When the door opened, Mikail looked up from where he was looking for me on the other side of the bed. He smiled. "Why are you in the closet?"
"I didn't know what was going on."
"So the closet seemed like a safer bet than the bedroom?"
"Yes. I have my reasons."
"I'd love to hear them."
"What's going on with Lissa?"
He frowned and sat on the bed. "Come here."
This was bad news. Oh, no. Something terrible had happened to her.
I went over to the bed and sat next to him.
"Lissa's been under a lot of pressure lately, and she's been trying to help with finding Sydney and Adrian, so she's been using spirit too..." He took a deep breath and put a hand on my knee. I prepared myself for the worst. "Lissa cut herself."
There was never anyone attacking Lissa. Except herself.
"Is she okay? Well, I mean, will she be okay?"
The idea of such a scary thing happening down the hall without my notice made my neck itch and made me want to turn and make sure our blinds were closed. Tightly. No light getting in at all. I didn't though. I kept watching Mikail, showing interest so he'd continue.
"She will be. And she was upset. She said she did it automatically, and she promised Rose and Christian she was going to go back on the anti-depressants."
I nodded when he stopped, telling him he could go on.
"Sonya..." he said, "Do you feel like that? All this spirit induced stuff... Is it automatic? You can't control it?"
I looked down at my lap. "I don't know."
"You can say yes."
"I'm being honest. I don't know. I feel like I'm in control, but I know I'm not acting like I always do. I feel more scared. And when I am scared, it's debilitating."
"I think you should try seeing that therapist. I'm not going to make you take the pills if you don't want, but you need some help. I'd like to promise I'll never leave your side, but I can't. If something happens to me, what'll happen to you?"
I look back up at him. "Nothing will happen to you though. Right?" It sounded absurd. If something happened to me. Nothing could happen to him. I wouldn't let it, because he was right. What would happen to me?
"I love you Sonya, and I always will. And sometimes, that's the exact reason something could happen to someone."
"Are you saying it would be my fault?"
"I'm saying if something did, it would be for you. And no, it wouldn't be your fault. If I didn't want to risk my life for you, to be with you, to love you all the time, I could leave right now, and I would never have to come back. But I'm right here. And I'm staying here. Okay?"
I nodded again.
He touched my cheek with his right hand. "Will you think about all this?"
"I will."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
And then, he kissed me.
