Chapter 29

'Angels, man why is dealing with angels always such a pain in the ass' Dean wondered as they drove towards the place where the One-eyed Willy chick was probably holed up.

Damn, that Ishim was a piece of work it made his blood boil to listen to the way he spoke to Cas, to watch Cas just sit there and take it.

Yeah, he was mad at Cas, but mostly he was scared for him, he knew he was being a bit of a douche. But he needed Cas to understand that they couldn't keep making these knee jerk decisions and breaking the fricking world.

Not for him, he wasn't worth it.

Dean ran one hand through his hair and glanced at his brother.

"You email your little hobbit pen pal yet?" He questioned.

Sam pulled a rather uncalled for bitch-face "No, I don't know what to say. I dropped off the face of the earth for two months. I don't want to lie and well, the truth..."

Dean hmphed thoughtfully "So tell her you had a family business situation and you didn't have any access to email. Or" he smirked "you could tell her you were arrested for exorcising Lucifer out of the American president an' spent two months in a top-secret government facility in solitary confinement. But everything's ok now, we made a deal with a reaper then our angel friend killed her... Well, we aren't actually sure if everything's ok and we're still wondering if our angel friend is going to get vaporised at some point.

... But in the meantime we're off to try and talk down a chick who looks like Nick Fury, but not black. One that our angel pal and his assbutt feathery buddies turned hyper vengeful by killing her Nephilim kid about a hundred years ago. Actually, you can tell her ya brother says he doesn't mind if Patches ventilates all the other feathery sonofabitches, cos they're annoying pricks. But she can't have Cas."

Sam was now giving him a spectacular bitch-face from the passenger seat.

"I'm pretty sure she'll quit emailing you if you tell her that Sammy... Or, you can send her a photo like she asked and a weak excuse, totally up to you."

"It's not that simple Dean."

"Sammy that's why ya never get laid, it is that simple."

"I'm not trying to get laid Dean!"

"Ya don't know what you're trying to do Sammy. It's pretty much the problem. Either way bro, we're here."

...

Walking around the corner of the building's hallway, they came face to face with Lilly Sunder. Who gasped and slid into a fighting pose, angel blade in each hand.

"Whoa! Whoa!" Sam breathed as both Winchesters raised their hands to show they were no threat.

"Give us a second." Dean requested lifting his hands.

"How did you find me?" Lilly demanded

"We're here to talk, that's it. We come in peace. Just hear us out. We heard what happened to your family." Sam stared at Lilly making their case.

"My family?"

"See, Cas is our family, so we can't let you hurt him." Dean rumbled

"Let me?"

"We don't wanna kill you." Dean divulged trying to sound reasonable.

"I don't wanna kill you." Lilly admitted, relaxing a little.

"Okay, good. Look, there we go. Agreed. Listen, it's not Cas's fault that Heaven has these crazy rules about Nephilim."

Lilly just stared at Sam her face a little stunned.

"Your daughter." Sam clarified with a frown.

"You think..." Lilly's voice broke and she exhaled and walked towards them her lips trembling "Her name was May, and she was beautiful." The way Lilly said it was like a caress "I had a life, a wonderful life, until..." again her voice faltered

"They took everything from me. All my life, I dreamed about angels. I studied them. I made them my life's work, until finally I learned the spell to summon one - Ishim."
"When I first saw him, it was like looking into the face of the Divine.
I thought he was perfect.
But he is a monster.
I had my daughter long before I ever laid eyes on an angel..."

"Wait, so..." The brother's faces had grown more uncertain with every passing word and the weight of what Lilly divulged.

"My daughter was human." Lilly took a shaky breath.

"Just..." Dean cleared his throat and held up a hand "Um..." looking at his brother "Are you buying any of this?" He asked with a lowered voice.

"Yeah, kinda." Sam confirmed quietly.

"All right, well, we gotta make sure, you know. I mean, Ishim's a tool, but ... You know what? I'm gonna call Cas" he pulled out his phone dialling

"Come on, come on, come on." The phone just rang without picking up "Yeah, he's not answering." Hanging up, Dean looked at his brother.

"Okay. Just go. I'll stay here."

"What? And leave you here with her? You kidding me? She..."

"She, is no threat whatsoever to humans. And she, can hear you." Lilly informed them with a touch of humour.

"Okay." Muttered Dean and shared a look with his brother weighted with all the usual over-protective worry, but acknowledging Sam was fully capable, his worry for Cas who didn't know what he might be in for, won out "Okay." He muttered again as he turned to leave.

...

Sam watched Lilly gaze at a photo of her child wistfully "Can I ask you a question?" He queried

"Yeah." She said looking up.

"I-I get wanting revenge. I-I really do. But...why wait so long?"

"I had no choice. Before the angels fell, before they lost their wings, there would've been no way to hunt them down."

"But now...Patience is a talent. You'd be amazed what a person can do with a little bit of purpose and an abundance of time."

"Hmm." Sam looked away and picked up one of the angel blades, trying to find a tactful way to ask the next more important question.

"Ishim said you made some kind of pact, um... that you're using dark magic." Sam looked down, uncomfortable.

"Did he?" Lilly asked lips pursed "I've studied angels all my... very long life. I use their magic to fight, to hear them, to stay alive."

"Enochian magic." Sam questioned brows raised "That's...possible?" A hope flared briefly, while possibilities unfolded in his mind.

"It is if you're willing to pay the price of admission." Lilly tapped her eye patch

"Every time I use one of their spells, a piece of my soul burns away." She told him simply.

"And once it's gone...You won't feel anything anymore. You won't, uh, care about anything anymore. You won't be human anymore." Sam tasted the memories of being soulless in the back of his throat like bile, any thoughts of Enochian magic turned to ash.

"I used to dream about my daughter every night. Do you know what I dream about now?" Lilly asked

"Nothing." Sam looked down in the pause between words.

"You don't trust me. I understand. But when your brother confronts Ishim, the angel will kill him."

Lilly continued and Sam looked up, eyes narrowed with intent.

"Ishim's a big man in heaven. He's got too much to lose if the truth comes out. And when your brother's dead, you won't stand in my way anymore. You'll help me. And for that, I can wait." Sam's eyes flickered away, his mind calculating and weighing the truth.

...

They walked into the abandoned church just in time to witness the standoff between Ishim and Dean.

Dean's hand hovered over an angel banishing sigil, painted in his blood, but his eyes were on Cas's collapsed form across the room.

Sam knew before Deans hand fell away what his choice would be, daily he watched Dean choose strangers over himself, Cas was his best friend, their brother.

Lilly Sunder's yell made Ishim turn away from Dean.

The next few minutes were the usual adrenaline soaked blur that made up most of their lives. Culminating with Cas plunging an angel blade into Ishim, just before he could do likewise to Lilly.

They stood around Ishim's fallen form, watching Lilly stare down at the charred silhouette of his wings. His vessel looked small and shrunken in death.

"All right, so, uh..." Sam breathed out a centring breath "What now?"

"He's dead. Are you done?" Dean challenged

"Revenge is all I've had for over a hundred years. It's what I am." Lilly mused

"Wrong answer. You're done."

"Dean." Cas sighed, then looked up at Lilly, eyes full of weariness and regret.
"I'm sorry. I was wrong. And... while it's true that I didn't know we were killing an innocent, ignorance is no excuse."

Cas got to his feet and approached the woman, hands clasped in front of him, his face earnest and holding grief.

"I truly can't imagine the depths of your loss."
"This was your child."
"I can't imagine the pain."
"So, if you leave here and you find that you can't forgive me...I'll be waiting."

The brothers watched their friends battered face, barely daring to breath, as he watched Lilly. There was no making this right.

"Thank you." She said simply, her words of thanks a brush of forgiveness that left Cas looking battered on the inside when she turned to leave.

...

Cas sat at the map table where he had slumped when they'd returned. Carrying beer, both Winchester boys joined him.

Dean slid Cas a beer and clapped him gently on the shoulder.

"You earned it." He said warmly, Cas glanced up momentarily.

"Well, this will do very little for me, but I-I appreciate the gesture."

Dean slid into the chair opposite Cas, studying his friend.

"What Ishim said...You're not weak, Cas. You know that, right?" Dean eyed his friend and Cas looked down again.

"I mean, obviously, you've changed, but it's all been for the better, man." Sam continued from his perch on the map table beside Cas.

"And you have been with us every step of this long, crazy thrill ride.
And no matter how crazy it got, you never backed down."

"And that takes real strength." Sam continued from his brother.

"Thank you." Cas said looking away

"Cas, I don't like how the whole Billie thing went down. Okay?"
"I know you think you were doing the right thing."
"And I'm not mad... I'm worried." Sam felt a moment of amusement, listening to his brother do a parenting type lecture aimed at their angel friend.
"Because things like 'cosmic consequences' have a habit of biting us in the ass."

"I know they do." Cas acknowledged "But I don't regret what I did, even if it costs me my life." he looked meaningfully at both brothers

"Don't say that, man." Sam muttered looking down at his beer

"So what are you gonna do if you find Kelly and, uh, Lucifer Junior?"
"It is a Nephilim, right?" Dean bowled right into the next mess.

"Oh, no. It's more than that."
"An ordinary Nephilim is one of the most dangerous beings in all of creation."
"But one that's fathered by an archangel, the Devil himself?"
"I...I can't imagine the power."

"But, Cas, at the end of the day, it's a mom and her kid."
"I mean, do you - do you think you'll be able to..." Sam asked, thinking that lately his life was having a huge dose of mothers and their children, it was almost a conspiracy.

"There was a time when I wouldn't have hesitated."
"But now, I don't know." Cas shot them a half smile

"What are we gonna do?" Dean rumbled

"Let's drink, and hope we can find a better way." Cas answered simply.

Sam took a swig of his beer and considered his brother and his friend. Mothers and their children made him think of Michele half a world away, he longed to ask Cas about her.

But he hesitated. Cas had changed, it was true... but still, Sam worried that if the woman was a prophet, Cas would feel honour bound to inform heaven and let the angels take her into protective custody. He was pretty convinced that Michele would rather die than leave her family. Besides, she seemed safer away from angel politics, pretty much everyone was, Sam thought sourly... Including Cas.