note: dedicated to everyone who needs a bit of a laugh. :)

And apparently the "fine-d" bit comes from the tv-series "Friends". Thank you Flabagash for bringing it to my attention. I was let to believe that my friend made it up. Nearly paid him royalties for it. (raises nose in disbelieve)

Pink

"Jack!" a fuming Owen screamed out.

The Captain was absently listening to Owen's tirade and ever so often he would mutter a polite 'ahuh' or 'Yeah, you're right', giving Owen the impression that he was interested in another one of his rant-sessions. One minor mistake Jack had made, was that he didn't look up from the report he so seemingly was captivated by. Not even once.

Owen, of course, was not fooled. "Jack, have you heard anything I've said?"

"Yes, you are right." Jack answered.

Owen smugly smirked. He knew at that precise moment that he had encountered a rare occasion. The occasion to outsmart his boss.

"So, you really don't mind that I'm going to tie up Ianto to a chair and have my way with him?"

To that, Jack looked up. "Sorry?"

"Ianto, you know. Your fucktoy."

"What about him?" Jack innocently asked but in essence highly curious. "Did you say you're going to tie him up and have your way with him?"

"Yes, I did. Is that okay with you? I know you said throttling the staff was your job but I think in this situation he'd benefit from a Harper-trick."

"Erm … Owen, are you seriously suggesting that you'd want to … you know … with Ianto? My Ianto?"

And there it was. The smuggest, cockiest and most arrogant smile Owen could manage and it was directed at Jack. Uncharacteristically, Jack's cheeks shone with a fiery red blush. However, he did not break eye contact. "You're taking the piss, aren't you?"

"Yes," Owen began. "Yes, Jack, I am. Because YOU haven't been listening to a word I've said."

"Okay, sorry. What did you want?" Jack replied, a bit caught out.

"Ianto. He's ill and needs to go home. But he won't listen to me. Talk to him. He's annoying the crap out of everyone with his constant sneezing, coughing and moaning."

Owen sighed. "My god, that man can moan."

Jack sported a dopey grin and stared into the distance. "Oh, he sure can."

Owen dramatically rolled his eyes and muttered something like 'for fuck's sake' under his breath. He turned on his heels and started to walk away.

Jack formed a bridge with his hands and rested his head on the tips of his fingers. He remained calm and spoke with a friendly tone in his voice but his eyes betrayed the severity of his warning. "Owen," he said and waited for the medic to turn and face him. "If you ever call Ianto my fucktoy again, I will put your head through the wall. Understood?"

Owen swallowed visibly and nodded. With a quicker pace than before, he walked out of the office.


"Tosh, have you figured out what that piece of technology actually does? Besides buzzing in irregular intervals?" Jack cheerfully asked.

"Not really, Jack. It's weird because it seems to be protecting itself. Every time I get close to opening the casket, it develops a new lock!"

Not too far from Toshiko and Jack, a loud 'ATCHOO' sounded, followed by a loud and wet noise that was unmistakably someone blowing their nose.

"For instance, I tried hacking my way in but all it does, is generate new codes every time I'm down to the last digit." Toshiko continued.

'ATCHOO'

"So it's a tricky one then. Have you figured out its origin?" Jack inquired.

'COUGH'

"Nearly Jack, it's definitely not from this solar system. The markings on it are just exquisite. I've never seen anything like it."

'Blow of the nose'

"Keep working on it then, I'm sure we'll have this one sorted in no time" Jack said, smiling encouragingly at a stressed Toshiko.

Jack looked sideways and saw Ianto standing by the coffee machine, his head resting against the illusive coffee maker. He chuckled as he saw Ianto jerk awake and fiercely rubbing his left cheek, presumably a bit burnt by the increase in heat radiating from the machine.

'ATCHOO'

Jack could hear Owen shouting "For FUCK'S sake!".

Jack hopped over to Gwen, who was buried under piles and piles of files, reports, profiles and other papers. "Found a suspect yet?"

Gwen glanced up and smiled. "No, but I'm working on it. Say Jack, would you mind talking to…"

"I'm on it." Jack sang as he winked at the Welshwoman.

"Ianto!"

"Yes, sir?" the archivist responded, looking so pale that the redness around the nose was so apparent it became comical.

Jack closed the distance between them and whispered softly, as if he was trying to share a secret with the young man.

"Ianto, I need you to do me a favor. Something that is very important, delicate and something that only you can do."

"Of course sir, that is what I'm here for." Ianto responded as his face turned dark in anticipation. "What is it that you need?"

"No wait. First, I need you to promise me that you will do whatever I say." Jack said, his face serious.

"Of course Jack. You know I will."

"Now, I know you think keeping your promises is very important. So if you promise me this, I will expect you to keep it."

"Jack, yes, of course! What is the matter?"

Jack came in closer, if possible, and Ianto bent his head so he could hear better.

Softly and quietly, Jack whispered: "I need you to …"

Startling everyone out of their concentration, Jack ended his sentence by shouting it out loud. "GO HOME!"

Ianto dramatically rolled his eyes. "Sir, you don't need to worry. I'm fine-d"

"Ianto, the fact that you pronounce a 'd' at the end of 'fine' means that you are NOT fine! You are ill and should be in bed, snuggled in a warm duvet and drinking hot choco."

'ATCHOO'

Ianto groaned loudly and muttered two words with intense desire. "Hot choco."

Jack smiled at the innocent and childlike behavior that his lover was portraying. "If you go home, you could have some …"

Ianto blew his nose again and wiped it clean. Sad, red and puffy eyes locked with Jack's. "I can't sir. Tosh needs me to help her debug her latest upgrade of the security software, Gwen needs other profiles from the archives and well.. someone needs to clean up after Owen."

"Ianto. Sweetheart. I'll help Tosh, Gwen can go herself and Owen can clean up after himself. Now, you made a promise. GO HOME!"

Ianto pulled his 'come on, Jack. Look at my sweet puppy eyes'-face, that usually got him what he wanted.

"No, Ianto. None of that emotional blackmail. You … bed … NOW!"

"Jack," Owen suddenly said. "Go with him."

"What?" Ianto and Jack both exclaimed.

Owen smirked, again, and Jack was holding back the desire to smack him. Hard.

"I don't know what you two are involved in but I do know that you are the only one who can even remotely get Ianto to do something he doesn't want to. I've tried many times to get him to wear a bright pink bow tie but nothing. I'm sure you could do it."

With an obnoxious smug look on his face, Owen continued. "Just as I'm sure you can get him into bed …"

Ianto's eyes evilly glared at him and if Owen knew that he'd have thwacked him if Ianto hadn't been so damned miserable.

Owen cleared his throat but his face was still locked in a smug expression. "I'll cover for you today. What's the point of having someone as second in command, if you're not going to take advantage of it. It's not like you're going to be kicking the bucket any time soon."

'ATCHOO!'

Jack gave Ianto a worried look and checking for a fever, he placed his hand softly on Ianto's forehead. "Okay. But don't burn the house down."


An hour later, Jack walked into Ianto's darkened bedroom. He leant up against the doorframe and contently sipped his coffee. He stood there for minutes just glaring at a sleeping Ianto, snuggled up in bed with a tissue-box by his head and an empty cup of hot chocolate milk on his bedside table.

He sighed and closed his eyes. I must be getting old, he thought to himself. I'm actually starting to LIKE the domestic aspect of a relationship. With Ianto.

Suddenly his eyes snapped open and an evil smile crept on his lips. He walked up to Ianto's closet, quietly opened the door and browsed through the content.

"Now, about that pink bow tie …"