Sorry this chapter is late, I know it's been long awaited. Stick with me on this, lots happening and I can only write one character's perspective and storyline at a time. This chapter mainly focuses on Derek and I think you'll notice why. If you don't there's a note at the bottom of the chapter, so relax and hope you like it.
Chapter 29: Carpe Diem
Amelia noticed Derek squirming a bit more than usual and put the back of her hand on his forehead,' He's hot,' she felt for his pulse under his jawline,' Sporadic and thready,' she started to worry. She unbuttoned the first two buttons on his shirt and gently slid her hand beneath it, she found his sternum and pressed gently," Mark he's feverish and his breathing's too shallow," Derek moved restlessly beneath her hands.
"We'll get him checked out by Owen," Mark tried to speak softly and still be heard by Amy," Take a set of vitals while he's out and type them in your phone, we're almost there," Mark could hear a rasping sound coming from the backseat that he had become increasingly aware of over the past few days,' Not now, Derek,' his thoughts went out to Meredith,' She's been through enough and she needs you right now,' his thoughts trailed back to the hospital bed where Derek had laid for weeks just struggling to stay alive.
==FLASHBACK==
When Mark got the stat page, he'd sprinted down the hallways towards Derek's room like he was at a track meet. He peered in the window to Derek's room where there was a crack in the blinds and saw Hunt pulling on a pair of gloves and talking to a conscious Derek. He caught his breath and opened the door," Everything okay?" he washed his hands in a sink on the wall.
"Yeah, he's got a numb and tingling feeling in his shoulder so I was going to have you help me take a look at it," Hunt stood out of Derek's view and suggested with his body language and facial expressions that there was more to this 'numb and tingly feeling' than he wanted Derek aware of.
Mark pulled a pair of gloves from the box on the wall," Hey Derek, you giving Owen hell again?" once he got closer he saw Derek's eyes were only half open and his head had slumped into the pillows.
"I'm not sure how awake he is," Owen opened a packet and started creating a sterile field.
"What's wrong?"
"His sutures aren't holding right," Mark felt sick.
"They've torn?"
"I've got him almost completely out," he touched Derek's cheek," Derek, can you hear me?" a bit of drool ran from the side of his mouth," It's Owen," he fished a bit as he wiped Derek's lips," I noticed you have a tear in some sutures that we didn't see before, so we're going to take it out."
"Where do you need me?" Mark couldn't help but look away, he tried to mask it by rubbing his neck as if it was sore.
"Sit here and just hold him still," Owen gestured to the other side of the bed," The tear's on his side."
Mark sat and carefully took Derek into his arms, the chain on the handcuff jangled cruelly as his weight shifted," At least he's not in pain."
"Don't be so sure about that," Owen started taking out the old sutures," I have him on all I can give him and when he's still and calm it keeps him comfortable at best, I'm about to wreck that."
"Hmmm?" Mark glanced at the area Hunt was about to start on, Derek stirred beneath him and buried his face into Mark's chest.
"I can't let this get infected," he sprayed the area with iodine and started removing the old sutures," So once I get these out, the wound will be exposed to air and I'll have to clean it again."
"Sorry," Mark shook his head," I'm not exactly..."
"This is your best friend," Owen discarded the old threads and filled a larger syringe with solution," That's why I'm doing this and you're holding him," he nodded and Mark tightened his grip a bit.
==END FLASHBACK==
Derek's scream echoed in his mind as he pulled up to the emergency room, he turned off the car and got the wheelchair from the trunk," Derek?" he tapped his friend's hand to try to rouse him. He stirred slightly and coughed, he winced and let Amy help him sit up.
"We're here, Derek," Mark felt for the bumps that the bandages and wound dressings imprinted in his shirts. He slid his arms around Derek and helped him to the edge of the seat, he felt his friend's muscles tense up and heard him bite back a yelp. He stopped," Take your time," Derek nodded and gripped his shoulder.
As his feet hit the pavement he tried to stop himself from putting weight on either of them. He panicked as he realized he was too late and dug his fingers into Mark's shoulders. Derek managed to stifle an all out scream, but a choked cough that was louder than he'd have liked still escaped his lips. He felt his feet leave the ground as Mark picked him up and set him gently in the chair.
It was utterly humiliating as he was wheeled through the halls of Seattle Grace. He was more concerned about Meredith and their child than being embarrassed however. He felt nauseous as they came upon the door to her room.
"Derek," Addison was waiting for him at the door. His heart raced," Derek I couldn't save them both..."
"Meredith...is she?" a tear rolled down his face.
"She's weak but okay," Addison put a hand on his," I'm sorry, Derek."
He took in a breath that was too quick and bit into his chest, he winced but was glad Meredith was alive. His body shook as Mark knelt and hugged him. Muscles spasming, tremor like convulsions sent shockwaves through him as he realized he was sobbing into Mark's chest.
Meredith knew she was waking up, but her eyes hadn't quite gotten the message yet. She heard voices all around her, they sounded far away and worried.
"Meredith?" Derek's voice was soft and broken.
"Der..." her tongue felt thick and heavy.
"Oh, Meredith," she felt his hand on hers and slowly opened her eyes.
"How'shh...?"
"Our baby?" he choked on the words. She nodded," Meredith, she...she..."
"No..."she breathed.
"Addison tried...there was..." she saw tears streaming down his face," I'm so sorry Meredith."
"Derek," she tried to sit up," then what's..." she gestured as best she could to the blanket nestled in his lap.
"You can hold her," he used his good arm to lift the small bundle and placed it next to her.
Mark and Amelia watched through the glass as Derek and Meredith spent a few minutes with their child before the team would take it to prepare the body. Tears ran down their cheeks as they tried to make sense of the last few hours.
Derek felt his heart break as he and Meredith held their child, his head reeled and the room swam in a sea of blurry shapes and colors,' Something's wrong,' he panted a bit between tears,' this doesn't feel right,' he coughed and felt something give in his side. Ignoring it to spend a few more precious moments with his wife and child, he bit back the overwhelming pain that was now spreading up his torso.
"C-can we..." Meredith looked as broken as he felt," try again?"
He opened his mouth to answer her and coughed. He almost panicked as he felt warm fluid run down his stomach, the familiar taste of metal filled his mouth. Meredith didn't seem to notice, so he nodded and lay his head on the edge of the bed,' Stop spinning,' he told the room as he clenched his eyes shut. He dared a peek at his shirt as Meredith ran her fingers through his hair, his left side was soaked. He could smell blood now and knew he needed to get Owen fast, but Meredith was crying and needed him. He forced the scream down as he picked up his head and cuddled into her side as best he could from the wheelchair.
There was a light knock on the door, Derek's heart skipped a beat and he jumped. He couldn't stifle a small groan but managed not to scream, small victory but victory nonetheless. Christina poked her head in the doorway, he felt some tension drain,' She can take care of Meredith,' he felt drunk. He locked eyes with Christina and pleaded," Y-yang..." he felt nauseous when he spoke, but the edges of his vision were dark.
"Derek," Christina heard desperation in his voice and went to his side.
"Y-ynnn..." he could no longer hold himself upright and lay his head and right shoulder on the bed. Yang saw that Meredith's eyelids were drooping from the drugs, her heart broke as she saw tears still rolling down her friend's cheeks.
"Aahhh," he gasped," Y-ya..." it finally registered that Derek was trying to get her attention.
"I'm sorry Derek I..." she bent down to see his face," You okay?" his lips were blue and his breathing was labored," Shit, Derek," she cursed softly and got behind him. She slid her arms beneath his and clasped them together over his sternum, as gently as she could she picked him up and set him back upright.
The door opened and the nurse came to take the bundle from Meredith's arms, which had started to go slack. Christina tilted Derek's head back and shined her pen light in his eyes," Derek," she whispered so Meredith wouldn't wake," Derek!" she turned to the nurse," Page Hunt stat."
"He's in shock," Mark recognized the symptoms immediately after Yang helped him sit up.
"I would be too, I mean losing..." Amelia was drying her eyes.
"No, Amy," Mark reiterated," I mean he's actually in shock," he pulled a vacant bed from the hallway and wheeled it into the room.
"Meredith's out," Christina was lightly slapping Derek's cheek," I'm scared, Mark," her voice quivered," I'm drenched in sweat."
"Christina," Owen's voice was calm and collected," I need you to stay calm, but you're not sweating," he had snapped on gloves and moved in her place," he's bleeding."
Derek could see what was happening as if he were watching a movie that he'd been thrown into and had no control over. He tried to talk to Meredith, but found he couldn't respond. His vision had completely faded and breathing was proving challenging.
"Let's get a trauma room," Hunt and Sloan had transferred Derek to the bed and Owen had switched to survival mode.
"Trauma room?" Amelia's eyes were wide.
"He's not gonna make it to an OR," Owen pushed the bed next to the table in Trauma Room Six," Move on three, one, two, three," a choked scream that came out more like a yelp echoed in the small room.
"What's wrong?" Amy started to cry again.
"Amy, get outta here," Owen was washing his hands," Christina take her out of here."
"But, Derek!" she caught a glimpse of his face as Mark moved. His lips were blue, his body shook like he was in ice water and weak rasping sounds emanated from his chest.
"Amy, out," Mark turned and barked at her," Please, let us concentrate."
"Der..." she went numb as she let Christina lead her to the hallway.
"What're we lookin' at?" Mark was now taking his turn at the sink.
"Pnuemothorax or Atelectasis, I'm not sure though neither is good," he gloved up and started cutting the sleeves of Derek's shirt," Get a trauma kit from the red box behind you. Could be something else, I really hope I'm wrong."
"Okay," Mark turned and grabbed two just in case," What for?"
"He's bleeding out, get me a cautery pen and four sticks," Mark now noticed Owen's fingers were knuckle deep in Derek's side.
"Shit," Sloan popped the plastic on the first trauma kit and lay it out on the counter beside Hunt.
"Good, stay calm and start some Ringers," Owen felt for the internal tear," hook up EKG leads and push some Demerol. Let's get him comfortable.
Derek had been too weak to scream when Yang picked him up, which scared him. He felt like his heart had literally broken inside his chest when he saw Meredith and their...could he rationalize it? Could he face the fact that Clark had almost taken everything away from him? Cold scissors crept up his bicep as he felt Hunt cutting through his shirt. His body shook violently as he felt himself start to crash. He mentally assessed himself and tried to figure out what Owen and Mark were going to do when he heard Amy scream his name,' Jesus, Mark get her out of here,' he turned his head away from her.
He heard Mark tell Yang to get Amy and get out, then Mark's face next to his. Mark was taking orders from Owen who had the 'I'm trying to save your life' tone in his voice that he'd become all too familiar with over the past month and a half,' I wish I would either start getting better or just let me die already,' the thought of all the pain stopping was tempting.
Owen picked up the cautery pen and waited for the tip to glow," Mark, you got that IV yet?"
"His veins are constricted and pulse is thready, I'm trying one more time," Derek tried to turn his head to look at Mark and began to get scared, the EKG's beeping increased.
"No time," Owen felt his adrenaline spike," Get him an oxygen mask. He's hypovolemic, and if I don't get this now..." his voice trailed off, Mark locked eyes with him.
"Hypovolemic already?" he put a forearm across Derek's chest and neck, the other over his thighs. The term Hunt used was almost foreign,' Derek couldn't really be bleeding out, not now...' he was so lost in thought he almost didn't catch the first jolt.
Owen pinned Derek's wrist to the table with a strip of gauze and took a deep breath as he pulled it tight. The cautery pen was glowing red, he didn't have time to care about removing the sutures cleanly. Hunt opened the wound with a pair of forceps and searched for the bleed, Derek squirmed beneath him as he tried to get away from the forceps.
Derek felt cold metal inside him,' The one they've been watching,' he tried his best to lay still, but tremors still wrecked his muscles. He closed his eyes and tried to escape,' Wait,' a cold chill ran through him as procedures raced through his mind,' the only reason they'd open it is if I was close to exsanguination and they were gonna...' he panicked,' if they were gonna cauterize it to keep me alive.'
Hunt saw the muscles in Derek's arm tense as he struggled to lift his wrist," Hang in there, I've almost found the bleed," he tried to sound reassuring," Lay still," he explored with the forceps, suddenly blood gushed from the wound and splattered onto the floor and the front of his scrubs,' Found it,' his victory was short-lived as he burned the edges of the wound closed," Watch his heart."
Derek's back arched and Mark struggled to keep him still," He didn't scream," Mark almost sounded triumphant.
"He can't scream," Owen pulled the cautery out," That'll hold until we figure out why," he turned to Derek," You did great," he patted Derek's hand as he cut the gauze from his wrist," Check his lungs, Mark."
Derek's breathing was shallow and quick," I'm surprised you didn't pass out," Owen took advantage of the aftermath and started feeling for inflammations in between Derek's ribs as Mark listened.
Derek mouthed words that wouldn't come, his vision threatened and he wasn't sure how he hadn't passed out. His side burned and he felt sick," That'll hold until we can get you into surgery," Owen started on the other side of his chest," Try and take slow deep breaths, the oxygen mask will give you enough air."
"You were right," Mark looked up at Owen," Found the inflammation," his heart sank.
"Good, let me," Owen listened to Derek's lungs through Mark's stethoscope," Dammit, okay Derek you've either got a Pnuemothorax or Atelectasis, which in case you're too scared to remember, means that there's air in your chest outside your lung and it's collapsing. You with me?" Owen's heart went out to him as he saw Derek's eyes wide and searching his face, pleading with him not to tell him his prognosis," It means I have to put in a chest tube before you run out of air," his eyes closed with defeat and a tear rolled down the side of his face.
"I got it ready," Mark pulled the tray of supplies to the head of the table," You ready, Owen?"
"Derek I'm gonna try a local, I think I have enough time," Owen was already pulling a syringe of something Derek couldn't read the label on.
"Sonuvabitch," Mark started trying to figure out how to position for the procedure.
"Sii-sssa..." Derek dared to try and speak.
"Hmmmm?" Mark looked at him and lifted the edge of the oxygen mask.
"'Siiide..." his voice was a whisper and he looked terrified.
Mark repositioned the mask and ran a hand through Derek's hair," Left," immediately he saw what little color left in Derek's face drain," Stay calm so we have time to give you locals," Mark tried being reassuring," be still."
Derek flashed back to his first experience in Seattle Grace's OR with locals, he clenched his eyes shut and the pain in his chest grew worse," You've been complaining of your chest being tight," Owen swabbed below the massive bandage that dominated his left shoulder and part of his chest," tests didn't show it, but then again I didn't check your Arterial Blood Gases when I ran your labs," he uncapped the needle with his teeth," Little stick."
Derek jumped as the needle bit his chest, he felt like he'd come back from doing wind-sprints in mid-August. He felt he was dangerously close to hyperventilating and having a full-blown panic attack. The edges of his vision blackened and he felt sick, his mind raced,' They're going to put a tube in my chest and then intubate me again,' his breath hitched and he coughed into the mask, sending shockwaves down his back,' Oh God, I'm either about to vomit or black out.'
"Shit, he's gonna pass out," Owen slapped his cheek lightly," Derek, stay with us!" he popped the plastic packaging on the scalpel in the tubing kit," Mark, can you...or do you need me to?"
"You please," Mark choked back tears of his own.
"Derek," Owen moved to Mark's side by Derek's waist," try not to move," he took scalpel in hand and nodded to Mark," Move fast, ready?"
"Go," Mark curled Derek's left arm and held his elbow up.
"Swabbing," Hunt squirted the packet of iodine on the side of Derek's chest. He felt for the intercostal space and put the blade to skin, before his emotions could make him hesitate he dragged it down about two inches. Blood seeped from the incision, and Derek writhed. Instinctively, he drew his legs towards his chest.
A decision he bitched at his reflexes for making as his right knee wreaked mind-numbing havoc throughout his body. He felt his left knee connect with something that gave a bit," Almost finished," Hunt's voice was calm and collected," worst part's over with," he unwrapped the tubing and lined it up. Derek couldn't help but struggle against the two of them as Owen tried to get a good angle," Be still and I only have to do this once, Derek," Owen wasn't sure his friend could hear him.
Pressure released from his chest immediately as he heard a sickening pop. Derek struggled to take in more oxygen as he felt his lung's maximum capacity increase," Easy, take it slow," Mark used his other hand to massage the muscles around the tubing," we're finished," he bit back tears," Owen's gonna finish draining the fluid and tape this in place," Derek felt like a fish out of water.
"Good job," Hunt taped his chest," hard part's over with, if you calm down I won't have to intubate you."
Derek tried desperately to control his breathing, there was definitely less pressure in his chest but he still shook. He tried slow, deep even breaths. They were rough and still hurt, but not as intensely now," Doing great," Mark sounded tired, Derek saw his eyes were swollen and blood shot. He was confused at first, then remembered just before he'd been rushed in here that Meredith had miscarried. Tears ran freely from his eyes and soaked into his hair," I know, try not to..." Mark wiped his eyes with an extra piece of fresh gauze," we need you stable so we can keep from intubating you."
"It's secure, I'll have to run an ABG to determine whether Atelectasis or Pneumothorax," Hunt gathered the waste and threw it away," You're one tough son of a bitch," he sat on a stool and lowered the table a bit so Derek was eye level with him.
"O-ownn..."
"Don't," Hunt shushed him," let your body adjust while I get you a shot of Demerol," he turned and grabbed a syringe of Demerol off the counter," I had it ready," he smiled," I know the last few hours have been hell...other hand, right hand, don't move your left arm," Derek put his hand on his stomach and felt a small prick on the top," Meredith is fine, she's stable and asleep. She didn't see you crash, she thought you fell asleep."
"G-good.d..."
"Didn't I just tell you to hush?" Owen smirked as he secured the IV," Addison went in and saw there was nothing she could do, she didn't want to risk Meredith so she pulled out of the surgery."
"Meredith's fine, Derek," Mark rolled up a towel and put it beneath his head.
"W-we hadn't..." his breath quickened and the monitor attached to his chest beeped.
"Take it easy," Mark took his hand," you're not outta the danger zone yet."
"...'ven named...h-her," he started to cry again.
"I'm sorry, Derek," Owen wiped his forehead with a cool cloth, he shuddered," Listen, the Pulsox I have on you says you're still not getting enough air," he rolled closer," if your oxygen saturation hasn't risen in the next ninety seconds and your lips are still blue I have to intervene," Derek shook his head," Derek, you're in shock and your heart could give under the strain if I don't do something."
"N-no..." he panted a bit and swallowed," no more t-tubes..." his eyes were still glassy and his lips now a shade of deep purple," P-please..."
"Relax and I won't need to," Hunt pressed on Derek's fingernail and checked his capillary refill," I've got you on fluids that should rehydrate you, you lost a good amount of blood," he looked at Mark and shook his head," This would have happened regardless, but when you bent over to be closer to Meredith and were crying on top of it, the stress caused your lung to finally collapse."
"F-fll weak..."
"Some of that's the Demerol," Mark repositioned his grip on Derek's elbow," I'm gonna put your arm down, let it go limp or it'll hurt," Derek nodded slightly. He winced when it straightened and tried to draw in a breath. Immediately nausea swept through him and he coughed, the taste of blood filled his mouth again and he turned to spit it out.
"His oxygen sat's dropping again," Owen shook his head as he wiped the blood from Derek's lips," I don't wanna wait too long, he's still losing blood."
"One more minute," Mark shot him a look of determination," he'll level out."
"Mark..." Owen moved the oxygen mask to the side of Derek's face," he's in shock, dehydrated, is barely breathing and his lips are purple," he spoke softly," I don't want to either but according to the leads on his chest the left lung isn't expanding at all."
"Can't we just put him out?"
"With the arrhythmias his heart's putting out on that screen? I can't sedate him like that, risk of congestive heart failure," Hunt ran a hand through his hair.
"Whurr-mm-ii?" Derek's speech slurred.
"He's becoming less lucid," Owen was getting nervous.
"How much of that blood did he swallow?"
"Unrelated if he's choking himself to get enough air with a mask on," he paused," unless you want to pump his stomach to minimize risk of him vomiting."
"If we have to ventilate him, I'd feel better if we did," Mark flipped off his emotions like a light switch," I'm sorry, Owen, you're right," he felt numb," I'll get the kits."
Author's Note: I know everyone wanted to see Meredith keep the baby, I hope you stuck with me through this. I have a reason for this and it's coming up in next few chapters. No, I haven't forgotten about Clark but a few more things need to come into play and remember Derek stabbed him so I'm giving him time to heal up for a showdown where...well that's almost too much info. :P
Too, if I recall someone told me they loved my chapter where I beat Derek to hell and back. His relapse was coming sooner or later and everyone knows it, so here it is. Derek bashing for a few chapters, I guarentee the safety or survival of none of the characters in my fics. This being said I'll hint to you that my fav chars don't die :)
Hope this explains and clears things up for you all, if not please inbox me any questions you might have. Like "Where the hell is Bailey and Webber?" or "Where's Addison and Amy?" those will be answered next chapter I promise!
For those of you who pick up on my foreshadowing, thanks for paying attention to the storyline! Working on next chapter, have 3 weeks off school so I can write again :)
