Chapter 29
Kakashi jerked awake, ripping himself from Mei's arms as he sat up in bed. He gulped in air and waited for the images to pass. Squeezing his eyes shut, he stood to pace, oblivious to Mei's call.
"Kakashi?" She asked even as he stood and walked away from her. "Kakashi!" She slipped her legs out of bed and stood, hurrying over to him. She touched his arm, wrapping her other arm around his back to hold him. "Are you alright?"
Kakashi shuddered under her touch and shook her off. "Don't," he pleaded, voice sharper than he'd intended. He turned away from her, washing his face with his hands. This movement turned into his left hand dry-washing his right arm, repeatedly, obsessively.
Mei reached out and grabbed his left arm, his right was turning red under the assault. "Kakashi please," she looked at the angry skin.
The last Hatake jerked away from her, a soft growl simmering in his throat. His gaze was sharp and cold, like the full moon against the night sky. However, when he spoke again, his voice was softer, "don't." He scratched his right arm again, passively now, more as a soothing gesture than with any actual malevolence. The more aware and awake he became, the more the images faded. An old tiredness settled into Kakashi's shoulders. Mei waited for his breathing to even out before speaking.
"Kakashi, we need to talk about this," Mei insisted, not for the first time.
"There's nothing to talk about," Kakashi replied, facing away from her.
"Maybe the first or second or third time you said that I believed you," Mei stated, "not anymore."
"Mei," Kakashi turned to her, "this isn't just going to go away if we 'talk it out'. It didn't work before and it isn't going to work now."
"I'm not saying it's going to spontaneously get better," Mei protested. "But it could help if you gave it a chance."
Kakashi shook his head. He took a few calming breaths. "We should discuss this in the morning, when we're both rested."
"And have you pretend that it didn't happen? Act like it wasn't a big deal? No, we'll discuss it now," Mei insisted. She nearly stamped her foot.
"Would you like to talk about your dreams then?" Kakashi's words were like barbs.
"You know I don't remember them," Mei retorted.
"Then what about what happens after?" Kakashi challenged.
Mei pulled up short, irritated. The first time Kakashi had caught her in a nightmare, she'd woken up dry-heaving. He'd thought she had food poisoning again but she waved him off. She knew what it was, or at least suspected. Her body was miming one of her bloodline techniques, lava probably. However, between the disturbing dream memories and the physical reaction, there were times when she did throw up. She never remembered what dreams caused them though, no matter how hard she tried. Still, it wasn't hard to guess.
As her silence continued, Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose. "What would you like me to say?"
Mei growled. "I am not a Leaf psychologist Kakashi, I am your wife."
"Then you should trust me and leave it alone," Kakashi replied. He stepped up to the window, opened it and leapt out.
Mei was about to shout something after him but three of her guards popped into the room. They probably converged on the suite when they heard raised voices. Mei's eyebrow twitched at their presence. She whirled. "Go. Away."
The unfortunate guards vanished, the question of whether or not they should follow Lord Hatake drowning in their fear. Lady Mizukage knew what she was doing. If she'd wanted them to tail her husband she would have asked. They hurried to get away from the touch of her seething chakra.
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The next morning, Orino found Kakashi sleeping up a tree in one of the training grounds. He waited patiently for the Leaf ninja to stir, wondering what had happened the night before. When the guard had seen Mei that morning, he'd been surprised by her demeanor. Orino hadn't seen her looking so harsh since the last war. He'd opened his mouth to jokingly ask if she and Kakashi had had a fight, until he realized that was exactly what had happened. A two minute conversation with last night's guard shift confirmed it.
Now the redhead approached the tree, arms crossed. "Kakashi?" There was a grunt in response as the Leaf jonin jerked awake. It must have been a long night for him, Orino thought, if Lord Hatake could be snuck up on so easily.
"What do you want Orino?"
Then again, maybe the guard hadn't been as stealthy as he'd thought. "I want to know what you're doing up there." He uncrossed his arms.
Kakashi leapt down, somehow landing with his hands in his pockets. Orino raised an eyebrow at Kakashi's attempt at looking nonchalant. The casual persona would have looked more natural if the Leaf ninja had been wearing a shirt. "Just taking a nap," Kakashi replied.
Orino noted Kakashi's attire, or rather lack thereof. The man was dressed for bed and yet outside and up a tree. He ignored the idiotic excuse and moved on. "Why aren't you at home?"
The Leaf ninja paused, frown visible without his mask. They both knew why.
"You have to apologize you know."
Kakashi's spine stiffened, "for what?"
"For whatever it is that you two argued about last night," Orino insisted.
"You don't know what the fight was about but you're insisting I apologize?" Kakashi gave him a bored expression and began walking away.
"Mei," Orino began, "is quick to anger but also quick to forget about it and move on once it's burned out. If she's still angry this morning, she was not the aggressor."
The Leaf ninja paused in his striding. "You're so certain about that?" Kakashi asked, tilting his head back and to the right to speak to the man behind him.
Orino nodded, drawing even with Kakashi and watching the man's face. The last Hatake looked at the ground, twisting his bare foot in the soil.
Kakashi finally sighed, kicking at the dirt absently. "Relationships are difficult."
Orino nodded in agreement, encouraging him to continue.
"Have you ever been in love Orino?" Kakashi asked, still watching the ground.
Orino was taken aback by the question. A small smile flitted across his face, gone as quickly as it came. "Once."
Kakashi peeked up in question.
Orino shrugged. "The war," he trailed off.
Kakashi nodded in understanding.
After a few minutes of silence, Orino repeated his earlier statement. "You need to apologize."
"I know," Kakashi replied with a sigh. He straightened his shoulders and gave Orino a two-fingered wave before vanishing in a swirl of his village's namesake.
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Kakashi arrived in the Mizukage's office surrounded by fluttering foliage. Mei ignored his grand entrance and made a mental note to scold her guards for allowing her to be disturbed. What if she'd been in a meeting?
"Mei, I'm sorry," Kakashi stated after the leaves settled.
Mei glanced up. She knew that the leaves were a minor genjutsu that Leaf ninja incorporated into their body-flicker for added showmanship. Still, she wanted to chastise her husband about something, even if it wasn't factual. "You create work for the cleaning staff every time you do that you know." She went back to her paperwork.
Kakashi's shoulders fell a little. "I apologize."
Mei set her pen down. "I heard you the first time, and I accept your apology." She looked up, "but apologies are worthless without action."
Kakashi frowned behind his mask. "What do you want me to do?"
Mei raised an eyebrow. "Kakashi, if you never talk about your problems-"
"We're talking about it now," Kakashi interjected.
Mei folded her hands on her desk. "Really? Is that so?"
Kakashi nodded with a shrug. "Technically."
"Okay, what was your dream about last night?"
"It was more like a nightmare," Kakashi corrected.
"Don't stall," Mei accused. Her voice softened, "talk to me."
"I dreamed that the Mist was on fire," Kakashi finally spat out. "It was my fault."
Mei tried to lighten the mood, "this place? Burn? It's all stone and moss. You're not that good at fire techniques."
A small smile blossomed under Kakashi's mask and that made Mei smirk.
"Go on," she encouraged.
The smile sunk back into the fabric of Kakashi's mask. His eyes watched the floor. "Someone was burning your hair off. I could smell it," he cut himself off. His nose wrinkled at the memory. "That's all that's really relevant."
Mei didn't push him. This was immense progress as it was. Kakashi rarely shared his nightmares with her. Only the dreams that were so old that they ceased to keep him up the rest of the night were presented to her. She would have shared hers but she hardly ever remembered them.
"Okay," she replied with a reassuring smile. "Thank you for telling me."
Kakashi nodded awkwardly and strode toward the door. Mei called him back. "What can I do to help you, next time?"
Kakashi gave it some thought. When he was ready, he turned to face his wife again. "Sometimes, I just need to digest it for myself. I can't answer questions right when I wake up. It will only make me lash out." He looked up to meet his wife's gaze. "Give me space? Please."
Mei nodded. "Alright."
"Alright." Mei had gone back to her work but Kakashi spoke again, "and you?"
Green eyes looked up, the expression as honest as a child's. "What about me?"
"What can I do to help you?" When Mei didn't say anything he continued. "It…alarms me to see you wake up…like that. What can I do?"
Mei's face had settled into a guarded expression. Kakashi was not offended by her evasiveness but waited it out. Finally she said, "I don't think there's anything anyone can do. But I'll think about it, I promise."
Kakashi tried one last thing. "The Yamanaka clan in the Leaf-" he cut himself off when Mei's head shot back up, her eyebrows setting off the scowl on her face.
"Kakashi, no one belongs inside of my head but me," Mei bit out.
Kakashi raised his hands in surrender. "I understand, I just thought I'd offer."
"I appreciate it," Mei replied but her tone indicated that she did not appreciate the suggestion in the least. "I'll see you this afternoon."
Kakashi shut the door quietly behind him.
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The Mizukage and her husband often tried to get some training in before they ate dinner. If Mei's schedule allowed it, they'd go running or spar, shower, eat, and then maybe work on a few techniques after the meal, finishing off the night with their customary reading. The ninjutsu work was easier on a full stomach than a workout but they didn't always have time enough for both.
As the couple walked out to the training ground after eating, Kakashi brought up an idea he'd had while drifting off to sleep the night before. "Mei, have you ever tried changing your lava style in any way? The shape or the form?" Kakashi asked. He didn't want to insult his wife but Mei didn't seem to use more than a few techniques with her bloodline styles. He wasn't even sure altering her boil style was possible so he decided to ask about lava.
Mei frowned. "I was mostly self-taught with both of my bloodline limits. I saw my parents do some things. Some I could duplicate with practice and a little ingenuity." She smiled. "As you can imagine, I haven't had much time for it. Especially since most of my life was spent hiding the fact that I could use either bloodline."
They continued to walk in silence. Kakashi wasn't going to press the issue but Mei spoke up again.
"There was one thing my mother used to do that," Mei shook her head with a smile. "I never could figure out."
"What was it?" Kakashi asked.
Mei smiled wistfully, eyes on the horizon. "My mother used to create an ash cloud with her lava style. I can only imagine how destructive it would have been on the battlefield. It would either shred the enemies' lungs or they'd choke on the volcanic fumes." Mei shrugged. "I, of course, only saw it when she'd practice."
Kakashi frowned in thought.
"I've tried everything," Mei continued, "using lava style and then having a backup add wind to separate the stream and make it flake into ash. But that just spread the lava around." She shrugged. "I can't use wind style and doing it with a partner never worked, so I gave it up."
"A classmate of mine used to do a sort of ash cloud with his fire style," Kakashi said slowly. "However, I don't think it's the same type that you're describing. His cloud was explosive black powder."
Mei blinked. "That certainly sounds interesting." She smiled, misinterpreting Kakashi's scowl. "I suppose it's some Leaf Village secret that he wouldn't be allowed to teach me."
Kakashi looked at his wife and she saw the innate sadness in his eyes.
"He isn't with us anymore," Mei correctly guessed.
"The Akatsuki." Kakashi did not explain beyond that. He pocketed his hands and they continued walking.
When they reached the training ground Kakashi broke the silence. "Your mother did it somehow. We could practice if you like," Kakashi offered. "My wind style isn't strong, not enough for battle anyway, but in practice I'm safe enough using it. Let's try it, maybe you'll come up with something of your own."
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After weeks of theorizing, testing, and changing tactics, Kakashi and Mei started to give up. Although Kakashi got much better at the few wind techniques he knew, Mei was no closer to discovering how her mother had produced the volcanic ash cloud.
Kakashi's gaze roamed over the field they'd been working in. The ground was covered in slabs of cooling lava. The black steaming mounds hissed and the cracks in the crust showed the glowing rock beneath. Kakashi watched the lava as it cooled and slowly hardened into igneous rock. Something was tugging at the corner of his mind as he watched the rock. The rock. "Mei?"
The exhausted Mizukage turned to look at her husband.
Maybe we've been thinking about this the wrong way, Kakashi thought. "Have you tried using variations of your combination?"
Mei frowned. She clarified, "as in, not an even split of fire and earth?"
Kakashi nodded.
Mei bit her lip as she thought. "A couple of times I guess. Sometimes if I use too much fire, the lava comes out freer because it's too hot."
"Try to do it on purpose," Kakashi almost stopped himself but pressed on, feeling that he was on the right track. He repeated, "try doing lava style but using more earth than fire."
Mei shook her head. "It won't work, the lava will come out too clumpy or not at all."
"Keep the stream thin," Kakashi advised, the hunch building in his mind, "as if you're doing a boil technique. And don't think about making lava, try to do what you do for your boil release but with earth."
Mei's mouth fell open and she stared at the ground in thought. She worked the problem over in her mind of how to orchestrate all of those adjustments.
"Go on," Kakashi encouraged. He realized that this would be like Mei trying to write with her left hand while standing on her head, but he knew she could manage it.
Mei silenced her husband with a wave, not looking at him. He was distracting her from her thoughts. After a moment, Mei formed the seals slowly, face scrunched up in concentration. She arched her back, opened her mouth, and released the technique. Nothing happened. Mei coughed, a grimace on her face. She looked as if she'd tried to swallow a whole lemon that was now clogging her throat.
"Try again," Kakashi encouraged but Mei was already forming the seals once more, eyebrows furrowed.
The Mizukage arched her back as she gathered her chakra and released it. What spewed forth were several black projectiles. The rocks shot in every direction, peppering the ground in front of Mei. She cut the flow and could only stare at first, but then she and Kakashi rushed forward at the same moment. Kakashi reached down to grab one of the rocks but pulled his fingers back at the last second, thinking better of it.
"You didn't burn yourself did you?" Mei asked as she picked up a rock the size of her thumbnail. The heat from the stone had blackened the grass around its resting place.
Kakashi shook his head in answer. "What is it?"
Mei brought her pebble over to him, holding it carefully in her hand like a treasure. "It's tephra," Mei said, voice becoming excited. She quickly elaborated. "Tephra is the word used to describe anything solid that comes out of a volcanic eruption."
"Anything solid?" Kakashi asked, "anything including ash?"
Mei nodded, smiling down at the little rock. "Ash is a very tiny version of this," she stared at the light, porous rock. When Mei looked up there were tears in her eyes. She threw her arms around Kakashi and he held her, a smile under his mask. She pulled away suddenly and dropped the rock. "I can do this, but I'm not there yet."
Mei began forming the hand signs again with hardened resolve and Kakashi had to jump to get out of her range. The Mizukage had nearly the same result as before but her green eyes were set. Again and again she tried but the pieces didn't seem to be getting any smaller.
Mei stared out over the field that was dotted with black rocks in addition to the strips of cooling lava. "One more time," Mei panted, fingers flipping through the signs.
As Kakashi watched Mei struggle, he couldn't resist thinking of the Shadow Clone jutsu. It would help Mei's training the same way it had helped Naruto's. Even if she just used one… Kakashi shook the thought away. This was his wife, yes, but the technique was still forbidden even in the Leaf. He could not, would not, teach it to a Mist ninja, wife or not.
So the Leaf ninja stood and watched until he was afraid his wife would faint from the exertion. "Mei, I think that's enough for today," he said gently.
Mei's sweating face turned to look at him. She blinked at Kakashi several times before conceding, nodding her head. The pair walked back to the tower together to shower and have dinner. Mei wasn't awake long enough to read after the meal.
Every day included more of the same as fall stretched into winter. Their sparring time as well as their technique practice time were now occupied with Mei learning to emit tephra as easily as her lava stream. It was almost like a stone bullet technique but that wasn't what the Mizukage was aiming for. She told Kakashi that he didn't need to be there but he wanted to be, if nothing else to make sure she didn't push herself too far.
As the particles got smaller and smaller, Kakashi was sure to compliment his frustrated wife. Things could never go fast enough for her and eventually Kakashi stepped in.
Plucking a blade of grass from the field, Kakashi stepped over to Mei and, without ceremony, pressed the grass blade against his wife's forehead with a single finger. "Hold that there," Kakashi instructed, "with your chakra."
"What?" Mei asked, distracted. She was already forming more seals but Kakashi stopped her. His other hand closed over both of hers.
"Take a break," he advised. "Hold this blade of grass against your forehead using only your chakra."
Mei raised an eyebrow, annoyed. "What would be the point of that?"
"Think small," Kakashi said, "and concentrate. The ash you want to create is even smaller than the tip of this blade of grass. That kind of control is beyond even what you're used to holding over your chakra." Kakashi sat down cross legged on the grass and Mei copied him, suddenly happy to sit. The fatigue from the last few weeks had started to impact her daily stamina.
They sat there together, enjoying the sounds and smells of the training field. Mei had her eyes closed, focusing entirely on her forehead. Kakashi had also closed his eyes, letting his mind drift as he took calming breaths. He could smell Mei's scent on the breeze and it made him feel at peace. It comforted him, that familiar aroma.
After an hour, Mei opened her eyes and smiled sadly. "I'm going to turn in early."
Kakashi nodded and stood up to join her as she walked back to the tower. "You're going to do it you know," Kakashi encouraged.
Mei smiled, "I know."
They walked back together in the gathering darkness of the autumn evening. Mei was struck by how lucky they were to have each other. They were both strong as individuals but together, they were making each other better.
Ever since she'd become Mizukage, nobody pushed her the way Kakashi did. Ao used to try but he had always been pushing Mei in the opposite direction of where she wanted to go. Ao had helped Mei improve by being a force to work against. Kakashi helped her by giving her a focus. He directed her efforts so as to waste as little energy as possible. Mei supposed that was just Kakashi's way. Whether that was from training or his natural inclination, Mei supposed she'd never know for sure.
Mei desperately wanted to hold Kakashi's hand or walk more closely with him, to show him how much she appreciated his company. Her tired brain knew that it was a bad idea. They were out in the open, anyone could see them. Still, it didn't keep her from wishing. Her fingers twitched next to his in the dying light of the day.
