"So, I have a question for you."
Puck was busy cleaning up empty beer cans and cups from the floor of his and Finn's apartment. The apartment was still pretty messy when he arrived back from Rachel's dorm Sunday morning. He'd found Quinn on the couch asleep, her make up from the previous night streaked across her face. Instead of asking why she was sleeping there or what had happened, he just drove her back to her dorm, the two siblings not even exchanging a word. He'd get the story from Finn once he got back home.
Puck looked up at Finn's voice and nodded his head. "Go right ahead and ask. I'm all ears."
"What do you think of that Joe character Quinn's been hanging around lately. You know, the surfer we met at Rachel's beach celebration."
Puck rolled his eyes. "I know who Joe is, Finn. No need to describe the dude to me. What do you mean what do I think of him?"
"For your sister. Do you like him?"
Puck shrugged his shoulders. If he was being honest with himself, he hadn't really thought about him. He'd been too preoccupied with winning Rachel over that he'd hardly thought of his sister. He hadn't asked about her classes or met any of her friends. And he certainly hadn't thought of any guy she was seeing. What he had thought of were all the guys who stared at Rachel's ass as she walked around campus, that she was enjoying school, and that she was extremely happy with her current boyfriend.
God, he was horrible. He put his new girlfriend above his own sister. He was definitely going to Jewish Hell when he died.
"I don't know. He seems nice enough. I barely know the guy, Finn. I can't really pass judgment on him. But he seems good for her. Not as whorish as you and I are, and she's happy. I always see her smiling when he's around. That's what a brother should want for his sister, right? For her to be happy?" he asked.
"I guess," Finn said reluctantly. "But you also need to think of what's best for her. I mean, is this dreadlocked surfer the best match for your innocent, virgin sister? I mean, a guy like that has to have banged a few chicks in his day. Aren't you worried he's going to push your sister into doing something she's not ready for?"
Puck rubbed his forehead. "Why are we talking about who my sister is dating? She's an adult, Finn. She can make her own decisions about what guys she wants in her life. It's not like I can control that, and even if I tried she'd tell me to fuck myself and keep doing what she wanted to."
"Hey, I'm just trying to protect her. She's so innocent and trusting. She wants to believe the best in people, which means people are easily going to take advantage of her."
"What do you want me to say about that, Finn? She'll make mistakes and learn. I can't be her babysitter. She's eighteen. She's got to experience life sometime."
"Bullshit. You don't let Rachel live her own life and make mistakes. You make damn sure any other male who comes in contact with her keeps his distance or you'll rip his throat out. You're more protective of your girlfriend than you are your own sister."
"So what? I don't have to justify myself to you. Quinn is my sister, not yours."
"Yeah, well I'm the one who's always acted as her brother. Who was the one who drove her home from cheerleading practice every day while you were hooking up with whatever girl you were banging at the time behind the bleachers? Who made sure Quinn didn't find out that you were sleeping with her cheer captain her sophomore year? Who was always there for her while you were being a wayward brother and fucking every girl you saw?"
"Look, I know I've been a shitty brother. I'll freely admit that. You were always better at taking care of Quinn and making sure no one was ever giving her a hard time. I guess I always kind of slacked in my big brother duties because I knew you were there to look after her for me. But that doesn't mean I don't care about her. She's my fucking sister, Finn. I love her more than life itself, but I also know when to back off and let her live her own damn life. She likes this Joe guy, and I'm not going to get in the way. Besides, from everything Rachel's said about him, he seems like a gentleman. You know, the kind of guy a brother would want for his sister. He's not like you and me," he laughed.
"Would Quinn being with someone like us be so bad?" Finn asked quietly, tossing an empty bag of chips into the trash.
"Are you kidding me? It'd be the worst. I mean, think about it. He'd be trying to get into her pants constantly be pursuing other chicks. Quinn deserves someone better than that."
"What about you and Rachel? You're not pressuring her or looking at other girls. You haven't since you met her."
"Yeah, well that's because I'm head over heels for her. And Rachel deserves better than me, but she loves me and my slutty ass for some reason. I'm not going to question it. I'm going to enjoy it and hope she never realizes how much better she can do."
"But what if a guy with our kind of track record felt that way about Quinn? Would you still be against him being with her?"
Puck sighed. "Look Finn, Quinn's my baby sister. I want what's best for her, and a guy like me or you is not what she needs. She needs someone less slutty who's going to move slow and treat her like the treasure she is. Guys like us don't just change unless it's true love. I know I sound like a hypocrite since I'm a changed man with Rachel, but she's different. She's the girl I'm going to marry some day and I'd do anything to keep her. Most guys like us would never say that about a girl, which is why they'll never get near my sister as long as I can help it."
xxx
After a greasy and fatty meal, Quinn and Rachel took their bellies full of hamburgers and walked back to their dorm, hoping to burn off some of what they had just eaten. The two girls had linked arms and were leaning into each other as they strolled down the sidewalk, smiles on their faces.
"You know, I really need to do something about Finn. Maybe I should take your approach and not talk to him like you did with my brother. That worked out for you guys in the end. I mean, you two are so sweet it hurts my teeth."
"Yes, well your brother was already in love with me by that point. He'd have done anything to get back in my good graces. Finn is so clueless he doesn't realize he loves you, so it may not end up working out for you in the end," Rachel pointed out as they approached their building, Rachel extracting her card to open the front door.
"Alright, maybe not that, then. But what am I supposed to do about him, Rach? I fucking kissed him and all he could do was spout some bullshit about how I'm like a sister and this is wrong and blah blah blah. Other guys find me extremely desirable, so why can't the one boy I've wanted my whole life feel that way about me?" she ranted as the door opened before Rachel had a chance to swipe her card.
Both girls looked up and watched Kurt walk out of the building, Blaine following behind him. Blaine glanced at Rachel momentarily, giving her a quick, friendly smile and a quick nod to Quinn. Rachel caught Kurt's eyes and gave him a smile, just glad to see him.
She hadn't been prepared for his reaction.
The iciness she saw in his eyes made her physically take a step back. Her chest hurt as the icy stare turned into a glare. His mouth stayed in a straight line and none of the laughs or smiles they'd shared over the years seemed to exist on his face at the moment. Instead all that was there was pure hatred for the girl who Kurt had once regarded as his best friend.
Quinn came up next to Rachel and put a hand on her shoulder, holding her steady. The two watched Kurt and Blaine walk by, Kurt continuing the conversation as though he hadn't just run into Rachel. Blaine looked back at them once they had passed, giving the two girls an apologetic look before turning his attention back to Kurt, his hand on the boy's shoulder as they headed towards the dining hall.
Rachel sighed once they were out of sight, sinking onto the bench outside the front door to the dorm building. "He hates me," she said. "My best friend actually hates me. I didn't think it was possible for Kurt to hate anyone, yet he hates me. He's never going to forgive me for this."
Quinn took a seat next to her roommate, taking Rachel's hand in hers. "Don't say that. He will. You just need to give him time. He'll realize how miserable he is without you and you'll be boo and diva again like nothing happened," she promised, hoping it was true. Quinn had seen Kurt's look and it scared her. The way he stared at Rachel...well Rachel was just lucky looks couldn't kill.
Rachel buried her face in her hands and started crying softly, Quinn rubbing her back in a comforting manner as she stayed silent, letting Rachel get everything out. She'd sit here for hours if she had to. She'd do anything to make Rachel happy again. She hated seeing her roommate like this, especially over a friend. She understood why Kurt was mad, but she thought he was handling it badly. He and Rachel had been friends their whole lives according to Rachel. How could he just throw that away over something stupid like a secret from when they were teenagers?
Quinn guessed there was a lot to Rachel and Kurt's relationship she didn't-and never would-understand.
Quinn looked up as she thought she heard someone call her name. Sure enough, Joe was strolling over to the building, ocean water clinging to his dreads. His skin was still damp from an early-morning surf session with his friends. She doubted he had even showered yet because he knew she liked him when he still smelled like the beach. He'd changed out of his swim trunks and into a pair of grey shorts with a light blue tee shirt. He had a pair of brown flip flops on his feet and his dreads were pulled back with a white bandanna wrapped around them.
He looked hot like always. Quinn couldn't believe her luck that someone like him was into her. She'd never understand why, but she wasn't going to question it now. She gave Joe a sad smile before jerking her head in the direction of the crying Rachel.
The look Joe gave her was the reason he was perfect. Instead of looking annoyed like someone like Finn might if he found the girl he was spending time with comforting her roommate. Joe gave Quinn a sympathetic frown before walking right over to her and sitting on the other side of Rachel, putting an arm around the girl's shoulders. "Rach, Joe's here," Quinn said softly.
Rachel looked up to find Joe on one side and Quinn on the other, both of them giving her a united blanket of comfort, shielding her mess of a face from everyone walking by. Rachel sniffled a little before pulling her head up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Luckily, the only make up on her face was what was left from the night before so she didn't look too racoonish.
Quinn went to work cleaning up Rachel's face while she gave Joe a quick run-down of what had happened that day to set Rachel in her downward spiral.
"Ah, so the bestie is still fuming from secrets that were discovered at your boyfriend's awesome party last night, huh?" he asked, patting Rachel's back gently.
Rachel nodded her head sadly. "Yeah. He's taking this a lot harder than I thought he would. I'm fine now," she promised, looking over at Quinn. She stood up, adjusting her skirt slightly. "You guys can go up to the room for awhile if you'd like. It's the best I can do after your brother banned you last night."
Quinn arched her eyebrows at Rachel. "And what exactly do you plan on doing, my dear? I'm not letting you wander around campus looking depressed and less than flawless."
Rachel smiled a small genuine smile. "Gla to know you're taking my appearance into consideration. I was just going to head over to the music lab for a bit. Maybe play something on the piano or practice some of my songs for the show, even if I probably sound like shit at the moment." She leaned forward and gave Quinn a tight hug. "Have fun, doll. Text me when you and Joe are leaving. I don't want to interrupt anything," she whispered into Quinn's ear before smiling and walking away, her bag slung over her shoulder.
Rachel didn't like this feeling of having her whole life falling apart around her. She liked to be in control of her life. She liked knowing she had some semblance of control about what was going on around her, but with Kurt acting this way and Jesse back in her life, thngs were so unpredictable. She wanted to curl into a ball and cry, but she also knew some of the greatest pieces of music were born from sadness.
She headed over to the school of music and extracted her ID, swiping it on the door of the music lab. The light turned green and the door unlocked. Rachel found the room devoid of any other person. She flipped on the lights, looking around at all the empty grand pianos. She smiled, feeling right at home. In Ohio, her dads had constructed a very similar room for her. Of course, there was only one piano there, but it fit the same purpose. It was a place Rachel could go to when she was sad and just sing or play or do whatever she wanted.
It was the one place she could go to get complete and total peace. She'd spent most of her days there following her break up with Jesse and almost her whole summer there after they lost regionals to Vocal Adrenaline.
Right now she was missing her room. The room at home had pictures of Rachel at various recitals throughout the years. It had all her awards from competitions lining the shelves on the walls, as well as some of Rachel's favorite pieces of music framed. This place was much more bare, but she still felt the instant calm when she walked in.
She took a seat at her favorite piano, letting her fingers run across the smooth ivory the keys were made of. She looked down for a moment before closing her eyes. Her fingers danced across the keys, playing the melody from memory. Rachel found herself lost in the music, oblivious to everything else around her. She was just thankful she was alone and not having to listen to other people. She was too worn down to have to pay attention to conversations, which was part of the reason she had left Quinn and Joe alone. She knew they meant well, but she couldn't take listening to their pity for any length of time without snapping and saying something she regretted. She couldn't even be around Puck right now. She had sent him a text after she and Quinn had left In-N-Out saying she loved him, but that was the extent of their communication today.
Rachel pulled her hands back as she finished the song, prepared to go into another one. "Moonlight Sonata? Interesting choice." Rachel faltered for a moment, looking back at the door. Wes Anderson, her co-lead in the musical, was standing there leaning against the door frame. She was curious about how long he'd been watching her, feeling both slightly violated that he'd observed her in her most vulnerable state but also impressed he knew classical music.
"You know Beethovan?" she asked, scooting over on the piano bench slightly to make room for him.
Wes walked over, taking a seat beside Rachel, his long fingers playing a quick, lively melody on the keys. "Rachel, I'm a music major. Of course I know Beethovan. I wouldn't be graduating in the spring if I didn't," he laughed. "What are you doing here on a Sunday? I thought you'd be recuperating from your boyfriend's party last night. Sorry I missed it-my sister was in town so I spent the night with her."
"No apology necessary. It was Noah's party, not mine," she said with a smile, her fingers walking across the keys absentmindedly. "I just needed to be alone, you know? I love my roommate and everyone, but sometimes I just need to get lost in the music. Playing the piano seems to be the best way for me to escape life for a bit. It's where I spent my summer after my highschool break up and after I lost regionals."
"Ah, so you play when you're sad," Wes stated with a nod. "What makes the lovely Belle so sad today? I thought you'd be happy after attending a giant college party."
"Friendship drama, what else?" she asked with a small laugh. Rachel didn't know Wes that well, but she found him extremely easy to talk to. She started telling him everything that had happened with Kurt, admitting to her relationship with Jesse at the same time. She just knew he wasn't one to judge. And she was right. Wes listened, never once interrupting her or giving her a judgmental look.
Once Rachel had finished, Wes started playing, speaking as he did so. "Wow, and I thought my life was complicated. I wish I had advice for you, but I've never had anything close to that happen to me. My guess would be to wait it out. Let him stew over it for a few days before he realizes how boneheaded it is to throw a great friendship away over something like that."
"I don't know what to do with my parents, though. They're going to know something's up when I show up to dinner without Kurt, and I don't want them to think anything's wrong. They were so worried about me going to school so far away. The only reason they relented was because Kurt would be here with me."
"Then show them you're still fine without him. If he won't come bring your roommate. Or just go by yourself and on't let them see you being sad or moping. Show them you're very okay here, even if you and Kurt are on the outs. And if they ask about him, be honest. The worst thing you can do is lie to your parents. I mean, they raised you. They know when you're bullshitting them."
Rachel laughed softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, Mister Wes Anderson. You've somehow made me laugh and smile when even my roommate couldn't. Now why don't we use this time for something useful like rehearsing. That way, we can show Jesse how great we are so he doesn't put us through the ringer again," she smiled. Wes nodded his head and placed his hands on the keys, starting to play while Rachel began to sing, the two of them losing themselves in the music, the one peaceful place Rachel had left in her life.
xxx
Rachel shot Quinn a text letting her know she was heading back to their dorm before leaving the music school, walking alongside Wes as they headed out the front doors. He offered to drive her back, but it wasn't a far walk. Plus, he felt bad making him go out of his way to drive her less than a mile. She thanked him, however, and promised to see him the next day at rehersal.
She shouldered her bag and went the opposite way as Wes as he headed to his car in the parking lot while she headed along the path that went to the freshman dorms. She'd gotten a few texts from Noah reaffirming his love for her and reminding her he'd be out of town until Wednesday for an away game.
She realized she should probably be a little worried, but she wasn't. She trusted Puck more than anyone else. She knew he'd never do anything to hurt her, especially something as callous as hooking up with another girl while out of town.
She hadn't heard back from Quinn, but it had been three hours. She knew Quinn wasn't sleeping with Joe (or at least she was hoping so), so the most she'd walk in on was some under the shirt action, but she figured if she and Joe were still in there she would have texted Rachel back and warned her to stay away.
As Rachel rounded the corner around the lake on campus, she saw a familiar tuft of curly hair. She sighed as she approached Jesse who seemed to be waiting for her, like he knew she'd be walking this way. "Jesse," she said, curtly yet still civily. "Come here to ruin my life further?" She didn't bother stopping, contining on her way.
Jesse started walking beside her, his hands shoved in his pockets. He seemed nervous for some reason and Rachel got the horrible feeling he was going to do something reckless like attempt to kiss her.
"I came to apologize," he said after the two had been walking side by side for about a minute. "For last night. I was out of line and I was an asshole. I know that doesn't excuse what I did or fix things with you and Kurt, but I still felt like I needed to say it."
Rachel let out another sigh, something she tended to do a lot of around Jesse. "Honestly, just saying you're sorry doesn't mean I'm about to forgive you for what you did. You con my boyfriend into inviting you to his party and then torpedo my life in a matter of seconds. Kurt won't even look at me, Jesse. He hates me, and it's all your fault."
"I know it is," Jesse said quietly. "I know what I did is unforgivable, just like what I did to you in high school is unforgivable. I'm a tool and an asshole when you're concerned. I guess I just have these feelings for you, but I don't want to have them so I act this way."
"Jesse, you don't love me. We both know you don't. You're attracted to me, but you don't love me. You act this way to me because you're a complete asshole and act like that to everyone around you, so don't go spouting some bullshit excuse about how you're in love with me which is why you do the shit you do. At least be honest with me."
"Alright, fine," he snapped. "I'm a dick to you because I can be. Satisfied?"
"Maybe. What are you even doing here? Are you stalking me or something?"
"No, but I heard you talking with Anderson over by the music school, so I waited over here until you were done so I could talk to you alone."
"Great. You got me alone. Now say your peace and get lost. I don't have the energy to put up with you right now."
"What crawled up your ass and died?" he muttered, shaking his head. "Sorry," he said a moment later. "I just...I don't know how to say this."
"How about you just say it so I can get back? I'm tired and would really like to shower before heading to dinner with the roommate."
Jesse raked a hand through his hair, an action she'd become accustomed with while the two had dated. He always did it when he was nervous. She had no idea why he'd be nervous right now, and her previous fears of him kissing her returned.
"Jess? You don't have to be nervous," she said softly, reaching up and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Just go on and say whatever it is, no matter how awful it is. You're kind of freaking me out right now."
"Alright," he sighed. "Remember when we were together and you said your biggest dream was to meet your birth mother?"
"Yeah," Rachel said, shrugging her shoulders. "And remember when we found out my dads had those records destroyed so no one could ever find out who she was, me included? It was some woman they paid to carry their kid and that's that. I gave up on that dream a long time ago," she lied.
"You don't have to give up on it. I found her. I found your mom, Rachel, and she lives in Los Angeles."
