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Later that night, I found myself writing Darla another letter. I knew this would become a habit or even a way to escape, if only for a moment, while pouring out my feelings and emotions without burdening those around me.
The last thing that any of the men would need from me is to hear my sobs and complaints. Those would be for Darla, so that she could possibly bring me back to the present by any means necessary.
I had found a small semi-hidden spot on a hilltop overlooking Brecourt Manor. I could see fires in the distance. They were stunning yet terrifying to see. I stopped writing my letter to watch them as they lit up the midnight sky.
I suddenly tore my gaze from the blaze to scan the area around me and looked upon each man who was near me. I came to realize at that moment that even if I felt alone, I had people surrounding me feeling the same way as me.
It was a bittersweet comfort to know that I was never truly alone. My eyes fell upon Winters. I watched as he gazed upon the fires. He never saw me, but I could spot his regrets and remorse from whatever happened at Brecourt Manor.
After he turned and headed back into town, I turned back to the blaze, then I looked up. I could see Polaris, the North star that Webster had shown me. I smiled as I remembered him, but suddenly felt the tears running down my cheeks. I prayed that wherever he was at this moment, he was safe. I hoped he was alive and that we'd be reunited because I missed him dearly.
I barely slept that night. I couldn't relax enough to allow myself a moment's rest. Each time my eyes started to close, a noise or voice would awaken me. Feeling frustrated at the lack of sleep, I just stood up and began to walk about the camp.
There were a quite a few sentries guarding the camp, so I didn't feel nervous as I made my rounds.
As I roamed the grounds aimlessly, I heard a voice speak to me from behind. "Nurse Banks? What are you doing up at this hour?"
I jumped, slightly startled. I turned around to confront my sudden visitor. The silhouette was familiar to me. "I-I couldn't sleep, sir."
Stepping into the moonlight, Speirs eyed me. "Why is that, Nurse Banks?"
I bit the inside of my lip, trying to hide my nervousness from him. "I don't know."
"Yet you felt that you were safe enough to roam the camp at this hour? Do you realize that one of the sentries could shoot you should they think you're the enemy?" He stepped towards me as he spoke, causing a little fear in me.
I stammered, "I-I d-didn't think-"
"That's right. You didn't think," he cut me off.
I furrowed my brow at him, suddenly angry with him. "What is wrong with me taking a walk about the camp? I'm not leaving it nor am I going so far to the edge of our camp to be mistaken as the enemy!"
He raised an eyebrow at my sudden voice. Suddenly, a small smirk graced his lips before he killed it. "Get back to bed, Nurse Banks. We move out in the morning."
Since he was in no hurry to walk away from me, I asked, "Why do you do that?"
He held my gaze. "Do what, Nurse Banks?"
"Bully me," I replied softly.
He glanced over his left shoulder before returning his gaze to me. "I do not bully you."
"Yes, you do. You do every time we're alone together...at least...most of the time..." I was confused by his behavior. Each time I thought I had him figured out, he did something else to confuse and surprise me.
He sighed. "I treat you the way that I treat everyone-"
I cut him off, "No, you don't and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop saying that when we both know that it's not true."
He chuckled before replying, "I'm amazed that you've suddenly found a little backbone, Nurse Banks. I wonder where you found it."
I gritted my teeth before muttering, "Your constant teasing and bullying probably caused it."
Smiling, he nodded. "I'll escort you back to your bunk."
I sighed heavily, realizing that I had, once again, lost this battle with him. I walked beside him towards the makeshift med station.
When we reached the edge of the med station, he whispered, "Just when I thought I had you figured out, Nurse Banks."
I glanced up at him. "Excuse me?"
He towered over me. "You're not the meek mouse that I thought you were."
Just before he was about to leave, I suddenly asked, "Lieutenant Speirs?"
He stopped. Looking at me, he waited for me to continue.
"How did you find out about what happened between me and Sergeant Jefferson?" I asked quietly.
Speirs looked at me, a small glimmer of sadness or remorse in his eyes. He nodded slightly as he said, "Good night, Nurse Banks."
I stood there and watched as he walked away from me without answering my question. I sighed heavily, shaking my head at that man.
Maybe Darla was right. Perhaps he didn't have a heart that could love.
