A/N: Okay, guys – I decided to make this a two-chapter update because I haven't been posting in so long. I'd like to give credit where it's due: I just bought the Indigo Girls' latest CD, Poseidon and the Bitter Bug. Naturally, it was absolutely amazing (and I got the deluxe edition that featured a second disc made up of entirely acoustic sessions – c'est grande!), and it fueled quite a bit of this chapter.

Note on the Story: We're entering the home stretch, people, in case you hadn't figured that out. I can tentatively (yet still!) state that we've got five more chapters after this one, plus an epilogue, and then that's it for this story. I've learned to not make any promises about the regularity of updates, but hopefully it won't take me too much longer.

Special thanks to all of you who stuck with me for this long, and I hope the end is worth the wait. With that out of the way, let's get down to:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Winter Song

Chapter 28: Ghost of the Gang

Tonight I'm gonna take that ride

For the years we missed and the friends that died

Side-swiped baby on the road, somehow

With a pack of dreams that just weren't allowed

Maybe you're walking down some hall all quiet and sad

Or sittin' in the dark all scared and mad

Feel my hand reach across and don't forget where we come from, baby

'Cuz there's truth in it

Yeah, we huddled against the cold in those days

By the light of a fire in a prep rally haze

With a smokin' lounge pass and a reason for livin'

No matter how hard it got, we wouldn't give in

My friends, it's been years

Since I've seen anyone or cried these tears

Now I'm sittin' here in the dark

Stallin' out in my car

Wishin' I could bum a ride from the ghost of the gang tonight

"Ghost of the Gang" by Indigo Girls (Poseidon and the Bitter Bug)

The Sunnydale Bus Station had once been a horrible place; it smelled like piss and the few homeless denizens of Sunnydale had flocked there at night, leaving their body odor behind. However, the Church had led a clean-up program through the older parts of town. The Bus Station had gotten a makeover, and now it shone. It wasn't much, but it was as good a place to start as any. Xander tucked his cross securely inside his shirt and walked in.

"Good morning," said the receptionist up at the counter. She was the only person in there, other than a bored-looking security guard. Xander didn't recognize her, which was likely a miracle in Sunnydale, and he smiled as he headed up.

"Morning," he said brightly. "I need a bus ticket."

"Where to?"

"Phoenix, Arizona," he answered.

"We've got a bus making a trip through Arizona that leaves before noon today. It'll make a stop in Phoenix, but I think it's heading for Tucson," she said absently, checking her computer.

"How much?" he asked, digging through his bag for his wallet.

"To make the extra stop, it'll be $120 for the ticket," she said, printing out his receipt. He nodded and forked it over, signing it when she gave it to him. She didn't seem flustered that he paid with cash, and she didn't ask for ID. Although he was grateful he didn't have to think of a lie, he wondered if she should have her job if security was this lax. Then again, this is Sunnydale – what exactly is she supposed to be on guard for?

"Thanks," he said as he gave her the papers.

"Enjoy your trip, and have a nice day," she said with another absent smile as she went back to perusing a fashion magazine under her desk. The way her eyes were drooping, he hoped she either had some coffee or her shift ended soon. He headed for the section of the station she'd indicated, where Sunnydale's two buses waited – one bound for the north or the south, the other headed east.

Phoenix, Arizona – somewhere Xander had always wanted to visit. The Valley of the Sun, one of the hottest places on earth. He could go to the desert, where Angel had shown him it was pure and hot and unchanging. In a town named after the mythical bird reborn from the ashes again and again, Xander prayed that he could find hope and new beginnings.

The sun rose slowly over Sunnydale that morning, and Xander stared around with an odd sense of nostalgia as the lazy summer air shifted in the quiet breeze. In the distance he could see the playground where he and Willow had played doctor, so long ago. And beyond that there was the school, where he'd met Buffy, and where he'd met Spike, and beyond that was the Bronze, where he'd met Angel and where he'd been free for those short, short summer nights that had been his.

This was home, as hateful and stifling as it could be. It was where he'd been born and where he'd once thought he would die, where he'd lived and prayed and dreamed and laughed and all the myriad reflections of the sun's light that made up a human's life. It was strange to consider how much force of memory had built up in so short a time – seventeen years, a blink in the eyes of God. Life is so short, he thought as he sat down.

When the shadow fell across him, he blinked. It took him a moment to see that it was a human being. He looked up and there, of all people, was Cordelia Chase, smiling down at him with her eyebrows quirked. Xander was thoroughly convinced that no one's face was as expressive as Cordy's – she managed to work whole sentences into one look. This one read 'I was worried and I'm glad that I found you.'

"Hey, Cordy," he said calmly.

"I've been trying to find you for a while – well, we all have," she said as she sat down on the bench. "I guess I didn't want to look here for a while, because none of us wanted to know that you really were just going to leave without saying goodbye, you insensitive ass."

"Okay, I suppose I could have said something," Xander said, blushing.

"Oh, don't start with the guilt," she said, waving her hands around. "I have enough of that going around. You should see Willow and Buffy – 'Oh, god, I'm such a bad friend!' 'Why didn't I know?' It's so melodramatic around school today you'd think someone shook up a can of soap opera and sprayed them in the face," Cordelia said scornfully.

"Ah, but you seem to have escaped it," Xander noted.

"Well, I've been too tired to really get caught up in it," she explained. "I knew that this was coming sooner or later. I've been working." She shuddered eloquently.

"Oh, poor you," Xander said, smirking.

"Shut up," she said with a grin. "You have no idea how humiliating it is for a Chase to have to wear a name tag! And the green they're putting me in! The reason I applied to a boutique in the first place was because I figured I'd at least be surrounded by fashion in my misery! Now I just have to convince the manager that neon is not this season's new pink, and I'll be fine."

"I have complete faith in your ability to take control at work," Xander assured her, squeezing her hand.

"Hostile takeover – you never see it coming when she's smiling at you," Cordelia answered, squeezing back. "So, where are you going?"

"If I told you that, it wouldn't be an adventure," Xander answered.

"Fine, be that way," she said with an elegant roll of her eyes. "I have to go call the others and get this drama show on the road. Promise you'll still be here when I get back?"

"My bus doesn't leave till noon," he said, glancing at the clock. They still had about an hour, and the station was slowly starting to fill with people – about ten or so were now waiting with him. Cordelia nodded and hurried into the station to find a phone, and Xander stared out at the morning sun. Okay, so it had been somewhat cowardly to want to avoid this conversation, but also…well, it was going to hurt no matter what way he sliced it. So instead of dreading the confrontation he didn't think about it for the next fifteen minutes, until Cordelia (looking extremely exasperated) reappeared with Buffy, Willow, Tara, and Spike in tow.

I've seen like a bird what pleasures the surface can bring

I've lost my best craft going foolishly back to where the sirens sing

I stared up at the place where the water meets the sky

And thought I'd stopped breathing, I still believed I should try

Maybe a boat in search of lost treasures would pass by

"Jerk!" Buffy yelled, and punched him hard in the arm.

"That's going to bruise!" Xander protested, rubbing the sore spot.

"Good," she said venomously.

"Buffy," Spike said with a chuckle. "You're hot when you're fiery, love." Everyone turned to stare at him. "Alright, it was lame! I'd like to see you lot do better." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Xander…are you really leaving?" Willow asked tearfully.

"Yeah, Wills," Xander said gently. She gave him a watery smile.

"I kinda figured. I just wish you would have said something!"

"Yeah! You had all of us worried! We were looking for you everywhere!" Buffy seemed bent on continuing in her self-righteous anger.

"I wasn't worried," Spike said. "I told them you'd be at Angel's if you weren't at your parents." Xander blushed. "See?" Spike said triumphantly. Buffy shot him a death glare.

"You spent the night at Angel's?" Tara asked, interested.

"Well, not when you make it sound all dirty like that," Xander protested. "Nothing happened! Really!"

"I believe him," Cordelia said. "I'd know if he wasn't innocent anymore."

"How d'you figure?" Willow asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Shut up," Cordelia suggested, studying her manicure.

They all shared a smile, and Xander felt a pang go through his heart at the comfort of all this. They were best friends – they'd shared everything together, from hopes to crushes to dreams to fears. It was almost unthinkable that he'd be giving all of this up…and yet. And yet what he'd said to Angel was true; he couldn't let his friends or Angel tie him to this place any longer. He had too much life in him to live it out here, in Sunnydale.

"Well, come here," Buffy said, pulling him into a hug. The other transitory people at the bus stop smiled as the group fell into a sort of cuddle puddle, with Xander crushed in the middle. When they broke up they all discreetly wiped their eyes and pretended not to notice the others doing the same thing: the Gang, united for perhaps the last time in this one perfect SoCal moment.

'Cause the fleet of hope is so pretty when she's shining in the port

And the harbor clings to the jetty for protection and support

Out in the choppier waters the sharks swim and play

You're all washed up when Poseidon has his day

"Sorry for the lameness, but when Cordelia called we had to scramble," Spike said, and he held out a book for Xander.

"A Star Trek Watcher's Guide!" Xander exclaimed, clutching it to his chest. "How did you find this one?"

"Well, I was savin' it for your birthday, but I figured it'd make good reading material for your trip," Spike said, shuffling his feet.

"Thank you!" Xander whooped.

"Well, we got you this," Willow said, and she and Tara handed him a $50 gift card to McDonald's. "So you can have plenty of fatty burger goodness when you land."

"And I smuggled this out of Syder's office," Buffy said triumphantly. She pulled out a purloined copy of Sunnydale High's 1999 yearbook, which they hadn't gotten yet.

"Buffy!" Xander shook his head, but he took the book. He grinned down at his new belongings. "Thanks, guys."

"Well, that's not all," Cordelia said impatiently. "Like I'd be the only one without a present! I, unlike you, have class," she sniffed.

"Ah, go—" Buffy started, but Spike gently clasped a hand over her mouth and she subsided without much fuss. Cordelia reached into her purse and held out…a check, for $500 dollars.

"Guys," Xander said, stunned. "I can't take this!"

"Oh, relax," Cordelia said. "We all pitched in, so none of us are too short for it right now. Besides, there's all kinds of stuff you're going to need, and this'll help you."

"But you only get it if you swear on everything you hold dear that you'll call as soon as you get where you're going," Willow said sternly. "And if you break the promise you have to swear you'll do the Bloody Mary in front of the mirror!"

"Willow! We made a pact to never speak of it again!" Xander gasped. When they'd been in elementary school, she, Xander, and a few other kids had heard the Bloody Mary urban legend and decided to try it. When they went in front of the mirror and chanted Bloody Mary three times, they'd spun themselves in a circle. Willow said later that the spinning was what caused it, but they all swore they saw a ghost and Xander had been so scared that he'd wet himself, much to everyone's embarrassment.

"Well, desperate times and all," Willow said, trying to hide a smile (and failing).

"Fine," Xander said in his most put-upon voice.

"You never told me that story," Buffy said interestedly.

"Or me," Tara put in with a smirk of her own.

"And it's going to stay that way," Xander said darkly. Willow laughed as they shook solemnly on it, and then there was more hugging. They didn't need many more words, the six of them – it was enough to be there, together, under the California sun, free for a moment from the worries of the future.

But then the tone rang that signaled his bus was getting ready to leave. "Better get a good seat while you can," Buffy said lightly. They all squeezed one last time, and then they were breaking apart.

"I love you guys, more than anything – you know that, right?" Xander asked urgently.

"Of course, idiot," Willow said softly. "We'll wait for your phone call."

"I'll call," he assured her, tucking the check into his pocket. They stepped back, drinking in the sight of each other, and then Xander was boarding the bus in a sort of daze. The driver took his ticket and nodded, and Xander went towards the back to claim a window seat. The sparseness of the passengers ensured him no unwanted company, at least for now, so he rolled down his window and waved as the bus pulled away, until his friends disappeared into the hot summer sun, a perfect snapshot of childhood rolled away in the drawer of memory.

Well, I'd rather walk a winding road

I'd rather know the things I know

To see the world with my own eyes—

No regrets, no looking back, no good-byes

No good-byes

Xander's parents popped into mind, and he wondered whether or not they'd found his note yet. It didn't really matter; there was nothing they could do about it anyway. He found himself praying that they'd be alright. God, send your angels around my family. Let them see your light and be happy, he prayed, feeling his grandmother's cross around his chest.

Well, someday I'll go

Where there ain't no rain or snow

Till then, I travel alone

And I make my bed

With the stars above my head

And I dream of a place called 'home'

His next prayer was for his friends. God, give them peace and love and serenity. Let them live their lives as they're supposed to, and give them success and happiness and everything that they deserve. Give them love, he prayed. Finally, he thought of Angel, of his strength and beauty and the power of his love, what he'd given Xander last night. God, I love him so much…let him be happy. Whatever that means, for whoever that means, just let him be happy.

And someday I'll go

Where there ain't no rain or snow

And dream of a place called 'home'

And then the bus was picking up speed, and the California air was blowing strong in his face as they passed a little green sign that read You are now leaving Sunnydale – Come back soon! Xander turned his thoughts away from the past and toward a future that was seeming brighter for all of its mystery than any assurances he may have had in that tiny town called Sunnydale.

Dear Mom and Dad—

I love you. Before I say anything else I should say that. You taught me to be good and to learn and to love God, and I've always loved and respected you, even when we disagree on things. I'm sorry that it had to be this way, but I can't do anything else. I'll die where you want to send me, maybe not like graveyard dead but I won't be Xander anymore and I don't know what's worse.

I won't tell you where I'm going but I'll call when I get wherever there is. I'll let you know that I'm alright, but I want you to know that I'm already alright. You gave me that – a head on my shoulders and how to know right and wrong and well, morals and all that good stuff. I wish that we couldn't have fought, but maybe…well, it doesn't matter now.

One last thing – I made this decision on my own, so whoever you want to blame, don't – blame me. But I hope that you don't blame anyone; I hope that you're happy and healthy and strong, and that's the most that I can ask God for every day.

Love, Xander.

Songs used in this chapter:

Ghost of the Gang by Indigo Girls (Poseidon and the Bitter Bug)

Fleet of Hope by Indigo Girls (Poseidon and the Bitter Bug)

A Place Called Home by Kim Richey (Rise or Angel: Live Fast, Die Never [Original TV Soundtrack])