Chapter 29: Start the Clock
Lena stood patiently as Angela fussed over her and checked everything for what must be the fifth time.
"You promise you'll let your body rest if you need it? Really rest?" Angela asked again.
"I promise. I won't risk anything even if it kills me to sit around and wait until I recover," Lena swore. She was serious about it too. Waiting around was never easy for her but Angela was right. It could end up taking far longer if she tried to push herself too hard when she was already weak. Angela finally stopped adjusting a backpack strap she had already adjusted twice before and backed up.
"I know I'm just keeping you here unnecessarily but... please be careful," Angela begged her.
"I will love. I'll be as careful as I possibly can be. I know different worlds that are safe to stay in and which people in others I can trust. I'll be back before you know it!" Lena said with far more confidence then she felt.
"Just remember there's plenty of medication and nanite gel to hold you over for weeks if necessary and you're already wearing the new harness Winston gave you. Keep in mind that your accelerator has been altered specifically for time jumps. It will conserve power, recharge faster, and keep you anchored to whatever time you're in. This should be far less taxing on your body but in order to recharge faster it has to lock out other functions. You won't be able to use blink or recall at all in this mode," Angela explained.
"Winston covered that in painstaking detail as well as how to reset it if there's a problem and change it back to the mode I usually use if I get into a tight spot or if I just don't like it. Fareeha gave me plenty of emergency ration bars and I need to eat one after every two or three jumps to be safe or when I start feeling a bit shaky," Lena explained repeating what she had been told.
In fact most of what was in her large backpack was food. She had one change of clothes, medicine, and the rest was for her to eat. The ration bars were small but packed not only with the nutrition her body wouldn't be getting from regular meals but also roughly 3000 calories per bar to replace what she was going to burn through across jumps. They were made for soldiers in the field not time jumping Overwatch agents but Lena was still extremely grateful to Fareeha for getting a hold of them so quickly.
"Is there anything I should know about Amélie before I leave? Widowmaker is going to want to know how she is," Lena asked and followed Angela's gaze as her eyes cut over to where Amélie was sitting and watching them. She had insisted on being here to watch Lena leave. Reaper was standing over her protectively while Sombra sat on the floor glaring at them. Adriana was probably getting some much needed rest. Amélie for her part was clutching her plushy and watching on hopefully as if she expected Widowmaker to pop out of thin air at any moment now. Lena's heart twisted with guilt and she looked away again.
"I ran some tests this morning and confirmed that while the hormonal control device is still there in Amélie's head, it isn't working like before," Angela said lowering her voice so they couldn't hear. "Amélie has already had several mood swings ranging from angry and violent to extremely depressed. You read over those medical reports and came to me about it first and I've seen firsthand what it can do. When Widowmaker started getting overwhelmed and upset after we rescued you she started getting a headache, double vision, and then a nosebleed before she told me to sedate her. She was out for days afterwards because of it. I'm not sure Widowmaker noticed it at the time but it even affected her coordination before and a bit afterwards," she explained.
"All of them should have triggered a similar reaction in Amélie but so far there's been almost nothing. Adriana, Sombra and Reaper have all been watching her like a hawk but so far they've only reported Amélie saying her head ached a bit and that was after being prodded. Even that's likely an automatic reaction. Her brain is so used to that happening when she gets emotional that its still happening even though the device isn't working, just in a very reduced manner," Angela told her. Lena wrinkled her nose in thought as she absorbed that information.
"I mean... I know there's a localized power surge when using recall but that's so small. We've never been able to test conclusively how much bigger it is when I transfer through time and space on a larger scale. Aside from 'hey all the power in the building just turned off for a minute.' Is it possible it got overloaded or knocked out completely?" Lena asked her.
"Amélie sat still long enough for me and Winston to determine that we can't get any kind of signal back from it. I think its electronics were destroyed," Angela admitted.
"So the same thing has probably happened to Widowmaker too right? What does that mean for them?" Lena pressed her.
'It means both good and bad. Widowmaker won't have to worry about anything in her brain trying to kill her or Amélie if they get emotional which is certainly bound to be a relief. However for years their brain has been regulated by that device. With it damaged the brain can't compensate for hormonal levels or emotional swings. Things that might have just been minor annoyances before could end up being greatly amplified now and big problems before could result in devastating reactions. Extreme anger that seems to arise suddenly or depressive lows that make it nearly impossible to do or feel anything. Their brain isn't used to compensating for emotions and moods on its own anymore so now its see-sawing between one extreme and the other trying to get things steady again," Angela explained to her.
Lena chewed on her bottom lip as she thought about that.
"Is there anything you can do?" she asked.
"Honestly? Nothing I'm comfortable with. I don't want to start any long term treatment or medication if Amélie isn't in serious danger or a danger to others. She can't give consent for it and I don't know if she'll even follow it. Its hard and it hurts to see her like this but at the moment she's not in serious trouble. If she has a depressive episode that lingers around or an angry outburst that won't settle down that's clearly another matter. But for now just focus on finding Widowmaker. Once her and Amélie are reunited then her and I can decide where to go from there," Angela told her. "I wrote it all down and stuck it in a pocket in your backpack as well so you don't have to worry about remembering it all on your own," she added with a smile.
"Thank you for telling me Angela. I'm sure that just broke quite a few patient confidentiality rules but we've come this far already so," Lena trailed off with a shrug and Angela smiled.
"The only reason I'm telling you is because Widowmaker isn't here for me to speak to directly. I hate having to put more pressure on you but you are my only way of conveying this to her. Whether the same thing is happening to her or not she needs to know what's going on with Amélie," Angela said.
"Got it. Notes in my backpack if I forget. Okay. I think I'm ready to go," Lena said brightly. To be honest she was terrified but Widowmaker and Amélie were counting on her. Angela hugged her tightly and backed up.
"Ready to go big guy!" Lena said as she turned and hurried up onto the platform. A cage rose up around her and sealed around the top. It was designed to absorb and mitigate the power surge that would result from Lena jumping across to another timeline.
"I'm ready up here Lena. Be careful and bring her back safely," Winston said through the speaker as the lights around her turned green.
I'm coming for you Widowmaker. I promise, Lena closed her eyes and felt the air bend around her turning colder and colder until it seemed to suck all the heat from her bones. Everything twisted and vanished into a darkness that seemed to stretch on forever. Seconds passed and Lena was just starting to get that familiar feeling of doubt when everything snapped back into place. She yelped in surprise as she came crashing down on something.
"Ow!"
Make that someone.
Lena rolled off and quickly looked around. She was in Gibraltar but another Gibraltar in a totally different world. Blackwatch logos still stood proudly alongside the main Overwatch one. This was a world where the evil had been vanquished, Omics and humans lived in peace and terrorist were put down with a vengeance. If only things had gone the same way back home.
"What are you..."
Lena turned back to see Gabriel Reyes lifting himself up off the floor. A bit older and his beard and hair dusted with gray but still unmistakably familiar. Unlike the one in her world he had never turned against Overwatch here. Never tried to kill Jack Morrison. Never disappeared with rumors of someone called the Reaper stalking long in his shadow.
Another matter for another time, Lena thought as she smiled widely at him.
"Sorry love but this is a Code White! Or is it Blue?" Lena wrinkled her nose. She was always getting the two switched around in her head.
"We call a Code White if we get a Tracer come through from another timeline. You call a Code Blue if you arrive from somewhere else and need assistance," Gabriel growled at her as he rubbed his back.
"Oh right! Code Blue then! I'm looking for someone and I was hoping you could help. Figured I'd look through all the timelines I've already been to first before charting unknown waters!" Lena said her spirits lifting slightly at the sight of him.
"And you couldn't come through from your world without landing on me? Again?" Gabriel objected.
"I apologized!"
"Barely."
"Look I'd love to keep this up but I kind of lost someone and I need to find her as soon as possible. Is Winston around?" Lena said only half paying attention.
Lena looked over her body and wiggled everything to make sure it all worked. She was still weak and jumping here had initially left her a bit shaky and exhausted. It wasn't fading as quickly as she would like but it wasn't lingering around either which would have been much worse. A bit of rest and she should be able to jump again fairly soon. It would be important make a note of how she felt and how long it took to recover here and then after another jump or two. She'd promised Angela she would rest when she needed to and that was a promise she was going to keep.
"What happened to you?" Gabrial asked suddenly. Lena saw him eyeing her critically and grimaced.
"I'll be okay, really," Lena said but she knew her smile was slipping.
"Lena," Gabriel said in warning forcing her to look away, her smile gone. It was both a relief and a knife to the heart to see him like this. The kind man he used to be. The kind soldier he might still have been had things been a little different back in her world.
Back in her own timeline, Lena had encountered Reaper enough times on missions to start suspecting who he was. Even though he stayed out of everybody's way at Gibraltar she had still heard enough whispers and dealt with enough teasing comments from Sombra over the past few days to realize those suspicious were correct. Maybe the Gabriel in this world had never become Reaper but he was still with Blackwatch. He still knew what torture scars looked like. Even with her arms bandaged and her clothes loose and long enough to hide the other marks and keep from irritating her skin it wouldn't hide the haunted look in her eyes.
"Please Gabriel let it go. I've been through enough," Lena firmly pushed back. She needed to keep her mind steady, focused, clear and that would already be hard enough as it was. Doubt and hesitation had no place when you were jumping through time and across worlds.
"Come on then. Winston will kill me if he learns you came here without seeing him yourself." Gabriel said as he finished taking in her appearance and backpack. He didn't ask for any more details and Lena was grateful for it. If Widowmaker wasn't here then she would likely be explaining and repeating her explanations more then enough times in the hours or days to come. The thought of it already weighed more heavily on her shoulders.
Just hold on Widowmaker. I'll find you no matter how long it takes, Lena thought as she hurried to follow after Gabriel.
Widowmaker had no interest in sharing the details of her life with anyone here. But when she woke up the next morning listless and unable to even get out of the bed given to her she knew she didn't have a choice. This had started when she began thinking about Amélie last night. Her mood had plunged after that and now she was all Widowmaker could think about.
Widowmaker had never been separated from Amélie before. Not like this. Even on the rare occasions when she had to shut Amélie away she was still there. Still close. Being apart like this was crushing her in a way she hadn't been prepared for. Widowmaker knew she shouldn't feel like this or to be more accurate she shouldn't be able to feel like this. The hormonal control device in her head should have stopped her mood from going this low. She shouldn't be able to feel anything right now. Not angry, not sad, not irritated, just the dull nothingness of the device restricting her emotions. Something was wrong and Widowmaker couldn't let pride or distrust keep her from getting help.
"Did you notice anything unusual about your mood last night?" Angela asked as she chewed on the pen she was holding. She was sitting on a chair pulled up to the bedside.
"Started arguing with Tracer and..." Widowmaker paused and rubbed her eyes. It was so hard to summon the energy to do anything. "And I got angry. I didn't think about it at the time because I'm almost always restless and irritated," she admitted weakly. "But I shouldn't have been able to get that angry, especially not that fast. Talon put a device in my head to regulate my hormone levels. It keeps my emotions from going too low and punishes me if they get to high. I should have gotten a migraine after that but instead it was just a mild ache. The kind I'm used to ignoring without a second thought," she managed to get out. Angela hummed and wrote all of that down.
"Anything else happen after you got angry?" she said once she was done writing.
"I got really upset. Depressed. I've been that way since then," Widowmaker mumbled out. She didn't explain why and thankfully Angela didn't ask.
"And do you feel better or worse then you did last night?" Angela asked her pen hovering over the notepad.
"Worse. Much worse," Widowmaker told her.
"How long has this been implanted in your head?" Angela said after a moment of writing.
"Seven to ten years. They did it before the second round of reconditioning that resulted in... this," Widowmaker explained gesturing to her now blue skin. Angela's eyes flicked over her body for a moment before returning to her notepad.
"Has an incident like this ever happened to you before? Or something resembling it?" Angela continued.
"No. Nothing like this. They put it in to keep things like this from happening," Widowmaker said closing her eyes again. There was a distinct pause and Widowmaker opened her eyes to see Angela frowning slightly to herself. She looked like she wanted to ask something else.
"Have you spoken to the Angela in your timeline about any of this?" she finally asked.
"Yes. She explained the risks of turning it off or removing it. Explained that despite her best efforts there may not be a way to completely undo all the damage Talon has done. We never got a chance to talk about going forward with treatment options," Widowmaker admitted. Angela bobbed her head in acknowledgement and wrote some more down on her notepad.
"Do you think you'll be able to make it to Gibraltar? Or do you need something done to help you right away? I'm a bit more limited in what I have available here but I don't want you to risk it if you don't think you can make it. I can find a way to help in the meantime," Angela told her.
Widowmaker grimaced. The only thing that would help would be to reunite with Amélie or at least get news that she was safe and being taken care of. She missed Amélie so much her chest ached with the force of it. As it was the situation was more complicated then Angela realized. If Amélie was still back in her original timeline then how would treatment here affect that? Was she dealing with the same thing? Would being treated have any effect at all? Could it make things worse? And what would happen when she went back?
"Unless the situation is more complicated then you're comfortable explaining?" Angela guessed. Widowmaker just confirmed it with a sigh. "Why don't we focus on smaller things that can help until we get to Gibraltar then? Being sent here caused a big power surge. Tracer said the whole block went out for a few minutes. Once we're at Gibraltar I can run some tests and try to determine if this is temporary or if the device was permanently damaged," she offered instead.
Widowmaker let her eyes close again as she thought about it. That was the best option but even with maglev train it would take a few hours to get to Gibraltar. She would need something to help keep her mind occupied. If she was more susceptible to mood swings now then maybe it would be easier to influence how she felt through external means.
"Do you have any music?" Widowmaker asked her.
Widowmaker slumped into her seat with a heavy sigh. She didn't feel any better then she had upon waking up. She was still depressed and seriously lacking in energy. It was hard to summon up the power to care about anything other then sitting here being miserable.
Widowmaker frowned and adjusted the bracelets on each wrist. They were currently altering her appearance and making her skin appear a more human shade of pink and her hair black. It couldn't do anything about her eyes but that didn't matter. She was wearing a long sleeved shirt and a hooded jacket that helped hide her appearance. Thankfully it had started raining today so no one had looked twice at her.
She realized the cauchemar tattoo on her right forearm was showing a bit and covertly adjusted the bracelet settings using the small holo screen. Her skin shimmer slightly and it changed. Now it would just look like burn scar if anyone saw it up close.
"Here. It's not much but I hope it helps. Got it from a stand just before we got on the train."
Widowmaker dragged her eyes up and saw Tracer sit down across from her with a cup of tea and some sugar and cream packs. Looking to the right she saw Angela and Emily sitting across the aisle. She grimaced and forced herself to sit up straighter.
"Wow, now that was a look. Guess I didn't make that good of an impression last night did I?" Tracer asked having the decency to look apologetic at least as she handed the tea over.
"Gee where do you get that idea?" Widowmaker muttered. She popped the cheap plastic top off the tea and dumped all the sugar and cream into it ignoring the wince Tracer gave as she did so. She used the straw to stir it around and took a sip. It would do well enough for now.
"So why are you here? Aside from making what I assume is a peace offering?" Widowmaker asked after a moment of silent appreciation for the tea.
"Why do you assume I have ulterior motives?" Tracer countered. Widowmaker just stared at her until she flushed pink. "Okay fine I'll admit I'm still a bit curious about you..." she began only to be interrupted by Widowmaker's snort of disbelief, "Fine a lot curious but I did honestly want to apologize for the way I treated you last night. Regardless of my reasons it wasn't fair. I'll try not to be so... critical from now on," she apologized.
Widowmaker didn't reply for a moment. She sipped her tea and looked out the window as the train pulled off with barely a whisper. Walking into the station it was impossible not to see screens playing the news of Mondatta's assassination everywhere. Evidently she had arrived the same night her counterpart here had killed him.
Reason enough to be critical and suspicious of me I suppose, Widowmaker accepted.
"Did you kill him too?" Tracer said in a quiet voice. Widowmaker glanced back over at her. It was simple enough to guess who she meant.
"I did," Widowmaker said simply. The way Tracer frowned suggested that she didn't appreciate the casual way she admitted it.
"Why? Why do it?" Tracer asked her voice strained. The way her fingers were digging into her leg betrayed her tension. Widowmaker looked up from her tea and stared back at Tracer evenly.
"Because they told me to," she stated calmly. It was really as simple as that. Talon gave the order and she executed it the way she always did. Because her health and her sanity had depended on it. More importantly Amélie's health and what remained of her mental state depended on it. There was nothing in this world that was more important to Widowmaker then her.
Tracer pressed her lips together and sank back against her chair clearly thinking that over.
"Do you regret it? Do you regret any of them?" Tracer asked after a few quiet seconds.
"You're assuming I've killed others," Widowmaker pointed out.
"Haven't you?" Tracer shot back. Widowmaker sipped her tea and watched the city roll by outside the window. She felt guilty for Lena being tortured. She felt bad about hurting her on the rooftops when she got shot by accident. But regret over killing the countless other targets Talon has sent her after? No. She didn't regret it and she didn't regret leaving those people to die in the desert either. Even now she could feel a spark, a pulse of excitement fluttering in her veins at the memory of that fight in London.
"I don't know if I'm capable of feeling that kind of regret after what Talon has done to me," Widowmaker said honestly. Tracer's eyes fell down to her lap and the tension left her body at those words.
"I... I hadn't thought of that," Tracer admitted. The silence lingered between them for a while. "What if Talon wasn't ordering you to kill?" she asked. Ever the curious one. If Widowmaker wasn't feeling so depressed and miserable over her separation from Amélie she would have cut off the questions here.
If only you knew, Widowmaker thought as she sipped her tea. She had been managing so far but that itch was building up again in the back of her mind. The itch to fight, to kill, to be challenged again, to watch someone's life fade from their eyes. She could ignore it for now but how much longer would that be true?
"Talon made sure they covered that possibility during my reconditioning," Widowmaker said flatly. It was obvious Tracer was dying to know more but Widowmaker watched as she visibly reigned herself in. That was progress from last night at least.
"Here. Angela said you asked for music. Specifically classical styles, symphonies, piano, orchestras and that kind of thing," Tracer fumbled with her jacket pockets and pulled out a small music player and a new pair of earbuds. "I wasn't sure what to get so I just downloaded a ton of stuff. More then enough to last the trip. Emily was the one who found that one pianist you wanted though," she said handing it over. Widowmaker accepted it, sourly noting that she might actually have to thank Emily later. Perish the thought.
Amélie used to love this type of music and had played piano as well when she wasn't dancing. She had even released a few albums under a fake name. The most successful of which was titled La Rêverie Du Cauchemar a collection of songs that were both dark and haunting as well as beautiful and heartfelt. The duality of beauty and darkness. Maybe they couldn't be close now but this would help remind Widowmaker of her.
She ripped open the earbuds and connected them to the music player. Sticking them in her ears she searched and felt the stress in her heart ease as she found what she was looking for. La Rêverie Du Cauchemar. Some of her tension faded as Widowmaker hit play on the first song. She closed her eyes and listened as the piano started slowly and brightly only for more instruments to come in gradually making the tone of the song darker and more ominous. She hadn't heard Amélie play in so long. She rarely allowed herself to listen to Amélie's music since it carried too big a risk that Talon would get suspicious. Now there was nothing preventing her. She was just grateful it existed at all in this world.
A few years ago Sombra had "recovered" some items for her of Amélie's dancing in Paris and abroad. Official recordings, personal ones that Gérard had proudly made of her, interviews, promotional items, posters, and even Playbill's from Amélie's time touring abroad in America. Widowmaker had always kept them away from her French villa and she had Sombra move them occasionally to be safe. There was no way she would let such precious treasures end up in Talon's hands.
I really should thank Sombra properly for that one day, Widowmaker thought as the music flowed around her. She wanted Amélie back and not being able to have her here or even know if she was okay was crushing. At least she had this. Even here in this world there were still pieces of Amélie left that she could cling to.
Realistically Widowmaker knew this was all an accident. Lena hadn't been thinking clearly and there's nothing she could have done but still she felt a deep knot of guilt that she had, once again, failed to protect Amélie when she needed her most.
Glancing over up she saw Tracer looking up at a screen above them watching the news. Another world, another timeline but still Overwatch were the heroes who saved the day, who swooped in to protect the innocent, and kept the bad guys from hurting others. Walking in it was impossible not to hear people talking about Overwatch. How they never should have been disbanded. How grateful they were to still have some around. How hopeful they were that maybe they would come back and do something about the Ominc Uprising in Russia. That was still the same it seemed.
Widowmaker turned to stare back out of the window. She was supposed to be a hero too. Amélie's hero. The one she looked up to. The one who was always there to save the day. Who always knew what to do when times got hard. Who was strong enough to keep her safe and tough enough to make all the Bad Things and Bad People and Bad Memories go away when they got too close.
Instead she had wasted years serving under Talon's thumb following orders to try and keep herself and Amélie alive. How many had died at her hands simply because she was ordered to do it? Some were bad, some were good, but most were just in the way. For years she had known that Talon base in the Sahara was still there but had been too afraid to go back. Too scared of the memories and too worried that breaking the status quo with Talon would ruin any further attempts to get away from them. For years she had suspected that human experiments were still going on and had done nothing. Told no one. Not until Lena's life was on the line because of her mistakes.
That was why she existed. The only reason she existed. Its why she was born, created, and split off from Amélie's mind. She was supposed to keep Amélie safe, keep her hidden away and protected from the world that had abandoned her and treated her so cruelly. Now she was quite literally worlds away and unable to even do that much. Why was she even alive if she couldn't protect Amélie like she was supposed to?
Some superhero she turned to be.
All Widowmaker could do now was hope that the Winston and Tracer in this world could find a way to get her back to her timeline or that her Lena would find her soon. Otherwise this might end up being a very rough trip indeed. Closing her eyes, Widowmaker relaxed and let the music take her away.
