A/N: As many of you know, I've been busy with work and also (unfortunately) feeling completely uninspired (a little blue). But I think I might have started to break out of that funk. This chapter is short, but I think I'll have another one for Taylor later today.

Brian

St. Louis

2001

I declare firmly, "We need to figure out what our end game is." I'm talking to Hubie, Billy, and Justin, although the former hustlers are in the room, too. "I only have four more days before I'm expected back at work, and Justin has …" I blink. I can't say school. So I decide to be vague. "He has responsibilities, too. Hubie … with Billy out of Chicago, you could theoretically return to your job. I mean, without him, the mob has nothing to hold over you."

No one seems happy about the idea to returning to business as usual. Justin, Hubie, and Billy all look disappointed. I won't lie. Despite the circumstances, this break from life has been kind of liberating. I found Taylor, and when I'm not in the Pitts, I can be with him in a way I could never be back there. If I act like I always have with him (Taylor) once I'm 'home,' everyone will notice the "change" and provide color commentary. That I do NOT need.

Half of the reason I was such a dick when it came to Justin was everyone else. True, the other half was my fighting myself. I loved someone Justin reminded me of. Someone who reminded me that the person I had originally fallen for was gone, never to return. And worse yet, I fell for Justin, too, and just as hard. That ate me up. I felt like I was betraying Taylor. I hated myself even more than I always had. So I pushed Justin away, over and over again. But the gang's judgments, snide comments, and predictions of doom … they made being with Justin even harder. I knew I was too old for him. That we were in different stages of life. That I desperately desired to recapture my own youth WITH him. What youth I had ended the day Taylor disappeared.

The idea of going home is as depressing now as it was when I was 16.

Nevan breaks my contemplation. He shakes his head and shouts, "I can't take it anymore!"

We all turn to look at him.

"Taylor … I mean, Justin … why the hell do you look exactly the same as the day we last saw you? You don't look like you've aged a day."

Fuck. I was hoping that this discussion would occur in private. Not in front of Hubie and Billy. I think, "We're screwed." Maybe I should lay the time travel situation on them.

But before I can, Justin interjects, "Developmental inertia."

Nevan quirks an eyebrow. "Huh?"

Justin clears his throat. I slide my hand over his. He explains, "It's a condition where young people stop aging, or at least they stop undergoing the physiological changes associated with aging. Usually it happens before puberty. I think I'm the only case where it happened after. One other case is a 40-year-old who looks 8. Scientists have no idea what causes it. But it's a gene disorder."

Everyone is gaping now (except Justin and me). And I'm REALLY impressed. I fucking love what a nerd Justin is. He always has these weird facts buried in his brain, just waiting for a relevant situation.

Nevan exclaims softly, "Holy crap, dude!"

I try to lighten the atmosphere. "That explains why he still looks like a teenager. But why do you still ACT like a teenager?"

Raf bites back a bright smile, and Gabe buries his face in Raf's neck. He's giggling.

Nevan nods slowly, with narrowed eyes. "Fuck you, man. So what if I haven't gotten all stiff and bourgeoisie. I'm keeping it real."

I chuckle. "THIS is NOT reality. Seriously, with all the effort you've put into getting back to Boystown, all the resources you've had, you could all have gone to school, established careers, bought houses … made real lives for yourselves."

Justin pinches my nipple and whispers, "Brian!"

Nevan hears him. He's a little red in the face now. Raf has let his head fall. Gabe seems to be comforting him. He's pressing his forehead against Raf's. Nevan says, "No, it's okay, Justin. So what do you do in your REAL life, Brian?"

I shrug. "I work in advertising. I have a loft. A son."

The last admission inspires some raised eyebrows.

Raf interjects, "You guys have a kid?" He seems happy for "us."

Justin shakes his head, I think, a little sadly. "Gus is Brian's, not ours. A friend of his from college wanted a baby, but she's a lesbian. At the time, we weren't together."

Raf scrunches his nose. "Oh, sorry, man."

Justin smiles. "It's more than okay. Gus is great." He sounds happy, but his eyes give him away. It bothers him that I had a family without him. Such as it is. I'm kind of on the margins of that one.

Nevan is shaking his head. "THAT is your REAL life? You sell people crap they don't need? What a great impact you're having on the world. You must be very proud."

Raf chastises Nevan, "Come on, don't be a dick."

Nevan shrugs. "I'm just being honest. Look, we may not have achieved things normal people aspire to …" He pauses and smiles at Justin. "There's another SAT word for you." Justin laughs. Then Nevan continues, "But that doesn't mean we don't live worthwhile lives."

I press, "But you're always living life on the run. Doesn't it get to you? Don't you ever wish you could have a normal day, a normal life, no one shooting at you, no running from the mob or the cops? No worrying that you'll be found and have to abandon your home?"

Raf, Nevan, and Gabe are all shaking their heads now. Raf answers for Nevan. "Absolutely not. Home isn't a building, or shit you buy at the mall. Life isn't a degree and a career. Not for us. Home is the people we love. Where they are, that's home. And life … life is helping the vulnerable. The hopeless. Kids like we used to be. Thrown away, kicked around kids. Most of them gay, lesbian, bi, trans. Someone has to care about them. But NO ONE does. Because a hustler isn't gonna make a good invite to a fancy party. Their experience of the world doesn't make for witty dinner conversation. And they don't have the education to speak properly."

I now feel like a total ass. Especially when I see Justin nodding his head, eyes wide with admiration. He has most definitely drunk the Kool-Aid. Truth be told, I'm halfway there. I don't really want to go back to the Pitts, back to my life. I know that when I do, I'll lose a lot, that Justin and I will lose a lot. Suddenly, I want a different kind of life, but I don't know how to make that happen. I just know something has to change. Most likely a lot of somethings.

Justin pipes up out of the blue, "Since we're asking questions that have been eating at us ... Where is Dan? And Dennis, Stephen, and Mary?"